This is a little complicated, but I will try to keep it brief.

I've been on 4 dates with a very challenging target. She's clearly in to me and we had a WONDERFUL Monday night, but we're not exclusive.

I had made plans for a KILLER day trip this weekend and was going to make it something of a surprise. I run this by her on Wednesday and she has plans on Saturday night. She says she's going to see a local band with a "friend" and doesn't even know what band she's going to see.

Fair enough.

She offers up Friday night, but I was a little PO'd that my Saturday plans were shot down. Some people say that she could have changed her plans if she was in to me so I NEG'd her and gave her some grief about "missing out" on a great Saturday and played indifferent to going out Friday night.

Well, the neg TOTALLY backfired and she got pissed for my suggesting that she change HER Saturday plans. SHIT.

What's worse, she says "you don't seem all that interested in going out on Friday." I tried to clean up my mess, but she didn't seem to be buying it.

While we're on the phone I get an important call that I figured would only last a minute or so and asked her to hold on. The call lasted 3.5 minutes and she hung up. I waited a few minutes and she doesn't call me back, so I call and apologize.

She's super-fucking-pissed. SHIT SHIT. DOUBLE SHIT.

So, I tried to salvage our Friday plans. After agreeing to a restaurant she *DID* make the reservations online while we're on the phone, so not all hope is lost.

However, we couldn't agree on what to do afterwards. She wanted to go to a concert but we wouldn't make it in time and i'm not into the band at all. I suggested improv comedy and she wasn't into the idea. Then she lays THIS ONE on me: "Let's play it by ear. I wouldn't want you to get tickets for something and find out we're too tired to go."

TRIPLE SHIT.

So the question: How on earth can I salvage this and demonstrate higher value?

I really like this girl and would hate to screw it up.

Okay, I just posted this on the following thread:
negs-insults-vt7685.html

In hindsight, I realize that I screwed up.

The question is: How do I fix this?

You're getting very anal about the activities you do with her. It seems like you even got emotionally upset over a change in your plans. This is clearly demonstrating DLV, because you're showing that you're placing a great deal of emphasis on your time with her. It also shows that you aren't spontaneous and can't adapt to change = low survival value. Like she said "play it by ear", relax (!) and try to enjoy yourself. Throw out all the information you have about negs, DHV, yadda yadda. Try to be a normal guy having a good time with a normal girl.

man dont neg a girl for the sake of neggin her, once you establish rapport you can still tease her but in your situation you should have used the push pull (cat string theory whatever). Go out to dinner, think of something fun that YOU want to do, if shes not up for it, than tell er well why dont you go see ur bad and ill do what i wanna do and well both be happy...

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a good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow

I hear ya. It's just shitty because I KNOW she was/is in to me. I can tell.

I'm deciding whether I should apologize for the horrible conversation last night and if so, how far to take it. I don't want to come off as the nice guy kissing her ass. In other words, turn this negative into a positive and demonstrate higher value.

You are sounding total AFC dude. First off, if she had plans, then she has plans. In fact, I wouldn't make plans with a target for Friday or Saturday night. As a person with high value, you have other activities going on during those days.

Secondly, you don't "agree" on what to do on the date. YOU FUCKING DECIDE WHAT YOU TWO ARE GOING TO DO. I can't stress that enough. Don't do "dinner" either. It's too cliche and boring. She wants somebody who isn't going to fucking bore her to death.

Thirdly, you seem too needy over this date as you keep grasping at straws for this to happen. Notice how she kept throwing up the hoops and you kept jumping through them like you were some poodle at the Westminster Dog show.

Fourthly, how do you fix this? You fix it by going out and meeting other women and replacing her ass. That's how. Don't apologize for shit unless you are just being a total asshole and insult her.

The irony in all of this is that I decided what we were doing Saturday.

The whole point here is that I'm trying to avoid the hoops and AFC shit, but I'm a recovering AFC in the midst of a realpse.

Keep this in mind. She's in her 30's and not into the club scene. In fact, she digs dinner dates and more relaxed/romantic activities afterwards.

Fact of the matter is that what I did and said wasn't meant to insult or offend but that's how she took it... so I'm assuming a little apology is in order. IMHO, I may have fucked this up so badly that my actions tonight may not make a difference.

Who said you had to take her to a club? Try bowling, video games, or anything else you can have fun. Be creative.

I wouldn't apologize but that's just me. If you don't think you did anything wrong, then don't sweat it. Otherwise, you are playing into her trap. Next thing you know, you'll be apologizing for her shit.