Hey guys, i'm trying to create a routine out of a pretty unique experience that I had. I've got some extra nautical terms thrown in to the story . Should I keep them because they make the story more genuine and original. Or should I strip them out as unnecessary details. (extra details inside *'s)

Routine:
- Oh my god, you won't believe what I saw *in the Gulf of Aden on my way back from Pakistan.*
-Ok, so I was working on the *mooring lines* on the bow of our ship, and when I look at the water I see a shark fin.
-No joke, I saw it sticking straight up in the air. I honestly thought that was just in the movies, but there it was right in front of me!
-It's amazing how sailing around the world shows you fascinating things you'd never expect to see.
-I'm so glad I joined the merchant marines. It's truly been a life changing experience and opened my eyes to the world.

Any advice or opinions would be greatly appreciated.