I've been dating a girl for about 5 months. Since about 1.5 months we are committed to eachother.

We are currently in a LDR. 2 hours by plane. We see (and will see) eachother each month about 1 week.

I care for this girl. I like her. She has a great personality, is outgoing, social and energetic. Sex is very passionate too. She is smart, studies a lot and is quite mature for her age.

Yet, the following things bother me, up to the point i have been thinking to break up with her

1) She is completely AFC. She says ALL her feelings. "I want to have sex with you now", "You are so nice", "you have so nice eyes" etc. She compliments me ALL the time, and says to me "my love" about 200 times a day, just as i love you. Up to the point it really annoys me.

2) She is very scared to lose me. She tells me how she is afraid of how we (but she means ME) might lose interest. She literally says many times "i'm afraid to lose you".

3) She is very clingy, in the sense that she all the time needs attention (hugging, etc..). She isn't possessive however and doesnt control me, isn't jealous either. Just needs a lot of attention, while i just need some space (no hugging all the time)

4) Apart from the above; she is a very nervous person, worrying about stuff she shouldn't worry about. For example: when i'm driving, she is worried about the fucking engine making too much noise... However, i noticed this is slowly resolving. For sure, this point isn't a dealbreaker for now, although it does annoy me from time to time


Conclusion: from 1) 2) and 3) it's obvious for me that SHE likes me way more than i like her. She is for sure a cool girl, but I feel like i'm trapped in a relationship because I can't fully respond to all her feelings right now. Seems like she goes just TOO FAST for me. She has noticed that too, and each time searches for more input, while i'm running backwards...

Note that since we are in a LDR, we practically "live together" when we see each other.



Any advice?

Should I tell all of this with the risk of losing her?
Should I break up with her?

Thanks a lot

The problem is that she doesn't make you work for anything. If she is afraid to lose you that gives you no incentive to do you best to keep her. I would just talk to her in a very calm tone about it, but I don't think you need to worry about her breaking it off. Also try to compliment her more than you normally do, it might get her to stop complimenting you.

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If you can make a girl laugh you can make her do anything.

see, that's the thing.

what you 'may' have there is a really good woman who is genuinely in love with you.

you need to help her calibrate herself in some way.

but it's hard when two people are in different places.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

What do you exactly mean with help her calibrate herself?

Thanks

I agree about you having a pretty good woman there. Congrats man. I would talk to her about some of the things that are bothering you that she does and try and work things out with her. It would be wrong (and stupid) if you just broke up with her due to some little things that she does without even making them aware to her.

And I am a little confused on the complimenting too much belief. I feel as though I may be a victim of doing this. What do you believe is the appropriate way to compliment that wouldnt be AFC or annoy you?
Just curious.

I would "suck it up"...... as alot of guys might tell you here this girl looks fucking awesome. Break up with this chick and find one half this nice, itll be impossible. Are you maybe not 100% attracted to her or something?

Just because nobody else has noted this, that's a 'may', because it could be that she's just clingy and has low self-respect.

Just tell her straight up that she doesn't have to worry about losing you. You guys should enjoy all the great times you're having, and you hope that they will continue as well.

Don't want to be a Johnny Raincloud, just also don't want you to only hear that this girl must be an angel, when you may then be in for a surprise. But especially since you're in a LDR, she has reason to worry about you being seduced by some other woman, and reason to put a little too much effort into displaying her interest to you those few times she does see you.

How often are you in contact when you're not seeing each other? Do you text or call every day? Once a week?

She compliments me about every day several times. If it isn't my eyes she complements again, than she says how much she likes how i kiss her, or how she likes how i touch her hair.

Maybe i'm a cold person, but 1 compliment in a few days is enough for me. But this obviously depends from person to person.

I am attracted to her. She looks great in those skirts, has a nice ass and nice tits. Sex is great too.

100%? Nope. Probably not. She IS a good looking girl. But i feel she is more cute and sweet than really HOT. I often see girls hotter out there than her, who also wear more sexy clothes then her and have a prettier face.

But isn't it always the case? And should i dump such a nice girl because she hasn't the body of a model, and because she doesn't wear tight jeanses and thongs? Should i be such an asshole searching for the PERFECT girl? I know this has always bothered me in my life - always the search for perfection.

Ironically, my ex-GF was a complete bitch, but hotter than the one i have now. But I suffered like a dog, the whole time.

Wow, this is interesting, as I'm basically in the same situation, in fact just about everything is identical in my situation as in yours, only I've been with her for longer.
It sounds to me as if she probably doesn't love/respect herself as much as she should, which is resulting in needyness and clinginess.

Just curious, does she demand compliments in return like "say something nice about me" or "send me a sweet loving text"?

Unfortunately what happens in the end is the constant need for validation kills the attraction slowly, until in the end you just end up feeling trapped and confused.

Yes, sometimes she says to me: "Am I nice?" , and when i do compliment her from time to time she responds "i like that you say those things to me, it makes me horny." , "Say it more to me".

But don't misunderstand me: she doesn't seek validation all the time, nor is she searching for compliments all the time. She's quite easy-going in all this, but it is clear she would like me to say more such stuff to her.


Actually, i've just been back from a 2-day holiday beach trip, full of beach, party and chicks. I've been going to the club there, and i don't know why, but 7/10 girls i was attracted to.. i all the time was comparing them with my GF, noticing how those (superficial) girls in the club wear sexier clothes, show their asses more, have prettier faces, etc. I don't know what was going on with me. It is as suddenly i can't realize anymore how my GF is 10x better than those (although fucking sexy) stupid girls in the club.

Something is wrong here, or maybe it's me who really needs a reality check. My gut feeling says that if i break up with her because i might not fully be attracted to her, i will regret it.

Is it normal to realize that many other girls are just hotter than my GF? Am I obsessed with looks and why can't i focus on her lovely personality instead of the fact that she might not wear those hot skirts etc?

You're a male. Other girls are always going to be attractive to you, just as other guys (no matter how much she protests this) will be attractive to her. There's nothing wrong with that.

My old Martial Arts instructor used to teach us that no matter how good at the art we became, there will always be someone better. The same applies here. No matter how hot your girlfriend is, I guarantee there will come a girl across your path that's hotter.

Your gut feeling is to stay with her, so would stick with her. But feel tied to her. If you start to regret being only with her, and think you are seriously missing out, then there may be some subconscious desire to leave. In the end, you've got to make a decision. I would wait it out and see if it's your groin wanting to bang these other chicks, or if it's your mind telling you that the kind of girl you're looking for is more like these other girls.

There are a lot of great girls out there who have wonderful personalities and are very attractive, but whom I will still avoid like the plague. Not because of any problem with them, but rather I just know that they are not exactly what I'm looking for. If she can't make you truly happy and satisfied (I'm not talking just sexually), then find one who can. It's nothing personal. You just have to look out for your best interests for the rest of your life.

Thanks. Yet, I even was clearly making eye-contact with a (nice) girl, almost hitting on her.

The bottom line is that in that party i was surrounded by really hot girls, by which i just acted like a single guy, forgetting about my current GF. This makes me really worried and confused. I wonder if i would have cheated on her if fucking a hot girl was possible there.

Let me however make this clear: it's not me who is looking for a girl with a personality who suits me better. My current GF leaves me very happy with her behavior, although of course some stuff bothers me, as with every girl. Yet, the girls there were just HOTTER than her. And not SOME of them, really A LOT of those girls. Nice faces, nice legs, nice ass. Of course i KNOW many of them are probably just immature girls who every weekend go to dance in the club showing their ass. Not something i particularly fancy in a girlfriend....

It's probably me, being an asshole thinking i can get the perfect girl. I should rather settle with what i've got and realize i can't get everything in life.

I would like to update this a last time. My GF was talking me the other day and explained her feelings


Basically, she is afraid of LOSING me. She said "It's just too good to be true, being with such a nice guy as you. Therefore, i'm afraid of the future, of this what we have now breaking apart, also because of the distance".

She also admitted she isn't really confident in herself. I conclude from this that she sees me as a person TOO GOOD for her, maybe "out of her league" to say.

In addition, she noted that she is worrying that i would forget about her, being away from her in LDR.


Frankly, all this stuff (she talked about it more than 3 times already, complaining how afraid she is of the future) is really bugging me.

Note that she isn't really thinking of me cheating. She trusts me. Isn't jealous. Isn't possessive. Isn't controlling too much either. Just afraid and worried of losing me.


Being said, i feel like too much in control in this relationship. Makes me confused, and makes my attraction for her to drop.

Any input more? thanks a lot

you aren't ready for a relationship.

which sucks, cuz a lot of us older (and past our wild time) guys would like to have a girl who was unconditionally into us. i can't even find a decent woman who doesn't cheat and steal, lol.

advice? move on. it's going to destroy her. but you are going to do it eventually.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!