I've been on an off with a girl at school for 6 months now. At first it was great and we'd fuck like crazy. I started having feelings for her and spent some more time together when all of a sudden she says she wants a relationship when I wasn't ready. She gave me an ultimatum to whether go out with her or not talk to her again so I chose the first. After 2 weeks or so I began losing attraction and she began wanting more time form me and kept coming over. It's been really confusing since I broke it off with her and she tells me I might have commitment phobia. I started reading into it and I do have some of the symptoms.

I don't know what to do. Should I go to a counselor or am I fine? Do I just have high standards in girls? If you have any thoughts or experience help me out.

I think you are fine...you don't need to enlist in the assistance of a counselor but by all means, if you want a second opinion, go for it.

The way I see it, if she truly had what you wanted in a girl, then you would take a chance at making it work, an honest, no holds barred attempt. The fact that she says you have commitment issues is merely a tactic to get you to say...Ok, let's try it...fuk that. Do what you feel is right for you, if you aren't up for it, then say it, I DON'T WANT A RELATIONSHIP YET...or better yet, I don't feel I am ready to fully commit, I can't explain why, but when I feel my heart is in the right place, you will be the first to know. The guilt trip shit is for the birds!!!

I do this all the time...but what if it were the other way around as most posts usually are...no one would fault her for not wanting to commit, better yet, everyone would say to the needy person, just leave...there are others out there...remember, abundance mindset!

What you are feeling is not out of the ordinary, simply put, you're just not that into her because if you were, then things would be different...it's just not your time yet, don't beat yourself up over this, you'll be fine.

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.

Do you know what you want out of a relationship?

This is a good example of why ultimatums don't work well. Your girl tried to coerce you into doing something you weren't ready for, and it backfired on her.

You don't have commitment phobia. You have "stick-to-your-guns" phobia!

(Trust yourself to make your own decisions, and be strong enough to follow through with them)

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- Lux et Veritas -

I was talking about this early with someone though. I've been on and off with this girl for around 8 months. I trust her, could always go to her for things, and she was an awesome fuck. Even when I didn't want to date her anymore and I thought I lost attraction, I still came to her for some reason. Like I feel like I have a half-life emotionally. I do and say things that affirm my intentions and feelings, but I negate then internally. When I get to close I make up doubts about that person and it's kind of a vicious cycle because we all seek intimacy and love but I deny it.

Does this make sense?

LOL .. you are fine don't worry... you are just doing what other people tell you to do.

first of all what do you want in or from a relationship ? what kind of relationship do you want , if you have no good concrete idea then the other person will have the leading role in the relationship.
she tells you about commitment phobia ? LOL , you shouldn't even be listenining to this but instead laughing...

THATS A TOTAL DLV ON YOU LOL... seriously ... she's wants more than you and she is afraid you don't want it. I've had if before with some blonde pornostar like woman - she tried to make me believe i had some problems just to get attention.
LOL you want to go to a counselor because she told you you have a phobia ? are you going to a counselor for yourself or her ? look there is nothing wrong with a counselor he will just tell you you have no goals in your relationship etc etc.
she fucking forced you into a relationship , you are just confused - phobia has nothing to do with value confusement.

Now grab a piece of paper and write down at least 10 things you want and expect from a relationship and why. Now write down 10 things you like about her , look how you feel. After this you need to write down 10 things you don't like about her.


anyway there are different types of relationships .... you have just plain relationships nothing special but nothing bad either and you have serious relationships ...... It's not true that you don't want a relationship - everyone wants relationships because it's fun. The question is Do you want a relationship with her ? or does it go too fast, and too serious too soon ? after you've written down some stuff choose the relationship type you want - you can even make a type yourself.

and high standards are ok, it means you wish the best for yourself.

now to her .... it's ok she wants a relationship with you - it's very good she wants one with you that's really a compliment even tho she's a nuisance.
you need to take a few steps :

1. Give yourself clearity first
2. Give her clearity
3. Take action

don't listen to other bullshit like you have some phobia or that shit , it only makes you more insecure.

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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I personally believe phobias and other minor psychological disorders are all bullshit. Seriously, look up the symptoms to the most common psychological issues such as OCD and ADD, and I guarantee you'll have almost every symptom. It's some stupid concept that society has engraved into our heads since people are so quick to put a label on everything rather than accept ourselves for who we are.

With that said, she gave you an ultimatum which is the worst thing she could have done, and she should have known better. In this kind of situation, an ultimatum is not the answer and she only made things worse for both of you. Stick to your guns and disregard her accusation.

I must say I don't agree with most of the pua's that write here.

It's only natural for a pick-up artist to want to keep his game up, and therefore he won't easily commit to someone. I really like the sensation of meeting other girls all the time, never knowing where exactly I will end up. To me it all seems like this big amazing adventure. Now I recently met this girl who I developed a major one-itis over. She is the woman of my dreams. Yet, I started to dislike my strong feelings massively. I don't like to have someone on my mind all the time, as it takes away my focus in life a bit. That's why I first manipulated her into a breakup without seeming like an asshole. Then I missed her and didn't know what I was doing letting her go like that and I made up with her. Then a few weeks later I broke up with her because I missed my freedom. I'm only 22, so I can make the excuse I'm too young for meeting the woman of my life. Then I started to realize she's actually perfect for me, and I thought if I cant do this with her, can I have a relationship with anyone else ever? I started getting into binding issues, and it seems I have all of the symptoms.

I'm telling you all this because you didn't provide me with enough information to know if you are in the same situation I am in. After thinking about it a lot and talking to people with the right type of life experience, I decided I would try once more with a certain goal in mind. My goal is the following:

I need to learn to have a relationship without getting feelings that really bother me. I really want to be able to take the most out of a relationship without losing distraction in the other beautiful aspects of life. This is a matter of becoming better at enjoying an intimate relationship.

If your situation is anything like mine, I suggest you try out a similar goal to mine. So far its quite rewarding. If it doesnt work, at least you worked on a new set of skills. After all, relationship game is totally different from casual gaming.


EDIT: I just wanted to add that there ARE a few things I dont like about her, but I'm quite sure its like that with everyone. When I think about what I miss of being single, those things blow up in my mind. When I think about her, those things seem like the smallest and most insignificant issues I could have with someone. I actually believe binding issues cause this stuff.

Did something happen in your past that may have caused these binding issues?