In a way, anyway.


Basic knowledge about the relationship, first:

It's completely open, that is I'm free to fuck around, she's free to fuck around.
She's completely devoted to me, and cannot even imagine herself without me in her life. (Making her leaving me a non-issue.)
We sometimes have threesomes, foursomes and moresomes; with good looking people.

Problem occurs; She's impulsive and has little desire for self-control, and I'm allowing this to shape my view of her as lower value than she clearly "is" in the eyes of everyone else (She gets plenty attention and is a highly sexual beast, which is super-attractive and which makes her the woman they all want a piece of.)

This desire of mine for higher self-control is starting to poison my view of her, and I'm half-way out the door.
(The issue affects all across the board, from how she spends money to drinking/mild drug use. Basically a far more hedonistic paradigm than the one I subscribe to.)



So, my problem is this:

Is it wrong of me to expect her to practice self-containment/control, just because that's how I work ?

Is it wrong of me to stay when the emotional desire to stay is gone, and I'm being loved more than I love in return ?


Basically; Should I leave a high-value woman because she demonstrates little self-control, considering that I have no desire to change her personality ?


OR

Should I stay in the relationship and focus more of my attention on building myself in-field, and surround myself with more quality-women ?

(Which is also an option, considering that I do care for her, and it is a great relationship sexually.)




Please share advice/opinions on the matter.

i think you are a bad influence in her life .. just think about that.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

You're a beautiful being, Lodewijkp, but I was looking for more constructive feedback, not your little mind games.



If you want to elaborate and constructively criticize my view of the world, please carry on, but the baiting thing is completely useless.


I'll just address the whole bad influence thing before you start putting flesh on a bone that isn't there; As she confesses it, I'm about the best thing in her life at this moment, and if I did not trust her on that I would be out the door in a split second without looking back.

So I have considered it, but dismissed it on the grounds of both her representation and my impression.



As a side-note; Have you turned that question on yourself ?
You may be a bad influence on this forum.
Please consider what role you're going to play in the future, and refer from trying to play the "you're just being defensive" card here.

why would i be constructive to bad habits , i rather prefer deconstructive. im not going to say your defensive.. you ascended a level by attacking me. just my opinion actually
stockholm syndrom anyone ? who says she is speaking the truth ... what is good for you and what feels good are 2 different things. you shouldn't believe her anyway , what i did want you to say was '' im the best influence in her life because i am '' and not because she said so ... sounds like approval seeking.
trusting her on that is wrong ... do you trust yourself on that ? it's easy to say if you let someone else decide if you are good to them. yes .. 7 years ago thanks for the compliment .. at least it implies im being honest.
yes what is her value to you ? is little self control value ? or is it because she looks hot and agrees to have threesomes ? example i prefer mature woman who have self control... you are saying you are using her ? how can you expect her to have more self control if you spend in the field investing in other woman ? first you say she is saying you are the best thing in her life and now you ask if it's better to invest infield in other quality woman ... sounds paradoxal ... do you love her or do you love the fact she loves you ?
well i did ... people dislike honesty it seems ...

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

I was in your situation recently, minus the 3-somes . But in my experience, there's no way around loosing attraction for her. These issues are a big turn-off, at least to me. The problem, I think, is that even though you're officially in an open relationship, you can sense that it means to her more than it means to you, so in the end end it doesn't matter you managed her expectations perfectly, you feel the pressure of her interest in you, which you can't reciprocate. You can now leave everything as it is and it will eventually fall apart because you'll completely lose interest, or you can end it.
It doesn't matter how everyone views her if she's lost value in your eyes. The fact that she's really hot and fun to have sex with may prolong the inevitable, but not for long. My girl was some sort of a celebrity and perceived as high value by everyone else, it doesn't help in the end unfortunately. So I vote for gaming higher quality women and keeping this girl as a friend if you genuinely want to keep her as a part of your life and actually care for her and if she can handle being friends.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Well... which is it?
Yes, many unhealthy relationships are excellent, sexually speaking.

Will you please elaborate on this? I don't mean to quote you out of context, but from the first two quotes up there, it sounds as though what you want and what you think you want are two different things.

_________________
- Lux et Veritas -

proof positive that (for the vast majority of human beings) watching our "loved ones" fuck other people rarely ends well.

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

thanks for narrowing down everything i said to one sentence

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

no problemo

_________________
what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

basic biology man. Women seek Alpha's because they need more than good genes, they need protection (which in modern terms translates to social adaptivity, power, dominance, etc). Men don't need anything besides vagina + the guarentee that vagina will NOT have other penis in it because that would undermine our imperative. Which means, the two most important traits in a girl are:

Physical beauty & Loyalty.

(we only value personality nowadays because we're forced to stay in monogamous relationships so we don't want to settle down with women we're gonna end up wanting to kill).

She has the beauty part down, but not the loyalty. She's not a high value catch, only good for a pump and dump.

More importantly, I truly do not think she's as crazy for you as you think. I know of the type of sexual swamp monster you speak of, I've been with many. They tend to be emotionally volatile and get attached easily. However, this attachment rarely comes in the form of "true" love and loyalty, it tends to be more of a parasitic obsession and still leaves space for cheating + MASSIVE shit testing.

I also believe that you're not as disinterested in this girl as you say you are. Girls like this also have an uncanny ability to snare men with their siren like abilities and sexual escapades.

The best way to know what to do is to spin multiple plates. And make sure you spin HOT plates. Even if you're in an open relationship, if you're not fucking other girls who are just as hot as this one, you're only going to feed into your need to stay with this girl. If you keep your options open and bask in a general level of debauchery, then you'll be able to better gauge what qualities you want in a partner.

In terms of you judging her based on your perception of self-control, I think you actually just hate the idea of her being boffed by other guys but because you have a general level of Alphaness, you aren't decaying in the normal way like other betas.

All in all, just be careful man. Vagina can be dangerous nowadays.

_________________
My Blog: www.solvemygirlproblems.com

From what I understand the OP is concerned primarily with her "mild" drug issue and overindulgence in alcohol. These are big turn offs. I can't be with a girl who can't say no to a line of coke or needs to smoke a joint to relax at night or get hammered to unwind. I'm not saying I've been a saint, but I have enough sense to know the limits especially when you hit a certain age, you derive pleasure from other things. In this sense, I don't see how he cannot lose attraction for her. It's inevitable, he's in a different place regarding these things. I haven't even thought about the threesomes, foursomes, because it didn't seem an issue, but maybe it is. In which case, Hakuna has summed it up perfectly.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

well since men are dominant who is making the call here ? if we use this perspective we can say she did not agree but he made her agree to do three and foursomes.. he drawn in her some things.

when it comes to loyalty .. the original poster is a joke when it comes to loyalty.. first of all he doesn't feel attraction for the girl - instead of telling her he comes to this board to ask if it's better to dump a ''high'' value woman OR if it's better to stay in a relationship and use her for sex while he hangs out with other woman... or shortly said ; you are just using her for sex.

he isn't honest to the girl .. if you are a real man you already should have admit to her you had no feelings for her. Even the option of staying with her is disgusting..using people means you are a value taker ... it's immature behaviour.
nice generalization , funny that most woman think this way about men as well .. such a common mindset.
no shit .. since he doesn't love her who makes that the parasite ? he is even suggesting to stay in the relationship .. i wouldn't call that a relationship since it's based on dishonesty and deceit.

the guy cannot stand the fact staying with her but he cannot stand the fact other guys fucking her and her being really happy in a relationship with a person who loves her as well...

the guy is contradicting himself constantly .. first he says the emotional desire is gone and then he says he does care about her and at the same time suggest staying with her in a relationship which turns out to be destructive for her... so like Wal said '' which is it '' ?

this is just an example of a unhealthy guy getting into multiple girls through pickup or whatever shit he does....he is just a immature manipulative little bitch.. he doesn't have the balls to tell this girl directly he doesn't feel anything for her - first he comes to the forum to ask people if he can get something out of it.
i prefer to be a anoying person on the forum rather than being someone who destroys peoples life like you.

just pretend you are her dad ... now read the whole thread again from another perspective ... do you want your daughter to hook up with a guy like you ? probably not .... if you fail to see from this perspective you are probably more immature than i thought.....

am i here to kick you in the face and insult you ... not really .. actually im just being honest.... i suggest you create a win win situation for both you and the girl ... don't do what is best for you only, but do something which is best for you both.

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

no its not ... he is is just justificating his feelings towards her and giving himself an excuse to dump her or to be with other girls.

instead of helping her he is suggesting getting other woman .... not investing but taking value... sounds like a leech

the guy himself is probably adicted to vagina ... high value attached to sex ...
every addiction is wrong ... wether it be drugs , sex or eating chocolate.

the op is probably addicted to woman as well .. 3 somes 4 somes .. like one girfriend only isn't enough.....

people draw certain people .... kin attracts same kin ... same with the OP

_________________
AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
questions about herbal medicine here-vp582526.html#582526

Ok, good point. My point was that sometimes you wanna be with somebody theoretically, you can enumerate all the good thing you get out of it, the pluses outweigh the minuses, but there is this attraction killing behaviour on her part and no amount of pluses can outweigh that, it's just bound to go sour.

_________________
rAFC and yes, I'm a chick.

I have bursts of being a lady, but it doesn't last long.

Txacoli, yes, those are the primary issues.
The seeming lack of self-restriction when it comes to temptation.
What you summed up was basically what I was suspecting, and it's not the first time, but I wanted secondary opinions on whether this was likely to change.



Lode; You're off on a big tangent. please resume the issue or shut it.

A couple of notes to what you say, and an advice in your direction; Soften your accusations, or at least make the attempt at civility.

The Sexual; I'm far from over-sexual, as I have a relaxed relationship to sex. The heavier sides of threesomes etc. are a result of some experimentation by the request of my girlfriend, not me. She was the one who suggested we try some swinger's clubs and do some experimentation.
Thus your overly insensitive accusations are way out of line.

Look, you seem to be clearly looking for some way of making me a bad guy here, but I'm not in here posting in order to get so many great opportunities to defend myself.

I am well aware of the various psychological elements which you could use to explain every little thing away, but applying this to your paradigm, your world seems extremely bleak and all your relationships are there based upon Fear of being alone, a biological imperative for sex and a Will to have Power over another human being.

It's far from the reality of my relationship, and the very fact that you accuse me(and her) of this is nothing short of aggravating.


I do feel attraction to her, but my problem lies, as Txacoli stated, in her lack of desire to take control over her desires for joints and drinks when they're available, and it's causing her to have less than optimal cash-flow, as I see it. This is a problem which I'm trying to probe her from gently, but which is wearing me out because it makes me worried that she'll loose control completely at some point.


Now, I am having the conversation directly with my girl as well, and I am also introducing her to what I write here, so there is no secrets, no lying and no manipulating.
I mean, your leaps into conclusions is far beyond anything I've ever warranted here, so please put your leash back on.



as to your continued posts, I find it hard to understand where you get all these ideas from .
Yes, if it were that I was manipulating, I would have an epiphany, but as it is, we're both in a fairly good relationship, but where I find small traits about her personality to be bothering me, since it clearly puts her in a situation which she's uncomfortable with.


Again, Txacoli, you seem to understand something of the situation I'm in, and I thank you for the advice.