AFC Ziffer-
I think you're on the right track. You just need to make a few slight adjustments.
First of all, don't think that you can't challenge girls on stuff that they put in their profile. You certainly can. As a matter of fact, that's probably how I open girls the most online. The problem is that you need to be playful and fun but instead you're coming off as argumentative and aggressive. Maybe that's not how you intended it, but that's how I read it, and that's definitely how the two girls in the example read it too.
Take number 1 for example. Instead of what you wrote, send her a funny, playful opening message. Then, at the end, throw in something like:
"Normally I would never talk to a girl that loves Andrew VanWyngarden, but I was hoping that you might be cool despite that.

"
This really works well if they have something that they like in their profile that's extremely silly like KNOTB or Saved By the Bell or something.
Gentle teasing and playfulness is where it's at.