Interesting one here. When I was learning game (I'm aware that relationships aren't game, but I assume the principles of remaining "The Man" and not acting like a needy pussy still apply) I was taught that in order to keep a woman attracted, I had to act slightly tough, indifferent and non connected with situations.

My girlfriend today has expressed how I'm not emotional enough, and how she feels very vulnerable and sometimes stupid, because the little things that bother her, don't seem to bother me, in reality they do a little, but generally, I'm good at letting things bother me for a short time, and then moving the fuck on, whilst being able to come across as indifferent to them at the same time.

Today for instance, I was supposed to be going over to see her because shes ill, but something came up and she was forced to cancel, I simply said "That's cool, I'll see you another time, hope you feel better soon" which is when she said that it's bothering her quite a lot, and that I always come across as unemotional.

So, where does the boundary lie here guys? When is it okay to become emotional, and let her know that I really wanted to see her, blah blah blah, and when should I be acting indifferent? Nothing kills attraction like neediness. Is it okay to be more emotional once you've crossed over into a relationship?

dude you justed fucked my mind girl broked with me yesterday becouse of that
the girl i still care for , shit you know what ?
when she makes you a fucking salty soup drink a 3 liters of water but eat that soup
tell her more how beauty she is what you like about her , tell her she got good taste in clothes , say you wanna just slap that ass , dont screw it up like me now coz I fell like shit right now , if you fell you miss her or think about her tell it! write it! it's not needy its showing that you care

oh and relationship isnt about gameing you together forget about it it only fucks things up

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In the situation of her not being able to see you, you did NOTHING wrong there.

I think part of this is her wanting you to emotionally INVEST in her MORE, i.e. she's already feeling like she cares more about you than you do about her.

You don't need to rebalance this too much, but remember - you don't have to be cold ALL the time. When she's done something you really LIKE, then give her some affection she deserves. When you're in the bedroom, absolutely tell her she's beautiful, and make the times you DO spend together great.

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i don't see the problem ..... really, all you have to do is be a little more caring.

don't be caring all the time, she got to earn it as well.

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Thanks Fruz and Lodewijkp

Fruz, sorry to hear about your situation, having been through a horrible break up before I sort of know how you're feeling, hang in there, it'll all work out in the end


Thanks Ryan, I appreciate that, I usually do compliment her, tell he she looks beautiful, and I do tell her that she makes me happy etc.. occasionally, I just don't do it all the time, and I tend to pull her up on her shit too. Her past boyfriends were complete pansys, so that could be why she wants me to invest more. I'll try not to change the way things are, as they do seem to be going pretty well Thanks again

Ok....as said, there has to be a balance...at ALL times, no matter how far along in the relationship.

I really thought that I was doing good by being "Completely invested" in my last GF. After a year, trying to be that person she wanted literally came to an end but was prolonged by another 6 months of trying to fix what was already damaged...by then, it wasn't caring, it was supplicating and it was sickening now that I think of what I was doing!

There are moments that you should see that being emotional and caring is key. Bedroom, always, but don't forget that that should be fun as well, sex should never be a chore or serious!

If she is ill, tragedy in the family, work or school, then I'd consider being a little more interested in trying to help in some way, Those situations can be stressful and she needs to know that she can come to you for emotional support. You don't have to be the one to solve all her problems but if you are there to listen, you'll be ahead of the pack by a long shot! But then again, there is a line to draw, common sense right?

Try to find the moments that are important, don't sweat the ones that aren't.

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

There's a time and place for everything. In that situation, she probably wouldnt be feeling the best physically or emotionally so being a bit more caring than usual would have been the way to go.

she's programmed to seek afc behavior.

this was confirmed when i got to the part where you said "her past bf's were pansies".

the fact that you don't "fit the mold" is troubling to her.

because, she knows that in her previous relationships, there came a point in time where the balance of power shifted and she had them right by the balls.

she is starting to notice that this isn't happening with you, and it's an awkward and uncomfortable place for her to be. most girls instinctively want "the upper hand" in these situations. and you haven't granted her that.

now, i'm not saying she's a bad chick or conniving or anything like that.

what i am saying is DO NOT CHANGE WHO YOU ARE because she sent you these signals. these are her issues, not yours. you do not need to mold yourself to her emotional whims.

why?

because, if you get more "emotional", this week she will love you for it. and the next she will dump you for it.

when a chick calls you out on something like that, i feel it's best to swat it down right then.

be blunt...

chick: you aren't emotional enough. it bothers me.

me: (matter of fact fashion) i love you. that's about as emotional as it gets.

as soon as girls see that you dance for them (like a monkey) when they toss fruit at you, you are doomed.

ps: i'm sure her EX-boyfriends complied and got "more emotional" when she passively demanded it. yes, i'll bet her EX-boyfriends were more than emotional enough.

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i agree with mack .... that's why she got to earn it so it stays balanced...

balance in life is important , in relationships and personality.

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Nobody should be forced to earn anything in a relationship, that .

At what point does showing emotion at certain times = she has you by the balls? Between those 2 extremes in life theres multiple magnitudes of emotion. If you care for someone, you show it, you dont hide it and attempt to remain emotionless because you fear she will get the upper hand.

To me, fighting over whos in control is not a relationship. Relationships are the opposite of competing, instead you are working together. Relationships are enough effort to maintain, adding competition to it makes no sense. If you feel theres a constant struggle for power, then maybe you should rethink why you are in the relationship

no one said be emotionless.

what was said (to paraphrase) was "modulate" HOW you show your emotions.

no one said relationships are about fighting for control.

what was said (to paraphrase) is that female's routinely lack appreciation for those things that they perceive themselves to have control over.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!