You guys are never going to believe this. This happened about 30 minutes ago. I do not consider myself a PUA. There are people in the world who are a hell of a lot better at picking up women. I know the rules of the game, follow them, and have had a lot of success. With that said, as many good things that happen to me, there are plenty of bad. Some will read this and think that it's not all that bad, but WOW!

So a couple days ago, I get a message from a girl on Match.com. I won't get into how I do not like dating sites. Let's just say that it's definitely geared towards women so don't waste your money. Anyway, she hits me up and I take a look at her profile. She only has two pics and my initial thought was that she wasn't very pretty. I respond to her message and she comes across as a very intelligent woman.

With some basic conversation, she sends over her number and asks me to call or text her when I get a minute. This morning, I get another message from her asking if i could help her with her cell phone. Something about her not being able to email or do anything with the internet. My profile says that I'm a systems engineer and I let her know that I'm good with computers, but haven't really tried my hand with cells phones that much. I do have a few cell phone programs and told her I would give it a try. I give her my address and she says that she would come over.

Another friend of mine texts and asks if I wanted to hang out today. I say sure and she says she will be over also.

My friend shows up first, and the first thing I notice is that she's not in the best of moods. I hop on the couch with my blanket. She sits next to me, jumps under the blanket, and says that she wants to cuddle.

Me: You know me better than that. I don't cuddle...
Her: But I want to...
Me: If you're cold, I'll get you another blanket
Her: But I like this one...
Me: Ok

I get up, head to the bedroom and grab another blanket. I come back and ask her what the problem is. Initially she doesn't want to talk about it, but then out of the blue, she breaks down and is close to tears.

Apparently before she came over, she was at the house of a guy she's been seeing on and off for a while now. It's always the same thing with them. He calls her up, she comes running, she wants a relationship, he doesn't and tells her this, yet she sticks around. Wah wah wah... blah blah blah.. Well each time they break up, she calls me up asking for advice. I give it to her, she doesn't listen and we fuck. It's a great relationship!

As we're sitting there, the girl from Match rings the bell. I open the door, and immediately know that she is definitely not the one for me, let along banging material. She has nice tits though.

She hands over her phone and explains the situation, and I get to work. While I'm working, both of them are very very quiet.

Me: #1, would you like to tell #2 about the problem you're having?
#1: I don't think she's want to hear me talk about this
#2: Oh, I'm good at listening... It's my job.. What's going on..

#1 pours out her heart and #2 continues to give her advice on everything that is said. I am in my on zone trying to figure this damn phone out. In the end, I figure out a solution and tell her everything she needs to do. After I finish, I tell them both that I need to run to the store to pick up some things to cook and ask if they'll both be alright alone in my house. They both said they would and I take off.

I come back with the things and start preparing for the meal. I ask #2 if she plans on staying around to eat and she says that she should be taking off. Apparently the two of them really hit it off because they hugged it out and exchanged numbers.

Fast forward to after I finish cooking.

#1: If I was to throw myself at you, what would you do
Me: I'd probably turn you down
#1: Really? Why?
Me: Yeah... we go through this all the time.. You ask me a similar question. I turn you down, in the end we bang it out.
#1: So if I was to drop to my knees right now and start trying to suck you off, you'd stop me
Me: Only one way to find out

We finish eating and are sitting watching a movie. I get a text from #2.

#2: Pleasure to have met you and your friend today. Thank you for taking the time to help me with my cell. Remind her that a persons current circumstances do not determine how far a person can go. It only shows where they start from. FYI, I think she's good people

#2: If you're interested in going with me, I have Jaime Foxx tickets for 5/20. Just let me know.

Me: Sounds really good, but I already have plans that day.. (I really do have plans)

I pass the message off to #1 and we continue to watch the movie.

Me: You ready to suck me off now?
#1: No... you'll just turn me down remember.. And I don't need the rejection
Me: Alright then...

I get up, walk over to her and she immediately lays back. I pull the guy out and she immediately grabs hold and starts stroking. I tell her that we need to take it to the bedroom and she's stroking me while we make the walk. The sheets are in the dryer so it's just the mattress and I was not about to mess it up. I bend her over and pull her pants down to her ankles.

#1: FUCK ME!

I throw it in, got 4 strokes in and felt I was about to cum. I pull out and tell her to get on top. We hop on the floor and she straddles me and goes to work. LITERALLY 1 minute later maybe less.

Me: I'm about to cum!

I blow my load and she's like:

#1: Noooo!! Don't cum yet!
Me: Too late for that...
#1: OMG... I can't believe this...
Me: LMAO!
#1: Don't laugh.. I'm mad at you now....
Me: Still LMAO!!

I roll her over, get up and jump in the shower. While I'm in the shower, she's standing outside looking at me

Me: What?
#1: I can't believe you!
Me: Hey... things happen.. Can't always be great...

We never finished watching the movie. She left shortly after. Before she left..

#1: I still can't believe that.. I was so close to cumming.. You know that tingle you get. It had just started
Me: What can you do?
#1: This isn't over! I'm gonna come back and get mine!
Me: Make sure you call first...

We hugged it out and she left... So there it is guys.. I thought it was hilarious. Hope you found some fun in it also...

I find it hilarious for the reasons u find it funny, but im also laughing at u...eat some pussy dude. If im fucking a girl I eat her out n get her off at least twice before I even think about putting my dick in. Also, I love to eat pussy, so im doing it for me not her. She's just lucky to be there. You need to work on orgasm control obviously...but if u know sometimes the first one comes quick...jerk off once or twice before the girl comes over. U will be more relaxed, be on nut 2 or 3 which is always alot more than 1...funny story, but I don't think its that funny to disappoint a girl sexually.

Nah... I'll pass.. Eating pussy are for women I actually care about.. Orgasm control... eh.. again, if I cared about this girl, I would try to hold out longer... jerking off before I bang a girl... eh... I guess that's something that can be done if you're for certain that you're about to get some, but again, why bother when it's someone you don't care about?

You are absolutely right...don't eat pussy unless u like her. Instead send her to me n keep texting her wondering whys she doendy hit u back

I don't normally do this but ur a fucking fag so here it is....U R A FUCKING CLOWN. Everything about u screms loser. Way go last less than two minutes in bed with a girl u fucking child. I used to come in less than five minutes...when I was 12. You "save" eating pussy?!?! It'd probably because you are horrible at it and figure well I can't make them cum anyways so I might as we'll just stick my 6 inch dick in and bust in three minutes. Everythi.g about you is a fucking loss. You lose. You think people on here respect you because you got a girl and couldn't satisfy her if your life depended on it?? No we laugh at you because somehow you think its cool to send a girl away without cumming...ya that's a win youfucking loser. Think about it...why would you want to lick up a girl that you couldn't please it yourlife depended on it. When you laugh off orgasm control, it is only because you know you could never fuck the shot out of a girl. Instead you go online and type about what a lousy fuck u r like we r gonna belike 'ya u showed her. Way to be a premature ejaculator
..how can I emulate u?!?!) You fucking little Bitch. How could you even attempt to post on this board?!?!? This place is riddled with losers who can't get girls, but at least they care. You would rather get layups, and not even make them cum. Everthing about you screams loser and I PRAY you come to Pittsburgh and bring a girl just so I can face fuck her and have her make out with you afterwards. I hope you respond you loserish fucking clown.

We are all laughing at you.

LMAO! I love internet thugs! Guys who hide behind a screen name and pretend to be the big bad guy.

One minute you're on my nuts saying how funny it was, the next you're calling me a loser? Ok buddy... You got me.. I'm a loser..

Wow... eating pussy must really be mandatory since I haven't done it and yet these women keep coming back for more.... Must be doing something right huh?

As for this site and the people on it, unlike others, I don't sit here and broadcast all my success stories without any of my failures. Did I cum quick, umm... yeah.. Pretty sure I just told everyone that. Do I care about it? Ummm... No... Shit happens. Every single lay is not going to be the hour long marathon with multiple orgasms.

As for you... Let me know when you're ready to "face fuck" one of my girls..... Send me your phone number or email address, and I'll be sure to pass it along to them so they can contact you. Hell, I'll even wing for you. Yanno, pump it up to make it seem you're not the douche you're pretending not to be on here.

Online thugs... you guys make me laugh... You really told me huh? Guess I'll crawl back to my little hole and stop gaming...

LMAO! You're worse than the guys I come across at the clubs... "Send her to me n keep texting her wondering whys she doendy hit u back"... LMAO!

Glad u enjoy my drunken rants...maybe u can gleam some idea on pleasing a girl n yes...every time u fuck CAN be many hours long, u just probably can't lol

Well good luck with ur situation, I bet it works out well n ur just rollin in pussy

Dude... how are you seriously gonna try to clown me on a post that I wrote, literally laughing at myself! You expect me to take you seriously with this? You're like the official "Internet AMOG" of MPUAForum.com. Let's think about this for a minute. I made the post, telling everyone how I came quick. Was it embarrassing? Umm... yeah! Was it something I wanted to do? Ummm.. no! Does it happen to the best of us? You'd be a liar if you said it didn't. Either way, I laughed it off and made a post of it. It was funny. I clowned myself.

This post became even more funnier when you came out with all these rants about "pleasing women", "keep texting her wondering why she doesn't hit me back". Did someone just scream AFC in my ear? Sorry buddy, but pleasing women is not in my job description. Now that's not to say that if I'm really into a girl and we have a wonderful relationship, that I won't do things to make her happy. What I am saying is that some girl that's just a FB and we both have an understanding isn't gonna have me bending over backwards to make her happy. She even said herself that she would be back to get hers and laughed about it just like I did. Seems like you were more upset about her not cumming than she was!

Moving on....

Wow... you actually got drunk and took the time to post to a thread of mine? I'm flattered! You know, usually when I'm out drinking, I don't come back home and hop on the internet to reply to a forum. I'm hoping you were out drinking instead of sitting home drinking then hopping on the computer because that just screams out LAME!

On from there....

Either way, I'm super happy that you're able to "please a girl" and last for many hours in the sack.. That's a great accomplishment. I'm sure many of these "losers" (your words, not mine) here will strive to be just like you. You should like make a post or something on how to please women in bed, and part of that topic could be how to last longer in the sack. Ask a woman and she will probably tell you that sex shouldn't last for hours. Multiple times, yes, but not lasting for hours.

Yes, I love getting pussy. Yes I get it often. Unfortunately, it's not pussy that I'm after anymore. I enjoy the satisfaction I get from being able to attract a woman to that point. When done properly, game actually works and I'm amazed at that.

Overall, if you're ever in San Diego, give me a shout. Would love for you to show me how it's done. Seems like you're doing it a lot better than I am in Pittsburg...

Anything else you have to say against me, I'm just gonna ignore from here on. Like I said, the fact that you even started was comical.

Breathe easy!

ROFLMAO!!!!!! Omg I had trouble breathing after that lol

This topic made my morning!

Wel I laughed for a while... well as long as my sore throat would allow me to. (I have a cold lol)

I totally understand not being into a chick and wanting to get your rocks off but in under 2 mins... Dude go see a doctor. There is nothing better than a good 2 hour roll in the hay.

As for eating pussy, each to his own, personally I don't do it ever. I'm no good at it and Ive never had any complaints about sex. lol.

Funny post though!

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I am what I am today, but tomorrow Ill be something different!

You seem like a cool dude. I still don't understand why you wouldn't want to last longer, even if you did not care much about the girl. Having a rep for amazing sex is mind boggling.

Me and this girl have had a long FB relationship.. She's had plenty of good runs, so I'm not worried about one bad day...