Here's the situation. Me and my girl have been together for a while now.. about 8 months. We've had our fair share of problems that we've dealt with through the time. One of the problems was her ex. I could tell that he still lusted after her, he still wanted her, she was a virgin and he didn't get to take that from her...I for one know how that feels. It's like a vampire out for fresh blood. Her on the other hand acted oblivious to this and said she just wanted things to stay peaceful between them bcuz they fought all the time when they were together and she said at one point she cried herself to sleep every night yada yada yahh...You get the point, It was a terrible relationship.

We decided to get serious with each other and that's when I decided to cut all of the girls that I had off. I did this because I know that I have a hard time remaining faithful when other girls are throwing themselves at me. She also agreed that she would drop all of the guys that she's had a past with. It seems to me like her ex was the hardest one for her to let go, even though she always compares him to me and she says I'm soo much better and she doesn't understand why she even put up with all of that.. etc. etc. etc. I'm sure you guys have heard this before. P.s. She's an attention whore...not as bad as most girls bcuz she doesn't beg for it, but when she gets it she definitely shows it off. After the agreement above she told me that she called her ex and told him don't contact her anymore, he agreed. She told me she didn't do that for me, she did it for herself because of all of the things he put her through. Two days letter he sends her a goodmorning text. I tell her that he's not taking her serious and she needs to let him know that she was serious. She does (can't be sure about that though) He agrees again but continues to contact her days later.

She finally tells him again (supposedly) and supposedly they haven't talked in about two months... She lost her phone two weeks ago and today was her birthday and her ex messages her on facebook telling her to get on SPAM later on tonight so he can tell her happy birthday. She responds saying ook with a smiley and she tells him to text her when he wants her to get on because she has her phone back now. She didn't tell me about this by the way, I found out on my own. I think that she is still talking to him behind my back and possibly never stopped but I can't be sure.

Three observations that very well may be wrong:
1. Is this still the same guy that you hated a few months ago?
2. SPAM call for a happy birthday? Really?!?!
3. How did he know that you lost your phone? Why did you even mention that if you haven't talked in so long?

How should I go about approaching this? I feel like I'm being disrespected because I've brought this to her attention two times before this. I'm really attempted to call up my ex now so that she can see how it feels but I don't want to ruin the relationship if I don't have to because we've been through so much already.

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punish her improper behavior

you know what you need to do

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

How should I go about doin that? Start talking to my ex again?

See I thought about doing that but the only thing is, that wouldn't make me any better than her at that point..

Should I tell her that I don't have a problem with him still being in her life but also let her know that I'm gonna make sure that I maintain good relationships with my ex's at the same time? I can't really tell you if I care or not, all I can tell you is that I don't want want to. lol Well, I do care...but I wish I didn't. I don't know if I care about her talking to him still, or if I care about me cutting everybody off for her, and her not doing the same after multiple times of bringing this up..

P.s. Me talking to my ex would have an effect on her...everytime I go back to ATL. But I just moved to Maryland from there and she's my first relationship up here so it's not the same.. Her ex is here, my ex isn't.

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don't go talk to your ex.

that is just going tit for tat.

reactionary.

just be less available.

you aren't happy with her behavior, right?

who wants to be around people that don't make us happy.

just be busy, have fun, go to the gym, go do things without her,

let her see that it occurs shortly after everytime she interacts with him.

she will put two and two together.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Never judge a girl by what she says, only by her actions.

She says she had a terrible relationship with her ex and hated him - but she's asking him when she should come on SPAM and she has a difficult time letting go of him?

Her asshole craving is much higher than you think. Don't play this nice guy shit, be less available and less needy. Don't cut out other girls from your life either. Misplaced loyalty does NOT cause a girl to "reciprocate" the affection. Rather, it subconsciously signals to her that you are more dependent on her for pussy. Don't be unfaithful, but definitely keep your options open.

Competitive anxiety MUST be reinforced in a relationship. She needs to feel pressure if you're unavailable; she needs to wonder if you might leave her for someone else if she keeps talking to her ex.

And use jealousy, it's the strongest reinforcer for attraction in a relationship. You're feeling its effect right now.

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My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

The above poster really nailed it I think..


But all in all, do what makes you happy.. be strong enough to execute it if necessary.