OK, so here’s the rundown (I've posted about this HB9 here before, but this is different territory):

I dated this HB9 for a few months, and I was 100% looking for an LTR at the time. Her bf before me was abusive and the one before him cheated on her. She is very intelligent and was incredibly hot. The first month or so that we dated went very smoothly. I was very Alpha and seemed like I could do no wrong. She was so into me, she would do things like cook me dinner, give me massages all the time, and give me road head when driving home from the bars. We had great sex» daily and I was really into her and she even took me around her family to meet them. Her twin sister liked me a lot and approved of me. Things were going perfectly until one night, her abusive past came into play and things just collapsed for me.

We were getting busy one night and I guess I got a little too forceful/physical with her (in a playful, sexual way – I would never hit a woman or get physically violent with her) and she just freaked out and said “stop!” Obviously I did stop (our clothes were still on at this point so it’s not like things got really heated or anything) and the look on her face suggested that I triggered some awful memory from her abusive past. She was pulling away when I tried to kiss her, but she always did that as a playful teasing sort of thing, so I thought she was still teasing me. Clearly, now I know she wasn’t playing and simply was not in the mood after a long night of drinking. Well, ever since that night she was distant and not wanting to stay over or have sex». She even mentioned that her Ex-Bf held her down and had sex» with her when she didn’t want to (I call this rape, although she didn’t use that word) and that she was damaged goods. Oddly enough, before we dated, I used that word to describe her to a friend of mine.

Anyway, this is when I became AFC because I truly was at a loss. I had never dealt with such a situation, so I gave her space and still continued to go out with her for a couple weeks without sex», thinking she just needed some time to get back to normal. When I finally had enough of her being distant and clearly trying to avoid me, I asked her if we could talk about it and she blew me off saying “I’m not mad, I just got freaked out that night and have been distancing myself.” She said she still liked me and knew that I didn’t intentionally freak her out. I let her know that I was interested in staying together and that I wanted to just start over, if possible. After getting nowhere, I cut off all contact for a few weeks and then cracked, like an AFC bitch, and invited her to go out for drinks because it would be a shame to waste a friendship and I just wanted to catch up. I did not mention anything from the relationship or even that I wanted to get back together, just that I wanted to remain friendly. She shot down that idea.

I have not made contact for over a month now and have moved on to banging other women, but I feel like it was a game that I lost and my ego won’t let me move past this HB9. I really want to fuck her again so I can feel like I have the upper hand. I’m being brutally honest about this so I can know what my objective is going into this. I view this as a challenge and I know there has to be a way to do it. I would entertain a LTR with her again, but for now, I’d really just like to get the communication opened up again so I can at least get her as a Fuck Buddy. Mind you, things did not end poorly, we simply stopped contacting one another. We never fought or yelled at each other or had hateful feelings, she just pulled away and I let her be. I feel there is an opportunity to re-kindle things down the road if I play it right.

My question is, given her past with abuse, and our history together, is this thing totally lost? What frame do I take to re-connect with her, and how do I go about doing it without seeming like I am desperate and need her back? Is she damaged beyond repair and this is something that is gonna keep happening? Even if you cannot lend advice on how to re-connect with her, I ‘d love to hear about your experience with abused women if you have any. Like I said, I feel like this is a challenge and I want to win. I will admit that it shook my confidence for a while and certainly threw me for a loop, but I am ready to tackle this again.

Thanks for your advice…

judging only by the title of this thread

RECONNECTING WITH A TROUBLED EX

i am going to say it's a bad idea

lol

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

it is a bad idea, but Im interested in 2 things:

- how to handle women who have had abusive pasts
- how to re-connect with an EX after behaving like a needy AFC bitch (which I think I did a little)

The only girl I have ever been head over heels in love with was an hb8 who used to get raped by her older step brother when she was like 8 n never said anything cause her home life was beat...its crazy tho when they say 40% of girls have had some sort of abuse they rnt lying. ALOT of girls I know have had bad ish like that happen to them so its definitely valid to wonder how to deal with this subset of the female population.

With my ex, we used to fuck constantly 3-5 times a day n she was kinkily amazing. One thing I realized is although she has had bad shit happen, its a bigger issue for ur consciousness than hers. All her problems r hurried deep in her subconscious n that's why when thy pop out it is nuts. For you its always on the forefront which means u r projecting that energy. That means if u keep worrying if u will make her uncomfortable by doing something, u WILL make her uncomfortable. With these girls I have found they are alot of fun, but when their craziness pops up its intense. If I were u I would just let her go. Enjoy what u had, chalk it up to she needs to work out her ish, n go be the man. If u r living great its he best way to have a chance of fucking her later.

I fucked my ex a couple months ago when she was having issues with her bf, the one after me. (They were together for like 3 yrs) it was pretty cool becuz I enjoyed knowing I could, but she was going trough crazijess n thought her bf would kill her or her dog, so after it fucked me head up for like a week. Not because I wanted to be with her, I just felt so bad that someone I used to love so much was in such a shitty situation. My advice is to stay away my friend...get ur shit good n it will all work out. She isn't the only nine

deja vu lol...

there is not way you can have a healthy relationship with such person, people like this will always have issues regarding trusting other people.
i tried to reconnect with my ex ... she called me names and was totally disrespectfull, i would never take her back and i would never have relationships with girls like this ever again.

when you let her make the association with bad memories such as abuse you give her bad emotions and she backward rationalize these emotions to you.

a way to deal with these girls is not to talk about their history.... ever , if you get into the trap of being her psychologist there is almost no way getting out. don't talk about it and above all don't give a shit..... just cut-off the topic. if she's flaking alot in or out the relationship you shouldn't contact her at all , just ignore.

yeah i know .. hot girls with problems are easy to get , but hard to keep.

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AK-47...When you absolutely positively have to kill every fucking orc in the room
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IMHO...I wouldn't try again. You either want to be with her or you don't, but don't make this out to be an ego boost fuck! HB9...ok, I don't blame you there, but really, there are other HB9's out there...leave this one be.

Honestly, I feel it's alot of time to invest to see if you can crack the legs open again and really, for what, you have been there before and you know she is damaged...just let her be!

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You can't make the same mistake twice, the second time you make it, it's no longer a mistake, it's a choice.