Me and my gf are away to visit our families so we will be apart for 1.5 months.

She never made anything that could break my trust for her. She always lets me know what she is doing and with whom she is going out with without any questions on my side. However, I have some insecurities to work on and I am seeing that these are ruining my state of mind and they are triggering extreme jealousy that could ruin our relationship in long term.

Before we went long distance, these insecurities were never present and she was the one calling me most of the times. After I left the town, this sudden jealousy and clinginess took over me. Now, I feel the constant urge to call her, ask what she is doing, building paranoia stories in my head like crazy. Last night, she told me she is meeting the girls to go clubbing and a sudden urge of preventing her to go to the club with all these drunk and horny guys around came up. Luckily, I could stop myself from exploding on her and told her to have fun. After we hang up, I couldn't stop making up scenarios in my mind about how she would become drunk and flirt with other guys. Then it got worse and I started associating her past interactions with her guy friends with infidelity.

I was almost calling her to check up on her when I received a sweet text from her saying that she decided to stay at home and dreaming about dancing with me.

I didn't show it to her too much until now but I feel like it will become uncontrollable in the future and I will somehow come off as the jealous and insecure boyfriend who ruined everything out of nothing.

I will appreciate any advice about how to deal with these insecurities and how to completely trust her. I beleive that there are some people here who has been in my shoes before.

idk man, sounds like a cover story.

just kidding...

just stop giving a fuck. since i did that, it's worked wonders.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Gotta chill man..

do or don't.. but if you don't, you'll lose everything you seem to want.

- these paranoid thoughts will bring destruction to the relationship, eventually you will conjure up some far-fetched reality in your head and accuse her of something.. the only way to keep it going with sanity is to take a not give a fucck stance... Therefore the negative thoughts should (in a logical mind) seem pointless, and you will quickly move onto more relaxed thoughts when they sneak in...if she does something dumb, who cares? NEXT!..

The insecurity is because you seriously have no control. You are struggling to come to grips with the fact that if she does something, you mean less to her than you thought. It is there because you are no longer around and may be unable to see/stop this from happening.. This is natural human nature, we all want to be the most important thing in our girls life.. But you need to realise that although the attraction is initially based on your efforts at this point in the game the relationship is very much now how well your personalities mesh. If she plays up, she does you a favour. You were never going to work out long term. If she cant wait 1.5 months you guys got a real problem.

If being taken for a "ride" i.e being cheated on and not finding out?.. well thats a reality, it's possible but you'd hope that you would be able to better judge her character before committing to her.. if you failed at this.. Justify it out by telling yourself she was the best at lying!. - silver lining right there.. People will have your back son.

It is what it is... at the end of the day it's her choice.. no point worrying about it.

Hey man,

I am in almost the exact same boat as you are. I met a girl at the start of summer out at this summer camp. We hit it off and got real close and by the end, we decided we wanted to stay committed to each other. When we both moved back home it became really tough. She lives 2.5 hours away, and neither of us have a car so visiting is difficult. She is also bad at texting/calling, but its only 2 months before we are back at school together. Another thing about her is she has never had a bf before me, so she is used to going out with friends, getting drunk and having guys hit on her and not having to hold herself back. But you and I both have no reason not to trust our gfs. This is a positive thing and we should respect their privacy or time apart just as they respect ours.

I always seem to formulate these crazy scenarios in my mind, where she is wasted at a party and some guy will come up and take advantage of her or she'll just say fuck it and go home with some guy. It is really tough man, and I feel your pain. One thing that helps is I am using this as a way to build trust with her and make the relationship stronger for when we are back together. It is tough for both of us, but if I know (or assume that I know) that she was faithful while we were apart, I feel as though there won't be any anxieties or worries once school starts. I am also proving to myself that I can hold my own values and not cheat or betray her while we are apart. So not only am I using this as a way to trust her, I am using it as a way to build trust in myself, which is always a positive thing. You have to realize that she is probably having some of the same worries you are when you go out with friends.

It also helps to keep myself busy. When I am busy thinking about something else, whether its partying with my friends, working out or reading a book, I find that it is easier to keep my mind positive about our relationship. And one more thing, do you smoke weed? I have nothing against smoking it, but I find whenever I do, I tend to get paranoid about a lot of things, including what my gf is up to. So I recommend going easy on the bong