So I've been listening to David Deangelo's "On Becoming a Man". It's much more than about pickup. Through listening to him, I realized some situations in my life that needed improvement. I had lost vision of my path. I once had a job that I loved and found challenging and rewarding. Last year, my boss balked on a raise I worked hard to earn. I had some very strong feeling that I was afraid to express. I was concerned about losing my job or alienating myself within my job, making it more difficult for me to work. Really though, I should have said something. I worked hard and I earned that raise. I had ever right to stand up to my boss and at the very least express how I felt. The fact that I felt so strongly should have indicated to me that I should have done something.

Instead, my job stopped feeling as rewarding as it once did. As a result, I stopped challenging myself as much at my job. I did a purely mediocre job and just skated along. This existance was unrewarding. I stopped liking my job as much, and it started feeling more like a chore.

I let a year pass. Now, I'm starting to reaffirm myself and reestablish my path as a result of David Deangelo's great guide. I realized how cloudy my path had become, and decided I needed to do something about it. I was already thinking that I should try and find a new job, and I probably still will. I want to move somewhere less inclimate than where I live now, and that has nothing to do with job satisfaction. I felt, however, that I could make my time with my current company more rewarding if I spoke to my boss and addressed my concerns. This might buy me more time to save more money for the move as well.

So I decided to walk in and talk to my boss. As I was about to do it, I felt that tug in my gut. You know, where it feels like your stomach just dropped a mile. I recognized that as fear. I took David Deangelo's advice and summoned up some courage to address the fear, and I fought through it. I faced my fear and I am stronger for it. When I spoke with him, he was very receptive. We was not aware of some of the feelings I had, but I was able to explain them in clear language and made it clear what I expected. I made sure that he understood how important a timely review was to me. I made sure the he understood how important it was that he managed my expectations. He may not comply with my requests, but he did understand them and that's all I can expect. If he doesn't comply, I am already prepare to act in my best interests.

I'm feeling really good right now. I think this was a really good first step for me. It was hard for me to do that, especially because it relates to my job. It's hard to do things which could possibly result in losing your job. Unfortunately, I had to reach a point where there was little left to lose anyways. I've set some boundries though, and that feels really good. I want to do a great job at work. It's rewarding for me to excel, but I won't be taken advantage of.

I find it ironic, though. When you fear losing something, you will do anything to hold on to it. When you overcome that fear, you sometime realize that you never really wanted it in the first place. I did this recently with my girlfriend. I spent a year afraid of losing her because I didn't feel I could do any better. When I finally came to terms with the idea of losing her, I broke up with her. Once I realized my life would be fine without her, I realized that my life would actually be better without her. Maybe there's some aspect of your life that you're afraid to let go off? Don't wait for the breaking point. Let go of your fear. You might realize something truly profound about yourself when you do. Maybe you'll actually be better off without that thing you're so afraid to let go. Maybe not. You'll never know until you actually allow yourself to accept the idea of being without it.

I'm hopping that next time, maybe when I'm about to walk up and say something to a women, and I feel that fear in my stomach, that I am able to gather my courage once more and just do it. I've long had that policy with making phone calls. I have a "point of no return". Once I've dialed the number, I'm committed to making the call - good or bad. Perhaps I should create a point of no return with approaching women. Some small step that easy to take, but commits me to the full action of actually going through it.

I hope this helps others to gather some strength, address their fears, be assertive, and take something back for themselves.

Well done, good stuff. Do you have 'On Being A Man' materials you could e-mail me???? PM please

i like this post !

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Inspiring post. I tried giving you reputation but I don't know how to use it - it either says "why give zero?" or "you don't have that many points" when I try to enter 0.1 or 1.

Anyway, I had a courageous moment yesterday and when I was rewarded, it dawned on me that the real reward is not the situation but a greater trust in yourself and the feeling of having worked for something.

Courageous moments happen when you face a situation that is far out of your comfort zone. They are opportunities for growth. I think when you've gained a certain mindset towards the fear of failure, it becomes natural for you to challenge it and you will find yourself succeeding much more than you anticipated. Often, the situation playing out in your mind is much worse than how the situation will actually occur. Even if you do fail, just brush it off and keep this quote in mind:

"Good judgment comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgment." (Jim Horning)

I've blabbered on enough!

I'm glad you guys could find some inspiration from my post. I'm still drawing inspiration from it myself. I still need a lot of work, but I'm definitely getting there.

I recongnized another sitatuation today where I need to have some courage and set some boundries. I was woke up this morning by a knock on my door at 9am (on a Saturday). I decided that I had no interest in who it was until my neighbor shouted through my window "Hey, are you in there, it's an emergency." My neighbor and I are pretty good friends and an emergency is an emerengy, so I got up to see what was going on. Her boyfriend had a seizure, and she needed a ride to the hospital. Absolutely. What kind of guy would I be if I said no to a friend in need?

Well, it turns out she could have rode in the ambulence. She needed a ride with me so that she could stop and get cigarettes. Now, I'll do just about anything to help out a friend in a jam. Call me at 3am because you're stuck with a flat? You bet your ass I'll be out there. I don't think that's being a people-pleaser, that's just being a good friend. If I were in that situation, I'd hope my friends would do the same for me. However, there have to be limits. Needing cigarettes is not an emergency, no matter how much the smoker thinks that it is. My kindness was abused, and I have to stand up for myself or it will be abused further.

But I actually need to stand up for myself for her sake. What if next time she cried emergency through my window I just kept sleeping? What if it really was an emergency? It's kind of a "boy who cried wolf" situation. I need to talk with her and set some clear guidelines. I need to make sure that she knows, had I all the information up front, I probably would have said no. Had I all the information up front, I would have preferred not to have been woken up in the first place. A simple knock on my door would have proven I was unavailable. Shouting emergency through my window, I feel, took it a step to far.

It doesn't help that she's a HB8. It didn't help at all that she was in stretch pants and has an incredible ass. I try not to filter those into my decision. If anything, they should give me more reason to stand up for myself. It's not like I want to fuck my neighbor anyways, but her attractiveness does cloud my judgement from time to time.

It also doesn't help that I am a people-pleaser deep down inside. I do have boundries, but I don't really like confrontation. I need to embrace the warrior inside, though, so I need learn to revel in confrontation a little. That's not something I've ever learned to do though. It's going to be hard. I'm going to feel that feeling in my gut, I know it. It's probably going to be a little awkward. I'm sure she'll understand.

In the end, I'm sure she had her reasons and I'll try to be understanding while making sure she understands where I'm coming from. The point isn't to condemn her for what she did. The point is just to say, "hey, I have boundries, and I'm going to hold firm to them". Outside those boundries, there is still a caring person and a good friend. Inside those boundries is how I protect myself and maintain the energy to stay a caring person.

As an aside, sleep is one of the one things I've promised myself I would make sure to set boundries about, both with myself and with others. I don't get enough sleep and I make excuses or hang out with other people and they convince me to stay out longer. I promised myself that I would ensure consistant sleep by setting some boundries. It's important that I follow through on this commitment to myself.

Wish me luck.

@jaminv: Telling her she was out of line is definitely the right thing to do. Make it clear that her motives for waking you up, and how she twisted the truth is not acceptable, which it isn't.

Your motive to drive her was to help your friend in an emergency, tell her that she should have done the same. I wouldn't add that she ruined your beauty sleep, as this is not the mistake here. The problem is that your friend could have died because of her pathetic nicotine craving, and that in addition to selfishness, she manipulated you.

Make it clear but don't get angry at her, she will respect you for standing by your morals and hopefully have the strength of mind to apologize. You did the right thing with the information you were given at the time, but now the best you can do is tell her how she was acting wrong. Good luck

Thanks. It's good to hear that I am being fair. It will help when I talk with her later. I should have said something then, but I genuinely was half asleep.

I wasn't going to say anything about "beauty sleep", or really sleep in general. Still, 9am on a Saturday is a time I choose not to make myself available. She knocked a few times, which means I'm not receiving. I'm actually not angry about it at all. If it happened again, however, I would be extremely angry, which is why I feel that I need to set some boundries before that occurs.