First I need to say that you might find my english kinda annoying, since Im from Uruguay and barely studyied english at school I might not make myself very clear.
But still I will give it a shot =3

Im gonna start this journal with a few weeks ago FR when I met a guy that is interested in these arts too.
Since Im in a little country I was amazed I found someone else and in the other hand exited about the thought of him being more experienced than I am and could teach me some lessons.

We met in a nightclub half empty (it`s summer here and half my city is out of the country or in other parts of it), so the club was kinda dead. Just a few women in there.

So here comes this guy who presents himself wearing a hat, long haired and with what it seemed to me of a fools face, not a smart guy.

We go in, buy a bear and the man asks me about my personality. Long story short; despite the bad looks the man had, he started to open girls in every way with no good results. But still, the guy had confidence.

That night was eye opening for me, he pushed me to open sets and helped me getting over my ego for a while. Also it was the first time I opened with a wing in my life "knowing" what we were doing or at least trying.

Didn`t get mucho more then hi`s from girls that night.
In order to put an end to this episode, this guy started to asking me to go out on daygame wich I never tryied and kinda pushing me everyday, I refused and he answered me that I was excusing myself out of fear. I like night game and he likes daygame, havent heard of him since then.

Yesterday I went out with a friend and another guy interested in this PUA material, he`s shy so we started to open sets just to get over AA.
I opened my first set: two HB`s 8 and said: hi girls, are you shy or something? We where standing here for like 10 minutes now and you havent said a word to us.

I was totally ignored, girls kinda laughed and continued talking.
In the heat of the night I`ve said hi to lots of girls, wich makes me think that Im over AA, but in the other hand, my conversations leads nowhere. A new issue to solve.

So this friend opens a 3 set in the balcony teasing one of the girls about a comment she said to her friends, and the set joins us while smoking.
I know one of the girls is interested in my friend couse she`s like facing him and talking to him, so I go for my target and ask her about her night. She has no interest in me I can tell, just being polite while having a smoke.

So now that I think Im over AA, what am I doing wrong? I know I have problems including kino in my openers, but anyway this is my first FR; the first of many.

I don`t know where should I lead my conversation neither what my goal is once I opened. Seems to me there is lack of structure in my game, if I can call this gameing.

Thanks for reading!
Bond.

Well; here are last friday events in my journal.
I met with a so called "sarging artist" right here in my area. We decided to go out sarging.
Waited for five minutes and the guy shows up, about 25 years old, well dressed, the guy seemed cool.
So we entered a bar to drink a beer and talk about this whole PUA stuff, if the guy`s an artist I thought that he must know a lot.
We shared some book knowledges but seemed to me that he havent read a lot of stuff, even less in english. Won`t matter, the guy still can be epic in the dancefloor.

So an hour later we where entering the nightclub and chillin a bit.
He points a girl to me and says that he knows her, the chick was a 7 and her friend was a really fat old lady. I started asking for advices on how should I approach or what`s the most important to have in mind and stuff. The guy wont answer me, he kinda deflected till he said to me that he can say to me things like: go for that girl, shes interested, or something.

Well I offered myself to entretain the fat chick so he can approach the 7, so I did and isolated the fat lady, she was cool and clearly trying to get me but she was 32 years old and I don`t like fattys

After a 10 minute conversation I told her I was going for a drink and left her without dancing. This guy didn`t k-clossed the 7, I started to doubt a bit.

On the dancfloor he approached like 4 more girls, never k-clossed and got a couple of phones after dancing.

The night was a bitch indeed, but there where a couple of hotties the guy wont even approach, neither did I but Im barely starting to overcome my AA.

So thing is I was kinda disapointed and two days ago I went inside his blog to realize the guy is charging now.
He has "packages" of texting services if you have questions, a live service if you wanna meet and ask him personally, and a sarging service in wich he will open with you 2 sets and then you will open 4 more. A total of 6 sets for 30 bucks, wich in Uruguay is indeed expensive.

I don`t wanna make this PUA life a business, I wanna do seminars and I understand no one lives for free, but the night we met the guy wont even give me advice, and 6 sets wont teach fuck to anyone.
So I`m kinda wanting to be better and kick this guy`s ass.

I approached like 4 sets that night, not one would respond except for the fatty
I wanna focus on what Im doing wrong but I cant see clearly what`s my biggest problem. I guess first I should approach like lots of sets to be good.

Hello again readers!

My weekend sucked! Big time.

Friday night: went out with one friend, the place was full of women, we were all exited about it and almost didn`t shit. I`m barely approaching and my anxiety is growing more and more every time I go out. I`m really thinking of taking salsa lessons and not going out for a while till I get good at it. But I know it`s just me escaping the fact that I have AA, and the only thing that will take it away is embracing rejection.

Last night we went again to the same place, again crowded and really cool. So we smoke some weed and started drinking beer when a girl hits me in the head.

I look at her and she`s this 7 HB that did fencing with me. There is a small story behind, let`s just say we both were flirtatious whit each other and last night was no exception.

Ok so I found the girl and then we split, my friends starts telling me about going after her and shit.
We ran to each other once more, I grab kinda put my hand on her belly, she just passing by, then we take hands till she goes.

Thing is, in one of my moments of drunkiness and high it occurs to me that I should send her a text.

Bond`s text: You wanna kiss me!

I know, I know, how could I?
No response. I forget about the whole matter and go inside again. When we meet at the line she says: no, I don`t. I didn`t understood shit and get inside while she got outside.

Then my friend tells me: dude, that was she answering your text.

So as you can see, Im gettin worse at the game, I just blew a chance I had with a cool girl. Im not gonna obsess over the subject, but hell we both wanted each other till I was so smart to give her a reason to send me to fuck off.

Approaches after that were only a few and with no results.

Im getting lost in this sea of PUA and I can`t find north.

Aren't you putting too much pressure on the opener? From what I have read it looks like you're opening and expect the rest will come from itself.

You could use "hi girls, are you shy or something? We were standing here for like 10 minutes now and you havent said a word to us."
just as an opener for the sake of having opened and go right to another topic. (say something bout the place, the people in here or ask them a question that leads to conversation).

I think you should write more about your game and your thoughts instead of just describing how the night went, because now there is not alot to comment on.

Wouldn't it be better to set some goals? I know you don't want to plan everything, but I think you should at least know where you want to go to so that you know what to train on.

grtz Illogic

Well I might have achieved something.

Friday night went out with this guy who`s into this PUA stuff and it wasn`t really a productive night. Good thing is that I think I found my cool state of mind that helps me overcome AA. That night every set the guy pointed was a set I`ve opened. I admit, we could and should have opened a lot more but I do consider this as getting good.

Now I have a couple of goals in my mind:

1. Get over AA and the opener pressure to focus more on what comes after saying "hi" or whatever.
2. Adding kino to my game once and for all; goddammit I never doubted so much about something in my life. I kinda put too much importance in words, even knowing that kino is what really gets the job done.
3. Stop being fake and gaaaaaaaaaaaay. My friends told me that when I wear this mask Im like a guy full of cliches, totally fake and everyone notices it. Problem is, it`s hard for me not to put the mask on, my bitch shield constantly on.
4. Take the pressure I constantly feel off my back. Im full of desire to becoming better so I can teach this arts to other men, to end up alone in the middle of the night same way I was almost my entire life. I want to understand and love the game, and act according to it.

On my mind that night: Almost every approach I made was welcomed, girls wasn`t exactly opened to everything but they were on for a talk. That`s when I see that opening isn`t really the problem, the thing after opening it`s the hard part.
Scenario is a nightclub, so after a little talk asking if she comes around often or anything that pops out of my mind I ask the girls to dance wich ends up the interaction after they refuse. Im not confident enough yet to pull them by saying something like: come dance with me, while pulling her ass to the dancefloor.

My biggest problem is that Im too aggressive when going after the kiss, and I know k-close isn`t that important of a goal but fuck, I wanna kiss em all.

The most objective thing I`ve noticed on this nights out is that, seems to me that almost every girl in here wants really bad to ear your attention. And by this I dont mean they are begging me to pay them attention, they are begging the guy who has ALL of the attention.

I guess that a bit of mystery method with some hard kino should do the trick, but Im not that good at building social proof and to be honest I dont really care.
I dont want to be the center of attention, either building mystery on some stranger to get her in muy bed.

Questions keeps adding in my head and right now I wanna get good at this art, so when the day comes that another men has as much questions and troubles that I have or even more, he can find a guide; the one man that I couldn`t find in here.

Saturday night: Univ. party. Went out with my best friend and his girlfriend wich had a friend that I kinda liked. Dont know if we`ll meet again, Imma ask for her facebook. The girl was kinda shy wich I liked a lot.

Well thing is that we started drinking and a couple of girls gave me the eye wich I barely responded by keeping eye contact in a playfull way. I didnt approach so the was my problem.

After a while this chick approach us and starts talking to girlfriend, till she says something about me and starts convo with me. Yup, the girl opened me

We are having conversation, Im about to go kino on her and start dancing when she suddenly puts a hand on my chest, looks like far away from me, and leaves without saying shit.

There was this other blonde dude on the dancefloor whom she probably knew from before and they spent the whole night talking and shit. My friend took it really bad, said I was an asshole and shit but hey, girl leaves suddenly without a word just to run to this other dude, thats not the type of girl Im into anyways.

So my friend leaves to give a good fuck to his gf and I end up with another friend I knew was inside the club with two chicks (one was a hottie .

I meet with him and start talking while a bit dancing when I notice hottie starts dancing showing me some signs ( open body lenguage to me, looks at me, smiles).
So my friend takes the other girl for a dance and I invite this hottie with me =)
She likes it, I can tell. Spin her like 5 times and ask for her name; Elisa she says and I say mine`s Martin, just in case my friend forgot to mention.
So Elisa, now we are on first name terms: would you like to kiss me.
I don`t know, she replys; lets find out was my answer.
I kiss her and the girl literally ate me alive. She really wanted to kiss me and went for it with all she got. We were in the middle of the dancefloor and I knew this other friend had arrived to the club. I asked her to go somewhere else so we can have a more private session, she agrees and we head outside.

We kissed a bit more like just about to fuck each other brains out, I could feel the girl ejoying it so much just over some passionate kisses, and so I tell her I gotta go to my friend but that I want to continue this some other time. Pull cell out, let her intrduce her number and called her to have my number.

Turns out she`s 17 and Im 22 but fuck it. I just added her to facebook and lets see how this goes.

I felt like a major confidence after doing this and having all those eye contact with other girls. I hope I can keep up with this ryhtm and even improve at it next time I go out.

Wanna feel what they say about you gettin more confident and women after having the first 3 or 4 targets closed.

My goal for the moment is to be more confident in my skin wherever I am and take things with girls as far as they want to =)

Long time no see.

Last night was a bit eye opening. Here is the scenario:

Went to a club that the few last times was mostly boring with my 2 best friends; we started smoking some weed and drinking beer at some tables near to the dancefloor.
Suddenly, two girls approach us direct to the table, one of theme (the hotter one) sits on the table facing both of my friends, the other one who wasnt hot but not ugly either starts talking to me with her legs touching mine and all.

I wasnt too nervous, but we did knew they were after de beer, for some reason I dont like that very much. Anyway I started flirting a bit with the one talking to me, she asked about football, told her I wasnt that into soccer and her mouth was really close to mine. At this point one of my friends was kissing the other girl, really alpha of him, and this girl started to worry about her gf. I told her we should leave em and have fun in some other place, wich she refused.

For a reason I cant figure out the trace got cold, the girl stopped faceing me and was more focused on her gf. Maybe was that the beer was gone. Point is: this girls were using us. Im starting to think women are always looking for guys to use.

They took off and I realise the girl who was my target forgets her ID on the table. My friend takes it and gives it to me: we should find em and you should give it to her.

Well, I did. We found em and I gave it to her, she hugged me, thanks, blah blah. We started dancing. When I think Im about to kiss her, she grabs my hand and her gf tooks my friends hand and takes us to the middle of the dancefloor.

What was so important at that middle of the dancefloor? Well, 4 guys, one fat guy who started kissing my target wich made me laugh.
In one hand both girls used us and letted us standing like fools in the middle of the place, they were 19, we are 22.
On the other hand, my target made me hot for her just to show me she has a really fat boyfriend.

I felt used but not mad, this whole thing was my fault for not seeing it comming.

So what do you think? How can I be that guy who girls cant use in their favour, except on the sex subject?

If I got fooled by ninteeners that means I must be sending an image of: hi, Im a bit of a fool, want to take advantage of me? =)

Some good advice on structure for my journey by AFC Daniel:

1) My dream
2) My blocking points
3) Solutions
4) Applying solutions

1) My goals (Dreams):

I want to understand feminine psychology and nature, get a lot of experience with lots of women all over the world so if the day comes that I marry to one woman and one only, I`d be happy with her for the rest of my life. That`s my real goal not at pua, but at life: I wanna be happy, no matter what. No matter a 60 years of challenge by the side of one woman; no matter by sacrificing what I thought or think it`s important, no matter letting my ego go.

So at this point I`m young, I know I`m going to read this in a while, maybe 6 months from here, maybe 6 years, and I`m going to laugh remembering all the journey that took me from now to whenever I`ll be.

A word about living in the now: I want to be able to shut my mind when I want to, I want to feel the power of now on a regular basis. Don`t want to feel the taste of it for a second, I want to build a lifestyle on the subject.

2) My blocking points

I want to be in control all the time, I have this urge to know the truth about everything and fear of being lyied to. If I know something`s for sure, then I`m alpha about the subject. But most of the time I`m insecure about everything; that includes my future, my study, my life in general.

The more I knew about things, the less secure I was about what I knew. Kind of the more I know the less I know thing, but making me really insecure at everything.
Yes, sometimes stopped me from making big mistakes that I would have easily made if I was that simple little boy who knew so little.
I won`t be able to understand lots of things, actually most of the things, but I want to live happily with it, not scared.

I fear the outcome, I`m afraid of what may happen if I do things; what the reaction would be and what consecuences will have for me.
This is overthinking at it`s top: my brain working even when I`m in bed trying to sleep at nights and getting every passing minute more frustrated than the other.

My ego.
My biggest sticking point it`s my own ego.

3) Solutions.

Letting go of that ego that I hate so much. It`s so huge that most of the times controls me, if not everytime.
Wont let a minute pass by without suggesting me something. I relate it with my intelligence, and I have high steem for smart, but this is not being smart; this is being a man chained to his thoughts.

The solution is living the now with all my being, brain and body. I`m starting to think I should go back to meditate like when I was a teenager, to get the truth from inside instead of outside.
It seems that everyone wants to give us their advice on what reality is and how we should face it, instead of encouraging us to find it within. Peacefull warrior all the way with this; I need to find the real me and embrace him instead of ignoring or cuestion his nature.

4) Applying solutions.

This might be a little crazy, but maybe it`s time to get crazy to change the way I see things.
I`m talking about building a new me, finding the way of making the best out of every situation and learning from my mistakes to never make èm twice.
A new Bond should come from out of this, a more happy, more joyfull man that sees life with the same eyes as when he was a kid.
This is a strange method I`m having second thoughts to apply, but basically I`m going to pretend the new people I meet are kids, and I`m one too. So there is nothing to be afraid or scared of; I`m going to be that young Martin who was excited to meet new friends to play with, no matter for how long and where or what social class the other person is.


From this point on I think this journal really starts; now I have some structure that it`s what I was really looking for and hope it`s easy on the eyes for you readers.


Thanks for your support.
Bond.

Really long time without posting.

I feel like getting this outta my system:

Last Night Events:

I have this friend I met in law school, we were really good friends last year couse we shared a class.
Well, this year we were kinda apart, I was almost all the time playfull with here; asking her if she missed me and if she wanted to marry me an such.

Turns out I ask her via facebook last weekend and she says: how does this work? Do we take a coffee first? Do we skip coffee? Do we skeep marriage?
So I tell her Imma take her to the best restaurant and ask her with a ring; she says ok but no dinner, she doesnt want it to be formal.

So I toke her yesterday for a coffe to a nice place. We kinda catch up on each other and then she started to get bored, she told me about a dude she was dating for two months now and that she does not know anything about for like a week now, so she didnt wanted to text the dude, she is too pridefull.
I say thats ok, that she shouldnt; but youll see, this is my main problem. Im always being the girls shrink, thats not cool. Friend zoned.

So I walk her to her apartment and she invites me in. I think to myself: Holy shit! This could be really good.
She lives with her best friend and the friend joins our convo, I felt kinda weird.

Guys, I really like this girl, but I think Im friend zoned and to be honest I dont wanna waste my time in a girl who wont be with me.
I did some light kino but never got past that, goodbye was all friendly and Im thinking she did it just to cathc up. Thou she was really nice dressed wich made me think she is in some level interested.

Im having second thought on inviting her out again, mainly couse I dont think she will say yes. But one thing is for sure: if that happens I have less than a week to take my game to the next level. Time pressure is ok, Im not going anywhere on my own, if I dont push it Imma stay at the same poor level.

Id appreciate some good advice on what to practice this weekend that I could apply on this girl.

Friday, August 26th.

Had a good day, went to class, then to work and fencing after; when my friends call me and say we should get together and chill for the night.
I agree, told em to come by to my place at 23 hs.
They get here and at 00 hs we were headed to out local bar that serves a really good green beer, the place is the Shannon Irish Pub in Uruguay.

On our way there we see a bunch of girls, I apply my newbie mission style and say hi to em while my friends laughs and the girls wont even say hi back, they just keep walking.

One of these group of girls dont say hi either, but they seem lost.
They start to follow us and get to the same place, there are other bars in the area so we get inside the Shannon and forget about the topic.

We were smoking weed in the street, so I was already in a happy mood. We order the first beer and when we are finishing it I notice that the girls are looking for a table; my table had 2 spots open so I salute em and pulled a chair inviting em to sit.

They did, and it turned out they were from holland, first grade teachers, and wont speak spanish. The one next to me was an 8, the other one was a 6.
So I start speaking in english to this girl, and so did one of my friends, while the other one was really quiet and only drinking.

Things are going well to me, Im in a good mood, and my friend decides to tell one of the girls I work for Inmigration. This is bullshit, I work at passport, we only do that and nothing related with Inmigration in here. But this gets the girls attention in a bad way, so I pull out my wallet and show em the police ID I have and explain that I only make SPAM. Odds were against me.

So a few minutes of fluff talk with my target and even thou she told me she had a boyfriend in Argentina at the moment, I asked her if she would like to kiss me.
She told me that was a very personal question but what she meant was no, or so I think.
In an hour or so she started saying I was an asshole and that my quiet friend was the nice guy, wich made me say: nice guys finish last. This coused a massive effect on em, they were like really mad at me and arguing that was bullshit. Gotta keep my mouth shut more often.

So I got bored, thinking these girls were using us for drinks and spending the time, so I orderder the check.
We payed and thats when alcohol + weed did its thing. I was having a hard time getting to my place, lucky for me it was really close.

My friends went to the hotel the bitches were staying (nothing happened of course, not even a good night kiss).
And they get back to my place, at this point Im laying on my bed, world is spinning like shit.

So a couple of lessons learned here:


[/b]
1. Do not mix alcohol and weed, I simply cant take it.
2. It seems Im no longer the good guy, I did for all my life and I am on the inside, but if I ask for a meaningless kiss I get the bad guy reputation
3. Do not pay attention to the girl that joins your table, even if you were the one inviting em.
They were loving the attention and we were simply following up their game.

FUCK.

A lot of shit has happened in my life lately, has almost nothing to do with the topic Im used to talk about in here, but since Ive read in one of hobbits replys that this is therapeutic Im giving it a shot.

You`ll see, my grandma broke her ankle falling to the floor in my building.
This shit turned on more tragic events later, becouse of her brain condition ( she has brain strokes) she couldnt recognize neither my mom, not my sis or I.

That was fucked up.
Add to that the fact that my mom was crying her eyes off becouse of this, and seems to me that she`s a bit of a child on this subject, shes not ready to see her mom like this. I dont know if I will be when the time comes, but on this case I needed to act.

I spent the most horrible night I ever had in a hospital bed, next to my grandma who was directing to me as: mister; while she thought we were at her old school.

I died inside one more time, but the most scary part to me is that, in all this time I havent shared a tear.

I couldnt cry, even thou I understand that shes getting old and that she cant live alone no more, watching her in that hospital bed not knowing who I was wasnt enough to brake me.

Im starting to think I have some feelings repressed inside of me, and that I keep adding more to the ecuation; I know someday that bomb will explode.

Grandma is fine now, she recognizes us all and knows shes at her place; but things have changes since then.
My mom complains about my sis and I leaving her all day alone with her; while we are going out or something but we do care.

Anyway, some of my personal problems are in here wich I have no problem to share couse its not like Im going to meet any of you in my life.

Cant say either I feel a relief after writing this, I guess Im a bit dead inside when it comes to this ( no emo ).