So im dating this girl, and everything is going pretty will. I can tell that she has a crush on me and she kinda lets me know it in indirect ways.
The problem is that she has an ex boyfriend whos a real badboy who keeps calling her when hes drunk or feeling lonley to have sex with her.
She get really upset when this happens but i KNOW that shes still attracted to him. What she said was basically that "When im not with him i dont miss him, but when i see him i get that weird feeling again". She constantly tells him to back off and leave her alone but this guy doesnt give up and keep saying stuff like "i know this will end the way i want it to". Hes beeing really direct and i understand why shes attracted to her. now i dont know if i can use a regular boyfriend destroyer on him. Maybe i can say some stuff indirectly to turn all his behaviours into needy afc stuff but i cant see how i can tell her that "this is a good guy, hes just scared of loosing you and thats why hes doing XYZ" when he is treating her like shit. Iv also had sex with this girl but we are not "together" so anything i say CAN be seen as me trying to make her change her mind and than i will appear needy. up untill now i have kinda ignored it and told her that i dont care about that guy.
She also tells me that this guy is insecure, and that he only calls her when he feels lonley so she kinda gets that this guy is AFC, but they had a LTR for about a year and i guess shes still attracted to him since he is a criminal badboy.

She has also sent me strong signs that she has/is fallen/falling for me. Should i maybe push a relationship, because i would like to have one with her.

And if i do, what is a good way to start the relationship talk.

Since she has been telling me that she really likes me and kinda would like a relationship with me but she is insecure about how i feel for her, but in a very indirect way. i was thinking of saying somthing like "iv been getting the feelin that you would like to be in a relationship with me?" she answears with somthing like "why is that and etc etc" I push for an answear. And finally tell her "okay, yeah lets try that"

BTW getting into relationships and managing them are NOT my thing so help here would also be appreaciated.

im not a newbie in pickup and my game has kinda developed into a natural / RSD / David deangelo kinda thing but this time i feel a routine might be needed.

Should i stop beeing my cocky self and provide her with what HE doesnt, security, love etc? Or should i act like i dont care and that im totally ignoring the fact that he exists?
Or should i make it clear to her that all his behaviours are needy afc stuff?

some help would really be appreciated, thanks!

Tricky. If you suddenly stop being cocky funny and start being more loving and showing her you can provide security, love, safety, etc.. then shes going to get bored. If her ex boyfriend is a "bad guy" then she's obviously attracted to that type.

I'd continue with the cocky funny stuff, but have "intimate" moments. After you've fucked, tell her shes beautiful, tell her how you feel about her, but once that moment is over, be cocky funny again.

That's how I got my ex into a relationship, anyway.

Hmm that is exactly what i was naturally doing untill now. But i dont know what i should do about this Ex bussiness or if i should do anything at all? Becaus she went to se him about a month ago and they had sex then but i didnt know her then. I met her just recently after that.

BTW you think i should tell her that i really like her?

becaus shes been saying stuff like "i dont think your that type of guy who could really like me" and really tried to push me to answear it because i just said "huh, is that right?" like she just told me somthing interesting but didnt provide her with an answear. You think its okay to show her my cards now? And she also said that shes the type of girl who says the exact opposite of what shes thinking just to see if the guy opposes it. I mean shes basically telling me shes gaming "indirect" haha I guess its becaus shes been throwing out clues and i havent capitalised on them but im afraid that shel be scared if i get too close to quickly. 3-4 weeks isnt much for wanting a relationship? or is it? She also told me shes scared of me and that i should know what she ment by that and what she ment was that she was scared i would hurt her feelings because i told her i knew she felt that way before. Am i beeing to much of a PUA but also getting affected by my feelings for her to see that she wants a relationship and have the balls to show my feelings to her. BTW i care about her alot and you know that your game kinda gets affected when that happens.

Are you sure you want a relationship? This sounds like a great set-up for a low maintenance fling. Answer that first, and if you still want a legitimate relationship, you should know that one of the hardest things to do is maintain a successful, healthy relationship with a person who is still rebounding.

But... If you must proceed, tell her the truth. "I like you, and I want to get more serious with you, but not while this other guy and you still have a thing. As long as that is going on, we can't be any more than what we are right now." The become scarce for a bit and see if she responds. If not, game other women.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

Yes i am sure. Iv been gaming alot of women for a while now and i was actually kinda getting bored with alot of the women untill i found this one. A low maintenance fling? I suppose you mean me. well it IS officially over between them and it has been for a while but shes still kinda attracted to him. If i forbid her to see him, then she will want to do it more. you know how women works. The only thing thats in my mind is if i should push a relationship now or wait a little more. the only problem is that im traveling in a few days and il be gone for 3 weeks so im thinking that maybe il push it before i leave as a kind of security that she wont see others which i dont think she is but also to make her wait for me even more. there is a diffrence in waiting for a guy your falling for and a guy that has recently become your boyfriend. tough i dont know if itl work. Maybe if i push it too soon itl be over because i became to clingy to fast but if i wait, it might go better but then i risk more. Damn... dont know if this can be called a oneitis because she likes me back alot but the feelings of a oneitis are definatly the same.

If this is true, it isn't really over, especially since he clearly wants her back in his bed. He may or may not ever be successful, but it is a possibility you have to face. Given all that, I stand by my original advice, since you don't want this to be a casual fling.

You can't have it both ways. It either has to be casual, or she has to commit to you.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

I am really gratefull for your responses.

Tough i dont know if he wants her back like that. He seems to just use her when he feels lonley or wants to fuck but she doesnt go to him. He lives in another town.