Ok here's my situation. In may I met a girl who I really liked, HB9. We had amazing chemistry and spent an amazing night together. Then we met up again and had an amazing day together. I needed to go away to do my last contracted working on a ship and she said she would wait for me.

She told me it was love at first sight, I am really special and she likes me so much. She was sending me really sweet messages and calling me every night and saying she didn't want anyone else.

About a month into my contract she starts getting more and more distant until I realised it was always me calling her and initiating IM convos and texts, then when she replied her answers were short and un affectionate. Then when I came home she made no effort to see me and kept flaking when we arranged it.

So we finally arranged to meet again on Sunday, but on Saturday I saw a really suspicious fb thread between her and another girl (this is a lesbian relationship btw.) My gf's fb status was 'doing CPR training today' and this girl had commented 'you can do mouth to mouth on me anytime ' and my gf had put 'yeah you can be my model patient you crazy girl', the girl replied 'you like this crazy girl '

So I was like wtf. I sent my gf a message saying 'who's Cynthia? why does she want you to do mouth to mouth on her?' and my gf was like 'she was joking, you're so immature. Just because you've been cheated on before doesn't mean everyone is the same. Good luck, not everyone is the same.'

So I left it a day and sent her a message saying 'I'm not immature, I've had more life experience than anyone I know.' And she just replied 'I can't talk now, I'm busy.' That was on Sunday and we haven't spoken since...

She is always online but hasn't tried to talk to me. Even worse she has blocked me from seeing her facebook wall and has re opened her account on the dating site we met on.

What's the best way to proceed now? Do you think she was cheating on me the whole time or was I being paranoid? I want her back because she is gorgeous and I really like her, but I know if I chase her it will push her away. It's killing me though that she is looking for another gf on a dating website.

I know you will say move on etc but she liked me so much when we met, there must be a way to get that back?

_________________
Lesbian btw

the girl I think she was cheating on me with has a picture of her and my ex as her profile pic. Not a good sign :-/ I'm so overwhelmed with jealousy right now. My ex is online. I want to send her a message saying 'please can you give me an honest answer. Are you with this other girl?' will it make me look like an afc? I just want to know the truth. I want to call her but she might ignore me. Please help me guys, I need you.

_________________
Lesbian btw

you need to ask her out right, dont get mad or anything but say, so who's this?and watch her BL and facial expressions, maybe they're just flirty friends?

_________________
"J, I guess yer so amazing in bed you send the girls into a transcendent state where they realize their own mortality and are shaken by the realization that their presence bears little impact on the universe, or they just realized they hate you"
-DJ_Z

well when I saw this flirty convo on fb between her and this girl I said 'who's cynthia and why does she want you to give her mouth to mouth?' and my gf just said 'she's my friend and she was joking', then went into a rant about how I'm really immature. She hasn't spoken to me now for 3 days but is online all the time.

This girl Cynthia 'likes' every single status my gf writes on fb, and her profile pic is of the two of them together. Also my 'gf' has blocked me from seeing her wall on fb suddenly but still has me as a friend. She is also back on the dating website we met on, listed as 'single' and 'looking for a relationship' Wtf. What do I do? Is she just trying to make me jealous or does she really not want me anymore?

I haven't spoken to her at all but I know she will never make the first move to contact me. I'm really hurt and confused.

_________________
Lesbian btw

Wow...babe I'm not gonna lie, that doesn't look good, you need to talk to her and be straight with her, don't drag things out longer than they need to.


Best of luck

_________________
"J, I guess yer so amazing in bed you send the girls into a transcendent state where they realize their own mortality and are shaken by the realization that their presence bears little impact on the universe, or they just realized they hate you"
-DJ_Z

Skimmed and read a bit of what was written... Usually if you "feel" you've lost her.. you did, long ago...

The situation of what you've described seems bad.

The problem is when you start digging into "details" you are going to find exactly what you want to see.. regardless of what is happening if you already suspect her of cheating what you will see is everything pointing to her doing it.

Now Im not saying she's not. What was said looks very suspicious but at the end of the day you need to remember that

1. Your Awesome, you deserve respect
2. If she cant deliver that to you, you can do better elsewhere.

Your coming off jealous and needy and I woulda said, "chill" But she blocked you on Facebook she is ignoring you .. (Immature behaviour) - She's not being a quality contributor to the relationship

Let her go, if somethings Not happening there sure is intent. Flirting with other people inside of a relationship is a big NO in my books. - cut her loose and NEXT the bitch.

OR

you could continue on this path, however you already suspect her of wrong doing which will become your driver to further problems. You will probably only get worse.. Your far too emotionally involved and will inevitably push the relationship into the ground when she doesn't "pick up her act" per se.


In my experience, i've found it best to follow the advice "never look in a woman's medicine cabinet, your never going to like what you see" - Apply it to Phone, FB, Twitter, emails. Your brain will always jump to the worst case scenario. In time people always get caught out. This is that time.

Plan of action

Ask her outright, Calmly.

Expect a Short, uninformative answer, Judge your feelings - if you are a little unsatisfied and continue to hold doubt.. Move on. Your not ready for a relationship/she's cheating/ or your personalities are a little incompatible.

Good luck

ugh, we haven't spoken in over a week now. If I initiate contact on IM she may ignore me and it will demonstrate lower value by me and make her feel empowered. If I don't contact her I'm pretty sure she won't, she's really stubborn.

I think that it would be much more powerful and personal to speak in person or on the phone but I doubt she'll pick up. It's kind of a no win situation for me because if I chase her then it will make me look lower value and needy afc, and if I don't I'm just stepping aside for this new girl and pushing them closer together

If I do send her an IM, what should I say? Should I say 'hi' and see if she responds? Or just go straight into it and say something like 'look, it's not mature to ignore eachother. You want to talk about this?'

It kills me to see someone else flirting with her on fb. Every night we haven't spoken I imagine they're together and I have no way of knowing. Help please?

_________________
Lesbian btw

you've been given the soundest advice possible...

next the bitch.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Definitely agree with Mack.

But there are some things that, judging from your post, you should be aware of for next time:

1. It shouldn't matter what she tells you about "love at first sight", and all that. She was just hopped up on the chemistry you guys had that one night. She meant it as she said it, but give a few days for the high to come down, and all's fair game. After a while, the night messages she was sending you were probably more routine than genuine interest, because she wanted to keep that feeling that she was in that Hollywood romance that girls want to feel they're having.

2. Though you've known each other for a month and have been sending messages back and forth and calling and such, you weren't in enough of a girlfriend position to even consider any sort of flirtatious messages or even her going out with other people as cheating. Especially not since you haven't even seen her in quite a while. She was afraid you were starting to become clingy and needy (which it looks like you were), so she closed up.

3. You still may have recovered from it though, when she called you immature. Just let that kind of stuff roll off of you. Who cares? But instead, you tried to defend yourself, and made the situation even worse. Now she was thinking "this girl really is immature!"

I agree with almost all of what's been said here. At the same time, you do deserve some closure. Send her an IM, text, whatever has the best chance of getting to her and say:
"Hi. What we had has disappeared and I don't understand why. I'd love for you to be mature and explain yourself, but you have the right to make your own decisions and it seems like you already have." (Or a variation of this)

Whatever she says, don't argue with it. Don't try to persuade her or convince her. Leave this relationship with your dignity intact because you deserve at least that.

I'm sorry...

Thanks guys, that does really make sense. I guess having to leave so quickly after meeting her meant I just didn't have enough time to go through the comfort building stage which meant her attraction for me faded. I honestly think now I'm back I could change that if I met up with her again but don't know if I will get that chance.

I haven't contacted her in a week, and she just poked me on facebook. What does that mean? Does that mean I still have a chance? I want to really play the game right this time if I do have another chance with her. I wanted to take advice from you guys before I do anything..

_________________
Lesbian btw

I'm thinking of saying what slip n slide said maybe tomorrow night. Do you think it will evoke more emotion in her if I call her rather than IM? Mystery says you should always make a girl feel and IM is more impersonal. Also, should I poke her back on facebook? Now she has poked me I'm thinking she obviously wants contact so if I wait it out longer she will crack and initiate contact with me first? Or should I just do what slip n slide said?

_________________
Lesbian btw

Don't bother poking back. She wants you to make the first move but she isn't necessarily ready for things to be over. At the same time she's been very disrespectful to you and doesn't have the feelings she had before you were apart.

Oonly contact her when you're feeling as good as you ever do. When you're riding high, you'll understand the best course of action. You don't want confrontation unless it's needed, and it takes a high degree of control to avoid that. I notice that when I'm low energy and feeling bad about an interaction, it almost never goes well. Go into the conversation (I'd prefer a call) looking for resolution, but with a deep level of respect for yourself and your time. Know that there are always other girls out there for you.

Now that I return to it, my last advice wasn't necessarily the best. It's AFC trying to be PUA. The best course of action may be to contact her with a friendly "Hi! So what's been going on between us lately?" Whether she approaches the obvious issues maturely, and ready to solve them, or shoves the blame onto you, or denies that the problems exist, will tell you a lot about her character and whether you want to keep contact. Be in a good mental state. I can't stress that enough. Feeling desperate means you'll come off as desperate.

DO NOT "POKE" BACK.

There. I said it.

That girl has put you through some kind of hell with the whole blocking your view of her wall thing. That sounds like there's something to hide in there, something she doesn't want you to see.

Now, I might not be an expert but relationships aren't built on secrets. Mack is right, you need to forget this woman and move on, there are tons and tons of opportunities walking around in heels every day.

Don't message her, Don't IM her, Don't even call or arrange a meet. Just ignore her from this point. And if she tries to establish contact with you again, just let it be. You are NOT her toy to play with, that's the message you will be sending across.

_________________
" You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one. "

I don't understand why she hasn't unfriended me completely on fb, she's just blocked her wall. Surely if she didn't want me anymore she would completely unfriend me and delete me from msn as well, but she lets me see she's online.

Should I block her from seeing my wall too to make her think I'm hiding stuff also? Unfriend her? Or would that make me look childish? It's hard but I guess I won't poke back although I really want to. I saw another picture of her with the girl in question on my news feed today and the caption was 'my photographer girl ;-p.'

I'm so overwhelmed with jealousy right now. It's crazy, the thought she may be seeing someone else should make me hate her for being such a bitch but it's making me want her even more. All my instincts are telling me to call her and ask her if it's true but my head, and my pride, and you guys are telling me to leave it.

I hate feeling like this. I never want to be hurt like this again. I'm posting here right now because she's on msn and posting here instead is stopping me talking to her.

_________________
Lesbian btw