Alright, I've been posting a few subtle topics on these forums for the last month now to try to slowly piece together my dilemma. At this point, I just have no idea what to do. I have been reduced to a depressed little bitch.

First, let me just get this out of the way: this girl is my ultimate One-itis. Never before have I felt this way about anyone. We're completely different yet alike in so many ways; it's just impossible to describe. In a way, I'd like to say we're a perfect match, but I know that would be a naive assumption. To date, we have been together for only 3 months.

Everything started off perfectly. We went on fun, unique dates, but only in moderation. We did not smother each other and made sure to give each other time for ourselves. We go to the same university, so we would often do homework and study together, and over time she started to become more attached and told me she was falling for me. I reciprocated this at an emotional level. However, she made it clear that she was not ready to be boyfriend/girlfriend yet, but promised she would remain loyal regardless and not date other guys. We eventually had sex (absolutely mind-blowing...like fucking a porn star) and things only got better from there.

One night, she told me that this would be the last time we could have sex without a condom because she had to temporarily stop using birth control due to health reasons, and she would be getting on a different pill the next month. No big deal, right? So we had sex, things continued the next few days as normal, then the shit hit the fucking fan a week later. Please take note of what I said about the birth control pill because I do believe this is possibly one of the issues.

I noticed she started acting strangely so I asked her if anything was wrong. She quickly admitted that she was still in love with her ex-boyfriend (who she had broken up with literally a few weeks before we started dating). She said that she did not have these feelings when we first started dating, but the emotional all came flooding back suddenly. She says that she will never be with him again because he's simply not someone who she can "take home to her parents" (he's a bit rough on the inside and out...she definitely has a point). She says that I am everything she has ever wanted but wants me to give her time to get over him before we take things to the next level. She said she wants to be over him completely so that she can devote herself to me completely, and that it is unfair to both of us if she does not give herself time for this. I agreed.

It has now been just under a month since this all happened. Since then, I have taken care to allow her to initiate all conversations. I took her out on her birthday recently and got her a nice sentimental gift along with a trip to get a full body massage to relieve her stress from finals week. She loved it, and we had a great day. Other than that, we haven't really done much together and communication has been VERY minimal.

But in the following few days, she has been more distant than ever. I guess I haven't really said much to her either, but I feel like giving her space is driving us further apart and it'll soon become irreparable. Is there something I can do or say to keep her somewhat close without smothering her?

As of Monday, she is now back on a new birth control pill. Should I wait it out and see if this helps things at all?

I know most of you are going to say that I need to man up and break up with her completely, but I'm not ready for that yet. So as an alternative, what do you all suggest I do at this point? What can I do to help both of us through this, and most of all, what kind of mental conditioning should I be thinking about in order to alleviate the depression and stress this is causing me?

Sorry for the novel and for throwing out a million questions, but as you can see I'm thoroughly confused in pretty much every way. Any insight, any answers to these questions, or anything at all would be greatly appreciated.

How often do you talk to her? Have you offered to listen to her open up about her feelings for her ex?

We used to talk every day, then it slowly dwindled and now here we are, barely speaking a word to each other.

I have listened to her multiple times and each time expressed that I understand what she is going through and am willing to give her time and space.

My GF had unresolved issues with her ex. I encouraged her to talk about them and I added my insight where appropriate. In doing so I probably sped the process up 10 fold. It depends on the breakup. Alot of the time people need closure. They have certain questions that are forever plaguing them and they cant find the answers to them. The most common one is "what did i do wrong". Sometimes people torture themselves with the thought that it was their fault the relationship broke down. Often its not and you'll have to determine the best way to convince them that (I pointed it out logically to my GF). If it was their fault then help her take steps to change and prevent her doing the same thing to you. (If its obvious she wont change, you might want to rethink the relationship if a repeat of that issue will affect you). At the same time my GF was there to listen to my unresolved issues, it was kind of like therapy for the both of us except we both took turns in the therapist's and the patients chair.

I cant guarantee that your girl will open up to you or that what I did will work, you know the full situation so only you can judge whether its will work or not. It will depend on how comfortable she is with you and how much she trusts you. Don't push her to talk, show her you understand what she is going through by being able to relate to her issues with similar issues you've faced and overcome in the past eg unanswered questions after breaking up

The only thing I can recommend you do is find time for you. We CAN'T tell you what you both should do as we don't know her side of things, we only hear yours.
As previously recommended, talk to her about her ex...they broke up for a reason, why the feelings all of a sudden, there has to be a reason for the flood of emotions to come rushing back to her...and I really don't think it's the pills.

If you give her time and she does not choose to contact you during that time, she is not truly wanting to reconcile with you...she is probably ready to move on. I know that's not something you want to hear, perhaps it's why you should talk to her...only then will you know for sure what is going through her mind.

If she needs space, give it to her...I know, easier said than done!

Honestly, what we say here will most likely be recommendations that you are not ready to try, like give her time or just walk away.

I know, I was where you are and with what I see recommended, I know it's for the best but had I posted my..."What should I do guys" questions here...I WOULD NOT heed the advice, why....because even though it was good advice to follow, I wouldn't because I needed to go through it fully...let her completely be out of my system and now she is...I wish I had known this sooner but I'm happy with myself that I tried till I knew I couldn't anymore, it took a lot and hurt like a son of a bitch to be without her...but it's for the better now.

Asses where you are with her...fully...don't post it here, just know where you are with her and decide what you want to do or can do for yourself to make you a better person, continue with it or just let it go...we aren't here to judge you whether you stay or leave, we are here to try and help you...but ultimately, you are the one that will decide what you want to do.

It seems like you are trying everything you can, if you tell her you are there and she doesn't bite, then she may no longer be at that point with you like she was in the past. If that's the case, it will take some time for this to register, easiest thing to do, it focus on you.

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

Honestly, the instant she mentioned having unresolved feelings for her ex, is the instant you should have make the correct decision to next her. Easier said than done I know. But you probably already knew about her ex. I mean, breaking up a few weeks before you and her started dating....reeks of rebound and you know it.

I know you THINK shes the one bablabla etc etc but shes just another girl. seriously, shes just another fucking girl.

taking her out for her bday was AFC and was probably another mistake.

your best bet at this point is to let her know that your seeing someone else and you think its best that she solves her issues on her own.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

I have already talked to her about it and I know all the details. The bottom line is, she doesn't want to be with him, she wants me in the long run, and she wants me to "wait" for her to fully get over him because she wants to be 100% devoted to me. The problem: how the fuck do I know how long that's going to take? Could be a couple more weeks, could be 3 months. Don't let her know, but I'd sadly be willing to wait that long anyway.

But why does she have to make the wait difficult? Why the isolation? Why the mixed signals? She's been texting me occasionally to tell me how much she misses me and says that life isn't the same when we're not together, yet if I say anything back she seldom responds.

And that leads to another problem...this PUA shit is all going to my head. I have it in my mind that I CANNOT ask her to go on anymore dates or even initiate conversations with her because I need to make her miss me as much as possible. But I feel that in doing so, it's only making things worse. It's gotten to the point that I think she is going through the same thing I am and we're both afraid to even converse at this point.

Once again, I KNOW it would be best to break up with her and end this shit here and now. I'm just too deeply emotionally invested to just end it like that. Much easier said than done.

I really appreciate the responses from everyone. Please keep them coming.

Personally I think she wants you to "wait" so that you don't go anywhere. She wants to make sure that she can still have you if she wants you. I know the situation sucks but the best thing you can do is to have minimal contact. If she contacts you great but I wouldn't initiate much...

You said she started acting weird after stopping her birth control pills. Well I remember reading something similar to this and chief posted a link to an article about how birth control pills can affect a women's choice of men.

From what I learnt, when a women takes birth control, it makes her believe she is pregnant and so she is more attracted to the more long term boyfriends who can be a good provider while if she is fertile, naturally she will be going after the more dominant males (hence her ex-boyfriend who according to you looks rough and 'not someone to being back to the parents).

Snarg I have been in your shoes probably 5 times now. I did everything and said everything you're doing and saying now. And every single time I got burnt. Everytime I was like "It'll be different this time, I treat her so well there is no way she wouldn't wanna be with me". The whole time these 5 girls were getting with other dudes on the DL and I was waiting because all they wanted was something they could fall back on when they were lonely. Just think about this Snarg. Do you want to wait around for someone who isn't sure what they want? for someone who hasn't done much of anything to prove she cares about your situation? Someone who's actions are always much less than her words? In my eyes, the only way this relationship could ever work out is if you leave her alone and make her see how long she can be without you. You clearly treat her well and you obviously care, and she knows it.. I feel that if she truly felt the same back she wouldn't take you for granted like she is.

Agreed. I broke it off with her last night, I'm sick of this shit. Thanks for helping me rationalize this whole thing.

what you need to realise is you didnt have to "break" anything off.

the type of mind frame you should be in is one of non dependancy on any sort of outcome.

and this needs to be ingrained in your long term strategy of game.

so in your situation, you have this chick on the fence, you realy like her, but shes effed up in whatever situation it is. but you as the male have to be a rock and remained focus on your own life. independancy, confidence, drive, ambition, is attractive.

so in your situation, heres what i would have done.

when she texts you, your respond, you bust on her, you make her laugh, you escalate sexually, you do whaetver the fuck you want basically, so long as you are amusing yourself.

when she doesnt text you, who gives a fuck.

and you, you dont text her or contact her, because you dont want shit from her. youre leading your life. her on the other hand, shes messed emotionally from her past relationship, she doesnt know what she wants. etc etc.

but the subliminal message you are conveying to her is that YOU DONT WANT HER.

eventually, she will come around, start asking you out, wondering why the fuck you never ask her. she will look back on the times you wer just there for her, responding to her when she needed it, and realise how much she likes that.

rather than you "braeking it off" or watever method you used/did.
you are being reactive to the whole situation. your demonstrating that youre bothered by the whole situation. its unnattractive. you get what im sayin?

I confirmed that she has been cheating on me with her ex for the past week or so. She also was just using me in school because I'm infinitely better at working on projects and studying for tests, so she was mooching off my success (hate to sound arrogant, but that's the fact of the matter). I don't feel the need to prove anything to her or hide my emotions, because as you all might understand, I couldn't care less if she died at this point.

The funny part is that the minute I finalized the breakup today, she was begging me to stay and said she'd change and sort things out and make things right between us. Fuck that.

I agree with Hobbit. Congratulate yourself for standing up. It only makes you stronger as a man and gets you that much closer to being an Alpha male.