So I recently got a text from my ex of 3 years saying that she needed a picture of this art piece that she made a while ago and that she gave to me. I always liked the piece quite a bit but my family recently painted the house while I was at school and the art was nowhere to be found. Anyways, here's the text conversation:

Me: I was looking around the house for the piece but I reckon it was tossed while the house was being painted. I'll let you know if it pops up. Sorry about that dude :/

Her: Wow. That really upsets me. That was probably my favorite piece I've ever done. I really hope its still in your house and it upsets me that you didn't and don't seem to value it as a work of art....

Anyways, I've always really liked the piece and I'm pretty upset that it's gone as well cause it meant a lot to me and it was pretty freaking cool. She dropped by to give me a jacket today and when I told her I couldn't find it, she looked like she was about to break down but she just drove off. She's definitely a cool person but we were better off not together.

I also think I should put the relationship end into perspective. We were together from 17-20. We studied abroad together in New Zealand and we ended our relationship there last September (? around then). I haven't spoke to her much since then. How do you reckon I should respond? I've already said I'm sorry about losing it.

I was going to say "I took another look around the house but it still hasn't showed up. I'm really sorry this upset you and hopefully you understand".

I'm not looking looking to get her back but I would like to be in good terms because she is a great person and I would like to keep her as a friend moving forward. Cheers.

I figured this was the best place to put this post as I focus on being a natural, but if there is a better board to post it on, please move it there. Thanks!

hmmm...before i say anything let me just say that ive got no idea bout your relationship with this chick but i personally don't like they way she guilts you over this thing.

and i dont think you should apologize to her, its yours, you actually cared for it too it seems like and even if you didnt...its yours, you lost it by accident it wasnt your fault, since you guys arent dating anymore she shouldnt pressure you about anything thats just weird i think youre both independent people especially form each other.

ask yourself if you could reverse the roles and ask her about something you ever gave her and would she apologize to you like you did??? if not shes manipulating without shame man.

if she is manipulating, she doesn't want to be friends or on good terms with you shes only hoping youre thinking that.

this is just what i think from the text man good luck with it

This girl sounds as if she is still hurt over the break up as well. Stop making him out to be the victim here, that is ridiculous. You are so caught up in the emotional black mail that you don't seem to realize he can control his reaction. He can't control her or what she says but he can choose how he reacts. Reacting with spite is useless it doesn't help anybody and it's not an honest reaction. I don't think you honestly understand how artists feel about their work.

Let me put it to you like this, you were in a relationship with this chick for 3 years, you paint something that you especially like, one of a kind but because the person you care about so much loves it you give it to her. You break up, she treats your hard work, something you made for her like trash and dismisses it. Something you are so proud you created and someone you still have feelings for acted like it wasn't anything, how would you feel? Upset, pissed, hurt, sad, all of them in phases or at the same time. So you mention how you feel, and now she sends you a message back oh well, it's no biggie it's gone. Are you suppose to feel good about that? I'm sorry but if you are human you would react exactly the same way. Art means a lot to the artist, and when you demean their work the way he did, it becomes hurtful.

We are always manipulating that is life. Your parents manipulated you, you manipulate your friends, you manipulate your siblings, this world works on being able to persuade people. Manipulation is what courtship(pick up) is all about. It is disappointing when people don't realize that.

King Khan,

Honestly the best way to go about this so that she isn't hurt is to let her realize that you are very upset about it as well (which isn't a lie). Let her know that you really cared for the painting and you weren't at all trying to hurt her by losing it. Here is your general tact in calming the situation down, identify with her emotion, justify her emotion (I would be very upset if I was you as well), let her know that it wasn't personal, and take the blame (let her know you wish you would have paid more particular attention to it and you feel like you should have.

She will still have her doubts, and that is fine but if you can get her to realize you truly loved the painting and that it wasn't a personal action towards her the waters will calm and though she'll still be upset it will help her knowing those things. Make sure to take accountability, let her know that you feel it's your fault by not taking more personal care of it properly but that you didn't mean for it to happen.

This is what you do with customer service and with managing people, it works in a lot of situations. I would use this over the not giving a fuck and playing victim any day of the week(I do it all the time).

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Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

hey man i think ive miscommunicated a few things so let me clarify. I still think you shouldnt apologize "Im sorry" because again its not your fault and you care, but you should definitely identify with her feelings(instead of saying youre sorry), say "i feel bad this happened..." which i imagine you did anyway you being her ex. and all. so identify with her feelings but dont say youre sorry.

poeticlyskuac "I don't think you honestly understand how artists feel about their work." I really dont but whats done is done all he can do now is convey to her that it was non intentional and that he feels bad i mean what else should he do? say sorry? talk to her mom about it? take her out for a freebee coffee?? come on

and also "This girl sounds as if she is still hurt over the break up as well. Stop making him out to be the victim here, that is ridiculous." i did mention to ask himself if she was being fair, if she would treat him the same way he did(which she sounds like she would considering that "shes a cool person" and 3 years of being together, yet i dont personally know myself) its up to him to evaluate first like i said then come to a conclusion about her intentions and feelings. i didnt victimize nobody because that is ridiculous

Take accountability for your actions. Men do. I'm sorry it's not my fault is never a statement I've heard anyone want to hear. I deal with a lot of people and it is a stupid statement that humans use. If he would have taken proper care and paid attention it wouldn't have happened. Sorry, but it is his fault in a way, and men admit their faults. Just because you don't do something directly wrong doesn't mean you didn't do anything wrong. Careless actions are a bad behavior as well.

Where did I ever say take her to coffee, or talk to her mom? You missed the point it is his fault in a way because he had careless behavior about something. You said not to apologize, why shouldn't he? Because it was unintentional? How about this you are in a bar run into someone and they drop their drink, it wasn't intentional, so you owe them no apology right? You accidentally hit a dog not on a leash driving, should you sit their yelling at someone about not putting their dog on a leash who already feels bad about the loss of their dog? Why apologize? It is the proper thing to do.

To many people have a selfish mentality and most of those people end up unhappy join them if you'd like. However don't ask others to join a selfish mentality(I guess it would be in a selfish persons nature right?).
To me this is a statement saying he's a victim she guilts him, she makes him feel something. Making him an innocent victim. How else can it be taken? I can't see how it would be taken any other way. You are a victim because she is making you feel guilty.

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Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com

bullshit, you dont know if he took proper care of it or didnt so dont make that statement.
even if he took a better care of it than he already did, you still cant make that statement because thats an alternate reality so unless you can see in different dimensions dont be ignorant and a know it all.
theres a difference between indifference and accidents.

if you hit someones dog with your car, you should apologize just because its a much much more difficult of a situation and the other person really got the worst end of it(the situation is worst case terrible for them and as a human you feel for them, thus "im sorry") not because its your fault, if the person insists on compensation you take them to court and settle whos fault it is. You should say sorry in such a case tho but what we have here is different.

Notice how the first half of that sentence i say that i dont know the basis of their relationship k? this is how i imagine him not being victimized(take it a different way) when he reads that sentence:
"hmm, this guy doesnt know anything about us but he mite think shes trying to guilt me, hmm...well based on our relationship she was a pretty cool person and i really dont think shes trying to do that, so i think hes wrong about that. what else..." k?
than later on i again ask him for an evaluation before conclusion.
i dont know you but in personal opinion i doubt this. in fact i think youre an artist yourself and probably are a chick.

I wrote up a bunch but I'm just going to summarize.

Men don't make excuses and take the blame when they are careless. Women and children blame and make excuses.

There may be a difference between indifference and accident but that doesn't change the fact that had he paid attention to it then it wouldn't be lost. Sure he didn't realize how much it meant to her but that is just how you see it.

So your apology would sound something like this, "I'm sorry your dog got hit by my car", not "I'm sorry I hit your dog with a car". Hence removing accountability, yeah it goes to court it's simple an unleashed dog is not directly your fault in court.

Sorry that I misunderstood your sentence but you ending your sentence with "but I PERSONALLY don't like the way she guilts you" really paints the picture of that is how she makes him feel.

You seem to have a lack of understanding of people, and that's fine, but don't give advice if you don't know shit about people. I derive my info on dealing with people through a lot more then reading a PUA forum or PUA books.

You don't think I deal with a lot of people, that's on you, I have no need to prove myself to you. I'm a dude but see it as you want to see it. I have read a lot and in doing so have a great understanding of emotions, status, territory, people allow me to easily draw that conclusion. If you have any emotional understanding of women you'd likely realize that it is an expected reaction from her.

I am a form of artist, I love poetry, and I know if I wrote poem to a girl and it was my only copy and she treated it like shit I would be upset. I'd be pissed in fact, to me it is pretty simple. I work hard on my poems and the diction I use is very unusual, my poems require insight and effort. When you work hard on something, and it is devalued it makes you feel like shit(sometimes anger, other times sadness or anguish). Sorry that is the truth but it is. Do you have a passion? What if someone shit all over it? Would you feel good about it? Learn to remove your own emotion and understand it by placing yourself in their shoes. You will understand a lot more about people.

_________________
Just another guy from back in the day.

Blogging again living life: http://www.Scienceofnaturalgame.com