Sometimes, I feel like the Doc from
Back to the Future. You know, one minute you're sitting on the toilet, then BAM! you slip off, hit your head and come to a sudden epiphany. This is what happened to me today. (Without the toilet.) I realized that as a community, we oversimplify a girl's Anti-Slut Defense (ASD), and by not realizing that there are actually
two different types of ASD, we may end up misdiagnosing the real problem and "prescribe" the wrong SPAM. The two types of ASD can be broken into
Outer ASD and
Inner ASD.
Outer ASD
Outer ASD is the most common, and its the one most easily recognizable and most easily treated. OASD comes from society's
expectations. Because of poor social conditioning, women today are told that if they want any power in the world (which with a new feminist movement, girls are told that that is what they "should" want), they need to control their sexuality, and "keep it from men". Women, who desperately desire sex and intimacy more than men, are now kept from this because they do not want other people looking down on them for doing what they need. Women who have many sexual partners are branded sluts, and it carries a negative connotation. Women are constantly afraid of their desires, and feel the need to repress them.
The Cure: You need to make the woman understand that you do not judge her as society does. This is usually done by handling logistics well and by making sure she knows a gentleman will "never kiss and tell" so-to-speak. Once she feels that anything that happens between you two stays between you two, she'll realize that society will not have the knowledge of your interactions, and so she will not be labeled or branded as anything. Alternatively, make her understand how silly society's double standards and limitations are. Then she will come to her own understanding of her sexuality being wholesome.
Inner ASD
Inner ASD is less common, except in certain groups. These girls are quickly recognized, because they are the "goody two shoes" who are always making sure they don't do anything wrong, not because they want to be thought of as good, but
just because. IASD comes from society's
pressures, such as a religious standard, or parental expectation of no sex, no kissing, and in some cultures, no dating. Inner ASD doesn't want to prove something to someone else. The dominantly IASD girl isn't concerned with other people thinking she's a slut, but rather in thinking of
herself as a slut. Perhaps she holds her virginity in high regards, or perhaps she has had a bad experience and fears that she gives away sex to guys too easily, without demanding something in return. In either case, most IASD girls carry a lot of baggage and repression, and should be avoided. But at the same time, many are simply subconsciously looking for an excuse to rid themselves of their limitations and need to understand how sexuality is less than something to be worshiped, but more than something to manipulate AFC men with.
The Cure: IASD women usually just don't understand sexuality. They try to avoid it, they hold it in higher regard than it should be, and they downplay how much they need it. The best cure for a predominantly IASD woman is to really turn her on, in addition to the OASD cure. By showing her society's silly expectations and how wholesome sex is, you begin to give her a real perspective of it. By turning her on, you allow those feelings to begin, and she tastes and experiences something she realizes she wants more of. Finally, by showing her you're secretive and non-judging, she will realize that she can take a chance with you, to discover her sexuality, and if worse comes to worse, and she was right all along, there has been no true harm done to her public image.
In Conclusion
All girls have aspects of both of these in them. Some girls may have low IASD in most areas, and are fine with having sex all the time, but have a sexual inhibition (high IASD) towards something specific, like blowjobs. Others may have high OSD, but once they're in bed, they are wildly open to anything (all around low IASD). In all cases, you must determine what types of ASD a girl mostly has, and discover why she blocks herself like that, in order to truly understand what her motivations are, and how to best help her past her inhibitions.
If you have any questions, or need something explained differently, don't hesitate to ask!
CHAT