Dam, realised something today. Ive been making this too hard on myself, and its taking all the fun and enjoyment out of approaching girls, meaning my state is gone.

This is not ment to be like some serious, complex issue where ive gotta keep struggling on whilst i nobly fight against the complex problem of how to get laid.

This should be fun and simple. "hey i want to get laid more, with hot chicks, ok great lets go meet them and find out easiest best way to do this" that is how it should be. this is why im having a complete reset. Im forgetting everything i learnt before and just starting again.

Tommorow ill be approaching girls the same, but im not bogging myself down with complex beliefs of how and why it should be done. Im just there, im the man, I know who I am, theres a hot chick, lets go.

update after this

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Cool, sounds promising. Can't wait to hear about it.

went out today and approached 3 sets

found it much easier under frame of "whatever happens, its just an adventure" this allowed me to be much happier and in state when approaching and before, helping with AA big time.

I crashed and burnedd badddd today, just opened a straight up "im better than you go away" set, but i walked away happy, more in state than before, thinking yeah fuck it, that was an adventure.

Ive found in general with inner game, less is more. Before, my "inner game" ritual was going through all the times id succeeded. then doing umpteen affirmations and trying to convince myself there true. Better than nothing but in general no doesnt work all that much.

Now, that ive worked out my core values, i just realise that our mind is a computer refreshed everyday, its up to us on the spot in the moment to program it with positive thoughts, and help get in state with good BL and being energetic

thats it so far, my inner game.

However I say that, but i do think working through any REAL limiting beliefs. Like if you go through an experience and no that you keep having an irrational thought then fair enough.

however what i used to do, and must be careful with, is instead of practising getting into state and pushing my comfort zone, Id be like "ah man, i have limiting beliefs. I need to get rid of them before i go out"
then id make up things and expect them to magically turn me into a fearless mofo when i go out, lol

update soon

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Right, just watched this video

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nRzBkVaos0U

I suggest you watch it. Im no longer a religious person, but listen to what this man says. Its truly inspirational and has made me realize, I need to continue the battle for my mind, that im not yet finished even if i have come further than i previously was.

This quote from the video sums it up "There are more people with problems in their mind in this room than their are people with financial problems!" Fucking eh, taking control of our own minds is a majorly important thing, more important than money, woman, sex and relationships, success, family, health. Why? because well-being in these things stem from being in control of our own minds!

Today the journey continues for freedom, this is linked yet to picking up girls, but also to success and well-being in my other pursuits, screenwriting, boxing, education, and my family.

Im still gunna go out daily or as much as possible to practise pickup, and my other goals, and will update with more once i get back from town

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Ok, first things first, how far have I come already? what have I learnt about the mind thus far?

- Our mind state is not a constant. Just because I feel like, behave like and believe I am THE MAN on one day, does not mean Im going to be the same the next day. These things, in the place im at with this stuff at the moment, can change in an instant. This is good because it means whenever Im feeling down and out of state, I can just realize thats stupid and snap myself into my best self, however in the future I would like to be able to just be my best self all the time. Have a more constant State of mind, even if this is through repeated mind exercises

- Things which cause feeling of being "out of state" and generally negative self esteem points: 1: stressors which are not in my own control (no need to worry about these)
2: My own thought patterns. for example, i can become trapped in negative thought patterns way too often
3: My actions: too often these 2 above cause me to become detached from my core self and what I really want to do. I wallow in self pity or become a sheep, just doing as everybody else.

- knowing our core values is key to the mind. Since Ive realized and written these down, getting into state is that much easier. You realize you dont need to fix anything, and that you are already everything you will be. Sometimes I get into state just thinking about them. I dont need to reinforce them, and when I think about them, I really really feel them, like there part of me, in me.

One thing ive noticed going through this journal is that i have a problem with consistency. On one day ill be on top of the world, being unreactive, approaching and feeling great, having a real clarity on where im going in life. At other times, im more down than ever, feeling like i have no self worth or respect etc.

To fix this, Im gunna need a daily workout for my mind. Something I take as seriously as going to boxing training. I could easily fit it in. Half an hour every morning.

Next update will be of all tools and sources I can use and have used to help, which i will use in mind daily workout

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

-visualization
-affirmations
-changing beliefs through journaling
-"feel the fear and do it anyway" (doing what you fear until you dont fear it anymore and have more self confidence)
-meditation

Ok, so here is the outline of my daily workout. The things im gunna wanna achieve as stated above are to be more consistent with my mind. Also to have a set of principles and to re-affirm good beliefs to have.

The daily workout will go as such:

-5 mins of solid meditation.
-Affirmations and reinforcing positive beliefs I want to have
-Remembering all the times Ive been a high value cool guy
-Visualizing me being this guy doing all the things I want to do that day

I dont want this just to be mental masterbation, so next im gunna have a few principles/quotes I say to myself a few times to really drill home

-Quotes to do with right action and pushing through fear
-Finally, getting into state and a good mood

So, here is the following

DO 5 MINS MEDITATION

AFFIRMATIONS (ones which will fill me with positivity and good behaviours, but not put me under any pressure IE oh i should be acting like this right now)

Whatever happens, I am high value
Whatever happens, I deserve the best
Whatever happens, people want to meet me and I have a lot to offer
Whatever happens, girls find me attractive and want to meet me
Whatever happens, Im freaking awesome
Who cares what people think, their only people

(may change them as I see fit)

Think of all the times Ive seen a girl I found attractive, and regardless of the outcome, ive approached.
Think of all the times ive approached and had a great interaction
Think of all the times Ive approached and got the girl
Think of all the fun ive had as a result of approaching
Think of how much fun ive had when having a fun social mood, regardless of my situation

Think of all the opportunities there will be today to be that and do that again

Ask: What do I want out of today? What will I Do. I will take right action and do these regardless of circumstances

Stand up and clap, shout, move around, be energetic
Get that inner smile as I realize just how cool, how money I am


update soon!

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

yo

been doing the daily workout. Really am noticing a difference. Its like rewiring your mind to just always put you in a good mood. Cant wait to read more self help/nlp stuff and get even more great ways of doing so.

anyway, realised one major limiting belief I have. Ive noticed whenever I go to approach or anything sexual with girls, im always worried about what others think. if they approve, ill see a girl i like and think, ah it will look weird shes too young/old, I need to remember that I can find whoever I want attractive and act on it.

Im gunna add that into my affirmations, hopefully will help!

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

I first noticed this thread when you started it - good to see you've kept up with it.
Your second-to-last post was near identical to what I'm doing at the moment - visualisation, meditation, etc. Actually, a lot of your posts here are similar to what I've been through.
I've found that meditation is propably the best tool for confidence and general state. That, and journalling. It really helps to get this shit down - I've had one going since the start of the year. Best thing I did.
Don't know whether you've heard of it, but you might want to check out the book Psycho-Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz - its essentially about redesigning your mental self-image and rewriting negative beliefs. It's got some good ideas and deals a lot with visualisation. Very straight-forward and has exercises to put the theory into action.
Keep up the good work man.

cheers man, just started reading it, seems like a real scientific breakdown off this "self-help stuff" which i like, and alotta the techniques ive seen in other books seem to originate from this, surprised hadnt heard of it looks like the founder of self help!

today i realized just how important this stuff is. Yesterday was a good day, i had fun and was social at college, leading to fun interactions, did my work, screenwriting and pressups. Then, went out and approached 2 stunning girls and had a good interaction. A good motherfucking day.

However, later that night, I couldnt help but feel abit depressed. instead of just reminding myself of all the good I have, and get some positive thinking patterns in action, i fell into a slump ive been in for large part of the day.

its funny the wierd stuff you start thinking when in these slumps, to name just a few

"im gunna quit boxing" (no reason, i love boxing, have just got back from training now)
"my friends a control freak psychopath whos trying to undermine me" yeah, crazy huh

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

just a little thought on honesty.

Basically, I think this is key if i want to become the man im meant to be.
Also, not just as a means to an end, Id admire myself If I could be completely honest with myself and others, as much as possible.

I want to be more honest with my flaws. My motives and feelings.

its a 2 way thing, not only does it mean being honest and telling a girl "I want you" it also means being honest about things you dont like, and to girls you aint sure if your actually into.

just one random thing, one thing ive found gives me alotta motivation for self-improvement, is thinking...what example would i like to set to my kids.

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Been a useful day. Just had college as normal, but ive learnt a few things.

Ive tried to be more honest with myself lately, and now have the self-esteem too honestly point out my flaws without identifying with them. here are a few;

1. I am too jealous of not what others have, but how they are treated.

2. Though I have improved, I am still governed far too much by what others think of me or what I should do.

I have improved a great deal, i have higher self-esteem and am quite a confident person. Yet still I crave something and today I have found, at least partly, what it is. Up to now ive been concerned on others reaction to me, and shaping my inner self around that. "I want to be super-confident, and not care of what others think, so they will think highly of me" and the such.

Of course behaving in positive high value ways is good, but now im going to focus on who I want ME to be.

To sum up, what ive learnt is, its not about others and how they react to me, its about me, and my own reaction to myself. I want to feel comfortable in myself, where I can truly express myself, know i am of high worth, and just be me.

update soon

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

oh btw thanks for the help hobbit

As i said in my previous post, ive come far since i started this. But its time for yet more change. Having a hangover, feeling shit and being in a pissed off mood, yet similarly due to unknown (most probably high alchohol levels) still being in state, relaxed with yourself, can really be useful, especially when your in a social enviroment like college. You feel to rough to really get involved in social interaction, yet your still there, but not caring about what people think of you.

It allows you to be an outsider looking in. Heres things I noticed:

there seems to be 2 kinds of people. glory takers and glory givers.

Glory takers: These are your alphas, the guys who are the social leaders. typically egotistical pricks, though every now and again, I genuine cool human being. or the hot girls who know it

Glory givers: These are the guys, and girls, who kiss ass, who follow and try to get attention. Its easy to look at these people and get angry at the pathetic behaviour, but tbh we all (99%) do it at some point and may not even realise.

Now, im not into the whole "you must be more alpha than every other guy" thing, from personal experience it leads to being paranoid and in your head. not in state.
However, today I realised something which is going to force me to go even further with this, and become a social leader/alpha.

I thought about my core values, and how becoming the alpha leader fits in with it. Its here I realised;

1) if i want to build deep meaningful convos with people, which will be easier? to do that when people see you as a high value leader? or when they see you as just another guy.

2) to be able to protect, and build, a family, obviously being a social leader is a big part

3) to live life to the fullest, If i wanna do my own thing and explore, it will be much easier to have a social circle to do it with, instead of going to places where the social leader decides to go.

Now, becoming the social leader/alpha obviously needs to happen, and thats a good thing. It may go against some of my principles/fear, but it is a good thing. I will learn and grow alot in the proccess.

The only thing im hesitant about is losing my best mate. Hes the social leader of our group, and a natural alpha, ive always got along with him, but just today i realised just how rude he can be to me and others. I can see us clashing in future, but hey ill learn from that to, how to be alpha/leader and get along with others too.

Because I think im going to end up learning so much in this proccess, Im going to start a journal, one to use every single day, even if nothing happened.

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Hi BoxerSpirit, I'm glad to see your journal is still up!

Here are some thoughts again. I've read you last posts and they are all about "inner game", "limiting beliefs", "value"... I've been through this too. I've analyzed myself this way too. I put myself in front of a paper, and wrote the issues and patterns that were preventing me from improving myself. It allows you to know yourself, yet, be careful about not over thinking things, like I might have done at some point in my journey. Example: 44-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=657

I won't comment on the "Glory Givers" vs. "Glory Takers" vision since I understand it's a way for you to make "meaning", to understand what's going on around you. Yet again, I can't help noticing that you don't speak about the actions you're taking according to the "vision of the game" you have. So you want to be a Glory Giver? What's your plan? I would organize events with my friend and try to improve my social circle. That's why I think you might be too much thinking about all this. Think about it. Stick with your "vision" and get your shit together. That would be a first peace of advice.

On another note, I'd like to share my "vision" with you. My goal is not to get laid with a thousand women as you might know, it's more a self-improvement journey that would indirectly allow me to attract great quality women. Women want to mate dominant guys: guys that are confident, guys that take responsibility, ... How to become that guy? I thought about that and got a "vision" out of it. I'm now sticking to my plan.

I) ATTRACTIVE LIFESTYLE
This is the foundation of my game. This is what makes me confident about who I am, making me less insecure and proud of myself. This is the self-esteem part. This is all about loving myself before even thinking about gaming girls.
- PERSONAL LIFESTYLE: my job, my culture, my values, my degree, my hobbies, my skills, my competence, ... everything that makes me feel good about myself.
- SOCIAL LIFESTYLE: my friends, my ability to be social, my ability to meet people in my everyday life, ... everything that makes me socially comfortable with everyone.

II) PASSIVE ATTRACTION
The attractive lifestyle obviously allows me to be more confident, to have a good self-esteem but this is not enough to attract women... I have to be attractive in a passive way. I need to be good looking and work on quieting the negative voices in my mind.
- INNER GAME: my ability to quiet the negative voices, my ability to take a step back, my ability to notice when I'm having negative thoughts, my ability to be in the moment... everything that help me keeping control on my mind.
- PHYSICAL APPEARANCE: my body, my hair, my dressing style, my body language, my smile, ... everything that make people noticing me in a good way.

III) ACTIVE ATTRACTION
Once I have the lifestyle I want and everything I need to be passively attractive, it's time to be more active about the Game.
- OUTER GAME: my game, my routines, my openers, my teasing gambits, ... everything that makes me good at creating attraction when I'm with a girl.

Lately, I've been focusing on building an attractive lifestyle. I do what I like and take the lead to organize a lot of events with my friends. I feel good. I don't even try to be the leader or anything... but I naturally become the leader since I organize stuff. I'm also focusing on being social every time I go out and put every interactions further with girls, guys, old people... everybody. I really feel confident now. My next actions will be focused on improving inner game and my physical appearance. But I can already feel the difference. All that to say that confidence comes through actions.
1) LISTEN to people, get them speak about things they like, focus on the "keywords" that makes you think about something else and make a statement. "OMG I love photography bla bla bla" => #photography => I like street photography/I love Robert Doisneau's work/I have a reflex/bla bla bla. I would even say, let her speak more than you do. Be passionate also.

2) So be it. Organize an event with your friends now, mix your social circles (SOCIAL LIFESTYLE)

3) That's the whole ATTRACTIVE LIFESTYLE here: PERSONAL LIFESTYLE + SOCIAL LIFESTYLE.

It's a bit dense but I hope you'll get some insights out of this post. But yeah, in a nutshell: think about it one good time, get a "vision" and get a plan. Do get stuck in the thinking phase!

Regards,
Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Thanks Daniel appreciate the advice, your post comes at just the right time.

I think I have now found my vision, to be a social leader. Its funny how it changes, when I first got into this, my vision was just to get good enough to get with the odd girl, almost as though I was tricking them, now I realize im already everything I need to be and just want to get out there and build my own family of friends, and have lots of fun being my true self.

Your advice is sound, I do need to stop focusing on the why of my current situation, and start focusing on the how of getting to a new situation..

Anyway, ill update soon my plan of action for that, and from tonight im beginning, by organising a small gathering.

update soon!

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees

Ok, so for the past 7 days ive been keeping a journal, i cannot reccomend it enough! is great for realizing things about yourself! anyway, these are a few key points ive realized/come up with, what ive learnt this week

-having goals/a vision really helps! you start to automatically align your behaviour with what you want

-although this social stuff in an illusion (I.E a tramp could become the coolest mofo around with the right knowledge) It is very real, there really are social hierachys and things which will determine whether you get the girl/respect or not

-If you lead, others will follow

-"confidence" is not a behaviour, but having the courage/comfort to act in the behaviour you want

- Being authentic and acting as you, with as little social influences as possible, makes you alot more interesting

- There will always be times when you realize you are not acting as you should be, what I will try to do is follow this

How should I be acting? ----> What is the next thing i can do to start acting in that way? ---> Do it.

update soon!

_________________
I refuse to let fear be a problem

Id rather die on my feet than live on my knees