Quick Update.

Here's a quick update about Brazilian Brunette. It's only a quick update because unfortunately, I don't have a lot of time currently.

I'm now seeing her regularly. I like spending time with her. We usually go at the cinema or in some bars to take a drinks and eventually spend the night together.

At my place.
Since my landlord was traveling for a few days, I got her to come to my place and spend the night with me. We watched a movie and got laid three times, she really enjoyed it. My performance was good. She brought a chocolate cream to play with.

The list.
Since I'm leaving in 2 weeks, I got her to do a list of "sexy" things to do before I leave. The idea was to have fun and try new things. She was a bit shy at the beginning but I reassured her: it doesn't have to be creative but just be something we really want. I started the list with one item... she gave the second one, I gave the third one...

At the motel.
We started the list two days before... She basically gave me a nice blow job in the car... We went then to an nice bar where a guitarist was singing some songs from Chico Buarque. We loved it.

We went to the cinema yesterday night. We watched a movie and went to the usual motel to have some fun. I went down on her and gave her an orgasm. We got laid three times again, doing several position we came up with for the list. The day after she texted me a "thank you for the amazing night". I'm really happy about my performance again.

Some elements.
- While at my place, she hit her head in the wall while I was doing her doggy style... I did not hurt her though.
- I told her that I would love to stay in São Paulo since I love the city. She told me later that she would get me a job here. I think she would like me to stay with her.
- After giving me a blow job, she told me that "it means something"... I asked her what... "that I like you and we should keep doing". Don't know what she meant.
- Her birthday is coming: 5th of July.

What I've learned.
- I should be even more careful when it comes to manage expectation.
- The "list" is a good "game" to quickly escalate sexually.
- I think I'm getting over the whole one-itis thing.

Coming next.
Planning and scheduling each actions.


I'm getting laid like a boss...

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Dont make the mistake of stopping sarging, now that youre getting laid. Your neediness should disapear.
Remember that ultimately, you still need to improve your game and that you're not looking for a girlfriend.

daniel, the things I am going to say doesn't have value but although your progression is slow you are doing great job man! You have always a mindset of willingness to sarge and progress.

I like your journal. You are my idol in short term because of your willingness to sarge. I am too much lazy and lack to discipline. My goals are same as yours and I want them as hell. I had incredible social phobia at my whole life. At street, school home.. everywhere and everytime!

My friend and I had gone to beach 2 year ago. And a girl had came and asked for my number and had told her friends like me. This is first time asked for my number. And what I did? I was speechless and I couldn't say no, just swinged my head like saying no.(because she was UG) I cound't speak can you believe?

Hey Daniel,

You're aiming for "accurate" dreams and yet you've typed up things that are incredibly ambiguous. Try to think of executives of a company on a one week planning retreat at an exclusive resort. What will they first blurt out to each other when they think tank "goals for the upcoming year"? It's obvious right? "Success, Profits, Happy Employees, growth, etc . . . You're still stuck on first day of think tank.

The next thing to do is to figure out what "success" means to you. In your last post you typed, "achieving my personal and professional goals/dreams." What the heck does that mean? What does "taking responsibility, not afraid, dominant" mean? So, when you order ice cream, you will not be afraid to order vanilla and dominate the scooper? You will take responsibility and pay for your ice cream?

It will help a big deal to make your dreams as TANGIBLE as possible. I have an idea of what you mean by all your dreams but I could be completely wrong. (You could be completely wrong as well) So make your dreams as tangible as possible. "Confident" could mean, "Be able to walk up to any girl of my choice and give her my A+ game at any time of the day, week, or month." You'd probably also add a few things. This is a better way to kick off a strategic plan because you'll know EXACTLY what you're after.

If you stick with ambiguous dreams, you'll get ambiguous goals which lead to ambiguous tasks which will lead ambiguous actions which will lead to confusion and boredom. What you have is a good start. Before rushing off to your calendar, consider revising and revising your dreams.

Quick Update.

I've been really busy this last week since I have my thesis to work on. I'm leaving Brazil tonight. I'll be back in Paris tomorrow and get back on my journey. I'll open a new chapter.

I'll also answer your posts as soon as I have time to do so.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

I think what you are missing is a lack of motivation. Once you get that initial success, the motivation of "i need to get girls, because I didnt in the past" is gone, because u just got the girl. But here's what I'm trying and its worked thus far.

When you see a girl you might want to approach don't just say, " Oh I could approach her really easily" and not approach. Think this. Think that "I want to find out about this girl" or "I want to find out the truth." It seems a little abstract, but if you are focusing on simply finding out about who those people are, AA and other nervousness will be less prevalent in your mind. If you keep that mindset, then "finding the truth" will motivate you, not the validation of getting women... though thats always nice .
(btw, this idea is not mine, I got it from Rob Judge at his 21 convention speech, if you want to see the whole thing its on youtube).

disclaimer: this may or may not be what you need, but it works for me, and I hope it will work for you.

_________________
Sttartter

@Frixion.
Indeed Frixion, now that I'm back in France, I have to go sarge again! But truth is, it was hard for me to be with Brazilian Brunette and sarge, kiss somebody else... Guess I thought that would hurt her (which is true) and I did not want to de that. I wonder if this is AFC...

@Maktap. Thanks buddy. It's always good to have this kind of message. The lazyness and lack of discipline is one of the major issues indeed. I confess I even fall for these lately but I'm now in a better road and I've the ambition of "getting" a life that suits me. Tackling lack of discipline is all about setting goals and plans.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

@kasabi.

Hi Kasabi,

I guess you're right, the goals I came up with are too general and ambiguous. I should probably see this post as a main road map and focus on finding tangible goals and plans that will make me become what I've described: a confident, self assured, successful, attractive, social and consistent man.
The thing is, I need to define what I really want. This task is not easy. That's probably why I've written goals that are so general. Being the man I described is the only thing I'm sure I really want. I'm in a point in my life where I need to take decisions: what do I wanna do for living? Where do I wanna live? ... Yet, since I'm back in Paris, I have lot of new challenges to face... and as many plans to think of. I hope it will help me to find my way.

Anyway, I'm back in journaling.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 68: leaving Brazil and seeing my ex.
"I don't want you to go."

It's been a while since I wrote a report in this journal. I'm now back in my hometown, in France and I felt the need to write about these last weeks.

Receiving a good bye letter from Brazilian Brunette.
We've seen each other a lot during my two last weeks in São Paulo. We went to restaurants, bars, parks and motels. I enjoyed every moment with her. She was adorable, funny and caring. Sex was also amazingly awesome. Since she showed me some interest for learning French, I bought her The Little Prince for her birthday. I bought her French and Portuguese versions. She liked the gift. Some days later, for my last night in São Paulo, we went to the usual motel and took a room with a Jacuzzi. She actually even did not go to work the day after so we could sleep more in the morning. At some point, out of the blue, she told me: "I don't want you to go". I sat on the bed next to her in silence and took her in my arms. I knew leaving Brazil would not be easy. That was a first taste of how hard it will be.

We left the motel. She drove me back to my place so I could finish to pack my stuff. The plane was at night. Since I managed to pack everything quickly, I went to the mall next to my house for the last time. It was a wonderful day... It's amazing how knowing that it's probably you last time in a place makes you feel and see things differently. I was already missing seeing those amazing skyscrapers. São Paulo is a such inspiring place for me.

Brazilian Brunette picked me up. I loaded my luggage in the trunk and we left for a mall so we could quickly eat a last time together. Then she drove me to the airport. We were a little early so we stayed for a moment in the car together. She had a gift for me: a mug with the inscription "I love SP" (I was looking for that). In the bag she handed me, there was also a small red envelope that I could only open when I was gone. I was really moved but I managed to hide it. She came with me at the check-in and had a walk, hand in hand, in the airport. It was now time for me to leave.

We kissed. She wished me a good flight. I thanked her for everything she's done for me and hugged her. She started to cry. I hugged her even more. I left her... and as a PUA, I did not turn my back as I was walking away from her. That was stupid... I thought.

I spent some time in the duty free and went to wait at gate 11. It was my last moments in Brazil. I was a bit sad, obviously, but really proud of having met so many amazing people. Sat in front of me, a man was crying. That reminded me the letter Brazilian Brunette gave me. I took it out of my bag and opened the red envelope that was hiding a small red card. It was written in Portuguese. It was the nicest thing a girl has ever written to me. It really moved me and I still don't know how I managed to hide the pain it was to leave a girl like that behind.

I got into the plane. Ten hours later, I arrived in Europe.

Last exam: seeing my ex.
I did not stay long in Paris. I had to go back to my school to take the last exams. All the promotion was heading there, so was my ex. The last time I saw her was in July 2010. One year ago. She left for the US. I spent the first semester in France, I went to São Paulo after. In one year, I had no news from her (except the one I got from writing her an email in early July).

It was Wednesday morning. As I was going to the school, I saw her arriving with a friend of us. She saw me. I smiled. I was actually happy to see her. I stopped to say hello to some friends, but she did not wait, she walked even faster. It was now too late to say hello to her. Was she avoiding me? LOL. I went upstairs, where all the promotion was waiting to get in classroom to do an English exam. She was not here.

I did my exam and got out. As I was speaking to some friends, I realized she was coming. Don't ask me why, she "pretended" to hide behind a pillar (at least that's what I understood). Guess she tried to be funny. She came to us, I kissed her hello (French way, not Brazilian). I was smiling and dominant. I was glad. I could not care less about seeing her. I mean, it was not the big embarrassing moment we could have expected. Truth is, I was not attracted to her at all. She lost some weight in the US, I never saw her as skinny. It was actually creepy to me. I asked her how she was and how her exams went. I was maintaining eye contact as I was speaking to her. She seemed to be smiling at the situation, which was also what I was doing. At some point, we ended up speaking about a friend of us who got a tattoo in São Paulo. She asked me if I got a tattoo or a piercing. Told her no.

I was quite happy since it went well. We walked out of the school. I thought I should try to organize something with everybody before leaving, but I could not tell them anything since as we were all walking, I stayed behind to speak about photography. I was not going in the same direction, the girls were already gone: not even said goodbye to me. That's when I started to realize she was not even a friend anymore. I wanted to show that everything was okay, I wanted to have some news, I wanted to laugh with her again... I wanted things to be normal... and there were normal to me.

The very next day, one of my best friends invited me to have dinner at their place. I knew my ex was staying there. I could finally have some news about her and finally congratulate her for her engagement. That's what I thought. I quickly realized it was not possible. She was closed and did not really look interested in having some news from me. She was a stranger to me. She was politely answering to some questions, that's all. I noticed the ring. I remembered picturing that moment with a lot of drama... Whatever, it was just a ring. Truth is, I was also getting bored. In my head, it was all about Brazil, Brazilian Brunette and the FUN I had there. We moved to a party after. I was a bit more entertained but again, I was thinking about my real friends from Brazil. I was a bit lost there. It was not my "home". At some point, I called her so we could speak a little. She shit tested me a little: "if you went that much at Burger King, how come you're not fatter?"... I should have ignored that. I did not. But it was not even important to me... She was a stranger to me and probably did not give a damn about having news from me.

We then left this party to go to a club. In our way, the group split for some reason. She stayed with the others. She did not even told me good bye, even though it was probably the last time I saw her in my life... I was expecting some awkward moments, but not that indifference. I'm a bit disappointed but well... I want to move forward. I realized all the one-itis thing was ridiculous. I remembered how I was not attracted to her at the beginning of our relation. How I was sad after learning she was with someone else, how I was hit by the fact that she was getting married.

What I've learned.
- Being an ex sometimes means being less than a friend.
- I can see one of my exes and manage it like a boss.
- I need to practice more in social situations in France.
- All the one-itis thing was clearly about myself.

Coming next.
- Getting a life/job.
- Socializing in Paris (I'm feeling pretty lonely here)
- Dating girls?


A wind of indifference was blowing but it was okay, I was free.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

As you noticed before I left for São Paulo, I don't have a lot of friends in Paris. Feeling lonely is a major concern here. Yet, I'm not the same since I got back from Brazil.

A new person.
I'm surprisingly confident and calm since a few weeks. Quitting masturbation has definitely played a major role here, as having a girlfriend. I'm smiling, way more positive and social. I like my new self and want to keep on being like that. Yet, I need to be careful. Since I don't have school anymore, I might get lazy and spend my days home. I need to avoid that.

Going to a club.
When I think about it, I've almost never been to a club in Paris. This is now fixed. A friend who was in Brazil with me invited me to a club which was playing Brazilian music. We were supposed to eat together but he finally could not make it. I've waited him for 3 hours but I was okay, enjoying Paris by night. I'm also more patient since I'm back from Brazil. We went to the club and had fun. I did not open anybody, this is still hard for me. I'm not used to this kind of environment. Yet, I was positive and thinking about the experience I was getting. I usually go back home before 1am so I can get the metro. Not this night, I was not worried. I took the bus home.

What I've learned.
- Going out is really enjoyable!
- Being persistent is important.
- I'm getting experience in every situation.
- I need to be more comfortable in a club environment.
- I should be funnier.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

AFC Daniel,

I'd just like to say how amazing and inspirational your whole story has been - I am not really in a similar position to you (apart from perhaps where we started in terms of game) however I was compelled to read through the whole thread over the course of a week or so, and it was one of the things which inspired me into trying to improve myself too!

It's amazing to see your journey on a personal and emotional level and hopefully you can look back now - even with your story still unfolding - with immense pride.

Great stuff man and good luck with everything, you deserve it!

Remedi

@Remedi.

Thank you for the message Remedi.

I am very proud indeed. I've made huge progress and I can now say that I have a more positive outlook on life in general. I will soon face new challenges (finding a job, ...) so I'm glad to have this journal. It allows me to see things more clearly.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

As I've written in my previous post, being lonely is something that I fear here in Paris. Not because I'm afraid of my neediness, but because I know there is motivation or confidence when you spend too much time lazy and by yourself at home.

Seeing my high school crush.
For those who have not been following me from the beginning, I felt in love with one of my friend when I was 16. Of course, she rejected me at the time. Yet, things have change. I gamed her before going to Brazil and I confess I was surprised how responsive she was next-vt81510.html?postdays=0&postorder=asc&start=69 . So I decided to see her today. It was a good opportunity to go out.

We had a drink together but nothing went as expected. She was depressing. She has been looking for a job without success. We've also spent some time talking about her recent break-up. I could not reframe the conversation. On another not, I realized that I can't handle shit test properly, and that's a huge problem in France: girls shit test like hell.

She depressed me a little, she made me doubt. She made me doubt about my capacity to find a good job, she made me doubt about my dreams, she even was creepy about her break-up stories... She started to speak badly about her ex-boyfriend. That made me think about my own ex... Was she speaking about me like that? I've never talked trash about her... WTF Daniel?! Keep calm. I was a bit surprised by this thought but I handled the situation quickly and was actually quite positive in my way to the mall (I went there alone). Yet, I wish I could reframe the all interaction: it was not good.

My ego protecting me.
This is something I had already realized several time. Every time I'm facing doubt, a mental masturbation occurs. My ego reassures me by making up stories where I'm the successful protagonist who was right all along. That's funny to notice. It gives me the usual insane motivation. This time, the challenge was to find a job and prove everyone that I'm not a loser.

At the mall.
My main goal is to be social, speak with people, and even gaming when I feel like gaming. I had nice interaction at a Hilfiger store with a blue-eyed employee... I was dominant, maintaining eye contact and even joking around. Again I was surprised how much she was willing to help me. There were some young (too young) cute Brazilians in the store (YEAH!). I noticed they were checking me. I was glad. I wanted to open them and tell them about my exchange in São Paulo but I did not. I'm regretting it but it's okay. In my way out of the mall, a girl approached me again (she already approached me when I was entering the mall). We joked and had some small talk. She wanted some money for some charities. We spoke during 5 to 10 minutes about ourselves (and not even the charity). I told her about Brazil, she told me about her projects... I kissed her goodbye like she was a friend.

What I've learned.
- Being able to reframe negative/boring interactions could be really helpful.
- French girls' specialties are shit tests.
- Every day is an opportunity to get experience.


I need to carry on. I feel like I can handle everything.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Daniel, this thread inspired me to join the forum. I just couldn't stop reading about your journey and finished all 46 pages in just a few days. You're a fantastic writer, completely honest and sincere and you've obviously made great progress. I'm really looking forward to reading about your experiences in France. Take care.

@AFC Tom.

Thanks man. Really appreciated. Honesty is a huge part of such a journey. If we keep on lying to ourselves, we go nowhere. I've been slowing down a little on journaling since I needed some time to get organized. I understood how important it was to have clear everyday goals. A post is coming about that.

On another note, I don't think I'm such a good writer! My English is not that good when it comes to describe complicated situation. I'd like to work on that.

Anyways, I'm glad you join the community.

Daniel..

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)