Spot on. I've also noticed it... when I reach a new step in the stairway to PUA, I become passive for an unknown reason instead of trying to reach the next step. I'm not trying hard enough and that's stupid... It would be easier to go for a second step after reaching a first one... but instead of that, I just freeze.

After getting the numbers, I did not go for the dates, I stayed silent in most of the cases.

LOL, I'm starting to think that I'm lazy.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

LOL. Guess I would have way more sexual relations if I was a stupid horny bastard. :p

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Okay.
Spotting the excuses live would help me for sure.
Got you... Yet, why do these athletes sabotage themselves? If it's actually what I'm doing, what's the reason?

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

I haven't done enough research on the topic to offer an acceptable theory. I just know that it exists. To me, it's a 'gentleman's' form of self mutilation; it's certainly a way to harm one's self, but instead of blaming your own hand and razor, an athlete can blame it on outer influences, luck, his opponent, cold conditions, etc . . .

I've seen it a lot with guys who are pressured to perform at high levels because they are 'gifted' with natural abilities. They accept it in their minds that for one reason or another, they can't win so instead of losing, they injure themselves.

With personal issues such as this, it's often better to explore the 'reasons' for yourself. Nobody likes to fail. Nobody likes to be rejected or to be 'dumped', but from day 1, you seemed to be on high alert for 'rejection'. You're not an ugly guy. You're not a stupid guy. It's not like you know NOTHING about PU. You're not an unsuccessful guy. . . essentially, if we put you your 'numbers' on paper, you "SHOULD" be doing well with the ladies. . . Right?

Funny thing is I hesitated to reply to you former message by something like: "I'm actually often surrounded by hotties... my Facebook profile is full of pictures of me with hot girls..." and I realized while writing that I should feel really lucky. I have no reason to be stuck the way I am right now. I have everything to succeed but I'm still wandering...

The self-sabotage makes sense, especially if we consider that I am actually making up excuses. I've also had an interesting conversation with Hobbit in the chat about what I really want... I'm not a horny beast like some guys in this forum, I often don't feel this urge to kill the deal (for now?)... I don't know if it's because I'm AFC, or because I don't have had enough pussy in my life, or because it's just that's not what I want, or because I'm just scared or... Guess I'll figure out with the time... but truth is I'm already over thinking all this and I'm tired of this.

I'm a bit sick (got cold) right now... I need some time to put myself together and see things clearly.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

Here's a quick update on what happened in Rio de Janeiro. I went there 4 days with 4 friends: the French Natural, a Spanish guy, a Mexican one and another Portuguese friends. My Italian friend was also there but he stayed with his Brazilian girlfriend in another hostel.

First day.
We arrived early in the morning. We went to Copacabana beach to sleep a little since we were tired. I made a video for you guys.

[youtube]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u2HO-rtUIVA[/youtube]

At night we went to a night club called Alto Lapa. The place was a bit shitty but was okay. It was the true Brazil with the true Brazilians. The place was really cheap but the music was nice. We arrived really early and the club was empty at the beginning. I was one of the first ones in the club to actually go on the dance floor and enjoy myself. Little by little, more people came in. Girls were ugly though. I also saw a small plastic bag of white powder in the hand of a guy... Where the fuck was I? lol. Rio de Janeiro is dealing with major drug traffic issues.

Anyways, some hours later, cute girls started to come to the club. I noticed a cutie dancing but had no balls to go for it... I just watched her dancing for hours. Later, I saw a nice 18/19yo HB dancing with her friends. It took me at least one hour dancing next to her to actually open her: "is this Brazilian music" (I did not know what was the music playing)... we exchange a few words and I was unable to proceed. She went back to her friends and started to speak with them. They were curious about what I said to her. I kept on dancing with my friends. At least 5 guys went to her and got rejected. The sixth one was the good though. They started making out. He was good, acting like he did not care, watching is cellphone. She was all over him. I was not frustrating, I was learning.

My Spanish friend was already making out with a girl. Don't know how it happened though. Later, while I was dancing with my friends a girl came to us, she wanted my Portuguese friend to introduce to her the French Natural... Damn, he was reluctant to dance at the beginning and now he was at the center of the attention. I was puzzled. She was really ugly though. We followed her to meet her friends. One of them was an HB7. While the French Natural was making out, I took the hand of the HB7 to dance with her. She told me "I don't know how to dance that", I replied that it doesn't matter... A few seconds later she was back to her friends. At least I did something.

Second day.
We went to the beach again and then tried to go to the Corcovado (the Christ) but too many people were waiting in the line and it was getting late. When we arrived at the bus stop to go back home, I opened a group of four 26/27yo HBs. I asked them in Portuguese some information about the bus. The answer half Portuguese half Spanish. I learned that there were from Argentina. We took the bus together. I noticed they were saying my name a lot. I think they were impressed by the fact that I speak Spanish and even know some of the Argentinian Spanish (I've met some guys from there in the past). Anyways, I've facebook closed the cutest one and I'll try to see them in Buenos Aires since I'm going there for a few days in may. Two of them were really wonderful. One of them has already added me.

At night we went to the Rio Scenarium, one of the most amazing place I've been in. The average was easily HB8. Girls were well dressed and beautiful. They came from all the Brazil (it was easter holidays, a lot of non-cariocas guys come to Rio de Janeiro). I opened a group of 4 HBs in the line for the club. The French Natural took advantage of it and started to speak to them... It was impossible to speak now since he's a damn chatter box... He was playing them with his bad Portuguese and his lame jokes. I'm not judging, at least it was working. At some point he told the girls that I wanted to take a photo with them. He often does that. I don't like it since it makes me feel like a chode but well, I went for the photo. Later, he wanted a photo with them, I accidentally forgot to take him... Only the girls were appearing on the picture. I did not do it purposefully but it might be unconscious. Anyways, to celebrate almost 40 page of my journal, here's the picture of me and the group of HBs I opened.



Later in the party, I started to speak with the one I liked the most (on my left on the picture). She told me she like museums and cultural stuff and that she was going to the museum tomorrow. "Let's go together" Easy baby, # close. We spoke a bit more and it turns out that she loves Portugal so she was really happy to know that I was Portuguese too... First time being Portuguese actually helps with something lol.

A lot happened at this party... I tried to open several girls and was successful at it but again I was unable to kill the deal. At some point I was even grinding with a random beautiful girl called Zabela. She was introduced to me by the Spanish guy. I've grinded with her for several minutes but she had to go to the toilets... I did not see her again . Again, I should have gone for the kiss closed but I did not. Anyways, I'm happy, I managed to dance with a stranger.

Third day.
I called and texted the Brazilian HB (on my left) to go to the museum but no answer. She flaked on me but I felt it since she wanted to go in the morning (and we were to be in this club probably till 5am). She added me on Facebook though and left a nice message on my wall. Too bad she lives in the north of Brazil and not in São Paulo.

I went to the Pão de Açucar and the Corcovado. I was in chode mode... I was too tired... I did not sleep a lot but I really enjoyed the day though. Rio de Janeiro is a wonderful city.

At night we went to a club called "Lapa 40°". On the bus to go there, I noticed a group of four girl and I though I knew one of them so I stared at her for a bit while finding a sit. She looked at me too. She was not the one I thought. I was with my Portuguese friend but we spoke in French. My friend heard them wondering of we were English or French. He opened them. Only one was really cute though (the one I stared at). I facebook close her since she actually know Buenos Aires too. She was not from São Paulo .They were going to the same club but we had to meet our Italian friend before.

At the club, we met them again. I was soooooo fucking tired but still enjoying myself. We dance about an hour together with them. It was a samba club and some guys have some really impressive skills in samba dancing. I could not fight, lol. But I tried to learn some steps.

I did not stay long since I really needed to sleep.

Fourth Day.
Checked out at the hostel at the morning and I went to a football game in the afternoon. I had a bear and was really not on top when it comes to good looking. Whatever. We were near the stadium with my Mexican friend, I had a nice interaction with a Brazilian girl at a sport store. Same at the BK. I actually asked the girl at the sport store a "camisinha" instead of a "camiseta" from the Brazil team. "Camisinha" actually means condom. lol. She laughed about it.

The football game was a "clasico": Flamengo vs. Fluminense. The game was nice but some really strange AFC thoughts invaded me at the end. I've spent the last 30 minutes of the game trying to step back from these negative thoughts. I think seeing my Italian friend with his girlfriend troubled me a bit.

At night, I sent a text to the Gerontology Girl and U2 fan:
Both of them replied.
She called me, told me my voice was different. She asked me if I knew someone who speak English... Told her that I did. Told me she wants a English or American guy for a friend to... the communication cut. I had no more credit. Whatever.

Now that I'm writing this I'm wondering why did not I text this to Miss Sunset and Japanese Architect? Why not all the girls? Damn! :p

I got back to São Paulo by bus. I got cold during the trip, the AC was to strong. Anyways, I'm back on my feet now.

Next steps.
- Party Friday night, Japanese Architect will be present. I also have to text her to go to the market.
- U2 Fan invited me to a U2 3D stuff on Saturday.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Consider keeping your 'dream list' with you on a smartphone or a note in your wallet. If your dreams have changed, then edit them. Otherwise, follow through. If your actions are different from your dreams, then what is it? It's OK to stutter, shake, or piss in your pants. And if you do all these things but still FOLLOW THROUGH, these things will only last for a second. If you do all these things but do not follow through, it's a slow bleeding of negative thoughts. You constantly have girls all around you wanting to be with you.

People your age do not go on 'holidays' to go to museums, regardless of how sophisticated you think they are or what's written in 'holiday websites'. In fact, wouldn't Rio de Janeiro be one of the World's best destination points to find, meet, and ehm . . . "really meet" women? "Let's go to the museum together" or "let's do ANYTHING together" in a holiday setting is code for "I trust you. I like you." - but I bet you already knew this.

In your photo:

You: You're the guy who's 'happy to be here'. You've lowered height to be part of the photo with the girls. The positive is that you're a sweet guy and you're going to go out of your way for others. The negative is that you're looking to join their party, not inviting them to yours. Stand up straight and start inviting people into your life.

The girl on your left: She's looking for an invite. What's the physical gesture that you make when you're asking a question and waiting for an answer? She's positioned herself to be grabbed and it's almost as if she's waiting for a kiss on the cheek . . . but where's your left hand? Think back, I'm willing to bet that she gave you many hints both verbally and physically. Think back, I'm willing to bet that nearly ALL THE GIRLS that you opened gave you many hints. I often joke that girls won't pull out a neon 'fuck me now' sign out of her bag but the truth is, THIS is the neon 'fuck me now' sign.

What do you expect a girl to tell you after she's written, "I've been thinking about you. . . "? A girl doesn't 'think' about a guy to get references for English teachers for a friend. Close the deal. - And by this, I don't mean just this particular girl.

And the guy who tossed you into the photo. Why do you perceive this as a bad thing? Why not, "Alright! Photo time with the hotties . . . " You can fix a girl's hair. Do a surprise kiss on a cheek on 3. Shift people around, ask them to pose a certain way, ask for a second shot, etc . . . And by all means the next time you get a photo op, stand up straight, open your arms and motion them to ENTER your World, and grab them.

Got you. I know it's okay to be scared... but is it really fear? I can't answer to that question... If I knew it was it would be simpler... Anyways, the most logical thing to do here is to FOLLOW THROUGH. You're perfectly right. FOLLOW THROUGH NO MATTER WHAT. I just need some directions right now.

Let me be clearer. I don't feel congruent about kissing the girls. At some point in parties or whatever, I end up alone with a girl. I speak to her, I'm friendly, I make her laugh, I hug her... but I'm feeling clueless after. It's like I'm able to do the first part of the escalation but I don't feel congruent about going further. Why?

Is it because going further (kissing...) would mean jumping too many steps? In this case, I need to find out how to fill this hole in my escalation ladder in order to feel congruent about what I'm doing. It's all about finding and applying the right tools.

Is it because I'm just pussying around? I did not feel congruent either when I started conversation with people I don't know. Maybe this is just fear in disguise.

Yes I know. I could have made out with her. I know that but I was facing this strange and silly issue I've just mentioned.

I've also forgot to mention something about Rio. At some point, in the club in the second day, some Brazilian guys I've had been talking to during the party came at me and asked me if I wanted to kiss a blond with blue eyes. I did not get it and thought it was a joke or something. I asked my Portuguese friend what it was all about. A few minutes later he was making out with the blond woman at the right in the photo.

Similarly, in the third day. He told me yesterday that he made out with the hottest Brazilian woman we've met in the bus (the one I stared at). I left the party early since "I was tired". Again, I could have made out with her.

A few month ago I would not have never thought I could even speak to this kind of woman: ~28/30yo hotties. I'm now discovering that I can even make out with them. Yet I'm wasting a load of opportunities for unknown reasons. I need to figure this out.
Yep, I was totally surprised by this "hey my friend wants a photo with you". I've shown some really weak game in Rio I confess. I've only been quite good on approaching and opening groups of girls in the streets or in line but that's pretty much all.
Yes, I've been taking some actions to see the girls since I'm back in São Paulo.
Indeed, not a bad thing. I should have winged him and play all the little tricks you're talking about (I'm adding them to a notepad as "photo situation"). I did not.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

I'll only do quick update until I find time to open a new chapter.

Gerontology Girl.
She called me again in São Paulo, we spoke a little. Later she sent me a message about her getting into Facebook (she was not on Facebook) and that I should add her. I added her. I also spoke on Live Messenger with her. I tried to seed an event for Monday but since she's been accepted to a prestigious school of ballet, "it will be more difficult for us to see each other"...

Japanese Architect.
I sent her a text so we could go at the market she told me about together. I had no answer. I've been to an architecture party Friday night, I saw her! We said hello, hugged and spoke for 15 minutes about... Paris, my trip to Rio... (how original) and I was pretty much stuck. Not that I did not know what to say but I wanted to go further but had no idea what to do... I hugged... that's how far I went. She also told me she answered to my text... but I did not received it... She told me that she was okay but I had already planned some stuff with U2 Fan for Saturday. I told her I was available at 3pm though. She told me she was confused now, she would text me. The day after, she texted me she was too tired to go out. She is cute, I really like her, she's just ended a relationship. I receveived her original answer later that night:
... if only I had received this message on time! But that's what makes the game funny I guess.

U2 Fan.
I've been teasing her a lot on Facebook chat and all. She's invited me to the cinema to see U2 3D stuff. Basically, her U2 fan club are gathering to see the show they have have already assisted... but at the cinema this time. I went there, was in the middle of crazy U2 fans. I've been quite dominant: good body language, I was funny and was really friendly with her friends even though I did not know anything about Bono or the Edge. Not good enough though. I was unable to escalate but was kinda happy knowing that I've been in a real AFC phase lately.

AFC phase.
Being sick does not help thinking clearly. I've been dealing with a lot of negative thoughts lately. I handle them but I did a mistake the other day and got mad about it. I had a friend over SPAM and I told him at some point that I was disappointed by my ex since she did not even send a mail asking for some news like "oh, you gotta be in Brazil now! How is it?". Saying that was a truly bad decision. I knew it was a bad one, but I did it. He replied me "time is needed you know"... I replied something like "time for what? man I was in Copacabana a few days earlier, do you really think I'm not over that"... bla bla... I felt stupid. That killed my game for the whole night. A few hours later, I was seeing Japanese Architect. I'm really better now though.

Gaining weight and meditating.
Was a good day yesterday. I went to the mall near my house and went to the sport store to get some info about weight gainers. Again, I just would like to get a few kilos that's all. The guy gave me some advice and I finally bought a package. I'm going to drink that stuff twice per day during 30 days and see the results.

"Same thing" for meditation. I could not meditate in Rio but I want to get back on tracks. I'm actually on the second day of a 30 days challenge. I want to meditate every day during 30 days. If I miss one day, I'll start over. Time to get some discipline.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Man, I swear I've read the whole thing. You are fuckin ispiring to me! Please keep following your dreams, I'm sure you will succeed. Greets from Italy

Thank you for your support Dros!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

Sticking to the plan.
I was sick when I came back from Rio but I got better. I've been meditating and taking the weight gainer product on a daily basis. I went back to the gym yesterday and did one hour of workout. I even used the true equipment instead of working with my weight. I've never see my arms so big. Dunno if it's the proteins in the weight gainer or just the fact that I was using real weights, but it felt good.

I've also been thinking about my last sticking point. Usually, in a situation where I'm alone with a girl, I can be friendly, talkative, fun and even hug her and stuff... but that's all. I'm stuck in the escalation ladder. Is it because I'm pussying around? Is it because I'm missing something? In the end, I realize that the answers to these answers do not really matter because the only way to find out the true reason for this issue is to actually solve it by taking action.

Ex-girlfriend.
I got tricked by the voices in my head recently. I told a friend that I was disappointed that my ex-girlfriend did not ask for news. That triggered a really chodey mode that night. It made me feel insecure. Hobbit spoke a bit about that with me and he enlightened me. He told me that I should have done what Kasabi said, that is to say, congratulate her. He made me think about the eventuality of sending her a mail. I was reluctant. Not only because I did not want to congratulate her (since I'm not even supposed to know she is engaged... actually, is she really engaged? I've just saw a facebook info on a profile) but I was also reluctant at the simple idea of writing her a mail. My first reaction was "she's not gonna reply" and then "I'm tired to do all the work"... silly excuses (that I've spotted at the moment).

He replied that I should not even care about if she's gonna reply or not since I would be doing this for myself. I should be doing what I think is good, and asking from news would actually make me feel good. So I did it, I wrote an email to her asking how she was and telling her how was Brazil. Guess what... I feel good about it.
An epiphany?
The excuses I've been making up.
The inability to escalate and kill the deal.
The pickyness I've been showing.
and now... The fear of sending a small ridiculous e-mail, or the fear of getting an answer should I say.
All this made me think. I needed to understand all this. I thought reading my journal would give me some answers. So I've read it.

I'm clearly not doing that enough. I could not even recognize myself in some posts, lol. I realized how frustrated I was. I'm really happy about the new way I'm seeing things. I'm way happier and actually smile about things. But reading my journal also allowed me to realize something I was not willing to accept. I'm going through a serious case of one-itis. That's what I'm fighting in the end. ONE ITIS. I refused to accept it, even after my big relapse in AFCness since I thought one-itis was all about wanting to be with someone you can't have and I did not feel that way. But one-itis is also the "no girl will ever be as good as her" mindset. I think that's what I've been facing in all these perfect situations to go further. That might be why I've been wasting so many opportunities. I'm giving her way too much value, even now. But it's okay, seems like I've identified the enemy now: one-itis. This is what is preventing me from going forward.

Let's cure myself through actions. Let's man up.

Approaching in the bus.
Yeah, I felt gooood today. Everything was clear to me. I knew what was going on. I was social today. Little Miss Sunshine stumbled upon me on a corridor. We started to talk, I was funny, did some KINO and got her to actually speak to me about the ice-cream... She's sending me a text (lol, like always) but whatever, I was having this nice conversation with a nice vibe in front of all the Brazilian guys of my class.

I took the bus to go home. An beautiful HB8,5 sit next to me. Damn, I knew she was beautiful even though I could not really look at her (she was too close obviously). I felt this nice approach excitement in me, mixed with a sexual feeling (was horny today)... I LOVED IT. I was hesitating but I slowly took my earphones out and asked her a silly question after 10 minutes. She was already smiling. I swear I was in heaven, the sun glowing through the windows of the bus, lightning her face and smile. Key elements:
- I gamed in Portuguese exclusively.
- I asked my question, she started to answer... I let her finish and said nothing, she continued...
- I was confident like I should be everyday in my life, I was not even bothering making a transition.
- I asked "what are you studying", "bla bla", "what?", "you don't know what bla bla is?" "No I don't I'm not from Brazil, is it like geology?", "yeah! where do you come from?", "France, what will you do with geology diploma?" [skeptical smile]
- I asked her name like that: "your name?" lol. I introduce myself, we shook hands.
- Told me her name was German, "you don't look German at all" I told her. "yeah, I'm tanned", "indeed, just look at how white I am!" I took her arm and compared it to mine.
She got off the bus to quickly for me to get the number. She kissed me goodbye though. She liked me and I liked her a lot. Definitely the kind of material that can help me kill a one-itis situation (follow my eyes). But that's okay, at least I'm back on tracks.

Later, I got off the bus and opened another girl, I would say HB7. She was waiting at the bus stop. I was texting Miss Sunset at that moment. I opened her for some silly info again. I ended up waiting for the bus. I re-opened her with "is this text in good Portuguese" (actually a good opener... lol). We spoke a bit, we got into the bus but she had to stay near the bus driver since she had to ask him some info and I was already in the middle of the bus, could not do more.

Let's follow through. Till the end.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

Quick Update.

Here's the reply to my mail.

Ex's email.
The translation is not that good but well, here it is. She's not speaking about an eventual wedding but she's giving me some news. I was a bit concerned by the emergency and family part but I think she's okay. Truth is she's also asking for some news from my family at one of the worse moment... my sister left home to her own apartment (she's 18yo) and is now converted to islam (she even wears the scarf )... Should I tell her that? I don't want her to worry but I've never spoken with her about this kind of issues, maybe I should change that in myself too.

Anyways, I'm glad I've sent this email. I'll reply tonight, it's a beautiful day outside, I wanna enjoy it and show some game. Plus I'm horny as hell today, let's take advantage of this.

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)

DAY 61: following through the journey.
Dreaming and realizing.

One-itis.
It took me almost 40 pages of journaling to realize I was going through a "I won't get a better woman than my ex" type of one-itis... Truth is, I already feel way better. Writing her an email and getting an answer actually changed something in my head. I have anything to hate on now. Don't get me wrong... I was not hating on her for the breakup or something like that... But obviously, the negative thoughts that came to my mind when I'm felt down were obviously related to that. I was able to observe my mind and actually laugh about it sometimes but it was still a burden... I can feel it now.

I'm now wondering if all these "excuses", my inability to go further... were not a direct consequence of that one-itis. I don't know, it's too soon to tell. Yet, accepting my one-itis has had an tremendous effect one me. It confused me a bit at the beginning. I think you probably felt it just by noticing how much my journal got messy lately. Yet, it came a bit like an epiphany to me. I read Roissy's article on one-itis http://roissy.wordpress.com/2010/09/21/curing-oneitis/ and started to think about it. Could it be? Or was it another trick performed by my mind? It made sense but it's only when I saw myself struggling to write a poor email to my ex that I realized that I was going through an one-itis from the beginning. But by being in touch with her again, I had no reason to feel frustrated because she did not ask for news. Does this mean that I'm getting over her? Yes it does.

Dreaming.
Roz was the one who shared Roissy's article on the PUA chat, she's also the one that told me that I should pay attention to my dreams. And since I've been able to remember dreams pretty easily lately, that's what I've done too.

I had a dream, that one day... hum.. No. I had a strange dream Thursday night and I could only clearly remember it when I was in classes. I was not thinking about it at all but it came to me suddenly. I was home, in Paris, in my sister's room. I was at the desk, in front of an iMac computer (damn, they even succeed to put ads in my head now). I looked through the window and saw my ex next to a car on the street. The car was full of people: her family (I've never met someone from her family actually) but she was standing next to him and making signals. She was calling me. I went downstairs and ended up in my garden with her. We were hidden by some trees at our left. It was like a "secret meeting". She gave me a paper: her testament (I'm not sure of the translation, but it's the last will of someone). That's pretty much everything I can remember.

I'm obviously not an expert in dream analysis but the car with her family, the testament, seeing her through a windows... She's leaving (dying?)... and that's a good sign for me.

Daydreaming.
I felt good yesterday. I was confident and had this amazing sexual tension in me. I had a strong heat inside of me and was loving it. At some point I even started to picture myself making out with a girl of the class. I was clearly picturing myself taking her shoes off and everything else. That's what I want to feel when I approach. I'm writing this because I had some hard times at feeling this sexual tension. I also started to notice stuff that I did not notice before... I notice how slowly she was breathing, her perfume, her fidgeting habits... I observe 3 or 4 girls like that. I was in the moment and that was awesome.

Approaching.
I approached another girl in the bus. She had a guitar so I had the whole conversation set up. Yet, I opened her with my "Is this text in good Portuguese?" opener. She immediately asked me where I was from and I was on. My game was not perfect, I had some difficulties to make me understand but well, I approached her and got the conversation flowing. Key elements:
- Took her hand and asked if it was a French manicure
- I hugged her since I was the first French guy she sees in her life (was weird though)
- She is 17! Arg
- I noticed a ring on her finger, after investigation she has a boyfriend.
- She missed her bus stop because of our conversation.



The game just got funnier, let's keep on playing!

_________________
On the Road to Manhood, my new learning journal: http://bit.ly/TEVapM
(My old learning journal http://bit.ly/eYRWL4)