So I've been "seeing" this girl for 2 weeks now. Casual sex is more along the right lines to be honest. I lost my virginity (finally ) to her and was hoping to establish a friends with benefits thing with her. All we've been doing is going to each others houses and fooling around after a film.

The other night after sex I brought up what we were doing just so I could establish what it was, we decided on non-exclusive friends with benefits. I did this because I wanted to keep gaming and didn't want to be with other people without running it past her first, it seemed like the decent thing to do.

Today I got a text saying that she's not game for doing the who friends with benefits thing at the moment, but can we still be friends. I'm cool with this offered her the chance to do it again sometime if she wanted or try something more exclusive sometime.

I'm not seeing this as a failure, hell I've had some fun I've got nothing to be sad about as there was not emotion in it. I just wonder if talking about what it was ruined it? I'm thinking it made her more aware of what was going on rather than ignoring it. I'd love to hear what you guys think of this

R&B

Nothing went wrong in my opinion...

You stated what you wanted, friends with benefits.

She tought about it, and then decided that she didn't want that.

That's just a mismatch, but you handled the situation good.

cheers!

I dont think you did anything wrong in terms of actions. However if what you wanted was to maintain the casual sex situation you should have said nothing. Generally i go with the following rules:

1) always let the girl worry about and define the nature of the relationship, whether its friends with benefits, fuckbuddys, dating, relationship whatever, its less likely to phase you than it is her so let her worry about it and dont bring it up until she does.

2) unless she brings up exclusivity assume it is not there. Girls think the same stuff, am i allowed to fuck someone else? or even kiss someone else? etc. but not only are they less likely to do it (dependant on the girl obviously), they are also much MORE likely to be emotionally attached and therefore concerned with exclusivity. if she doesnt bring it up then assume you can act however you like.

Honestly i think you fucked up a little, simply because you went from having regular casual sex to being denied that and i doubt that's what you want.

For the future i would say let the girl take the lead on these things, you can clearly still fuck this girl but she's now going to be questioning the nature of the relationship in her head which is only going to make sex less likely...

in short yes, you bringing it up is almost certainly what bought it to an end.
hope that all makes sense.

Good points mate!
Rep coming ur way

Thanks for the evaluation. I agree with you wholeheartedly about letting her take the lead, honestly what screwed this up for me was greed. I wanted to establish what the relationship was before sleeping with others and had neglected to build on my friendship with her more, which is probably what made it so easy to cut things off.

Nevertheless I'm seeing all this as a learning curve, I can admit I fucked up a bit. Now I can fully put myself back into sarging without the option of taking the lazy route out and just seeing her.

In short patients is a virtue

Thanks

R&B

"I dont think you did anything wrong in terms of actions. However if what you wanted was to maintain the casual sex situation you should have said nothing. "

No more questions, your honor.