This is something important for me so I will really appreciate if you could read till the end and provide some insight.

I am 21 and I am having difficulties to keep an erection with my girlfriend in bed. I have performance anxiety. I opened up to her and she was more than helpful. She told me we will get over this together and she doesn't care if it happens because she loves every single thing about me and could just hug me and lay there and it's enough for her. I really love her for it, for her patience and support.

Last night, I stayed at her place. We were playing around naked and I lost my erection again. It is like a vicious cycle so I get upset and sensitive about it easily. She offered to watch porn together and I was trying to explain to her why I don't want to do it because I want to get accustomed to the feeling and vision of the naked body of the woman I love next to me and porn would ruin it. I was trying to tell her having her so innocent and naked lying next to me is totally a new concept of beauty for me and then she made a joke like "So your previous concept of beauty was women in porn with big boobs?".

Because of my insecurity about this issue, I got offended quickly and told her that it looks like she is not taking it seriously. Then she gets offended and says she didn't intend to hurt me at all and a joke doesn't mean that she doesn't take it seriously. Then I told her it is pretty sensitive for me and making jokes is not a good place for it.

Afterwards, she apologizes crying and I admit I took it more serious than it should be and say sorry if I hurt her without noticing. Then we decide that making jokes about it and taking it not this serious would help me more with this problem instead of ruining the mood with arguments like this.

I thought it would be a good idea to have an objective wiev about this issue and some advice on what to do next time it comes up to avoid such conflicts. We have a wonderful relationship and I feel very lucky to have such a caring girl with me and I don't want to ruin it because of my insecurities in bed.

Obviously, you are insecure about it, that what makes you go in to defence. If you have the mindset of it doesn't really matter, you wouldn't.

Now, what your problem is, it's all in your head. You know sex is coming, and in ur head you start to worry, 'ooh no, i hope i don't get soft this time'. While you are having sex, in ur head it goes the same 'ok, i'm good now, but it will go down'. From the point you get these thoughts, it will go down!

When having sex, close ur eyes, and think 'this is the best feeling in earth', 'i'm having sex with the girl i love, she's so fucking hot'. Also what's a good one, 'How the fuck can't i get a boner from this, feel it!' I had same problem a while back, when changing positions. But these toughts help for me.

It's also a vicious circle upwards. When you do it good one time. You get the affirmation. You see i can do it. What the fuck was the problem!? Be glad ur girl supports you in it, so you can try things out. But when you can get hard on ur own, there is no problem. Close ur eyes, imagine all the things that turn you on about ur gf, and just enjoy the feelings of sex.

Also, do you masturbate alot?

Hope this helped.

try getting some sample packs of viagra. Your girlfriend will love you for it.

Thanks a lot. You are exactly saying what I am going through.

I used to masturbate 4 times a week but now I realized that it is desentesizing me so I reduced it to 1 or 2 times a week.

Not to come off like an ass...but she wants sex and she can get it if you watch porn so why are you not giving her what she wants? Instead you're just making it harder for her and continuing the problem instead of solving things.

Yes, everyone wants sex. I also do want it and realize she wants it. But she wants to be supportive and already told me that she loves me even if she doesn't have it.

I know that I was insecure. Next time, I want to be stronger and more confident. That's why I was asking this question.

It's not that easy, it's about what you think during/before sex.
If you think right, you can watch porn, and then fuck ur gf twice in a row. But if your thoughts are those of fear/insecurity, it will manifest. So stopping watching porn is not the solution.

I recently read a study that said guys who masturbate on a regular basis usually have higher confidence than guys who don't. Also, one of my ex's bf used to watch porn during sex for the exact reason as yours...I guess it tricked his mind into being in that special place and thus helped him with his condition.

If you wanna just go in and be confident, minus the porn, then maybe you should look for things that usually boost your confidence. Maybe you can do something prior to sex that you're good at and succeeding at it will boost your confidence. Just a thought...

Well...the one previous poster hit the nail on the head. Sex is all in the mind, not in the body. Remember every sensation you feel is just nerves firing off and your brain interpreting the signals and sending them to your consciousness. As such, you interpret and manifest your reality based on your beliefs. You have a belief that your dick will fail you, so it does. You need to learn to change the belief. Next, go get some viagra. HONESTLY. I tried it like a week or two ago, just to see what it was about...n your dick couldn't stay soft if you were begging it to!

Once you change your belief structure, you will notice your reality shift accordingly. If you fuck the SHIT out of your gf, you will realize you are able to, and it will be no issue. What I think is happening, is you are scared that you will not be able to satisfy her. As such, instead of being a disappointment, you are being a disappointment...Know what i mean? You are making this dick issue a self-fulfilling prophecy. You don't think you can, so you can't. I bet you think "I hope my dick doesn't fuck up, I hope my dick doesn't fuck up" n whats happening, is those thoughts and dwelling on it, make it a reality. If instead you think you are going to fuck her silly, you will. Remember it is ALL in your head. YOU are manifesting this reality. YOU have the power to change it!

Can you get head n be hard?? If so, just eat her out, have her give you head, and HOP ON when you are hard. Maybe you are a little nervous about taking the reigns. Let her do some work, and then when you are good, throw her down n keep going. Also, does it just go away, or is it condom shyness? That can happen too, but it really is all tied to the same thing, a lack of confidence in sexual prowess. The issue is not your dick, it is your head. If you can get your hands on some viagra tho, it will work. Don't get used to using it tho, cause you will just be using it as a crutch. Instead...use it, and then derive confidence from the fact that you CAN GUTCRUSH on your girl. Then don't use it. You just basically need to know that you can SMASH.

Start meditating if you already do not. Once you learn to quiet your mind, you can learn to start deleting programming, and become a meta-programmer. Also, by quieting your mind, you can CHOOSE when you want to come n when you dont. If you don't want to, just dont think about it. If you want to come, think "I'm going to cum" and them you will. It sounds simple, and it really is. Its all about mind control.

Hope this helps buddy. If you need any meditative techniques feel free to PM n I will strap u up. Pz n GL

that happened to me with certain girls, some girls and you may not have chemistry...And there is pretty much nothing you can do... out of 100s of girl i have been with it happen to me with like 5.... It even happen to Neil strauss with a porn start if your read the game..

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some good ideas. porn and viagra sounds really cool

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So there we have it!

How about you stop watching porn and beating off all total, you have a girlfriend who wants some pen0r.

I have a similar problem, but never had the luck of being with a girlfriend who understands it. I have delayed ejaculation, needing from 20 to 45 or even 60 minutes to cum. It usually happens that I get bored, distracted or just tired and lose the erection. Viagra has helped a little bit, keeping the erection enough so she can suck or ride until I cum. But it also helps to warm up before sex. Just watching or reading porn before meeting the girl and get very horny. A very rough foreplay helps the same way. Still, many girls get hypersensitive after orgasm (in less than 10 minutes) and won't let me keep fucking.

Supposedly, anal sex works better because of the tighter grip, but didn't get any chance to try it yet. Having two or three girls would be even harder to get.

After asking my therapist about this she told me to get a regular girl first before starting any SPAM.

So, as you already have a regular, go to the doctor with your girlfriend and ask about your problem. It is said that self SPAM usually worsens the condition.

By the way, any doctor will tell you to abstain from masturbation completely. But you still can watch porn to build up libido.

Try talking dirty- in your head or out loud. Keep a constant stream of dirty thoughts up so that you are as in the moment as you can possibly be.