OK...

So I'm writing this feeling very low. My confidence just seems to be at a low ebb again.

I'm not sure if it is the demons in my head, or I just don't know. Anyway, went out for my birthday with the wing girls and a mate. Everything going OK, until she mentions that I remind her of her brother who is gay... I get very embarrassed which doesn't help and paranoid. Clearly, I must give of a gay vibe. This much is certain. I guess I just have to accept and deal with this.

The rest of the night is just me being in my own world of paranoia.

Then yesterday, I'm walking to the job centre and I almost get hit by a bus. This shakes me to the core. Yesterday, I could have died. Fuck!

Today, I manage to open the girl at the bus stop. I'm not sure how it went.

But as we were crossing the road I said,' Excuse me... I know this is a bit random but you look really familiar. I haven't met you in chilli-white once.'

She said, 'I think so...' Which I took to be an IOI, but she carried on walking fast and as I was talking she didn't give me eye contact. (Shy?)

When she approached her other bus-stop her friend was there and she looked at her friend and mouthed something to her from a distance...

I just carried on walking... ??

I'll get up and try to catch her again tomorrow... My second interaction will be the make or break...

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Its all good Tweebs.

Be happy, it helps your game and also gay vibes are sometimes good.
Some girls like guys that act gay.

Or maybe shes a gamer and is trying to game you.

_________________
www.attraction101.co.uk my blog

Hey Tweeby,

I look as gay as you do. Someone told you you reminded her a gay friend/brother... So what? I could find several gays that look/act like me.

Yet I understand the situation. My confidence is still fragile and this kind of things challenge it. I recently realized that confidence and inner state is all about small things. Everyday, I have these small stupid things that challenge us. It can be me hesitating to ask an information and feeling stupid about it, or sometimes it can be a bus almost hitting you.

Put yourself together! Get your confidence inch by inch:

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=myyWXKeBsNk[/youtube]

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

hey man, cool to see your journal and taking up action. Yeah i know what you mean about small things but on the reversal; I have to do loads of small things to be able to open.

You might benefit from Positive Journaling if you find certain comments affect you easily Its easy to do and effective (scientifically proven from what a professor said in an interview).

_________________
"You don't want girls to think you suck dick at fucking pussy"
-Seth (Superbad)

No such thing.
Insignificant as a chat about the weather. On the other hand, if gay guys hit on you all the time, I would consider it a good thing.
Good, because your goal for now is to open, open, open.
OK, but even if your goal is to close ONE GIRL, you need to be opening many, many more. You don't practice for a boxing match against one particular guy by sparring once.

Ok I'm back on track.


Kasabi, my goal was just to open, but I really, really wanted to number close her. I don't think the opener went that well but I will give her one last shot when I catch her again. I didn't want to get the bus too early in case she thinks I'm stalking her!!
Friday, I'll try.

Anyway, keep opening. Yes you are right.

___________________________

Just got the 'Power up your brain' delivered to my door today. And reading the stuff in the PUA lounge decided to ring up my friend who is going through his sexuality issues.
[ring someone who you feel the need to apologise to.]

I feel like I have let him down, because I just side-stepped his issues because my own issues seem so heavy. I told him if he wanted to chat honestly, I would be free. I feel like I owe him a lot. He has been my best friend and wing man for two years and when he 'CAME OUT' to me I just closed him off. Now he's having a child with his girlfriend... I can't help but feel like my 'reaction' has made his plight more difficult. Anyway, we'll see how that goes.

Also, seen another cutie-pie at a job centre. Really, should try flirting more and number closing... Also need to get back to opening... anyway I have some good news.

My friend has some work available so I'm working, at least temporarily... It's only manual labour but at least it is a start.

Onwards we plough.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Hey dude, just remmembered speaking to you, ages ago lol


I've doen stuff since thn lol , got no.s etc....

Nice to know that youre doign stuff aswell

_________________
www.attraction101.co.uk my blog

interesting journal

OK it's been a while.

I've taken some time out of the game because there are a lot of issues... that go way beyond pick-up that I have to deal with.

In this time I have stuck with a few goals.

Achievements
I have quit smoking and drinking... Well I only had a drink once in three months. I've remained independent, washing my own clothes and preparing my evening meals without fail... Next step all meals prepared by me. I still have a masturbation problem but I'm trying to limit it to one a week. I need to think of a way to make this happen. (Actually, I've thought of a way to make it happen I just let myself down with 'only one won't hurt.') I've kept my weight I'm up a stone but haven't reached my goal of nine stone. Also I've stopped all my compulsive negative thought processes. Meditation everyday helps.

I've stayed fit and healthy and have a good gym routine which I've kept to.

Mondays = Leg calf work
Tuesdays = Swimming.
Wednesdays= Upper body, arms traps,bicep curls and shoulders
Thursdays = JKD training and boxing, there's a few targets here but my primary objective is to make females FRIENDS.
Fridays = speed bag and arm work.

IT'S TIME TO GET RIPPED
[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGWAm5nMZG4[/youtube]

This guy has a brilliant workout routine. Just a warning though guys, I gave myself a hernia with his ab routine!

In terms of work I'm still slacking. Although I've applied for volunteer work, still nothing has come of it. I've enrolled on a routeway course for a call centre.

A woman who was talking about becoming a teacher of sorts, might be something I should look into in more detail... I need to get of my ass and do this.

I still want to get my online portfolio up and online. Posting this update will be the incentive I need to do that. Tomorrow it WILL be up, I'll have something to show you guys.

Also need to book that day trip to France I was planning. This week I'll upload a pic of the tickets.

I still need to learn how to use the car more.

Then... women... Where I am and what I want to achieve... Plans coming soon.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Hey considering the best I could cook was noodles and tuna before I've come a long way. Let's get up some recipes!

Recipes

Peppered pork chops with salad
1.Take two pork chops and season both sides well. Get a beef flavoured magi cube and grind down with olive oil and coat both side of the pork. Note this has lots of salt so don't add too much salt. Then grind pepper onto one side.
2. Make sure you pan is hot, drizzle some olive oil over the pan.
3. Cook the pork adding my special ingredient - Reggae reggae sauce.
4. Drizzle some lemon juice on both sides the pan fry both sides of the pork.
5. You don't wanna cook it too long otherwise it will get tough. The idea is to get the meat tender and juicy, so the pork is white on the inside.
6. Once ready prepare a salad dressed in olive oil, balsamic vinegar and chopped gerkins! Yum.
7. Serve on a plate and garnish with a sprig of coriander.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

It gets harder before it gets better.
Went out in the weekend on holiday with some mates to a different city...

Again tried to address issues with being social. But still caught up in the same BS scenario as always with my other friends. It still fucking bothers me that they think I'm gay, and I got nothing to justify myself with. I'm developing quite a personality complex. Well, that should be my motivation to open more. Let's use this to be positive.

Let's try and help my friends who are ACTUALLY going through more of a nightmare than me. I'll try and support their cause, see if they need my moral support.

Also, I'm slacking with work. I keep putting it off. Where the hell is my wonderful C.V I was supposed to be doing? It still isn't finished.

I still need to get my masturbation habits under wraps. Stick to the plan.

Monday get all my website stuff wrapped up. And figure out an opener plan for the week. Let's not neglect opening sets. Let's book this trip to France as well.

Reflections

My friend said to take a year out of the game and just work on core values of being a man/social. I fell relieved and less stressed now I have no pressure to close any deal. Yet I am NOT putting myself out there at all to close any deal.

I have no girls on the go. No texting or setting up dates. I stop text/facebook closing because it allows me to game the wussy way.

I feel so sad and depressed. Let's not lie about it. To do so is going against the EGO. Let's accept these feelings and try to understand why and where they come from and how to deal with it. This weekend I saw a girl with her boyfriend who reminded me of my oneitis. I watched as he cuddled her on the lawn and just couldn't help thinking that should/could have been me. Holding her in my arms as I gaze into her eyes...


Why has my life gone so wrong/bad?

Why can't stand up for my friends? Getting over my fear of rejection is so colossal. Why has it afflicted my life in such a devastating way? I want to cry. Let's not deny it. But I guess it gets harder before it gets better.

Stick with the plan.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

What country are you from?

_________________
www.attraction101.co.uk my blog

Relax, at your age guys always gravitate to some guy and label him "gay". And in my experience, the brigade is usually led by the closet gay guy, who in fact has a thing or two for the guy that they are labeling "gay". Seriously, this is such a non-factor for anything in life, I urge you to just laugh it off. . . or just agree and call yourself gay. Who the F cares what idiots in a little group in a little town calls you? All of this is just a non-factor.


Again, this is a non-factor. Who cares? Stroke a few off. Monkeys do it because they have opposing thumbs like us. Other animals wish they could. Don't hang out at home all day long stroking it but really, this has nothing to do with game and your goals.
1. You haven't really been in any kind of game.
2. Figuring out 'core values' doesn't come from isolation of the World. You'll want to interact to figure this out.
Get out there!
Can you describe what "rejection" means to you? What is rejection? [/quote]

Yeah, I guess being bothered about it gives them ammunition. Maybe the key is to just go with it and laugh that shit off. Whatever, I feel for my friends who actually have to put up with that shit because there is an element of truth behind it.

I want to try and help them... And I am more than willing to even go to gay bar with them, to provide a moral support. Which, as you can imagine, takes a lot of courage as I'm bombarded with shit myself. My Councillor said doing this, makes me more of a man than the idiots who make fun of them could ever be. It's just, they are still very much in denial, probably from the barrage of shit they get of the idiots in our group. Which is almost EVERY single one, it pains me to say that... That suggesting moral support needs to be done very tactfully so to speak...
Yeah I agree, but sometimes I can do up to four a day so it IS a problem. Again penciling this in a diary seems to help.


I'm going to re-write my calender to include this, even if it is just opening again.
OK this is where I'm going to be completely honest. I'm not sure if the regular person goes through the type of pain rejection brings for me. It is almost as if, getting rejected is much worse then even trying. And the episode of depression that it brings is dark and long affecting.

I'm not quite sure how to cope with this as I realise it is exactly this which has resulted in my life being lonely and depressing and dark. I think, perhaps a systematic desensitization approach may help...

Thanks again for the reply, I appreciate your feedback as always.

_________________
*Justice renders the WEAK his due*
My Journal
here-vp445642.html#445642

Hey tweeby!

Just wanted to say that admire the steps you have already taken and am impressed by the fact that you try to take matters into your own hands. Keep up the work, you inspirate me to do so aswell.