I got into this, not to sleep with a bunch of girls but to find a single decent girl. Funny enough, now I have alot of girls after me and its getting stressful. ANYWAY, as always, what you want the most is always the most difficult to get. Here's my problem. I met this one girl rather serendipitously, I won't bother with the specifics but I would be willing to drop all of the other girls for her. I'm obviously not going to since it would be stupid to put all of my eggs in one basket but nevertheless I'd pick her above all of them. This girl is looking for pretty much the same thing I am but the only problem is that her best friend, who happens to be a guy and who happens to be a friend with benefits and who happens to want to get romantically involved with her. The idea of him didn't bother me so much at first but NOW he's really pissed me off and I've decided to bring out the big guns (all of you). Here's the story.

She recently moved here and he is basically the only person that she knows, they've known each other for years but were always "just good friends" until very recently. Her family kicked her out at a young age so she really has nobody but this guy. She will be getting employed in the beginning of Jan. but right now has no job and she depends on him for alot. He buys her food, pays her cell phone and other niceties and considering that he is her best friend, she doesn't want to do anything that's going to ruin that relationship. In the past she gave him the chance for a relationship but he never took and showed that he wasn't ready for her and from that point she decided that she wanted to keep it on the best friends level. On our first date we stayed out from about 9PM-5AM, it was a good date but apparently he felt really threatened by this and he kept calling. I'm talking about 5-7 times during the night, asking if we were done and wanting her to talk to him because he couldn't sleep. When we got back to her house we were drinking and he called and wanted her to stay on the phone with him till her minutes ran out. When she told him no and that she'd talk to him tomorrow he got pissy and started basically whining. After they hung up he started sending text messages to the tune of "it would have never worked between us anyway" and "you really hurt me back there", "maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while". She eventually got pissed and yelled at him on the phone a little later. When the night ended she wouldn't kiss me and had a hard time hugging me. It was apparent that she was interested but she didn't know what to do because of the complications with this guy (David).

So the next day she asks me to come over because he was supposed to be there at 3 and it was almost 4 and he hadn't shown up. So when I'm about halfway there she calls and says to hold off for an hour b/c he just showed up. Well that turned into 2 hours, and then she finally called and said that she didn't know if we could go out that night but she'd call and let me know for sure. That was friday and I didn't hear from her till sunday. I was concerned about her because she was crying on the phone when she called me before and I hadn't heard from her so I got some roses and wrote a nice card and went over and knocked on her door. She answered hung over from the previous night but I stayed there and we talked while she rested and finally after a few hours she felt well enough to go do something. So we went out for a few hours then went back to her place and chilled some more then we went back out again for a few more hours. Basically that time it lasted from about 3PM to 5AM.

Then this morning she IM's me on the computer "come over, I haven't heard from David all day so lets do something." So I went over and we went to the arcade and then to eat dinner and here's where it gets ridiculous. This asshole David calls her and INVITES himself over, saying he doesn't work too far from where we are (in actuality he went WAY out of his way). She tells him that its really not a good idea but he insists anyway. At this point I realize that this guy is feeling stupidly threatened by me. So I just sit back, thinking this is going to be interesting. He shows up and according to her he was acting awkward. I noticed little things he would try to do like put his hand or her back or get close to her; he even mentioned something about marriage and himself, in passing but through all of this she never returned any of his gestures or even acted like they happened. We debated on what there was to do and ended up going to some store that ended up being a sex shop (she rode with him btw, I'm assuming so that she didn't piss him off). So we walked around there for a while and then we decided to go to the movies which ended up being closed. He suggested that in the nearby future, possibly tomorrow, we all go over to his place and hang or watch a movie. And then that was that, he took her home. I don't know what happened between them after that.

My question is, how the hell do I get rid of this asshat. I have no interest in going to his place so that he can try to assert his possession over her. I have no interest in being his friend. We are rivals, I know it, he knows it and she knows it. He stepped wayyy over the line and I need a way to step up the game and basically run him off the table. I need advice here because I have never experienced this. I know that any other guy who behaved like this would be kicked to the curb by a girl of her caliber and the only thing that has saved him has been his best friend status. What do I do?

Sounds to me like you are dealing with an AFC in every sense of the word(well, acronym). Here are some things I'd like to point out to you based on what you wrote:

-- Where is your frame? Now, I'm not sure how your interactions are going but it sounds like you are doing everything on her terms. It seems like you're free at the drop of a hat to go to her place or be told to wait a few hours to come over because of this tool. Be the Alpha male. Girls like to know that you're in control. Why don't you invite her out on your terms? If she rejects you because of this guy, it's no sweat because you've got these other girls after you. Call one of them up. It's a much better use of your time than waiting around for her buddy to leave so you two can hang out. Cat-String theory man, dangle a string in front of a cat and she will jump at it, drop it in her paws and she'll look at it and walk away. Always be willing to walk away.

-- You've hung out with her now a few times for hours and hours on end. It's time to make a move! Start with some kino, and start escalating. It's now or never. If I had been in your place she would have been lying there wanting more if not on the first, definitely by the end of the second date . If you don't pull the trigger soon and kiss her(provided you get enough IOI's), you'll land in the LJBF zone.

-- This guy, where to start... Search the term AMOG on these forums, I'm sure it will return plenty of results you can use. One example I might use(granted it can be really tough to be witty and think on your feet in the heat of the moment), I would have called him out on driving far out of his way. I would have asked him where he works, and then said something like: "Oh wow you kind of bent over backwards to get here didn't you?"

-- Next time she's on the phone having some stupid conversation with this guy and you are out with her... call her on it. She's out with you, not him. She needs to either stop answering his calls when she's with you, or shut off her phone. The point is to keep her mind and interactions on you. In the past, lines I've used that work have been "Well it's pretty obvious you're busy, so we should just meet up another time." or "Why don't you put the phone away so we can have a good time together?" Politely of course, but not sheepishly. If she respects your company she'll do it.

-- Flowers and a card? What has she done that she deserves a gift such as this? I reserve things like that for LTR's and only every six months or so, or as a reward for something she did for me that I really appreciate. It's hard to stomach an idea like this at first because we're brought up in this romantically obsessed culture. Truth is, just like when a guy buys her drinks at a bar, she appreciates it but doesn't respect the guy who does those things without doing something to deserve them first. Watch out for the Let's Just Be Friends line because it could be imminent. Turn things around on her. Something to start off with could be you saying "So where are you taking me to dinner when we go out again?" -I love this line, I've used it on more than one occasion to great success, just recently a girl cooked for me!

Again, Kino Escalate, EYE CONTACT, create an image in her eyes that you are a sexual being. Do things according to your schedule, not hers. Shrug this loser off, act like he doesn't bother you. I've been in a similar situation, and I handled it wrong...but that was a long time ago. I do understand how frustrating it can be. I'm sorry to say it, but I doubt you'll be getting rid of him...I'm sure you know as well as I do how persistent some guys can be. Overall, it sounds like she's at least trying to keep him out of her time with you...she just can't get off the damn phone with him. By letting this continue, you're letting him control the frame. You are the show, you are the Alpha Male, don't let him continue to be the center of attention.

Damn! That was a long post, I hope it helps you out in some ways. I like to give detailed responses. Good luck man, I believe in you. If you end up dropping her, come back here and keep on learning! As the saying goes: There are plenty more fish in the sea.

~Muse

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I agree with everything said above, she's grouping you and David in the same category, she's basically substituting you for one another, you're only called up when he isn't available, you're plan B... No gifts unless she deserves it, why you spending money when shes upset over dipshit Dave?? tell her look, you're in a weird kind of situation and I'm not gonna be Plan B for when David isn't around, i got to many things in my life to be strung along by a girl that can't decide between two guys... Invite her out on your own terms, if dipshit dave decides to show up then say "well hey you guys have fun, i'm out..." and give her the silent SPAM til you hear back from her... in all honesty man, unless you plan on supporting her and paying for all her shit then you might just say fuck it cuz it sounds like this chump is down to pay all her bills and she's gonna want her bills paid by some dude that she can walk all over than be with a guy like yourself who's gonna live life on your own terms... I know it sux but that seems to be the reality of it... she calls the shots and you're basically a penis on her mantle for if she ever wants to use you. The type of things you're doing are nice and romantic but it's things AFCs do, you're lowering your social value by answering her every call and catering to her every desire... no alpha male is gonna allow some d-bag to invite himself along on the date, if he showed up I'd said well hey I came to hang out with you, not be the third wheel so I'll catch you later and bounce... Being able to walk away is sometimes the last interaction you ever have with that girl but a lot of times its that interaction that gets her to jump on your side of the fence... don't get one-itis and let us know how shit turns out..

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any Man can sweep any Woman off her feet, you just have to have the right broom...

What these guys have said is basically right, but I would add that although this guy is being AFC, he is ALSO being alpha, because he IS controlling the ENTIRE situation.

It's not her controlling it at all, AND it's not you either. You ARE at her beck and call, whenever she feels like having you around. If the problem is that she can't break lose of him because she depends on him so much, then you need to just flush this girl, because I promise you that situation WON'T change. HE won't allow it to change. It doesn't even sound like you've had sex with her, and after spending THAT much time with her, you should have at LEAST had sex with her once, if not all night BOTH nights she was there. If that's the case, you're definitely pretty far into the LJBF zone. If you were being the alpha, which you HAVE NOT been, she WOULD HAVE ignored this guys calls, ignored him all together while you were out, you would already be having hot sex with her, and she'd be doing whatever she could to be around you more, instead of "wait a couple of hours . . . my fuck buddy is here to take care of me." Because that's exactly what is happening.

I appreciate the advice and input guys, I appreciate it. I'll post an update if anything interesting happens.