| hey. congrats! you are doing great! thats how i started and i got the "couldnt act normal" "girls looked scared/confused" "huddled and left" reaction a lot. then i stopped approaching. i hated approaching and it made going out torture rather than fun. also i went out to bars and nightclubs for a year instead of applying for jobs. i couldve done my resume in that time, but i kept putting it off! i'm not a pua, im an afc, but i dont think approaching random female strangers is very productive, because it's an uphill battle (most people get freaked out when strangers try to chat them up) and the rejection rate is brutal and guys who subsrcibe to "1000 rejections, 1000 battle marks" idea, i know a few like that who approach a lot, they dont really get better at it. cuz the interaction with a stranger, there isnt that much to learn from it in terms of pro social skills. you can learn to read people better and i guess its aversion therapy in terms of exposing yourself to what makes you anxious, but after approaching for two months, i stopped, and just kept going out and not approaching anyone. then i started dancing. that helped. i danced in public too. dancing in public is pretty easy for me now. but approaching strange women, i dont do it that much, but i found that through taking the dancing lessons and going out alone, the things i was trying to fix at the beginning like not pecking, smiling, planting my feet, just started coming to me naturally. i did group therapy and cbt and positive psychology at the same time too. but im just saying that while it's a good habit to talk to female strangers anywhere you meet (its a perfectly legitimate way of meeting people), it's much easier to get better at this by picking up dancing as a hobby. its great that you go out, even to starbucks, keep doing that. try this, "look at a woman. smile. say how are you?" watch her reaction. dont do anything else and move on. if you were walking, keep walking. if you were standing somewhere, keep standing there. dont come up to talk to her or come closer (well maybe a little is ok, just so it does not look like you are making an effort to approach her). i find that 40% of women smile and say hi back. but they dont look like they wanna talk. once you do that, if they smile back and look you in the eye and say hi back, you can ask a simple one sentence situational question. and just look at them and listen. if they wanna talk, they will give you a hint or will ask you something back. if they dont, they will just fade away. but you also learn a lot of social skills at work. so, yeah keep applying everywhere, even if you dont have a cover letter. once you start applying, you will start actually wanting to work on the cv and the resume more.. i have not had much luck at starbucks, i find its hard to find a girl to sit next to and then if she does not wanna talk, you cant pick up and go sit next to a different girl. most ppl dont talk at coffee shops to strangers, but you should still do it. just open people with a hi and a sentence if they respond positively and let them decide if they wanna continue the convo. i had the most luck at the career help office in my college. sitting in the lobby waiting for my appt, i easily got people who were also waiting and even the front desk girl to talk about themselves. i just smiled, sitting where i was sitting and not moving closer to them at all, i looked at them, smiled, and said hi how are you? they said hi back. i asked if they were a current student. and off they went talking about their career. i just looked at them and listened and agreed with what they said and asked a question. also when you saying hi to girls, if they respond positively you can try flirting by saying "thats a cute shirt you are wearing" or if they say something.
but actually, i did have a 3 hr conversation with a girl at starbucks once and i've had short friendly exchanges with girls there. with approaching people, you cannot predict what will happen, often you think they wont like it, but they end up liking being approached. nice to have someone take an interest in you. just for the beginning though, dont be aggressive and dont beat yourself down. and keep doing other stuff, especially going to groups that are about a hobby - like myabe join a running group or organize your own, take dance lessons, look through your local papers and online for any kind of free or cheap events and just go there. its ok to look out of place, the point is to take yourself on your own two feet to new places and new crowds. eventually by naturally rubbing shoulders with people you will develop social skills and meet people by saying hi. talk to guys too. they will often tell you events they go to that you can go to, if they do anything as a hobby, ask about it, and then go try it yourself.
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