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I had hotter girls, that treated me much better, but she until now is the one, she put me completely afc.
It's nuts right? I'm totally aware it's crazy to act like this but it's so hard to overcome. As you say totally AFC.
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Believe me it was worst, but time heals, try to meet girls , love is something that comes and goes.
Good old time. The solver of so many problems
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Probably abbey is not enough for you at this point you will find someone, no one is irreplaceable.
True. Abbey is wicked but I don't see a future. I view my life as one long trip. If our trips joined it would be fun but I don't think it would be exceptional.
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And I agree with you when you say it things become harder because we start comparing them one is “FANTASY” perfect in any way, and the other is the real one, and she can never reach that pedestal.
That's an interesting thought.
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What helped me was deleting her number, facebook , cutting contact so I wouldn’t go to my afc ways.
I came so close to doing this recently. Couldn't quite manage to cut loose though
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That's a great link thanks.
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So what would you define as "love"? What I would define as love is what I see you have, more or less, with Abbey.
My list - High levels of attraction, a great friendship, an intellectual connection, respect, complete trust, a crazy bond, fascination, and caring.
Funnily enough I would say I have all these things with Abbey but I just don't feel that extra something. It's like I would look forward to doing things with Julie. Everything with her was hightened. A simple day out wandering the city was a fascinating experience. I plan things like a festival and want her to be there as I know it will make it amazing. I would honestly say my days spent with her were some of the best of my life. I don't get this with Abbey. It's more a feeling of 'take it or leave it'. I'm not fussed. I meet up with her as I know it will be fun and there will be great sex. I wouldn't bust a gut to make a meeting happen though. I'm sure this attitude makes her so much more into me. It also makes the relationship so damm easy for me. She travels to see me, cook me meals, doesn't mind me turning up to her place drunk. I feel I can kind of get away with murder. That's cool but doesn't make me happy in the same way.
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Julie? You don't have anything with her, but the residual chemicals from some strong pheromones.
I completely agree. I'm clinging on because I don't want to give up on the idea of a future of us together. I really could see us sharing a life together. I would even go as far as to say I can see her as the mother of my children. I've never met someone like her before. My mates agreed, she is truly unique. I would change plans and make sacrifices (in fact I did) to make a relationship between us happen.
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You say you're not going to feel "it" for a "new girl", but you met them practically at the same time. "It" is a very fluid concept.
A misunderstanding here. Was seeing Julie for 3 months. I met Abbey 2 days after saying good bye to Julie.
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That's how I see it. But ultimately, YOU'RE the one in the situation. If you keep dwelling on Julie instead of Abbey, Abbey will eventually be gone.
Too true bro.
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My thoughts from the post "Re: Big topic about curing oneitis" -
big-topic-about-curing-oneitis-vt74280.html
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What the person don't know is that he already said the answer: he wants her too much. He has become needy, insecure and confused. Three desastrous elements in pick up. No girl ever wants a guy who is needy, insecure and confused.
Yep
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And that's why you have to strongly understand that, if you would ever want a chance with her, you have to get over your oneitis and break contact with her.
Kind of realised this. I cut contact for 1 month. Will be 3 months by the time I suggest a meet up again (back from travels).
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Oneitis is a sort of obsession or addiction. Often people with oneitis are addicted to the feeling of love or their oneitis hormones, and that's why it's damn hard to get over some girls.When you red the word "addiction", there was probably a bell ringing. Yes that's right! You hear the word "addiction" a lot when learning about drugs and alcohol. And guess what? Getting over oneitis is similar as getting over a drugs or alcohol addiction.
That's an interesting thought. It definitely feels like withdrawal syndromes.
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- Why do I like this girl so much?
Hugely talented, so intelligent, thoughtful, expressive, caring, athletic, good looking, funny, artistic, generous, sexy, optimistic, driven, genuine, enthusiastic, friendly, open minded, cute. Should I go on?
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- Why did I allow myself to have oneitis/ such a huge crush on her?
Everything was great until we hit the bedroom. I've potentially lost a girl because of an impotence problem caused by porn addiction which I didn't understand at the time - see yourbainonporn.com . So I am left with this feeling of regret. Had I known the cause of the problem at the time (now solved things) I wouldn't of spun lies which lost her trust. Now that I don't have this problem I feel the final piece of the puzzle is in place but perhaps things between us will now never work because of what took place. If so I have learnt from this experience and will be more prepared for next time.
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- Why should she be any different of other girls?
I've just never met someone who I had this kind of bond with before. We are so similar, finish each other sentences. I just love the way she interacts and perceives the world. She's just so different to anyone else I've ever met. My mates said she is truly unique. Other girls I meet just feel so bland in comparison. It's like she has set the benchmark of what I look for in a girl.
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Often, oneitis occurs when you are confused or when you have a confidence issue and low inner game. You will never see a player getting oneitis of girls he easily got. Yet, when the player meets an equal, that means a very hot, intelligent pushpull girl with whom the player flirts, but who seems very hard to get, the player might get obsessed by the girl because he never had this experience before and is very confused.
So we are saying we should only have a relationship with a girl who is 'underneath' us. If we go for a girl that is 'better' then we will be AFC? So the only way to get the better girl and keep alpha is to improve yourself first. Interesting
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Chances are thus big that you have oneitis over this girl because she seems perfect and she is very hard to reach and you are confused.
Spot on.
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If you had a lot of confidence or a high self esteem, you wouldn´t think of her as perfect. You wouldn´t put her way above yourself. Because that´s what oneitis often actualy is: putting her above you.
It's not so much putting her above me. It's that I know we could be doing some great things together. Not having her feels like we are both missing out on these experiences.
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Now you might think: “so now I just got to game as many girls, so that I will be the confident player who doesn’t need her anymore.”
This is quite comparable to what many other people say: “just get over her and fuck other girls”. But before you get over enthusiastic by the idea, I say “STOP!”. Because this is horribly wrong and one of the most overlooked aspects of the game.
Yeah a quick rebound girl hasn't seemed to of helped me.
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This is where many men go wrong. This is where you possibly sometimes go wrong. This is where I even sometimes go wrong.
And this is: you NEVER should look validiation in pick up by other women. Or in other words: you should never look for women to make you feel good about yourself.
It's not about validation. It's about having a great time. Imagine you have a awesome friend. You don't want to hang out with them to get validation. You hang out because you know you will have a wicked time.
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In fact, it’s you who should be able, have the power, to make other people feel good (by themself), and you can do this by being confident.
This is how it started out. She said I made her feel amazing. I showed her new things, places, experiences. She thanked me for all of this and said you had become so happy. But things slipped when I realised how much I was into her and a real fear of loosing her developed. I guess that's a personal insecurity caused by a lack of relationship experience.
CHAT
