Part of me is saying I shouldn't bother explaining any of this because you guys are too young for it to matter. Clearly neither of you are ready for a long term relationship (with each other) and you are better off exploring the field and learning more about yourself and other girls before you try to settle on "the one".
That being said, I think there is some good input that can be shared for the sake of all who my be in similiar situations.
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Me and my girl have been together for 5 months almost, had a few ups and downs!
Right here is where to begin. If within the first few months you are already having problems, the wheels are going to fall off eventually. View it as a sign that it's not going to work long term, and just learn what you can, then move on as soon as you realize this.
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2 months into our relationship, I had a bad gut feeling about her cheating and her phone was on my bed...went through a couple of text messages (me being insecure) ...one stood out, ...I found out, she was planning on sneaking out to see this guy, she spent all night with him...she wanted to go a little further.
First of all, if you have a gut feeling something is off - it is. If you have a gut feeling she is talking to another guy - she is. If you have a gut feeling that you are being betrayed - it's too late. By the time you feel like you have to snoop through her stuff to validate what you are already feeling... it's over.
And let me be clear about this to anyone in this situation. When you go snooping around for things you don't want to see (with ANYONE) you will find them. ALWAYS. so just don't bother. If the idea of it is enough to make you want to walk away, just walk away. Finding proof just makes BOTH of you assholes. Her for dong it, and you for being a snoop.
You are much better off just saying to her flat out "You are acting strange. Is there something you want to tell me?" If there IS something anyone would get very defensive and act quite upset. Most of the time they get pissy and throw it back at you for being psycho or crazy. That is your proof - walk away and don't look back.
If the response is calm or only mildly defensive, let them talk, don't justify it and listen, you will get valuable feed back. things like "I just haven't been feeling good" or "I'm not sure, something IS bothering me but I don't know what". These are relationship codes for "something is lacking between us". Figure it out and fix it. If you have no idea what it is, just trust your instinct and don't waste breath asking if you are right. and no matter what is said or what is hinted at, always assume the keystone of the issue is that she doesn't feel appreciated. Even when a girl says that she is happy, she is never feeling appreciated ENOUGH.
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I had taken a photo of the texts on my phone and sent it to her, then she confessed, after hours of talking about why, how she feels, how i feel, about us, I decided to just try and forget it and move on, should I have let it go so easily?
This was kind of a bad move. To rephrase this in girl brain, she broke down and confessed, but now she will always be thinking “oh shit, he’s spying on me”, “oh shit, he doesn’t trust me”, and “oh shit now I have to cover my ass on everything”.
These are three BAD things for a girl in a relationship to be thinking. At the root of female psychology is what I call the “pot of gold”. Think of it in terms of self worth and value. A full pot means a happy, horny, and giving girl. An empty pot means an unhappy, unhorny (for you) and worthless feeling girl. So first, only and always response is to find something to fill her pot (both metaphorically and physically – ie. Someone elses dick which always seems to make it FEEL full, even when it’s not.)
Can you recover? It’s possible, but extremely difficult and frankly not worth the effort. Again why I feel you should just walk away now. The only way to fill her pot back up once you “robbed” her gold (which is how she and every girl will view anyone who makes it feel empty) is to one token at a time fill it back up over a very long period of time. Meanwhile she will go and get it filled by anyone and anything than can fill it, even if it’s temporary.
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she was inboxing on facebook, I confronted her about it, and she got incredibly defensive, all i asked was who is the guy, she was telling him, if she is single she'd get with him, and shit like that, then handed him her number, I told her that, its not right, I love her and all, but id leave if I felt like she was doing wrong by me again!
These are clear acts of desperation. Setting strict boundaries on her social life, threatening her with guilt and control, and trying to intimidate her into your acceptable behavioral mold are all acts of “tyranny”. I’m not saying I don’t feel you on this one, but I’m telling you how she will perceive it. Remember, guys and girls don’t OWN each other, so the minute you start treating her like a slave, she will push back HARD. Think angry dog. You can cage it and treat it like shit, but every time you try to pet it, it will bite your ass, and the minute you give it an out, it will run away. It’s much easier to just make a dog WANT to stay because it’s basic needs are fulfilled and it feels warmly appreciated than to force it to stay.
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She wants me to stop being so jealous, and that yeah guys will flirt with her, she's a high end fashion model, going overseas ect when she turns 18 and is able to do it by herself, so guys left right and centre are hitting on her, I've let it get to me, and I'll crack the shits towards her, saying that it makes me uncomfortable, she told me that if I keep getting jealous next will come controlling her and as soon as I try and control her she's going to push me away…. she's told me she occasionally will flirt with other guys, but it's "innocent" and natural.
This is the ultimate proof of what I just explained. Here she is just plain flat out telling you that if you try to cage or control her she is going to either fight or run, just like any cornered or caged animal. The more you try to pull her back or hold her down the more she will push or run. This is basic human psychology 101.
She is also giving you another piece of information here that you probably (and like most guys) completely over looked. She is telling you that guys WILL flirt with her. She is right. But she is also saying “I WANT guys to flirt with me!” because if she was truly happy in her relationship with you, she wouldn’t want guys to bother/flirt with her and she would have instead said “I know guys flirt with me, but I don’t like it.” See the difference? One is acknowledging it, the other is defending it. Again, WALK AWAY, she is not ready to settle, and definitely not with you.
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Also it seems like I have to make all the effort, for us go hang out I have to tell/ask her to come around, and that's once-twice a week, we won't talk at all if i don't start the contact, like texting, we won't text unless i text her first, so it's like I make all the effort.
If it looks like shit, and smells like shit, why would you step in it just to be sure?? These are clear cut signs that she is playing you. Or that you are just there as a convenience or ego boost for her and she has no real respect for you. YES girls play hard to get, and YES they make you work for it (no relationship is without work or tests) BUT if you were high value in her mind it would be fairly equal. If you are the only one working for it, YOU are her backup, YOU are her second choice and YOU are the back burner. WALK AWAY.
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I really want to get completely serious with this girl, definatly got the ol oneitis ! I've dated and slept with a good amount of women, but none have made me feel the way she does!
Congratulations, you just stated your own problem to yourself. You are in denial, and by the way, SHE is GAMING YOU. That’s right, she is doing exactly the same shit you are on this forum asking us how to do, TO YOU, and it’s working perfectly.
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One last question, before me she had only had one orgasm during sex, and she was drunk, that's what she told me, recently she googled orgasm, no idea why… until she googled it, since then we've had sex and she wasn’t able to orgasm for ages… but now it's taking a lot longer, and we don’t have the most time on our hands!
First off, I’m 99.99% positive she lied about having an orgasm while drunk. She probably came close and just lied so she didn’t feel left out or clueless. Girls do that about everything so it’s not really surprising. Second, if she’s googling it, it’s because she isn’t sure that she’s ever had one and wants to find out, OR she is trying to find out how to have them better, more, or whatever with SOMEONE ELSE. If she wanted more with you, she would just TELL you what she wanted, since you are there giving it to her at her beckoning call. The fact that she can’t orgasm any more is because she is picturing SOMEONE ELSE, and feeling just guilty enough about it to not let herself go and enjoy it. If you think a woman isn’t capable of this… think again. EVERY girl is capable of that, and WAY more than anyone cares to admit did it to you and every other guy a million times. Welcome to girl brain. They fantasize and they get emotional about it. Was it the guy she was texting? Was it the guy she flirts with when your not around? Was it some hunk on day time soap operas?
WHO CARES, the point is, it’s not you and she feels guilty about it. Most likely because you threatened her and she no longer feels completely safe/comfortable around you. She is no longer having sex for her, she is having sex for you. Which again, one more time, means WALK AWAY.
Sorry to be so harsh about it, but sometimes guys just need to be hit over the head with the facts. I’ve seen too many friends run full speed toward the edge of a cliff ignoring all the neon signs along the way that say “STOP, CLIFF AHEAD!!!!”
There are thousands of equally hot, equally good in bed, equally challenging girls out there who WANT to be with you. Stop roaching all over this one who clearly DOESN’T want you.
CHAT
