The girl: She's a HB9.5, she's cultured, intelligent and completeley gorgeous.

The Situation: I met her almost almost a year ago now, she was involved in a 4 year relationship at the time, but wasn't happy, I knew that I was going to make her mine, so through patience and various seduction techniques after 5 months of putting the effort it, it paid off, I knew this girl was worth the wait. She broke up with her ex, which gave her more freedom to hang with me. She moved out of the house she was living at with her ex and things started to get heavy with me and her, but we are/were never official, although she has repeatedly told me that she's in love with me and wants to be with me.

The problem: Her ex is still on the scene and despite HB9.5 leaving her ex for me, her ex still thinks that they will get back together, HB9.5 is still around her ex because she cares about them and blah blah blah. As well as this there's some dude from her past that's also persuing her, trying to take her out on dates, making it clear to her that he's after her. Although she tells me that she's interested in no one but me, she's still telling me all about her ex and this random chump, is she trying to make me jealous or is she just testing me to see how much she can get away with?

Recently: She told me that she has spent some time with this random chump, they got close and they kissed, she also told me a few days after that her ex had also kissed her and tried to put the moves on her, between these two events she was seeing me like nothing was up, telling me how much she loves me and wants to be with me. She only told me all of this stuff a couple of days ago, I told her that me and her were over, I tried to leave, but upset she followed me wherever I went telling me that she needed to talk to me.

Solution?: Do I get rid of her completely after being messed about by her for so long, why is she testing me? Do i give her an ultimatum? If I let things go back to how they were will she contantly do this over and over again like she has done before? Should I cut her loose? Or should I just play her at her own game?

Any answers welcome!

She could be playing with you OR she could genuinely be coming clean because her feelings for you have gone to a new level. Y'know?

Only you can decide which one to believe, although it sounds like you do believe she is playing you. If that is the case, you have three options:

1. Get pissed and walk away.
2. Stay with her in a committed LTR and keep getting hurt when she kisses other guys.
3. Decide to date other people, put her back into "just dating - not exclusive" terrority.

I'm always a fan of #3 because it does a couple of things for you:

1. First, it mentally prepares you for the fact that she might date, or even fuck, some other guys, but you've given her permission at that point.
2. Second, it DHV's yourself because you are showing that even though she is HB9.5, that you don't NEED her and you are willing to move on and not be affected by her bullshit.
3. Third, it allows you to take things down a notch and really watch to see if she means that she wants to be with you. Because one of two things are going to happen if you go this route, either she is going to love it and start hooking up with other guys, or she is going to pursue you harder and be a mental basketcase until she gets you back to exclusivity (this would be a testament to her feelings for you).

If you decide on option #3 from above, I would say something along the lines of: "Look, I take commitment very seriously and I don't play games. BECAUSE you have kissed other guys and are spending time with them, you have basically shown me that you aren't interested in being exclusive right now, so neither am I. This isn't open for discussion. I like you a lot, and I would like to continue dating you, but I think we both need permission to see other people and do as we please. This isn't open for discussion." (don't necessarily use those exact words, but get that point across)

This gives you a lot of power back.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Great advice Mack, I've tried option number 3 today and a few times beforewhen she pulls this kind of complete BS, her reaction is that she TOTALLY freaks out, I mean big time. I'm talking a huge breakdown at the thought of me with anyone else.

I really ned to work out how to work on the DHV stuff to show her how much she's f*cked it up, she knows that I can walk away from her and this situation at any point and be unaffected, which is more than I can say for her.

How would you recommend pulling off some DHV techniques?
This girl is spoiled - she wants to have her cake and eat it an expects me to still want her when she's fat. Get me?

That's a question for some of the experienced pua's around here.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

I think she is trying to make you jealous so you will ask her out. She wouldn't tell you this if these were actually her "choices" in guys that she wants.

She is being honest with you because she actually cares about you and you are punishing her for it. If she is a HB 9.5 then surely she is worth a LTR??

In my opinion P.U.A. is for finding a girl worth settling down with not for finding her then treating her like shit and banging another chick. Your borderline gaming her and heading into a relationship. Not slagging anyone off just trying to elaborate on the situation and provide good advice that anyone can learn from and improve themselves: Macks advice would normally be relevant but in this context of this situation its not quite there. Any other situation it would probably be spot on. Why is it not spot on? Because there is no *empathy* for the girls emotions in his advice. Empathy is key to a healthy relationship. One part I totally disagree with that should not be relevant to any situation:

- 'First, it mentally prepares you for the fact that she might date, or even fuck, some other guys, but you've given her permission at that point.' -

This is setting yourself up to fail.
She hasn't messed you about, she isnt testing you. Yes you need to give her an ultimatum. If you let things go back to the way they were yes it will happen over and over again but giving the ultimatum will stop that. If you don't want a girl who is a 9.5 who will be loyal caring and pretty much everything a guy could possibly want then yes cut her loose. She isn't playing a game so how can you play her at her own game?

This girl wants a LTR. She isn't playing games or shit testing you by trying to make you jealous on purpose. If you have been gaming her right, (which sounds like you have) She probably thinks you are so in control of your emotions that you won't get jealous. In which case why would she waste her time trying to?

What she is doing is providing you the opportunity to be a man and take control of the situation. She is signalling 'Other people are interested in me but I want you you big dope come and get me'. To me its obvious.

You've tried to play her at her own game, but she wasn't playing any games???
Of course she is going to freak out. It wasn't a game. She offered herself to you on a silver platter and you took a big steamy turd and shat all over her lol. She is probably hurting REAL BAD right now. Have some *empathy*. How would you feel if you exposed your vulnerability by saying 'I want you' and then the person you signal this to says 'I don't care I have other options'? If you care about this girl TAKE CONTROL. Give her the ultimatum. She gets to choose them or you. That's what she wants from you. Whether you are prepared to give it to her is another question.

All women play games. Some do it consciously, other unconsciously.

All women say they care, some really do, others really don't, some don't know how.

In my experience, the odds are ever-so-slightly in favor of any woman being cold gameplayers.

It's always good to have a contingency plan.

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what dr. house brings to medicine, i bring to everyday life (an extreme dose of cynicism), don't listen to the curmudgeon!

Cheers for the advice Mytt8, I gave her the ultimatum after she sat me down and told me what had happened. She was just coming clean and wanted to be completely honest with me, even though she told me that she didn't expect me to want to be with her anymore after she told me everything...that's when the dramatic walk out happened and she had a mini breakdown. She is definately worth a LTR, HB9.5 man, after I gave her the ultimatum, she fixed it and told me that she realizes her mistakes and she realizes that she doesn't deserve me.

Win win. Case closed.
Thank you again for your advice guys!