I want to enjoy women, feel more relaxed in my own skin, and be able to say that I've got lots of women while remaining one of the good guys - not a "nice guy", but a good guy.

I'm nineteen now, studying literature at a great University. I box twice a week, I like painting, reading, learning, playing guitar, travelling by train and writing - I'm happy with most areas of my life. Though really it's a mistake to write about "areas" - it's all connected.

Here's a little story: around two years ago I had sex for the first time.

I was drunk, and looking back, I'm not even sure if what I was groping was a breast or a clump of fat somewhere near the chest.

Five minutes in, two of the girl's friends came crashing into the room, laughing and pulling the duvet from the bed. This would have been extremely, extremely, extremely embarrassing if I hadn't been on the point of passing out from some deadly concoction of White Ace and Vodka. I didn't withdraw, but despite the allure of repulsive breath and the attraction of what she must have thought was a fat fetish, she wasn't in the mood to carry on when they left.

I lay there frustrated for a minute before someone else walked in. She asked - "why are you having sex in my sister's bed?" I had no clue what was going on, so I said - "she gave me permission". I meant to make it clear that I'd got permission from her sister to use the bed - I hadn't, by the way - but she took it to mean something along the lines of "this isn't a rape."

In the morning I walked home feeling unjustifiably cool considering I'd just experienced what can only be described as a fucking catastrophe of a first-time. I was almost at the bus stop when I realised that I still had the condom on.

I don't think I've kissed a girl since. In fact, I've completely ignored that side of things for the past two years. I'd love to find a nice girl.

Later on today I'll be posting more about my current situation, my aims and my game-plan. I think RSD looks like the way to go, but I'll take it one step at a time, and hopefully in a couple of months I can look back at this embarrassing story and not only laugh at it - because I can do that now; it's hard not to - but be able to tell it to friends because it has no bearing on my confidence.

Thanks for reading - I'll see y'all later.

Most people's first times can be considered similarly bad if not very awkward. This doesn't sound so bad. You survived.

Maybe it's because I'm bulletproof.

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

My main reason for writing this diary is motivation, so I'd really appreciate any advice or encouragement you might have. I'll be posting every day.

By the way, I don't think of that story often, and although it must have affected my confidence somewhere along the line, I don't see it as a big issue.

Here are the problems:

- I have a great deal of approach anxiety, like most, I suppose, which disappears when I've had a lot to drink.

- Though this is becoming less of a problem, I'm still not comfortable in my own skin.

- I blush easily, don't have a strong voice, don't have good eye contact, and I'm not very "centred"; I fidget quite a lot.

- I don't like to follow the crowd. I'm proud of this trait, but it means that I've acquired some odd social quirks. I've never been good with touching people, for example. This is something I definitely needs to work on.

I'm not an AFC (Average Frustrated Chump), but only because for the past couple of years I haven't had the intent - I haven't risked either rejection or frustration.

I don't want to be average, and I don't want to be a chump. Frustration would be good though - a sign that I've begun.

I'll be posting some goals shortly.

Okay - here are the challenges:

- Say hello to at least 10 girls. (This looks so silly when I write it down. Maybe that's a lesson; it shouldn't be hard.)

- Have a conversation with five strangers - note their eye colour.

- Get a solid day's work done so I can feel good about myself.

- Go for a run before breakfast - around 6:30. There aren't many people on the streets at this time, but it makes me feel alive. I'll say good-morning to everyone.

- And lastly, one direct approach.

To infinity and beyond!

Quick Update

Went for a run in the morning and said hello to the cleaners on my way out. They're up really early, so I think I'll make it my mission to get to know them.

I'm also really pleased about my first real approach. I saw a girl smoking on a bench, so I went up to her before I could back out and asked her for a lighter.

As I was getting a cigarette out I heard someone say "that's bad for you". I turned around and it was a really cute lecturer I get on well with. We laughed about something - I can't remember what now - and then I turned back to the girl on the bench, sat down next to her and let my cigarette.

I mentioned my morning run and teased her about not having breakfast.

This is a great joke by the way: youtube - /watch?v=xztGWSpYv1w

It allows you to make fun of yourself over the drawing, to make fun of her (she might get some of the labels wrong), to touch her hand and to make her laugh. I also mentioned that "a friend showed me it this morning". As I was getting the paper out, I said "you can tell it's a good joke because I'm carrying around this prop with me."

It's so good. Give it a try - somewhere in the conversation she said "I feel like you've been sent here to make me laugh", so I was quite chuffed. It's the first time I've had a good conversation with a stranger in a while, and she was really cute.

I might have been able to get her number - I didn't take the leap though. She was smiling when I left.

Goals for Tomorrow

I didn't manage to complete the challenges I set myself yesterday. I had a good morning, but didn't really open anyone in the afternoon.

I was trying to hold eye contact with girls I passed - it was really hard, I think because I haven't fallen into a playful mindset yet. I'm still too concerned about what people will think of me, and I suppose of rejection, even in a small way.

Does anyone have any advice here?

Tomorrow I'm really going to go for it in the morning:

- Open at least three girls on my morning run. (Here's the rule: I can't stop running until I've opened all three.)

- Have a conversation with the cleaners.

- Say hello to at least ten girls (I didn't complete this yesterday.)

In the evening I'm interviewing a brilliant musician for the student paper. I've never been good on the phone, so this will be a good chance to practice. I've done a few interviews before and they always make me feel good.

Suggestions are welcome! I need all the help I can get.

Thanks a lot.

You probably start to get those butterflys right underneath your ribcage. Just think of it as 'I wonder how entertaining that person is?' instead of tasking yourself with an opener. That way its not goal oriented and its more of a learning experience about another individual and more process based. Just walk up with only the intention of getting a reaction good or bad..note it and carry on. First few times is not to get a number, not to get a name, it has nothing to do with them. Start conversations with guys, old ladies in the checkout line, anyone around so that you can look at people's reactions.

Thanks Bela - that's really good advice.

I haven't really done any solid approaches yet, but I've been feeling much more confident for the past couple of days. I'm going out tonight, so I'll report back tomorrow. Meanwhile I'm going to try and put your advice into practice Bela.

You are making solid progress already. Having goals is also half the battle.

Good luck tonight.

_________________

I'm a winner - I am going to win.

Last night wasn't too good in terms of pickup. I enjoyed myself though.

Here's what I learned:

- Speaking to everyone improves your confidence, and usually leads to a much better night. There are adventures to be had everywhere.

- I watched this yesterday (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BsivvUNV ... re=related). It's probably the best material I've come across.

- Tim talks a lot about "woo". You can get into a good state by running and playing around. Yesterday I joined two girls handing out leaflets, took a few and gave them out to people. You can generate fun from anything. We also ran to the bar.

- I didn't approach any girls with intent. This kind of thing has been so alien to me for the past couple of years that I need to consciously work on bringing intent into some approaches. The link above is also brilliant on this. I think he describes it as lifting the lid off your core.

- The other problem was that I ended up drinking too much and completely forgot about approaching. I flirted with a barmaid, just messing around, but in general I was too drunk to take in my surroundings.

- I enjoy drinking because it loosens me up, but I've realised that too much limits the fun I can have. So even though I didn't approach, I learned a lesson and my mindset is much better as a result.

As a sidenote, I noticed that I was really relaxed in my literature seminar yesterday. Usually I'm kind of nervous and almost always on the edge of blushing, especially when I have to speak. I felt great though - this game isn't just about girls.

I might try a little game I've come up with later on. Here's the idea: you cold-call random numbers and try and get people to open up to you in some way. You'd get a lot of people hanging up, but it might exemplify the idea that approaching random girls can be easy. There doesn't have to be repercussions from a bad response. As you say Bela - just note the reaction and carry on.

What do you think of the idea?

The main issue for me seems to be that feeling inside that stops you from talking to a stranger. I'm looking forward to the time when approaching becomes natural and instinctive - at the moment, I'm finding imposing the three second rule on myself quite difficult.

I'm going to post some goals later on today.

Tomorrow I'm going to force myself to approach a couple of girls. I really need to make the jump, otherwise I'll never get anywhere.

I'll let you know how it goes.

Just went out and did two approaches, if that's the right word, just as an anti-AA exercise. There's not much to report - I asked one girl for directions and another for a lighter. They were both nice and smiley.

I think sunglasses are a good tool when it's sunny. You can look at the girl before you approach without them seeing, and the act of taking them off just before you speak to them attracts their attention.

I'm going to post goals every day now, because the act of setting the goal of approaching two girls today forced me to approach. I'd feel bad for the rest of the day otherwise, whereas now I can relax and do some work.

Apart from asking for directions, what are some questions that I could use, just to get me used to approaching?

Tomorrow I'm going to approach three girls, either in the morning or during my lunch break.

What are some good ways to naturally introduce touch during the day?

Stabillo, im also new here. And after reading 3 posts (im gonna read all of your things ) I can recognize myself. But your attitude is awesome. to infinity and beyond mate

Maybe we could work together Bacchvs - try and complete the same goals. That way it's harder to back out.

This morning I went for a walk and said hello to three girls. One of them was one of my boxing instructors out on a run. They all smiled and said hello back.

I just went for another quick walk to go and sign a form - said a few words to a girl waiting near me and asked two two-sets for a lighter on the way. I need to find another opener - if they say no then it's very hard to transition.

Feeling quite good today though. Now I can relax and do some work. I've got boxing tonight as well, so I'll say hello to the instructor I saw this morning.