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i try to make it as short as possible....for me this is kind of mindbogling.. every advice or comment from anyone is very welcome
Is someone at this point in their lifes ? can someone relate to this...
I might ask how old you are and if you have ever been in a LTR that lasted longer than 5 years?
I've been through this sort of thing several times over the course of my life--I am in my late 40s.
Certainly it depends a lot on what your motivation was in the first place. My cycle, thus far, has gone something like this:
teen - mid-20s - desperately wanting to get laid and feeling like a loser because I could never really bring myself to even try (even the night in Spain I had a gorgeous French girl show up in my room with a bottle of wine).
late-20s to early 30s - learning some game and working on self-improvement in a way oriented mostly to game, and getting laid a lot.
mid-30s to late 30s - graduate school, early years in a profession, in a serious LTR (but open) relationship. Though the relationship was open, there were months at a time when I couldn't care less about game, about meeting women, etc. During this period, when I was interested, it was usually because my ego had taken a hit and the old social wounds from before came back to haunt me, or when a girl made a special point of flattering me. Often I didn't even care that much about sex and would go for a week or two and not notice I wasn't fucking.
late 30s to mid-40s, developing a career, realizing I wasn't going to win a nobel prize, but doing good work and finding ways to enjoy life besides professional advancement. Learning to game for fun instead of ego-stroking or pure horniness; working on self-improvement again for general health and fitness (and staying out of trouble with the horny young students I teach).
So, what I would say is do what calls you and don't worry about it. One thing I can promise, if you come back to game in one form or another without so many ego needs or being so horny, you will enjoy it a whole hell of a lot more.