alright guys here it is.. i need help.
ever since i moved out of nyc ( 16) i had a very few limited sucess with women. im 21 now and at my last year in the university. my college years were not what i expected which is really depressing. i have been reading on and off this PUA stuff and this past summer i have been consistaant with it. i have been going out and aprroaching approaching approaching. NO results. i know that im not going for the next step for the close etc. but reading material has made me better analyse at the lightning speed what goes on in the interaction.

I have not had much success none at all actually. but what i can stop from feeling is lonely. i lose motivation, i cannot stop thinking about how other people are having sex/ relationships/ fun etc etc. I look at the past 20 years of my life and there is very VERY little to highlight. I'm 5'6 stocky but not fat and have long hair. now i use to care alot bout my height but at this point I dont really care. my friends say im not gonna get any girls with my hair but i see it as tool of peacock. i dress more stylishly and I KNOW ppl notice it.

but anyways there does not go a second when i dont think about being lonley and having a VERY BORING LIFE. i had a summer job and now thats gone and i owe alot of medical bills and i am currently looking for a job. yet this whole feeling just gets me down and doesnt motivate me. the only time when i dont think of it is when i go to the gym, play soccer or play music. when im at school in the car the shower or where ever i constantly think about it. i try to do other stuff to not think about it but evetnually there will be a point in time of the day where it comes.

Even before going out i constantly think about it even when im strategizing approaching and oppening or gaming a room/ bar. I know one way to fix this is to go out gaming but i dont have money to go out everyday and sarge. I honeslty thought about going sarging alone but THIS IS A HUGE obstacle but latley ive been soo bummeed bcause no one wants to go out. going out at least with one friend gives me a feeling of security. but my friends are very AFC and some dont even like going out.

does this happen to any one too? how do u deal with it? does anyone have tips about sarging alone? how do i go about sarging alone?

thanks guys (and gals... if ur on here) lol

I can understand where you're coming from.
Chances are, that feeling of loneliness? It's stemming from feelings of insecurity about yourself. I'm just going to assume that you've got a decent circle of friends and at least get out of the house occasionally - you've mentioned the gym and playing soccer. If, when you're out, you feel fine - then it's just insecurity from physically being alone. I had this until recently - whenever I was not around people, by feeling of loneliness skyrocketed. Now I'm significantly more secure in who I am, my life and all that, those feelings have dissapated.

If you're not happy with your friends and/or life, then fix it. Get out, go do courses, get experience, travel, go for a walk through your city. It doesn't need to cost a huge amount to do this. If you're not happy with your relationships, again - fix 'em. Maybe your just not connecting with the people in your life? This was my case - lots of people, but I didn't take notice of many of them. I had a serious case of social tunnel vision. What I did was get more in touch with the people in my life, hung out with them, partied with them. Go out and discover the people out there, make connections. It's actually not that hard - stuff like 'How to win friends and influence people' cover this.

On your question about sarging alone - I'm really not qualified to answer that right now due to not having the experience, BUT I can tell you to go out by yourself and get comfortable being with your own company. Go shopping alone. Go out for lunch alone in the mall. Sit down somewhere and watch the world without any phones or newspapers to distract you. If you want to sarge alone, you can't do it if you need the security of your friends to go out. Be able to amuse yourself. You might think how does this help my feelings of loneliness? If you're secure in who you are, then you won't need peoples validation all the time, and you will be able to spend time with nobody but yourself.

Hope this helps man.

You sound similar to me right now. I suppose the first step is admitting it (Which you have here) I'm 18 and my whole life has been about work - I need a balance.

In theory it costs $0 to go out and talk to women, so try it? (I know I can't do this) but I'm saying it doesn't have to be in a club. Also, don't "Be the guy" who listens to a stranger on a forum, but I think 9/10 long hair makes a man look silly.

1. Cut your hair into something stylish
2. Get a job
3. Lower your standards

Hay juice man I get very down too but im 33 you are still young you WILL get alot of opportunities TAKE them when you meet a girl SAY when you are thinking dont hold back. You have long hair great dont change it that makes you different im bald and proud of it ive been told I look like neil strauss.

I too have spent alot of money going out so much in fact i really in debt for this month anyway. Alot of when you said sounds similar to me when you are not doing anything this is when your mind tells you negative things so try to keep busy.

I also HATE my day job I work in IT Support and spend my whole day looking at a screen BUT its a job and I work to LIVE not the otherway around.

You can do social things for cheap like Ceroc dance lessons in the UK cost about £10 each or take a meditation course most places are free or want a small donation.

Life is a bitch and I really do think that good looking people have a far easier life than most.

tyler.. ur right man. im glad to i was not the only one in this situation

i had very bad moments in my life.. i can also relate with your story ..
but right now im having succes ...
and i still am lonely... because the better you get .. the smarter you get, the more psychology you learn... the lonelier you get..

you can be lonely because you suck.. you are unable to relate to people

or you can be lonely because you are TOO good.. you can relate to other but others cannot relate to you.

it's not lonely down at the bottom .. it's more lonely at the top

because

60 % of the people are down at the bottom

35 % is at the middle

and only like 5 % is at the top im not talking about having financial succes im talking about having succes in your life in general .. having succes with your own psychology.
i can go out this night ..and get a new girlfriend... but i don't because i like woman but a relationship doesn't fullfill me anymore.

this is coming from a guy who with psychological succes ... do not fool yourself it's better on the top .. i mean how many rockstarts and other celebrities have committed suicide .. how many succesfull business people killed themselfs ?

you need balanced succes ...

even if you have game .. even if you can pull every pussy you see .. even if you have alot of money - yes it will help. But with new power comes new responsiblities and with new knowledge comes more conciousness ... with more conciousness comes more issues.

the reason why a small percentage is succesfull is because most people cannot handle the pressure of having : high responsibility , knowledge, discipline and conciousness. Everyone would say they want to be president but they never become ... because they cannot handle reality..

for 99% of people ignorance is bliss...they do not want to make the mistakes and learn from it like succesfull people do.

i have analyzed succesfull people in every possible and the difference between a regular person and a succesfull( whatever succes is ) person are huge.

but there is one small difference anyone can make .. you can be a succesfull without learning a million things , habits and tricks.

TAKE ACTION ... take a descision .. stick to it and take action.... that will work
read all stories from the most succesfull PUA .. almost all pua were terrible with woman , antisocial and most of them had issues growing up.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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Been there, I know how you feel.
Sometimes, you can't change the situation where u at, but often you CAN. And it seems like you can.
This WILL pass.
You need a new beginning.
Take a new course, go to a new school.. if you can.
When you're feeling lonely.. just remember that there are so many others that feel like you.

It happens when there are changes in your life. Find something to do to keep you busy like going to the gym. A great workout will lift your spirits plus you'll get a toned body which will make you feel better. Girls go to the salon and spa for pampering. Why not do the same. It will surely make you feel good.

I went through that a few weeks ago. I just told myself to fucking stfu and talk to girls. I got shot down, bad failed closes. One thing I learnt from all those failures was that, I was so caught up in the fact that she might reject me that she felt my shyness. Now I go sarging alone with one goal only, to make the girl`s day and just talk to them. I`ve gained so much energy and confidence that girl`s sense and they give me AI. On that note, I know exactly what you`re going through. It`s time for you just to go out and talk to girls.

I agree that it seems the issue is about the OP sarging alone. But the real issue is that he isn't sarging alone. Even when he is on his own. Not a second goes by where he doesn't think about having a "boring life" (apart from when doing the activities he mentioned). That's meditating on a problem until it is made flesh. And it's very, very dangerous.

The stories we tell ourselves about our lives are affected by the state we're in when we tell those stories. So the OP feels this whole loneliness thing. That's the state element of it. The feelings. Then the OP looks back on their life whilst experiencing those feelings of loneliness which makes his life look like it's been lonely, boring and or not worth highlighting. And the whole thing feeds itself on a massive loop.

Have a look at the activities where the OP doesn't experience this cycle of feeling bad and looking back negatively on their life:

Gym, sports and music.

Go to the gym and you change your state chemically and emotionally. Play sports and the same thing happens. Listen to and enjoy music and you change your state. Yes, they are all distracting activities too but they also change the emotional state enough for the cycle of feeling lonely and looking back on life in a negative way to be interrupted.

If you meditate on that loneliness and negativity cycle before going out then you might as well invite it to come along as your wingman. Trouble is, it doesn't need an invitation. It comes along anyway.

So many people choose to put plasters on this instead of aiming a gun at the heart of the problem and making the shot count.

Break the loop.

You've got two choices:

Change how you view your past or recognise that the past is dead and we only have our stories and our interpretations of what went on and the meaning we placed on those things.

The events of the past are over. They died. You get to decide whether they were helpful to you or not. If they were, keep the learnings and the happiness. If they weren't, keep the learnings and release the event.

This was very helpful to me and for the OP too im sure. Thanks for the support.

Lowewijkp------ yeah bro your right on it. Problem I've been dealing with. Even when I do find a good one I still push it away at some point. Its like im never satisfied. Had an uncle that started training me when I was around 14. If you've ever seen the movie gfs of Christmas past.... Douglas was my uncle. Even though I'm still successful, I'm always trying to step up my game. Found this website and don't know if it was a good thing lol. Now I'm trying even more angles. I'll have a rotation of girls or even get tied down to one for awhile, but I always choose to get rid of them in search of something else. There are times when the lonely feeling comes around and I wonder why I can't pick one. Your point is a bullseye. You have to be happy with you because when your at the top it's almost only you. And as far as other people not being able to relate... Is a huge point. Thanks for your post.

I can relate to how you feel, I tend to dwell on the past and think about how I'm getting older and haven't experienced many things that my peers have and makes me feel like something is wrong with me.

At least you're trying to get sets open (more than I can say since I've just started out), my advice would be Carpe Diem, to live a day at a time, and do what you want as soon as you can I know it's hard since I myself also have this problem.

I understand this dwelling problem logically but not emotionally so it's hard to control how I feel and actually go out and do it I know, but reading about other people feeling the same way as me makes me feel better and encourages me to keep trying so I hope you feel better knowing that there are other people just like you struggling with those feelings out there and you're not alone. It's something that can be overcome just keep at it.

get the book or audiobook about loneliness ..

Loneliness: Human Nature and the Need for Social Connection John T. Cacioppo it's on amazon as well ...

this books explains how biology fucks you up in a certain way... just read it because i think it's relevant for people who lose alot of meaning, who are over-aroused or severly traumatized..

_________________
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