Some wise person needs to explain this to me. WHY is it that when it comes to love and you want the other person they reject you. But when they want you, you reject them. This shit just keeps going back and forth without a productive result and I can bet that a lot of you have experienced this before.

It's happening to me now, it's happening to my friends..what the hell is the science behind this?

I think maybe it has to do with the destruction of the system of doing things that we had since the beginning of time.

It's called feminism. It occurred over the last 40 years. Now EVERYTHING is different.

I'm typically sort of progressive in some of my attitudes, but the problem with "progressive" is that it involves constant change, and the problem with making changes to the old way of doing things is that you never know how it's going to shake out.

Women used to be dependent on men. Now they're not. This means that behaviors that we are biologically wired for are now maladaptive.

_________________
When in Doubt, Freeze Her Out.

Probably because you guys are placing each other on pedestals
Just a thought.....

It's always like that. People always want what they can't have. It can be really frustrating as I'm going through a loss of interest phase for a great girl right now and I wonder how did this happen. All I know I was attracted to her at one point, she showed a lot of interest in me, suddenly I'm not attracted to her. WTF! I think the key is balance, but both parties have to be good at maintaining it.

I find myself having the exact same problem. My past 3 relationships in fact, have been like that. I was really into them and attracted to them right up until they started showing interest back to me, then I'd slowly lose interest.

It's happening again with my current girlfriend, I'm trying everything I can to keep my attraction for her, but it seems to be fading!

For the start of the relationship, you have to treat the ones you really like, just the same as the ones you're not fussed about. It seems so hard and counterintuitive, but it's right. The ones I'm not fussed about, 80-90% of the time, end up getting back to me and that sets the chasing frame. The ones where I think "she's really awesome, screw it, I'm gonna forget the silly games, just tell her I wanna see her, and it'll be fine" end up not texting me because they KNOW they don't have to -> now I'm the one chasing. C'est la vie.

As the relationship progresses, hopefully the initial playing around stops, but there's still a lot of micro-push-pull going on all the time. People are always testing each other and seeing how much they can get away with, this is human psychology. Again, by always having your own shit going on in your life (especially FEMALE FRIENDS), not compromising who you are or what you do to suit her, but at the same time making the time you spend with each other fun, exciting, unique, etc, you prevent yourself from being the "intermediate" PUA type who gets the girl with his routines that project an alpha, dominant, aloof cock-funny type, only to become a whining, value-sucking, needy AFC the moment he sinks his claws into a girl who actually becomes willing to see him again after their first drunk ONS.

I think when things get more serious, the commitment level should be on your terms, and never done in order to get her to stay, because you're scared to lose her, or she demands X Y and Z out of you, but freely given as a sign that she's treating you well, respecting you, and thus you're choosing to give her more of yourself, more of your time, and in turn you expect her to do the same. If you keep David X's rules in your mind, it's hard to go wrong.

Rule 1: You're the most important person in the relationship
Rule 2: Never worry what the woman's thinking

Relationships are based on Honesty, Trust, and Respect.

–––––––––
As a side note, this is why polyamory works!

You have 3, 4, 5 girls who you see once a week or so. You never act needy towards them or fear losing them because you always have others. They're always doing the chasing with you, because you're so non-needy, you're never pushing for sex because you're getting laid all the time, AND you appreciate each one for their own unique eccentricities and strengths and flaws, rather than taking their strengths for granted and become ever more annoyed at their weaknesses over time.
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FREE PDF w Openers, Date ideas and Videos on Direct: http://www.sashapua.com

I've cut her off without saying "if you want" this time in a nice way basically saying, "You'll get your drawings and necklace and you can do whatever with them. You're a good person, good luck with your dancing and whatever you got. I just don't wanna have anything to do w/ you no more." At the same time I uploaded a picture of me and my sexy prom date as my icon looking all happy together smiling. I have a friend whose friends with her and he told me her status update uploaded the same day I sent her the message saying, "I was planning on being something worth mentioning Energy invested in someone I saw potential in." So I googled it and found that they were lyrics to this one love song by Drake called July which mentions "changing up the whole game/what we had is gone" and whatnot. I thought wow.

It's funny because if I were to call her out on it by saying, "Oh you've been listening to that love song, you care." She'll turn the tables and say, "You think you know everything you stalker."

I chased her for a long time and she had the logic of, "He has to chase me if he wants to be worth it." Well guess what, absolutely nothing happened, she wouldn't even reply a letter back. A week passed of 100% no trying and she came back sending me a webcam invitation without saying a word. I calmly told her I couldn't at the moment but "soon" and didn'tsay anything else. 20 minutes later she left without saying anything. After that I didn't react.

For the first time in my life, I have various chicks going on, but I find I lose interest in them so quickly, because I know there's always a backup and I can get new chicks. Does that happen to you? When they start the chasing, I lose interest and some of them are really great girls with LTR potential. Although I think I'm happier altogether because there's generally no heartache and the AFC inside me seems to be gone, I don't feel true passion for any of the girls :/

Well, it could be a few things

Maybe your "losing interest" is a psychological defense mechanism from getting TOO attached to a girl and losing this newfound emotional freedom you now have. Emotionally investing in a girl opens you up to the possibility of getting hurt, and many people avoid this possibility by never giving themselves fully or really getting to know their partner on a deep level.

[By analogy, this is like the guy who avoids approaching unless he's SURE she definitely likes him, to avoid the possibility of the hurt of "rejection"]

Maybe, you're awoken to the fact that most people are quite uninteresting, and now that you're past the point of chasing pussy for pussy's sake, you realise most of the girls you get don't actually have much substance or depth. Sure, the sex may be fun, but would you hang out with them for a few days just for the sake of being together? Probably not.

[This is like the guy who screens and qualifies the girls based on superficial stuff like being a fun, spontaneous, party girl, to get a quick ONS, and then is surprised when she doesn't turn out to be LTR material worthy to introduce to friends or parents]

Either way, over time you'll find that a certain percentage of the girls are worthy of more investment than just keeping as fuckbuddies, and then it's your choice whether to invest a bit more, and have them as primaries or switch to monogamy, or just keep up with the casual stuff and avoid that deeper connection and the possibility of getting hurt.

_________________
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Fantastic post.

_________________
"I want to stand as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all the kinds of things you can't see from the center."

"I'm going to give you a definite... maybe."

@Blondguy
"Maybe your "losing interest" is a psychological defense mechanism from getting TOO attached to a girl and losing this newfound emotional freedom you now have. Emotionally investing in a girl opens you up to the possibility of getting hurt, and many people avoid this possibility by never giving themselves fully or really getting to know their partner on a deep level."

This! Emotional freedom. I had a big talk with a girl tonight, she was getting all serious and a bit clingy. I finally set things straight with her and managed her expectations honestly and without euphemisms. Of course she wasn't happy to hear those things, but she still accepted to "hang out" with me despite me seeing other people. A huge stone fell off my chest and I felt really good and felt turned on by her immediately. So this really makes a lot of sense. As soon as I realized I don't have to lose my freedom, I felt attracted to her again. Thanks!

I think I fucked up, but not completely....

I was supposed to hang out on Tuesday night with the girl I've been seeing for a few months, but while I'm at work I get a text from her that morning saying

"You're going to have to find someone else to hang out with today. I can't do this. I'm not leaving my house".

I start freaking out, texting her and calling her. After about a couple hours of that she texts me back saying she's just in a weird mood and she gets like this some times. She could tell I was freaking out so she asked me what I was freaking out for. Told her I was worried that something serious was wrong to cover my ass.

Eventually I got to he bottom of why she didn't want to hang out. She said she "needed space and didn't want to have sex" plus she "has a huge pimple on her nose and was feeling sick all day". I believe her demand for space is because I let her know I was pissed off about her ex texting her the day before, and the not wanting to have sex part is linked to the fact that she wasn't "in the mood" to have sex the last time we did it.

I let her know I'm cool with her needing space, and said I feel like an asshole for pressuring her into sex when she wasn't in the mood last time. I also told her that just because we're hanging out doesn't mean we're going to have sex to which she replied "yes it does", because of what happened the last time we had sex and her not being in the mood. So I went on to explain that I have way too much respect for her and that there are so many other things I like about hanging out with her and having sex wasn't a big deal to me, and that she doesn't need to explain herself when she doesn't want to do it. She replied with an "lol ok" and a "hmm that's interesting". I took those as fairly positive responses based on what I know of her.

The conversation got a little lighter at that point and I explained that I still wanted to take her out to dinner to which she replied "well I don't know when my pimple will be gone lol". I didn't push the subject any more and soon ended the conversation on a fairly good note.

Now I'm just wondering where I should go from here. Should I text her tonight with a simple "what's up" and some short chit chat about how she's doing and what not, wait a couple days to do that, or wait for her to make first contact. I really want to show her that I can hang out with her and not be concerned about us having sex, but she also says she needed space so I don't want to force anything either.

Help!

Word aussi. And I just downloaded David X's Collection. Good simple stuff.

Yes, you did fuck up. The good part is, at least you realise part of the reason why.

(1) This means - go see your other girl(s) you probably have, I can't do this relationship the way things stand any more, try and convince my why I should come see you.

What the text tests for - if you freak out, try and convince her, etc, then you show emotional investment in her (which she wants to see some of), but at the same time neediness (massive turn off).

If you don't reply at all, you show a lack of neediness (good), but a complete lack of emotional investment (what if she were really ill?)

(2) The best response would be something along the lines of "Oh, u not feeling well? I guess it's a boys night out on the town again for me then! Have some chicken soup and get some rest, and I'll see you when you're better "

Just ONE text like that, and you show you do actually care if she's ok, but at the same time you have other shit going on and her flaking on you is not gonna fuck your life up.

(3) You pushed for sex last time and she didn't like it. Next time, take things slower, really build the foreplay, and tell her how beautiful she looks to you and make her feel special.

(4) NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER DO THIS. She has fucked guys before you. She will likely fuck guys after you. DEAL WITH IT. Let her ex text her. Who the fuck cares? She is with YOU now, not him. Showing an ounce of jealousy, or being the slightest bit controlling about this is a HUGE turn-off and telegraphs massive insecurity on your part. DON'T DO IT.

(5) I'm willing to bet she wasn't in the mood because of your jealous behaviour about the ex texting situation. And then you pushed for sex and made her feel even shittier.

You should NEVER apologise about wanting to have sex with her. Sex is not something she "gives" you. Sex is something she loves and wants to have too, she just needs more emotional connection, she needs to be made to feel desired and wanted by you first.

If you want sex, do not apologise for it. If you honestly want to hang out with her an not have sex, then by all means say so. But if you're just saying that because you think it's what she wants to hear, then DON'T FUCKING SAY IT.

Her responses of "interesting" and "lol ok" are not positive, she's just responding that way because she KNOWS what you're saying is BULLSHIT. What she wants you to do is show her that you like her for more than just the fact she's attractive and you enjoy doing more with her than JUST sex. It doesn't mean she wants to go days without fucking any more than you do.

(6) NEVER give a girl a present out of guilt or to apologise. Give to them freely for no reason at all, or give to them because they've done something you like.

(7) Do nothing. Just leave it, and send her a text tomorrow or the next day something like "OMG crazy night with [some friend's names] last night! You should have been there! U feeling better?" Then take things from there.

_________________
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good stuff!!