Okay guys so I can admit to myself that I have an ago. I'm a good looking guy and I know it. Due to this I can't approach women in fear of my my confidence being crushed. I realise I need to take a long hard look at myself and realise that I can't rely on these looks. I went out tonight and a lot of girls tried to dance with me but I just showed disinterest. The thing is I was interested, but I worry that they'll reject me? I have a routine planned out in my head but I can't seem to execute it.

I punched a brick wall tonight in anger because I know I want to do but my ego and confidence is getting in the way! I've had a few tears too. I'm becoming very frustrated because of this! I need some harsh words of advice. I'm desperate to overcome this arrogance because it's stopping me from what I want to do.

I know this is probably a bizarre thing to worry about, but it really affects me. Any advice or tips? I'm prepared to be brought down a few pegs.

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In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out.

You are the prize! Not the women. You! When you wake up in the morning look in the mirror and say positive things about yourself. Train your sub-conscious to react positively and your actions will be improved.

Don't hate the player. Play the game!

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"If you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried."

There's a lot at play here, but this is my take on everything. So here's some tough love:

(1) You're not truly confident if you can't approach women because you're afraid your confidence will be shattered.
(2) When women approach you and express interest, you show disinterest? Wtf man!? They haven't rejected you, so why the fuck are you still fearful of rejection? When girls are clamoring over you, fear of rejection should be miles away!

Based on those 2 things--from my perspective--you don't have any confidence to begin with. Logically, something that doesn't exist cannot be destroyed, so stop trying to protect it. (It may be that you're mistaking "self-image" for "confidence." They correlate, but are distinct.)

It seems your entire self-image AND self-concept revolves around your looks. So really, what you're trying to protect is this idea in your head that you're a really attractive person. This is an important thing to protect because that's how you define yourself. You need to really figure out who you are as human-being. Go make a list of 15-20 things of what makes you "you." What are your (positive) personality traits, strengths, hobbies, passions, aspirations, etc.? Anything related to looks does not go on this list. Be honest with yourself too, don't put something down that isn't really true.


Stop thinking so much. As Bruce Lee said, "don't think, feel." The perks of being attractive are just that: girls are attracted to you and a lot of the work is already done. You just have to carry yourself appropriately (don't be needy, try-hard, etc.) and get some fun conversation going and you pretty much glide though the attraction phase. Showing sincere disinterest in girls that approach you is not a great idea.


That's total bullshit dude! Confidence can never get in your away! I'll be blunt: you have no confidence. What you have is a very shallow self-image, and an undeveloped self-concept. The only things getting in your way is fear and an apparently under-developed self.


Often, we become arrogant in order to cover up weakness that we really don't want to be discovered. Take responsibility and stop lying to yourself. You make it sound like your arrogance is some all-powerful being that has control over you. You are responsible--not your fears, not your emotions--YOU.

Once upon a time I was in your shoes.
I used the fact that I'm attractive as a reason to not approach HB9's and even HB10's, with the excuse that "I can do better than that." Really though, I was scared. Because of this, I didn't even kiss a girl until college (she approached me). That removed a lot of the fear. I'm about ready to graduate now and things have completely changed. Girls still approach me all the time, but I at least have the balls to make things happen myself. And you know what? I sometimes failed. But I at least tried.

Bruce Lee once said "Knowing is not enough, we must apply. Willing is not enough, we must do."
[Can you tell I'm a huge Bruce Lee fan? This sounds silly, but two years ago I stumbled upon "How Bruce Lee Changed the World" on TV. That shit truly inspired me and changed my life. Watch it, it can maybe help you too. In a similar vein, next time you're pissed go listen to "Airplanes Part II" and I mean really listen to the message in it and the apply it your life]

As human-beings we can decide to change or stay the same, and we all love to feed our egos. But what do you think will feed your ego more: fucking two hot girls at the same time, or being alone in your bed because you're afraid? Ditch the fear. Go find yourself. Define yourself. Reinvent yourself. Do whatever. But most importantly: NEVER CONFIRM SELF-LIMITATIONS.

Also, be sure to have fun and don't be a pussy.

Thanks for your advice guys.

I guess I'm trying to mask my insecurities about myself with the term "confidence" but you're right in saying that isn't true.

The thing is...I'm incredibly competitive and try to be the best at everything and obviously this can't be the case.

However, it'd odd because I do genuinely feel confident in how I convey myself and my image to others, but in the environment I become insecure and worry about what people think of me.

I'm going to list these 15-20 things and post back to let you know how I got on.

P.s. I'm going to watch that Bruce Lee program now!

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In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out.

You built your confidence with egg shells? It's an excuse. I don't relate because my confidence doesn't come from needing acceptance, it comes from knowing who I am and what I want.

But in seriousness how many times have you been rejected? It feels good. It will feel even better for you, like a weight has been lifted.

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

I can also relate to your problem because I used to feel like this when I was younger, and still do on occasion. What you are feeling is actually your insecurities masking as your ego to protect yourself from having to admit you are insecure. Got it? Good.. haha

You are your own worst enemy! You haven’t even been rejected yet and you’re already losing the game! The good thing is that you have natural gifts that already make women attracted to you- you are starting at a higher platform than many of the guys on this site- so don’t squander it!!!

You probably do feel confident in many aspects of your life, but clearly you have some work to do- one of the big ego hurdles that I can think of is “I’m better than that girl, why should I need to put in work to pick her up??” Ironically, this mentality usually pops into your head when you are in front of a girl you actually want to meet. As Lax Bro said – what would make you happier, F-ing that girl next to you or being alone because you were afraid of being rejected??? Sounds pretty cut and dry haha She doesn’t have to be your future wife for you to go up and start a conversation!

Next time you’re out and feel this ego thing coming over you, STOP- clear your mind of any thought whatsoever, don’t even have a routine in your head because you will start projecting forward. Overthinking is a KILLERRRR. Now just act- IMMEDIATELY. It literally doesn’t matter what you say. The point is to get over the insecurity you feel. Like Infamous said, lifting that weight will feel amazing and long overdue!

You guys understand exactly how I feel and in great detail and you're all totally spot on too.

It's really quite bizarre because I started working out a few months ago (I took Creatine and Whey) and I was feeling pumped and it was such a rush. The testosterone was really flowing! Shortly before I stopped taking the Creatine I went out and kiss-closed 5 girls in a nightclub (this isn't my home town so I've always had a slight issue of not being in my comfort zone but I was happy with this sarge). Unfortunately there wasn't much talking as most of them took place on the dance floor!

Since I stopped taking the Creatine my sarges (can't really call it that I guess as I haven't done anything but you know what I mean) have just been rubbish. I'm not putting it down to something as little as a supplement for the gym because even then I didn't really approach girls.

I'm extremely insecure with how I look and how I am conveyed to and perceived by people (when really I shouldn't give a damn).

My friend mentioned to me last week that I had a 'face like thunder' all night - even on the dancefloor! Why wasn't I enjoying myself? My insecurities and AA got the better of me. If truth be told I feel like it is ruining my life.

I feel like I'm one of the many guys who just waits for something to happen and I need to get over this and start approaching.

My plan is to walk towards a set of girls then over the shoulder say "Hey girls did you see the fight outside?" then work from there. I think before I try to do too much, I just need to open sets.

I'm going to face my fear head on and crack it. I'm still young at 22 and have plenty of time to develop my game.

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In life, people tend to wait for good things to come to them. And by waiting, they miss out.

Hey girls did you see the fight outside?" .
To be honest mate i wouldent use that chat up line canned stuff do help for some people but not for me id go with a much better opener a fool proof one an its as simple as hi thats it espicaly in clubs where i dont realy apply direct in clubs because you just come off as a pisshead.

But try it just a hi then let the conversation flow from there if you say ur good lookin then 99% of girls will atleast have a converstation with you if your body language is good even if your not that good lookin like myself. but i still think of myself as the shit

Im sure thats girls know that if there real bitchy and you may actually be the one for them an they may fudge it up so they will atleast give you a chance.

so my advice is surf the internet an download a pair of balls (:
you live once in this life sod your ego

One of the things we need to realize is that
looks are secondary, what really matters is
the person. Your looks are going to help you,
but they can't do everything, you must still
open your mouth and run the routine.