I want her back probably because the breakup is still really fresh and I know my emotions are all over the place. As well it really bugs me when she broke up with me saying I dont stand up for myself etc. I guess I want to prove her wrong.

I'm going NC for a month cause I know ill be in a much better mindset then to decide what to do.

Hey Lodewijkp got a quick question,

Ive been hanging out with this girl for about 3-4 months consistently (3-4 times a week) having sex and whatnot but nothing official. The last 3 or so weeks however she has been flaking on me pretty hard when I ask her to hang out/go out. I see her fairly regularly as we share the same friends and she has acted like nothing is different when we see each other. For the past week Ive stopped texting her and have begun ignoring her when I see her despite her attempts to engage me. My question is, am I going about this the right way? I would like her back as I had a good thing going and genuinely enjoy her company.

thanks for your time!

Lodewijkp

Well what do you know? I knew this was gonna happen so it did! We finally met up in class today and SHE NEVER SAT NEXT TO ME and SHE DID NOT MAKE ANY EYE CONTACT WITH ME! And I was like this great finally all the BS is gone and I won't have to deal with her and like you mentioned I'm already ready to move on from all this mess. BUT NOOOOOOOO DISASTER STRUCK AFTER CLASS. When I got a TEXT MESSAGE from her: "HEY I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING TO YOU TODAY BECAUSE I AM TRYING TO RESPECT YOU WANTING SPACE. IM NOT SURE WHY ALL OF A SUDDEN IT BOTHERS YOU THAT I DON'T HANG OUT WITH PEOPLE BUT I WANTED TO SAY IM SORRY THINGS GOT WEIRD BETWEEN US". And I was like F****K dude why can't she leave me alone man? I really don't care and I just wanna move on from this!

So I told her exactly what you mentioned last time I played it off like nothing has happened and I told her that It doesn't bother me at all its your life you can do whatever you want plus I didn't insult you or call you any names so I don't know why you care about this so much?

Then she tells me: I never said you called me names or insulted me. I thought you jumped to conclusions about why I don't hang out with you and those were incorrect I'm so upset about it because I do consider you a friend and i in no way wanted to upset you or hurt you (MAN IM SO TIRED OF THIS BS FROM HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHY SHE KEEPS TELLING ME THIS? FRANKLY IM GETTING ANGRY NOW)

So I told her: Don't worry about it!!!!! Im already over it I'm not upset at you anymore so STOP IT!!!!!!!!! and I'm sure there are a lot of other things that are way more important than me in your life and I'm not hurt lets stay focused we have midterms coming up and forget about this mess.

WOW DUDE then she calls me up: And she kept APOLOGIZING TO ME over the phone so I asked her? HOW MANY TIMES ARE YOU GONNA APOLOGIZE TO ME? And she goes A MILLION TIMES. Dude this chick is so WEIRD I don't know what's her problem? and why she is so worried about me getting hurt or being upset when she has no intentions whatsoever to hang out with me? And she kept telling me over the phone how SHE HAS ANXIETY ISSUES WHEN SHE HANGS OUT WITH OTHER PEOPLE BESIDES HER FAMILY AND SHE KEEPS WORRYING ABOUT OTHER STUFF THATS GOING IN HER LIFE AND ALL THIS BSSSSS So I just told her again that I'm OVER IT and I just wanna look pass this

DUDE WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE WANT FROM ME? Please give me some feedback!

Thanks always

quick question (like every one I guess...) :

I've been with a girl for two weeks, did every close so far (#,K,F) but she told me something really strange 2 days after we met, like she let me in charge for now and after that, she will take over.
She is HSE, independant, feminist, not really feminine, do lots of sports, has lots of male friends, not jealous and has character BUT she doesn't show it for now, and wait for me to see if I can handle her, stand up against her.
Problem is, I don't know what she excepts. At first, it was to see where I want to go (ONS, LTR...), I always make the first contact, she always agree on every date proposition, no bad behaviors. She thinks I'm too kind, but I don't have reason to punish her or be a jerk. She is always surprised with my reaction and can't predict my move.
Maybe it's just to see how I can impress her with dates, or something else.

Iceman... what does she wants ?

have you ever realized that she doesn't know that herself ? maybe she is attracted but she doesn't have any rational or logical reason to explain it to herself ?
i recommend you post it in the general forum ( just copy what you have written to me ) , i think it does have valid information.

i think this woman is attracted to you ... but she is having too many anxiety issues.. she just cannot be herself around you. the reason why she could be boring during conversations is probably because she doesn't express her emotions out of fear.

you cannot help her rid her fears .. you cannot be her psychologist ..

you behaving like you don't need her or any other woman is very good behaviour ... you should keep doing it... but maybe you should stop pushing her away.

still ... post your message in the general question, get some opinions from others.

Dahis

this behaviour is normal from woman who does not have a male figure acting as a active parent. she wants to be dominated... she likes attention from men... but it the end it's her being insecure.

lead lead and be dominant.. you lose those kind of woman when you become needy or insecure.

it she tries to takeover .. don't let her do it... you will learn 1000 times more from this action than from any other type of interaction with her. her reaction to your dominant and leading behaviour will make her show her real face to you.

_________________
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hey lodwijkp
what happened buddy? Would you like to share? After all, we are here to support each other

_________________
USER HAS BEEN BANNED FOR REPEATEDLY BREAKING THE FORUM RULES

Stiglitz out for vacation, this thread will take a break for a while.

_________________
Sometimes when i'm with my chick on the low, I'm a flirt.

Lodewijkp

Well I posted my question in the general question forum but I have not heard anything from them yet? But in the mean time TODAY IS MY BIRTHDAY, and she texted me very early in the morning, and she also bought me a GIFT in class today but we never SAT TOGETHER or MADE ANY EYE CONTACT during class. So after class I told her thank you and also gave her a hug. This is the first time in my 33 years that I've had trouble understanding a woman? Usually you can sense when a girl is interested in you? But this one is so tricky whenever she does nice things for me I feel like I should ask her out, but then I don't because I know she's gonna tell me NO IM BUSY! What the hell is a guy suppose to do? I want to move on from this situation so bad, but every time I try to do she gives me a sign that "HEY I MAY BE INTERESTED IN YOU MORE THAN A FRIEND"? I mean she really didn't have to bring me a GIFT? She could just HAPPY BIRTHDAY and that would have been enough? I don't know man? I'm just telling you all of this because you have been a great help man and I really appreciate all the advice you have given me so far. So should I just go with the flow? I don't plan to push her away, but I feel like I should still communicate with her as less as possible........WHAT DO YOU THINK MAN?

Thanks again

people lie to themselfs . shot my left testicle

people lie to themselfs ....stiglitz is not here to please you...stiglitz is here to shoot your balls off...especially the one that lies the most.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=utUZNsHjOyQ[/youtube]

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Sorry for the long reply but here it is. It's not exclusive and not deep into it but it sometimes feels like that.


I said to her after the first time we had sex that i can't be exclusive at the moment but i wanted to carry on seeing her. I then said it again to her a couple of days later an argument ensued because she was upset about it. I promised i would talk to her about it the next day but i bottled it and never phoned her till 2 days after she didn't answer and i ended up having to go down to her flat (she is 3 floors down) and knock on her door so she couldn't ignore me she then said she wasn't going to speak to me but i said sorry and we made up but we still never had the conversation i promised. The next night out when she was pissed we had another argument and she was shouting at me because i never spoke to her about it so she obviously was still pissed off about it. We ended up making up and the next time we slept together i said to her after that i wanted to take it slow and that i would carry on seeing her but not be exclusive and she was fine with it. We had another argument in one of the next two nights we went out.

The last night we went out (last thursday 13/10/2011) i got extremely drunk and was very nasty to her and her Flat mate for no reason and was a (insert swearword here all night) she didn't want to sleep with me at the end of the night (no surprise there then) and i shouted at her saying that i'm seeing 2 other girls any way and ill just call one of them up i also called her names etc. I felt bad so brought a card and put it under there door for both of them saying sorry etc, etc. they where both fine with it or so i thought. I went and saw her on the sunday following the thursday and she was fine with me we just sat and chatted and she was her normal self and we kissed before i left etc.

Now the thursday just gone i spoke to her on facebook here is the chat.

Me: olla
i just rung you what you doing?

Her: hoiiiii
sorry was on the phonex
im just gettin ready, youu

Me: lol i just rung you on the phone
want to go tescos?

Her: know it came up but i was already on thr phone lol
ive not long got back from tescos lol

Me: lol
kk

Her: LOL
i say lol so much

Me: lol
whats your plan for tonight are you going out with your business group or staying round yours with them?

Her: just waiting for the babs group to come round then goin out later think, louise put us all on the guestlist somewhere:) youu?

Me: Can i come?
i do business
haha

Her: oh i dnooo
id say yeah anyday, its just i dont wanna make a bad impression really
especially when we always end up agruing
and even if we dont argue im not gonna end up speakin to many people bar you, so ill feel really rude
sorry i hope you get where am coming from

Me: Yeah it's fine you just think ill make a bad impression! haha
but no worries it's fine

Her: not you personally
i said 'III don't wanna make a bad impression'

Me: i know i was joking

Her: oh

Me: lol

Any way we ended up chatting a bit more then i said this.

Me: you should get me to come out with you tbh

Her: i know but every single time it goes wrong
i wannabe able to relax

Me: well i'm sorry you feel that way

Her: feel? its a fact and you know it

Me: can i come speak to you before i go tescos because you never got to say any thing about the night after i gave you the card
and we didn't have an argument at the ball

and that was one of the best nights i have had here
since being back

Her: okay dya wanna go for a fag outside, cause im the only one who smokes in my whole class no joke!!
well lisa does but shes older and aint comin lol

Me: ill knock on yours in 5 x

Her: okiiiepokieex
best not laugh at my rolie polie:p

Me: i'm not guaranteeing anything hehe
leaving now
x

Her: im ready when u r

Ok well i went and spoke to her and she wasn't giving me any thing wouldn't hug me wouldn't holed my hands when i talk to her etc etc. She was very unresponsive towards me compared to normal. I was mainly trying to be able to go on a night out and meet her course mates to be honest because i need to network. I tried asking her but she wasn't having any of it she just said we will get into an argument together and she wouldn't be able to spend her time with me which i said was cool. she then said "we still haven't had the chat about "us' when you promised you would meet me." i said "we did." She said "it doesn't count when we are drunk.
So i said "we will have it now then" i said "i want to carry on seeing you and ill try not to get into an argument with you and ill give it a proper go." She was unsure and said "i don't know if i want to commit now. I said "no i don't mean commit i mean ill see you and give it a proper go. but i can't be exclusive." She said "i'm not sure." I said "we will be friends then." She said "ok." I followed up with "can i go out with you tonight then?" she said "no etc etc." I ended up leaving half way through the conversation saying "your not giving me any thing and just arn't responding." I Left pissed off she said bye and i replied but wasn't planning to. Ended up speaking to a mate after and decided to go back down and just plead with her to go out (yes my game went out the window a long time ago but i was hell bent on going out and none of my other mates where out!) Any way she weren't having any of it even though i said i wouldn't even speak to her if we went out and that i promised i wouldn't argue with her. She got pissed off said we are already arguing and that she couldn't i said fine and left. By the way she did say some time during this argument that we could give it a go but not tonight just don't know where in the conversation it was there was a lot of two and trowing...

Advice please if you have the time sorry it's long.

like i said before .. this girl is having issues... she's a control freak and manipulative. you are creating space .. not being exclusive and that kind of shit.
you are pushing he away.. then you start getting pissed because you are not getting affection / attention.. then you make a big deal out of your relationship.

she just tries to control you by withholding...do you really like this girl ? then commit ....if you don't like her that much you shouldn't contact he anymore...

you guys are just playing games with eachother and it seems you both don't see it... if i were you i told her to cut the crap .. we talk or i fucking leave and walk out of her life.. that is how i would do it - you cannot let someone have leverage over you...if she refuses, just walk away and never contact her again... on the phone she tells you she can't talk about it and 5 minutes later she probably talks to her best friend for hours - or maybe she goes and watch some shitty TV show.

if it is important you create time to talk...

you clearly like the girl and you clearly feel confused and fucked up .. il bet you have trust issues as well... just break through it , decide what you want and think about why you aren't having a healthy relationship without blaming her. Do those 2 things and you create certainty really fast...

if you find out you are not really liking her you can leave without talking to her , there is no need to save something you do not want in the first place.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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o yes P.S

woman love drama .. they will do everything to create a vortex of challenge, leverage and emotions...

by setting clear boundaries now and then you cut the crap...

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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Ok think next time i see her i'm going to ask her if she's free thursday (it's the only day she hasen't got uni in the morning the next day). If she's free ill tell her we will meet up then (almost positive she will say ok). But i know when we get back from a night out and if she is drunk she will try and start an argument about what i did the last time i was drunk etc. How should i deal with it? ignore her? Tell her in advance she's not allowed to? leave immediately/tell her to leave?

if she's drunk .. talking crap or other bullshit .. just tell her straight on you are not going to take this bullshit and leave...

just don't accept and leave ... she will respect you for it, if she doesn't you probably don't want to be with he anyway...

don't play games ... cut the crap ... state your clear intention...
if she plays games just leave...don't get into a fight and don't give her emotions

if she decides to talk and she is straighforward and honest - if this is the case do not judge her .. just stay calm and talk.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526