Ok so this is kinda half a lay report, half a call for help to help understand what happened.

I met this girl a couple of weeks ago, started talking then a few days later we went out, and then a few days after that I had her round and we were making a cake (literally... was well tasty). We make the cake, start watching a movie (shit movie, so we make out instead of watching it), and yeah, one thing steadily leads to another and we go to bed. Things go the way they do, she wasn't expecting this and so hadn't shaved, which isn't a big deal but anyway.

It came to a point where I reached for a condom - I had just bought the box that day, and so had to (very uncool) unwrap it, and she started to look a bit concerned. She told me she was a little overwhelmed, and that she hadn't had sex with anyone since her ex boyfriend (recent break up, I guess). So I said ok ok, whatever and we had some like pillow talk - talking shit etc, and we started kissing again, and carried on, and I reached for the condom again, looked over, and asked her - or at least indicated as much - and she wasn't sure still etc.

We didn't have sex, but we spent the night together and had a really good time. Since then, she kinda avoided me, and then when we did meet she gave me some bullshit about how she's not emotionally capable of the pressures of being a girlfriend or anything at the moment, (its the last couple of weeks of university so there is a lot of pressure at the moment).

What do you think went wrong? Did i move it on too fast? What do you think I should do? She obviously likes me, maybe I should just take her out, and see what happens, maybe after university stuff is done?

In any case - I think some anti-slut defences came up along with some emotional issues, so it can be dangerous moving too quick I guess is my lesson I learnt.

This is a FR and you have spammed posting it 3times

For the love of all that is Holy people, PRACTICE TAKING OUT AND PUTTING ON CONDOMS! Even the fucking Planned Parenthood people that come to high school and give the birth control lectures tell people to practice with them so when the time comes to actually use them you are aren't fumbling and fiddling with them with shakey hands and trying to figure out what you are doing in the dark.


Now then about your specific situation. you lost two key moments (that's my gentle way of saying you screwed up twice) The first was not having the condom ready and being able to put it on and deploy it smoothly (PRACTICE)

The fumbling broke her arousal and gave her an opportunity for her ASD/LMR to kick in. You handled the LMR fine the first time it happened (ie the pillow talk and then starting back in with the making out and foreplay)

Where you really screwed up was asking if she was OK while you were putting on the condom the second time. When you ask someone if they are OK you are giving them permission and a golden opportunity to say no.

They may be aroused and game before you ask but when you ask it means they know YOU think something isn't quite right and if you give them an opportunity to think about it, they will come up with something too.

You only put on a condom for one reason and one reason only. If someone has any question of your intentions they will know what you are planning to do when you get the condom out. If they do not want to proceed they will get up and get dressed at that point. If you are putting on a condom and they are still laying naked in bed are are not protesting, not saying to stop and not getting up and getting dressed, that means they are good to go. Don't blow it by asking if it is OK.

Now then, how to deal with the condom issue. First give her lots of foreplay including oral and some fingering so she is aroused, fully wet and ready for some dick.

Have the condom in a location where you can reach it while still touching her. I keep them in my pants pocket and have my pants right beside the bed. I'll slide smoothly towards my pants while still caressing or fingering her, grab the condom then smoothly position my body so I am on my knees between her legs when I put the condom on. That way she knows exactly where I am going and if there is any LMR it will be at that time and can be addressed. If there is no LMR proceed.

If there is LMR, deal with that in the standard fashion and repeat the process but have the condom in easy reach so that it is readily available when the time comes.

i didn't mean to spam the board. My connection was a little dodgy the other day, so I guess it must have done it 3 times by accident, reconnecting or something.

the condom thing def broke the pace, was annoying, I just didn't unwrap the boc from its cellophane, and then having to strech away from her to take them out of the draw etc ah well, it is what it is.

Thanks for the advice - i think where you say 'when you ask it means they know YOU think something isn't quite right' - this was the problem.

I agree