What people think of you?



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PostPosted: Mon May 23, 2011 9:50 pm 
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this has always been problem for me but im always seeing or hearing that you shouldnt care what people think of you. but is it even possible and if so can someone please tell me how should you think a specific way etc
sorry if this is a bit desperate but i would really want to know how to not care and just relax
thanks


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 5:28 am 
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First of all, you need to find yourself...what I mean by that is...you need to know what you want in life...before you actually go out and start talking to girls.

A mod on here just posted this earlier...Hobbit...smart guy!
Quote:
Internalizing is supposed to happen BEFORE you get into a relationship. Just remember this if you for some reason find yourself single again.
This may seem abit off of what you ask, but in reality, it's all tied in.

What do want for yourself?

When you speak of what you like, if someone disagrees, do you find yourself back peddling trying to stay in their frame?

What have your relationships been like?

What do you do for yourself in your spare time?

When you are alone, are you happy or looking for someone to do something with no matter what it is?

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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 5:30 am 
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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 7:26 am 
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I agree with answering Cedius questions he is asking good questions you need to answer. It is always good to understand your current reality and those questions will help you with that.


Here is a breathing exercise I think you should do. Another thing you should look into is meditation and working out. Those will be your keys for loosening up. Laughing can help as well, plus it illustrates you as a high status male in public.
Quote:
The 4-7-8 (or Relaxing Breath) Exercise
This exercise is utterly simple, takes almost no time, requires no equipment and can be done anywhere. Although you can do the exercise in any position, sit with your back straight while learning the exercise. Place the tip of your tongue against the ridge of tissue just behind your upper front teeth, and keep it there through the entire exercise. You will be exhaling through your mouth around your tongue; try pursing your lips slightly if this seems awkward.

* Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound.
* Close your mouth and inhale quietly through your nose to a mental count of four.
* Hold your breath for a count of seven.
* Exhale completely through your mouth, making a whoosh sound to a count of eight.
* This is one breath. Now inhale again and repeat the cycle three more times for a total of four breaths.

Note that you always inhale quietly through your nose and exhale audibly through your mouth. The tip of your tongue stays in position the whole time. Exhalation takes twice as long as inhalation. The absolute time you spend on each phase is not important; the ratio of 4:7:8 is important. If you have trouble holding your breath, speed the exercise up but keep to the ratio of 4:7:8 for the three phases. With practice you can slow it all down and get used to inhaling and exhaling more and more deeply.

This exercise is a natural tranquilizer for the nervous system. Unlike tranquilizing drugs, which are often effective when you first take them but then lose their power over time, this exercise is subtle when you first try it but gains in power with repetition and practice. Do it at least twice a day. You cannot do it too frequently. Do not do more than four breaths at one time for the first month of practice. Later, if you wish, you can extend it to eight breaths. If you feel a little lightheaded when you first breathe this way, do not be concerned; it will pass.

Once you develop this technique by practicing it every day, it will be a very useful tool that you will always have with you. Use it whenever anything upsetting happens - before you react. Use it whenever you are aware of internal tension. Use it to help you fall asleep. This exercise cannot be recommended too highly. Everyone can benefit from it.
Pretty simple exercise but the other ones they got listed are pretty solid as well.

http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/ART00521/th ... cises.html

These are small doses that work alright but you really should take on a meditation and exercise program for maximum effectiveness.

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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 12:31 pm 
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On people judging you:

[quote]I am a person.
There are things I like and things I don’t.
There are things that inspire me, things that make me laugh and things that make me so angry I think I could kill someone.

I like women, lots of them.
I like to have sex, lots of it.

I want to fall in love.
I want to find a woman who challenges, inspires and arouses every part of me.
Until then, I’m going to keep looking.

I am nice to people.
If you don’t like me, then it’s the real me you don’t like.
Because I’m real. I’m authentic.

If you dislike me for the things that are built into me as a human being,
things that differentiate me and define me.

Then you are ignorant.
[/quote]


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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 12:59 pm 
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I used to do amateur boxing about seven years ago and each round goes for 3 mins with a 30second rest interval then its straight back in the action. (Awesome fitness btw except for all the head trauma that comes with it).

My coach taught me a similar breathing technique (like what poeticlyskuac wrote above) used during the 30second rest time. You don’t have to be sparring or fighting in the ring ( it’s not healthy getting too many hits to the head) just punching a punching bag for 3 mins hard out and then rest for 30 seconds for about 6 rounds if you can handle it. During the 30 second rest you breathe in very fast with your nose and out very slowly with your mouth each breath should gradually get slower( it is used to compose yourself and slow your heart down to regain your breath and energy- boxing is pretty intense even when your sparring or hitting the mitts).

if your open to experience?
Sparring is good because you have to learn to control emotions from interfering when reading your opponent. Just watch any fighting sport on TV that has rounds and you will notice that the victor is always emotionally stable in the ring and when they rest they look really calm and collected before the next round. Boxers learn how to switch between frames using intense physical and psychological repetition training. You could substitute the punching bag for running- run hard out for 3 mins then stop and rest for 30 seconds ( learning to slow your heart down) – this is probably harder than punching the bag though.

note these are fighting sports that are fought with rounds not like Karate, Kung fu or the leathal Capoeira!

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PostPosted: Wed May 25, 2011 3:15 pm 
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Create your own reality, and fortify it. What I mean by that, is to go ahead n clearly define yourself. Next, do not allow anyone else to change it. You control your reality, so control it. If I met u in a club, n said "hey faggot, nice shirt, do they make that for men?" Then started laughing at you with all my friends n called u a pussy or whatever..would it change your mood and behavior? Would you give me the lower to dictate your emotional and mental state. The answer should be no, but for most people it is yes. You can feel when people start to mess with your reality. You can literally feel yourself starting to shift. When this happens, laugh uncontrollably n shake your entire body. It gets rid of the energy. If you ever watch animals you will notice they do this automatically. When two ducks fight for whatever reason, a winner is decided n the loser bounces. Either way, afterwards both ducks flap their wings crazily. Its to get rid of the tension n unneeded energy. Do any of you have dogs? When I get home mine goes WILD! After like 30 seconds tho, he shakes his entire body. He has to do it like 3-4 times from when I walk in the door to get him to baseline. We can do this too n quickly let go of any bullshit we are feeling. Instead tho, most people just home it in n let it control them.

Here's an exercise on state control just to give you some insight into yourself. Walk into your bathroom n look in the mirror (or any mirror u have). Next, start getting down on yourself. Call yourself a loser or whatever it doesn't matter, but look at yourself when you do it. Notice how you view yourself at that point. Next, start laughing n making funny faces. Notice how you view yourself now. Finally laugh n tell yourself how incredible you are. Again notice how you view yourself (all of these both physically n mentally. After you do this exercise, you will see justhow important it is to create the reality you desire, n to not let others affect it negatively. Hope this helps buddy. Build up alot of confidence n go my friend.


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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 5:19 pm 
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this is why i love this site thank you everyone for your help , one thing though
on what cedius said when adjusting my values /beliefs one main beileif ive been living for a while to be the best man i can would you say this is too ego fuelled( like wanting to prove myself) ? and im very curious into what set of values/ beliefs you guys live by if you can share it .


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PostPosted: Thu May 26, 2011 8:58 pm 
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hey,
i dont know if your sufferring from anxiety or not. but i thought id post just in case you are. i suffer a bit, but not half as much as i used to. i was always worryng abot stupid things like what people thought of me.
withut knowing it i was doing it all to myself. i was exciting my nervous sytem every time i worried and more importantly every time i worried about worrying.
here is all the info you may need if you are sufferring www.drclaireweekes.co.uk www.healing-anxiety.com

good luck!


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PostPosted: Fri May 27, 2011 1:18 am 
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Quote:
adjusting my values /beliefs one main belief ive been living for a while to be the best man I can would you say this is too ego fuelled( like wanting to prove myself) ? and im very curious into what set of values/ beliefs you guys live by if you can share it.
I certainly don't believe it's ego although from someone else's point of view, it may seem that way. The point is, if how you feel and do is in line with what makes you happy, then in no way is it ego. This is really about finding out about yourself. There is a fine line with everything done, too much confidence can be misconstrued for cocky, too caring equates to too needy, too horny is considered perverted and it goes on. It's good to have some of this, but just not too much or at least not display it...display your characteristics in a way that make you stand out but don't worry about bending to fit another person's frame, but it's nice to see them bend for you!

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 02, 2011 4:28 am 
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Honestly. Its this simple answer, and i think it is more true than anything else you will here. Once you accept yourself, your happy with you as a person, and like yourself COMPLETELY, you just wont care what others think of you, because if they dont like you, then they dont like what you like about yourself.

Before this, if you dont like yourself, when someone thinks poorly of you it just is worsens the way you feel about yourself and leads you in the opposite direction of confidence, inner game, and accepting yourself

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PostPosted: Sun Jun 05, 2011 9:17 pm 
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my theory if people are not my parents, are not giving me pu#$%3ssy or not paying my bills, i can care less what the think of me...

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PostPosted: Wed Jun 08, 2011 2:09 pm 
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Every morning when you wake up, go to the bathroom, look in the mirror and repeat to yourself: I don't give a fuck.

Keep telling yourself that. Add breathing exercizes and simply don't give a fuck. You are your own damn person. You can do whatever the hell you want to do. You don't answer to those that judge you. Simple train yourself to shrug it off as a petty nuisance. The "Don't give a fuck" attitude can help you out.

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PostPosted: Thu Jun 09, 2011 9:16 pm 
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Thing that always helps me...

Think about how many people there are on this planet. Now think about the people that dislike you. Compare that to the total population and that's how many more chances you have to meet those who will like you.

Might as well do what you want and not give a fuck because you would really have to put in some extra work to get even 30 people to hate you for being yourself.


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