| Hello everybody,
First of all I want to tell you guys about myself and where I am coming from.
For you, I am Black Jack. I am 20 years old and currently finishing my second year as a student of Psychology and Sociology. My childhood was okay in general, but after emigrating to another country when I was 9, my social life took a few steps backwards. From a popular kid back home, I pretty much became an introverted person. I became a gamer and read a lot of books – it took time to master the language and I had different mannerisms. So as a child I didn't react too well to the new situation. I made friends, sure, and I was happy, but I didn't get that crucial social education. This of course came back to bite me in the ass later in life – I am not a "natural". But now I know these things and can deal with them.
I first encountered the community, not trough any book or known "guru", but through an online ad for a local firm, teaching seduction. This was back in 2007 when I went through a really bad case of unrequited love, which caused me to lose a lot of my confidence. As the average frustrated chump that I was, I read a bit and signed up for the newsletter. And let me tell you, reading that shit was amazing – but I didn't do anything with it. It wasn't until I began my university studies that I understood things had to change. A friend of mine which has good game, tried to help me, but got extremely mad at me and my sexual frustration at the time, and we had a falling out (I dealt with that pretty well). Luckily, around the same time I had been given a recommendation to read The Game (or as I like to call it "The Book that Opened a Door for Many"). And I read it and was amazed, it pushed me to get a shit ton of material from other writers and "experts" – but I didn't do anything with it (a recurring theme eh?).
How can this be, you might ask. How is it that someone who is so frustrated and lives in a university environment, doesn't do something, especially after finding out all the tools? I don't really know. I think it has to do with my own fears and lack of true motivation – that drive within. You see, during my teenage life I had my PC games to occupy me, and if I felt bad, I could always turn that stuff on and loose myself for hours. I liked staying in my comfort zones and thus never turned on that inner flame I can see nowadays.
So what's changed? Well I had an amazing experience before starting my second year: I made a ton of friends on the first day – no AA no nothing. That made me realize the potential I had in me. When I came back to my studies, I started meeting some new people, made a new beautiful lady friend and took a more active approach in general . My confidence soared: I changed a lot, played less games and went to the gym – but still I didn't do anything. I realized just lately that I had no goals and no true passion…
Sure, when I was 18 I was obsessed with getting laid, and since I am still a virgin (how old must that story be getting nowadays) I am still bothered by the issue. But as I read more of the PUA/VA/whatever floats your boat/ I realized that I wanted something else. I wanted to become a master over myself. Ever since I was little everybody told me I had great potential yet never did anything with it (I bet a lot of you got that too). And in retrospect it's easy for me to say they were right – I always did the bare minimum. Even in my hobbies which give me pleasure (photography, painting, music, languages and reading). Somehow I've been stuck in a place of mediocrity, in every sense of the word, and felt shit for it. Not because others were disappointed in me, but because I was disappointed in myself.
This is why. This is why I am now working on becoming my best and discovering my limits. I understand now that I have to test and push myself above and beyond what I've been used to. Psychology, my chosen field, and all of the material the PUA/VA community has created, has shown me that there is hope. And if there's anything I know now, with absolute certitude, it's that there is no fucking way I am going back to my old life.
My problems are pretty much the same as most AFC's, thus I recognize the need to go through all of the basic steps. But instead of going along one path, I am planning on approaching this a bit differently than most. Games, funnily enough, taught me one thing: that you can never hope to copy someone else's strategy and always win, or at least I can't. Things have to be natural to me, and even though at first I will use crutches, I will add and discard what fits me. Life for me has to include everything – there has to be a balance – so I won't work only on getting women, but instead I will work on improving myself (inner game as I understand it). And since this is an art, I, like the artist, plan on learning, internalizing and mastering all the different techniques until they become part of me. And then my vision and goals will become reality.
I will write more on this forum (and others), I will read a whole lot, and in time provide some of my own insights to the benefit of all. I'll also look for feedback and criticism – the harsher it is, the better, because only by seeing myself in the mirror others put in front of me, I can work on the hidden flaws.
For now I wish you all good luck and thanks for reading!
Yours,
Black Jack
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CHAT