I have been dating my girlfriend for two years. When we first started dating I was really into improving my inner game and it was working awesomely in many areas of my life. She commented on how confident I was, she loved the way I looked at her and how safe she felt.

Two years have gone by and I have been slipping into a lot of self doubt which has been murder on her trust. I mean one time I questioned if she was the one and told her about it - hine sight: big mistake. I also got involved in an emotional affair after she moved away for school. These and my self doubting is really killing my chances.

I want to improve my confidence back to where it was and improve my chances with her. She is a fantastic women and I have really been taking her for granted. Now that she's got one foot out the door I want to save it and not mess up again. We agreed to take things down a few notches for 2 weeks: just saying good morning and good night, sharing only the good stuff in order to start having fun again with each other because we have been having all these long conversations about improving our relationship. I love this girl and she loves me but says she feels like a fool because every few months we have to rebuild or relationship.

Do you guys have any advice for turning this around? I'm already doing work on my inner game hardcore and smacking around my inner wuss.

Thannks Gents

I did something similar in my relationship, although it was only after about 4 months in.

I started questioning things, and brought it up to her. This is a mistake. You can be completetly honest and have great communicatino with your girl, but when it comes to your own inner feelings about the relationship ITSELF, id say, keep it to yourself, unless your trying to break up with her. and even better, just live in the present and GO WITH WHAT YOU GOT.

who knows what will happen down the line. you cant predict the future, you can only plan for it. so just enjoy what you got and have fun with it.

i suggest you take a step back and view yourself as a complete being and decide what you want to do. nevermind your relationship, focus on yourself, and becoming more confident as you once were etc

women want to feel security in knowing that the relationship is going somewhere. that feeling she gets of having to rebuild every few months is bad bad bad. you must enure you negate that feeling in her. and the way to do that is to focus on yourself and lead lead lead and stop talking to her about your relationship when theres nothing to talk about

Very good post.

JuanAntonioB thanks for the help bro. Everything made total sense and I agree with you. Did you end up turning things around in your relationship?

I did altho she made me pay for it .. after i told her that bullshit, she broke up with me the next day, saying how if I was questioning things, it started making HER question things etc etc..

so i had to backtrack and tell her taht i was just having a bad day and didnt really mean it, but she still ended it for about 48 hours.. during those hours i did the freezeout and she came back .

but it was definately a good lesson/reminder that, whatever you feel, she feels.
if you start getting all doubtful, AFC, paranoid, jealous (sometimes jealousy is good but not the extreme kind), especially about the relationship itself, then she will definately feel it and react accordingly i.e. end things cuz no chick wants to be with that kind of guy

Fantastic post. Especially about living in the present. Learn to contain your unhappiness to the moments when it is essential that it exist (and these are very rare). All the other times, when you don't HAVE to think about things that make you unhappy, choose not to think about them! It will make both you and your girlfriend much happier. Also, for further self improvement around this focus, read the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. It's my only inner game focus at the moment and I'm noticing regular improvement.

Well guys things have turned around. She did some work forgiving me for the things I skrewed up in the past and wants to move forward with the relationship.

She said I needed to start acting more confident like I was in the beginning of the relationship. JuanAntonioB, it has really helped seeing myself as a complete person. I approach the relationship with more confidence and not like I need something from her. I am going to go to work on this with some help over the next few months to get a little deeper and fix it at the root.

Slip n Slide - I really like this. Thanks bro!

Glad to hear its working out