That's it. No excuses anymore. Gotta take action.

By action I mean starting this journal, setting and achieving goals and living the life I want to live. I want to have a course in my life, not just drift around rowing hither and thither without getting to new harbours. I want to improve my life!

Prologue

Until now I've been a long-time lurker reading pua stuff and field reports. (On this site I have especially enjoyed Chopper Sixx's journal and now AFCDaniel's development.) I think I just haven't put enough effort on my progress the way I could have. But now with the help of this journal and hopefully with your feedback I'm going to succeed.

Background

Through my childhood and teen age I was a shy and nervous kid when it came to social situations. In school I had many friends but I was too afraid to talk to girls - I just didn't know how to do it. There were some girls who showed interest in me but I ignored them. I cared too much what others thought of me and I didn't want to fail or embarrass myself. I was self-conscious and I had low self-esteem. In high school I had oneitis to a girl with whom I never really talked to. A couple times when I did, I was nervous as fuck. One time when I asked if she had a dance partner for a school dance my body literally shook uncontrollably.
I pretty much can summarize my social life in my AFC days into one sentence: If I didn't know how, I didn't even try.

After high school I travelled alone for a month in Central-Europe which was a very eye-opening experience. I talked to lots of new people and didn't really care how interactions went, I wasn't outcome-dependent. I was in a social mode which was certainly a restorative feeling. Soon after my trip I found the pua-community.

My current situation

I'm 21 years now. Nowadays I'm more confident, my eye-contact is quite solid and body language smooth. My kino is on the shoulder touching level. I have made a couple of #closes but not with a female I've just met. I still have approach anxiety and fear of pushing out of comfort zone but I'm eager to break through.

I moved three weeks ago with my friend to a new city that is 15 times bigger than my previous home town. I just started my studies and there are many attractive females in my class. But I shouldn't focus on them too much keeping in mind the saying "Don't eat where you shit" and also because there are plenty of girls out there elsewhere anyway. On the other hand I shouldn't limit myself. There are a couple of cute girls I could ask out and see how far I could escalate. All in all I'm trying to take part on social events with my classmates, make friends with them and have fun.

My comfort zone these days includes spending most of my time at school and at home without much interacting verbally with strangers. I can get conversation somewhat flowing but I sometimes hesitate with opening. I know that people like to talk about themselves but I don't know yet how to ask the right questions.

View of life

I only live once. This only time that I spend on this planet I want it to be the most awesome time it can be. Without fear, without insecurities, without missed opportunities. Live the life fullest they say, not too many just know what it means. At this moment I think it means knowing what you want from life, fulfilling your dreams, doing the things you want to do, getting pleasure and having delightful emotions. Without feelings there wouldn't really be humanity. We live for our feelings: everyone wants to be happy and feel themselves accepted but not everyone have the guts to spontaneously give value to others. We are controlled by our fears and the norms that the society has categorized us into. He who breaks through the fears and gets the most pleasure from the world, lives the better life.

But all in all it's just a ride (Bill Hicks), a ride somewhere in the cosmos. In the right perspective nothing really matters. It's just our minds that exaggerate our mistakes and failures and if we can control our mind and thoughts we can set us free.

Goals

Long term goals
Be attractive, sex worthy man
Meet women without fear
Have an interesting lifestyle
Be the leader, be in control of my acts and emotions
Expand my social circle

Short term goals
Go out more
Talk to people
Keep this journal updated
Find out events and ask somebody to join
Fight procrastination!

My first goal will be achieved as soon as I click 'Submit'

_________________
The more you do the better you become

Day#01: Nightgame

There was a student party coming up in a club and we had made plans with classmates that we would meet at the bar nearby.

After gym and shower I hopped on my bike at 9 pm. I cycled past a shop that is near my apartment and saw a girl leaving it. I kept going but slowed down a bit my speed because I guessed that she would go to the same direction and try to pass me. I guessed right. As she came beside me I opened immediately with a hello and asking where she was heading. She was a quite cute HB7 and she told that her friend had a birthday and that she was late for buying alcohol. (No selling after 9pm) I teased a bit how she now must be sober all night. I'm not sure if she got it. Then we talked a little bit about school. She was studying electrical engineering. I could've teased her about it but couldn't come up with anything. Instead I told how my dad tried to teach me basics of electricity without success to which she laughed. Self-deprecating humor is something I'm trying to get rid of.

I guessed right that it was her second year at the school which maybe counts as a cold reading - "I can tell it by the way you look." We fluff talked something, asked her what she did beside studying. She was into athletics. Some fluff talk later I asked her name and we shook hands. Our paths diverged and we said goodbye to each other.

Summary of Set#01

It was a good warm-up set. She was kind of reserved, a little bit shy maybe. It was me who made the talking and asked the questions but she was quite into it.

- Eye contact: weak or occasional, eyes were more focused on the road.
- Body language while riding a bike: can't say if good of bad, maybe should lean back more
- Could have teased and flirted more.
- ABC: always be closing. "Hey it was nice talking to you, we should meet at the club. Okay, give me your number."

At the bar

Arrived at the bar where I was supposed to meet my classmates. I didn't see them at first and that's why I was looking around. Now when I think about it I should have made the entrance smiling and start talking with someone, bouncer or anybody to get that social proof up.

I ordered a beer and saw my classmates sitting at the table. I went there and said enthusiastic hi. There were 6 girls and 3 guys, two of them my friends and some guy who I hadn't seen before. My 2 mates said that they were leaving for a some reason but would come back later. So I sat down and asked the guy who he was, then talked some shit.

With my girl classmates I'm a laid back cocky&funny guy and don't really care much about the out-come especially at nightgame time. I see them more as friends I'm going to spend my studies and some good time with. I should learn more about leading the interaction with them though. Also there is this one really cute girl, HB8 and easily HB9 if she wasn't so shy, with I would like to hang out more.

We bounced to a karaoke-bar, drank some shots and sang karaoke. Note to self: learn some bar games. Any suggestions? I number closed one of my classmates.

At the club

At 11 pm we bounced to the club. While waiting for a bartender to take our orders I opened HB6 who had balloon tied on her back. I said that if she had one more balloon she would rise up to the sky. Couldn't hear what she said because music was too loud. Soon after I met my roommate and we did shoot the shit. Later I joined my class mates on the dance floor. We fooled around, I tested some stupid dance moves and had a great time.

I saw HB7 moving pass me and tapped her on shoulder. See turned around and came to me, I saw from her body language that she was hesitating. I introduced her to my friend, then she had some awkward dance moves. Okay, let's bounce to get some drinks and get comfortable. I escorted her arm in arm to the bar counter which was full of waiting customers. I told her to put her best smile so that bartender would notice us. She said that she had crooked teeth and I noticed how she tried to cover her mouth with her hand everytime she said something. I said that she had pretty smile. Maybe shouldn't have. What about complimenting insecure girls? I didn't need her approval but it was my automatic response. After that I really couldn't think anything else to talk about except one question about if she liked to cook. Conversation was dead. Soon her two friends came to her, I said hi. I should have told her to introduce them but I hesitated. When they left HB7 didn't think we could get any drinks ordered and went in the middle of the counter. I was like whatever, and right after that the bartender took my order. Haha, I toasted to her while she was in the middle of rush. I went to talk to my roommate and his female classmate nearby. I saw that HB7 gave up and left, without drink.

Later I danced with my roommate's classmate, tried some grinding and she seemed to enjoy it. She was HB6 so I wasn't interested that much, only for fun. She then ejected and I went to my classmates who were dancing. Uh oh, too much dancing. I should focus more on talking to people.

My friend had somehow managed to lost the cloakroom ticket so we couldn't get our jackets until 4 am. Well, shit happens. We went outside. There were that cute shy classmate with the second year student but I sensed that they weren't getting along that well. My friend and I went to McDonald's where a kind man on his late 50's offered us coffee and french fries. I first denied the offer but my friend said I had diabetes (which I don't). And after my friend left to get our jacket I had to talk to this man about my "diabetes". Well he was kind of strange but interesting person. For example he showed how this one woman on drugs didn't notice anything although he pushed her. Hah.

While I had a conversation with him this cute classmate came to order food alone. Doh! I want to get to know her better.

Results

- Opened 3 sets
- 1 #close (classmate)
- 1 bounce from the dance floor to the bar
- I had fun!

_________________
The more you do the better you become