This is my first post here..
I have joined music forums, exercise forums and a countless of other forums related to my personal hobbies and interests through out my life.

But today I join MPUA, I don't know what to expect or what I can get out of this post but my life is really and truly in the gutter right now and Im just looking for a way out, some advise.. something.. I dont know. But here is my story uncandid for the first time in my life. I apologize now for the long post and the bad spelling (english is not my first language)

Background..
Im 28yo (29 this year in September)
Had never been in a long term relationship in my life before nothing more than 6 months of passion and then it came to a sad ending.

4 years ago I meet my wife (married 2 years)
When we meet she knew that I liked women, I told here that I dident really believe in marriage and monogamy. She said this was cool and if I ever needed to sleep with other people I just needed to be honest about it. (yeah... I know.. I was very naive)
I was quite into here so I never really had the urge to check for other women..
She was very exciting and was always keen to push the boundaries pushing for us to go to swingers clubs and for 3somes.. etc.. we did go.. but she got most of the action (girl on girl) I never ended up playing there just dident feel quite comfortable.

We moved in together and shortly after we got married. At first the moving in and eventually the marriage was just going to be to help us get permanent residency.
But after she pushed me to buy here a ring.. the sorry started to change.. "We are not just doing this for legal issues right?" (and this over and over again)

Our relationship was fading and we had a 0 sex life.. mostly because of me.. and even how chauvinistic this may sound this is the only true way I can describe how I really feel.. I was just tiered of eating the same meal over and over and over again..

I told my wife that I needed to see other women, she said NO! (even the swinger thing was out the picture now) She said that she had a girlfriend with a husband with a high sex drive and with similar issues and that he had gone to a psychologist and got medication for it and suggested I do the same.
I said, Hell no!

She ended up dragging me to a marriage councilor I guess she thought that I was gona get a big telling of for wanting to sleep with other women.
The councilor she was very in tune and actually was very understanding to my point of view..
My wife obviously dident like this and said that the councilor did not know what she was talking about (even though my wife whas the one who dragged ME there)

And time has just been rolling on.. and nothing is getting better.. my overall sex drive is not what it used to be I have physical changes like more body weight and experience a radical decrease in semen during ejaculation, with and without my wife (I warned you this would be uncandid) I really dont know what that is about?

I have been feeling depressed and my wife sent me to a GP I gave him my story and he described me antidepressants and told me to visualize about other things that turned me on to get aroused when having sex with my wife. I discarded the medicine..

Im in the fucking gutter and dont know how to get out!
I used to consider my self a happy dude..
I haven't been truly happy in a long while.. everything is just very.. 'pleasant'.
Its pleasant to go out for a meal its pleasant to go to the movies and its pleasant to meet up with our other couple friends... but nothing really EXCITES ME! ..I dont know if this makes sense..?!

...........until,
a few weeks back I had a life changing experience when I discovered the game.
Some people talk about having a religious awakening.. this is the only way I can describe it!
It absolutely blew my mind!!!
It helped me put my already existing game in order.. it helped me understand stuff that I used to do that worked but I dident quite know why. I learned new things, exciting things!

Last Saturday I went out and I had the best time I have had in a veeeerryy long time.
I was out on my own fearlessly chatting with 10's that would once have made me very nervous. I was out having a laugh, my confidence was at about 130!!
I was chatting with hot girls, the guys were chatting with me, I was dancing, I was doing magic I was having a BLAST! ..I was feeling so empowered!

What do I do?
I like my wife.. I even love here.. but I am not in love with here even though we have tried and tried to rekindle the love and sex.
My wife is in love with me and loves me.. she is the one pushing for sex when I just can not bring my self to do it very often, and even then its an 'effort'.

Here comes the catch.
I feel like Im pushing on 30.. I have nothing to show for my self..
She is the main provider.. I can not hold down a 9-5 for more than a few weeks.
However I do work hard at my artistic things that I love to do.. and have been trying to build my self up as a photographer/Cinematographer. (something my wife is not happy about, she does not say it openly but she does not like me to have contact with other women, models, friends etc and gets extremely jealous!)
I had a really good job opportunity come up but its almost like my wife dident want me to go for the job.. whenever I look into jobs she says "are you getting a job so you can leave me now?!"

What I do have to show is a decent business that we have both built up together that is just starting to bring in a bit of money with allot of potential to become something big.

And now to make things more complicated... she has been on me to have a baby for a long time... and I dont know finally I gave up.. and we started to try for a baby.. its like Im walking around in my life as a zombie.. and at the end I cant take the nagging any longer and I just give in, I give in for here and maybe also for my self a little bit.. that just maybe maybe any change will bring back a bit of fire to my life.. she is now 20 weeks pregnant. I am happy about it.. but not happy about the situation that we will be bringing this baby into.

What do I do?
I feel sooo stuck.. my life feels like shit..
I feel like I cant walk away from this situation (would never walk away from my child tough!) cos I just cant survive my self the way I am now, financially.
Everythign we have we have together.. she has here own life with a job (+ our business) I have nothing to fall back on.. no friends to go to if she does kick me out or I decide to leave.. nothing!
Everything I have built up is with my wife.. our house.. our business..
I dont know what would happen with the business If I left (again this is complicated as the business is directed to women and really needs a woman's face outwards, I could never run it by my self)
Maybe it would just fissile out.. and then all my hard work would go to nothing.. and I will truly be standing there.. with NOTHING to show for my self!
As the business is now.. It is starting to bring in decent money but also needs allot of money put back into it to be able to grow..
so I cant really take an individual salary out of it that would be able to sub stain me

Im in the gutter...I just feel stuck, trapped I hate the person that I have become constantly angry about small things and I dont know what to do or where to beguine?

Sounds like your confidence in yourself is shit. Women are dream killers. Shes afraid you'll leave her when you get a better job. You sound like you want to leave her either way.

Can you see yourself living this way for the next 60 years?

Just get that dream job, and forget about what she says. I suggest a divorce because thats the way it seems to be going

LorneG, Respect for taking your time and reading my long post.

Deep down yes.. I think I want to go.. Its really wired.. Its like I dont know my self any longer.. you live together and you start even thinking like 2. But who am I.. what do I want... fuck.. Im just confused.

But deep down yes.. I think I want to leave.. if nothing just to be able to find my self again and to truly be able to reassess my relationship with my wife.

But I just guess Im scared.. I dont want to hurt here.. I have told here several times that I have had enough.. and she starts crying hysterically and begs me not to leave.. like literally goes down on here knees.

....and no... I cant go on for 60years feeling like I feel now..

But what do I do.. can I make our marriage better.. am I ever gona be attracted to here in bed?
Do I leave here now when she is pregnant or do I wait until the baby is born?

And how am I gona survive when I know I can not hold down a 9-5 for longer then a few weeks.. What about our business that I have worked so hard for?

I really dont know where to start.. do I stay and if so can I fix it?
or do I leave.. and if so when and how?

!!! UPDATE !!!


So its now over 6months since I created this post..
And things are not good.. my depression has gone from bad to worse..
I am so unhappy with my life but still trying to keep it together.

I just want to end this marriage and leave.. But how do I do it?

My wife is now 3weeks from delivering our baby.
My only source income is from the business that we own together. (That is doing ok but not fantastic)

If I tell here that I am miserable and want to leave cos things are not working out and have not for so long. She goes MENTAL! last time I made proper attempt to talk with here and make here understand she broke every single plate in the house and was screaming like a mad woman (Embarrassing in front of all the neighbors).
She also started picking up knives and threatened to slit here wrists. Wen I tried to take the knife off here she tried to knee me in the nuts.

As time goes on she acts like nothing has happened and says that we need to try and fix it.. Im over trying I WANT OUT!
Now she is making all plans about moving into a bigger house and all I want is a small apartment for my self.

Nether me or here have any family or friends we can just go to.. I know this is really hard for here also as she is pregnant and needs allot of security and suport and not this. But she knew how we were before she nagged and nagged me to give here a baby.

I just dont know what to do and how to do this???

But I need to end this shit.. I am so unhappy.
What should I do?

Great posts. Buddy, I can relate. Me and my ex girlfriend went through an abortion, she has a kid, wanted to get married, I'm still in college, I want to live life, I'm still attracted to her but I'm a social guy, I want to keep traveling, I want to keep meeting new people and I want to live life without limits and she's not on the same page with me. I had to ask myself what's more important? Yesterday I finally had the courage to break it off. She cried and begged. It was rough. "Don't you love me anymore?" "Don't you think I deserve more than this?" Things aren't going to get better. You should post this in the relationship section to get more attention too.

Woncho: Thanx for the reply!
Unfortunately I can not post in that forum as its telling me i need to have made 20post or something like that

Yeah man I hear..
She puts the guilt on me big time and then pushes me down "you think the world out there is so fantastic" "you are going to regret this.." etc.
She makes me feel like Im not going to make it out there with out here..
And then she start to threaten.. you will not have a business (that we have worked so hard for the past 3years all I have to show for my self) You will not see you child.. etc etc..

Man I just dont know what to do.. what is the first step.. wish I had family or friends i could just move out.. but I cant.. it would be a big process... how do I start it?

Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You're in a rough situation. Start laying down the steps so you can get out. Make a friend that understands your situation or talk to someone and have the courage to ask for some help. I don't know about your business maybe you can find someone that has your wife's skill set to take her place just do whatever you feel needs to be done and set up all the contingencies. My ex girlfriend would tell me things like that too: "Do you think you will find someone who will love me as much as I do?" She's just trying to scare you. Get your affairs in order first. Find out where your source of income's gonna come from. Save up money until you can have enough to make it on your own. The worlds a big place with all kinds of ppl. Craigslist can be pretty helpful, you can set up some ads. You can use couchsurfing (the website) to move from place to place until you get settled.

Looks like you're going through a much more severe depression than I was. Here is what I suggest you do. Don't leave her. Start working out (builds testosterone). You're 30 - now is a good time for testosterone booster (not pro hormones or HGH. Do your own research here. You will be able to distance yourself from her, feel better about yourself, be healthier because of excercise and meeting new people (hot women included).

Reason you can't give it to your wife any more is that men need to feel like men. When you have a woman sucking the soul out of your life, you grow to despise her. Since you're in a bad place financially, you have no choice but to stick it out until you can land on your feet. Don't feel bad for the kids, must promise yourself that you will be there. Divorce is nothing new.

Hell, maybe even try LSD. It will open your mind artistically. Who knows what potential you will unlock!

Yo just make dem booties clap don.

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Mooky Dooky says: Make 'dem booties go clap clap and it's wrap!

WoW man , this is too deep...damn (im 17)

I could tell you all the reasons WHY your marriage is fucked, all the mistake you made, and how the situation is not salvageable, but none of that is really important.

What you need to do now is get all your shit in order, make sure everything is water tight, like you have no outstanding debts, parking tickets, she can't prove you ever strayed or were ever unfaithful, ever threatened her or hurt her, etc. You must look as clean as a monk.

THEN you go get written, signed statements from your neighbours about the incident where she smashed your plates and threatened to cut herself and physically attacked you. You were TOO SCARED at the time to go to the police in case she cut herself or attacked you with the knife.

Your wife is an insane person and a sexual deviant (evidence - her FORCING you to attend sex clubs), who may have committed adultery (did she have sex with other men in the sex clubs?). This may be enough grounds for an annulment due to mental illness (e.g. Art 9 §140(c) NY), although if you were to video / tape record multiple instances of her going crazy at you when you calmly brought up the subject, that would be even better evidence.

It certainly puts you in good stead for a standard divorce proceeding. These can be difficult and costly. Time to try and get that dream job whilst you can. You will likely still have to pay child support and have visitation rights, BUT you get your freedom back, and the opportunity to begin a new relationship with a woman you actually love and who values you as a man.

Depending on the law of your state, and depending on how much money you put towards the purchase price, mortgage or utilities, you may have an equitable interest in the house you two currently live in. You may be able to force its sale and receive a certain amount (depending how much you put in and when) which can help you with finding a small place for yourself and lawyers fees.

Speaking of which, if it comes down to divorce proceedings (likely), find out what lawyer she has and hire a better one. It'll be worth the investment.

In the future
1. Be dominant, leading and assertive in your interactions with women
2. NEVER allow a woman to tell you what to do
3. Commit to a woman because YOU want to, not because she makes you
4. Your goals, desires, dreams, passions are YOUR OWN. Be unapologetic and proud of them. NEVER allow a woman, or anyone else, to stop you pursuing them

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