I'm a 28 year old female. I really need to learn what men think of me at first impression so that I can actually enjoy going out with my girlfriends. I believe I come across as too brash or desperate. The truth is, I'm just nervous! I don't know how to interact with men the right way. I'm attractive and I have a good head on my shoulders. This doesn't ever show because I freeze up when I'm around other people and anything that I do gather the courage to say comes out awkward and feeble. I have no confidence in public and little at home. I'm realizing more and more lately that I need to change that part of my life so that I can finally be happy and comfortable around people. I used to love socializing though I've never been good at first impressions. I've often be told by people I've befriended that it took them a while to build up the courage to talk to me because they thought I would be a stuck up bitch. Again, the truth is I'm nervous! My pulse rises, my palms get sweaty, my breathing becomes a little more shallow and I can hear my pulse rushing through my ears. Yep, it's anxiety. I truly love people and want to interact and have a good time and finally be myself in public, but I am also terrified of what is going to happen when they notice me. That would be my 'catch 22'. I understand a large part of my problem is that I dwell on past failures and I don't live in the now. I feel like I know what it is about me that makes me so unapproachable (the anxiety and fear), but I really don't understand how I will be able to overcome it. I don't know how to shove all of that down and relax. I had an encounter last night that led to me to joining this site. I want to be confident and charismatic, not shy and awkward.

yea, i can sense your anxiety just by reading your post!

i know this community is mainly on how to pick up women, but one thing that we have to gain is confidence in order to do so, so in that case, you have something in common with the community.

when it comes to social interactions, the ball is in your court.. your the "home team".. you have the advantage. interactions are designed with you inmind/ consideration.. i think once you experience how much easier it is for women than men in social interactions, you'll begin to appreciate it and embrace the social freedom that you have.

you mention first impressions. when you think of yourself as the "home team".. you'll notice that the guy's first impression is weighed-on heavier than the woman's is. So much so, that women get away with many flaws that are evident in the first interaction, but is purposely (subconsciously) ignored.


a good way to get over your anxiety is to talk about it and objectify it.. let me ask you, when you get approached by guys, whether he is trying to "game" you or not do you behave the same?

We all feel like that at some point, regardless of what gender we are.

And the game isn't easier or harder, because we have different expectations and standards to adhere to socially, but the game is different.

A little confidence in a girl makes her appear very attractive, and sometimes approachable.
However too much confidence, can actually scare away a lot of guys.
Maybe they aren't the guys you are going for anyways.
But what I'm getting to is that guys and girls game does share one common ground, that everything lies in calibration and balance.

If you want to be selective, and be able to choose who by and how you are treated, learning some of the game basics will definately help, or at least help you appreciate the courage a nice guy needs just to approach you.

Wish you all the best

A girl joining a pua site? Thats definitely interesting.

An encounter led you to joining? What encounter could that be?

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Bow chika wow wow

I agree that it is easier for women to get men than it is the other way around. For me, getting a guy in bed is pretty simple. That isn't my end game, though. It's the social interaction with the opposite sex. It's looking for a common groud and finding one that I can begin to build on. I can't just walk up to a guy in a club and start talking about how I love working on cars and I'm a huge UFC/MMA fan, which is usually my common ground. I can do that when I go to autozone or the gym, but not when I'm out on the town. I've also found that men can seem intimidated by a female that can tune their carburetor :p I don't know if they actually are, but again, it seems that way.

I do talk about my anxiety and try to better understand where it comes from. It comes from a feeling of low self worth. I know all of my flaws, like everyone else. They are a broken record in my head, which creates the anxiety. I know that logically people don't know what going on up there, but the irrational part of my brain tells me that they do simply by looking at me. I'm not open and inviting, I'm closed down. I dwell on it too much. Of course I try to be a better person every day, and I am. I know I am a good person. I go out of my way for friends and family when no one else will and I'm a great listner/objective thinker (when it comes to others, at least). I will go and do just about anything they want, whenever they want and I will do it with a smile on my face and pure optimism that it will be fun. But that doesn't stop me from dwelling on my flaws. You are your own worst critic, right? I take that job a little too seriously.

When I get approached? I don't know about that, it's been about a year! :p I'm a genuinely nice person. I won't be flat out rude unless they approach me that way. I get complimented a lot by random people, so I guess that's the closest I can get for my reaction. I smile (because it makes me feel good to be told by a complete stranger that I look beautiful! so it is always genuine) and tell them thank you so much! Sometimes I compliment them back, sometimes I just tell them that it is really nice to hear and it made my day. That is about how far it goes. I never give the cold shoulder to anyone that had the balls to say hello.

I don't think that I will ever have a problem with too much confidence Who knows? Maybe this is my hidden talent that I am about to discover... That is always good advice and most people overlook it because they are confident it won't be them. Balance is always part of my objective no matter the equation.

My encounter was at a night club, obviously. Gorgeous guy, not talking to anyone, but obviously with a group of people. I just wanted to prove to myself that I could approach him. He was in my league, which is important to me. That's probably my only really shallow characteristic. It went well, I got exactly what I wanted. A confidence boost that I gave myself for gathering the courage to say hello and a dance with a great looking man on the dance floor. Entire encounter was about 5 minutes. He asked for my number. I know I can do better, which is why I started searching the web the very next day. I am intrigued by the interactions between people and the best way to understand it is to do it, right? So, I'm trying to learn how to do it. It's also the inherent primal instinct we have to search out the opposite sex. It's fascinating to see what some people will do to get noticed. I want to know my limits, too.

Sorry, that's probably not as interesting as you hoped...

To be honest i was sorta screening if you really are a woman or a guy posing as a woman. By the length of your post, i think it is safe to say that you are a woman xD jk.

What i dont get is what you are searching for. In a deeper sense that is closer to your root desire. Are you lonely? If you are indeed good looking then you wouldnt have problems finding a guy to dwell emotionally with.

Perhaps you are perfectionist, you dont want to wait for mr. Right, you want to find him and feel complete, the guys you went out with in the past were able to give that sense of perfection.

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Bow chika wow wow

Yes, I am really a girl

End game is the social and educational aspects of flirting. I enjoy the ego boost, I'm a little vain like that. I also enjoy learning the differences in people when it comes to courting. Call it what you want, but that's what it is. You may not be looking for your 'mate', but it's still the animal part of us showing through. I've always been able to let my instincts guide me to people that were more like me until a few years ago. I'm just out of practice. I don't know how I used to do it, but this way seems much better than my way. I've lost my confidence I used to have because I am older (NOT OLD!!) and I'm out of touch with who I used to be. I don't want to go back to that, exactly, I want to do it better.

As far as finding my perfect mate, I already have. I read a post in another section that puts it perfectly, we don't believe in monogamy. :p He isn't the reason for my insecurities. Far from it, he tries to boost my ego every day. I think he misses my spunky confidence, too. For me personally, it isn't all about having sex with someone else, it's about getting the hottest guy I can find to want me. As I've said before, that doesn't mean it will lead to sex, I just enjoy attention. That right there should prove I'm not a dude :p

Before I get called a tease, I'm pretty upfront about my expectations. I would never lead a guy to believe that he is getting laid and not follow through. I have a guilty conscience and I'm a nice person. That would be mean, it doesn't suit me

(also, I thought some of you might think that I was a guy posing as a girl, so I tried to put an avatar sized picture of me on my profile, but I couldn't get it to work)

Hm. Not good with forum technology either. Definitely a girl. Just kidding!

Honestly, what I think the best thing for you to do is to just approach guys. It's something that happens rarely, and even if you aren't the most attractive person in a room, most if not all guys will respond very well to BEING approached. I would take some time and read over a few openers, then go for it. Women are inherently better than men at conversation, for the most part, so your real obstacle is just getting there and starting a conversation. In your case, you can probably even ignore worrying about his friends and such, since they'll be on their buddy's side to "get the girl", as opposed to females trying to "protect their friends".

Instead, use your own form of AMOGing to fight off any other girls going for the same guy. But I'm not sure our techniques will be as effective in your case...

Good luck! =)

As a kid you had a lot of sibllings. At some point in your childhood or adolescent age one or both your parents were either physically or emotionally distant from you. Call me a liar.

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Bow chika wow wow

well, I have one sister, she is older by 19 months, and my parents were always there with me and for me. I really don't know why that is relevant???

There is a hidden women's only section to the forum - if you would like access to it drop me or any of the other mods a PM and we will set it up for you!

Welcome to the forum - hope you enjoy it!

It was my summoning jutsu for madals. He's like lugia, a legendary pokemon; he can use hyper beam omg! aaaand

I thought your desire for male attention was spawned by the lack of parental attention growing up. It usually is due to physical absence, emotional distance, or too much children to care for. Statistically speaking adolescent females in that demographic find intimate attention from outside the home, younger adolscent males in particular. So as a result, an individual whose under developed self esteem becomes dependent on male attention moves on in life feeling incomplete without mens approval. So did you lose your virginity before 17?

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Bow chika wow wow

Hey, welcome to the forum,

I'm new here too, I hope you get a lot out of your time here