As I'm really socially awkward, I really need some help on this.
If I meet, for instance, a girlfriend of a friend of mine I have no idea what to talk about. And its gets incredibly awkward all the time.

I have no idea how to make people comfortable around me. Or make myself comfortable for that matter.
I find it very hard to make new friends as I always get the awkward silence, which just causes people not to wanna hang around me.
A conversation with a stranger usually goes like this:

Stranger: "So you play in a band in your sparetime eh? that must be cool"
Me: "Yeah, love making and performing music!"
Stranger: "Have you recorded any songs or anything yet?"
Me: "Not yet, but we're trying to get some money for recordings as we speak"
Stranger: ok cool.
Me: yeah.

BOOOOOOOOOOM. AWKWAAAAAARD.

I've asked about this stuff on other forums in the past. People just told me to get a few hobbies.
I have so many interesting hobbies you have no idea! So thats clearly not the problem.

This stuff really sucks. And I have no fucking idea on how to solve it. Feels like every conversation I have with randoms are like interviews...
I really need to be able to get along with my friends girlfriends, and just people in general.

Really need some advice here folks!

You just need to talk about stuff and not care at all about what the other person might think, or whether they might find it boring, or whether they might judge you in some way, or any reservations at all that are going through your mind -- turn the filter off. If you have many hobbies then that's great, just talk about whatever you're passionate about.

At your stage it's pretty much impossible for you to make someone want to leave because you are talking too much about something that doesn't interest them, so just go for it and don't be afraid to speak your mind, voice your opinion on anything and everything, even if it means you're disagreeing -- or perhaps especially if you're disagreeing! That will get a back and forth conversation going no problem, and then you've broken down barriers and will feel more comfortable talking to that person. Just make sure it's not an argument, be jovial about it, kind of like a neg.

If you do ever reach the stage where people are telling you to shut up, then great. That's a much better position to be in than where you were before. Would you rather have too much to say and have to try to say less, or be the reticent guy who makes uncomfortable silences so that nobody wants to talk to you?

Remember: it's not an interview. If you're talking to a stranger then they're in the same boat as you, and you don't need anything from them. You need to care less about what others might think. Imagine that what you have to say is important, and that the person you're talking to needs to hear it and wants to hear it.

60-70% of communication is non-verbal. If you're giving off the right vibes, people will think that they want to hear what you have to say -- fake it til you make it. If you're thinking that nobody cares what you have to say, then that will come across in body language and things you can't control, and nobody will care what you have to say.

Eventually it will become habit and the line between faking it and it just happening naturally will blur. Your confidence can only grow the more you do it, and you'll just get better at it and more loquacious.

Btw, I don't know if you play video games, but if you've ever played RPGs that have conversation elements like Mass Effect or Morrowind/Oblivion, then I bet you are never worried about asking someone something in those games. You just walk up to someone in the bar/their own house that you broke into/their military base, and choose whatever conversation option you feel like, and ask whatever you like. You know why? Because you don't care. If you want to know something about someone, just fucking ask it, right? Imagine if you had that mindset in real life.

Only RPG I've played is WoW. People found me annoying in there as well haha.

I have no problem stopping people on the street asking for random stuff. Its just that I can't keep a conversation going at all.

EDIT: Does anyone have any reading material on this subject?

bump

This is it.

You need to not really care about what others think about you. I find that most often the case is that they are more self-conscious than you are.

Awkwardness is only there if you make it awkward. Keep the conversation going, keep your energy level high (the other person most likely is so self-conscious that he/she is just responding and not asking), and keep your smile on.

Throw in some jokes. You're good to go. If you feel that the conversation is heading to a dead end, cut it off and say something like "It's really nice to meet you. Let's shoot the breeze some other time."

If he/she is someone you think is interesting, get the #. If not, next time, be sure to say "Hi." The most stupid thing (imo) is seeing someone you talked to/know, but neither of you says "Hi." Don't let that happen.

^Agreed with all the pointers said above, however, I would like to add couple of things:

1. When you mentiond your conversation, how it dies easly is because you need to invest more into it, when someone asks you a question, you answer it, wait for him/her to ask another question and if they don't, you ask them a question (which can be explanation of your answer and something that bonds the topic and the listener.)
See what I'm saying you make LEADING question, you ask a question regarding the pervious questions.

2. If really everything fails, just make eye contact and have a big smile on your face, they'll smile back (they always do), or they'll might ask you, what're you smiling for, you just say: today is the best day of my life... bla bla bla.....

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How my life looks like right now: STUDY HARD, PARTY HARD

I just scare people off when I start talking freely. Cause I tend to say all the wrong things. (which is why I turned into this uncomfortable douche in the first place to avoid people disliking me)

I've come back to your post several times trying to think of the best way to respond. It's tough because you are presenting three different situations and three different problems. While the problems are sort of related, each one really is its own thread. No, buddy, I'm not criticizing you; I'm just indicating, I've put some thought into how I should respond.

I'm just going to respond to your thread question: How Do I Make People Feel Comfortable Around Me

Ok, here's the thing. "Giving off good vibes," is just an expression; I don't believe in the metaphysical. So what does it mean for someone to say you are giving off, "good vibes?"

What they are really saying is that your facial expressions--most important--and your body language are not anxious, tense, scared, angry or otherwise uncomfortable. The quickest indicator determining whether someone will feel comfortable around you is your facial expression.

The biggest problem is that when people are anxious--such as in being among big crowds, or talking to someone with whom they are not comfortable--their face will automatically make a very tense and in some people an almost angry expression. This is a huge problem because unless someone points it out or you become conscious of it, you will have not clue you are making such a negative expression.

You could be the friendliest person on the planet but if you have a grimace, people are not going to feel comfortable around you.

To determine if you are doing this next time you find yourself in a situation you feel uncomfortable, widen your eyes. If in widening your eyes your whole face moves up and becomes less tense--believe me you will feel it, it is not subtle--then you had a negative, tense expression on your face.

Another way to go about doing this, is if you have a tendency to look ticked off in pictures. You are probably not ticked off but again you are uncomfortable so it shows on your face.

The overall solution, is know what situations make you feel uncomfortable. Before you enter in the situation, widen your eyes and have a subtle smile on your face. So, for example you have problems with crowded bars. Before entering, widen your eyes and small smile then walk in and greet whoever.

After a while, you won't think about it anymore you will just do it. Then people will feel comfortable around you.

In terms of body language, again when you are uncomfortable you stand like a soldier. Depending on your overall appearance, that can come across as intimidating.

The easiest fix for this one, is like the widen your eye deal but it takes a little bit more practice and effort. For the next few weeks, when you are tense because of whatever work or school or what have you--not a social situation though. (Warning: this going to sound metaphysical but it is more about visualizing so you get the right movement) Stand straight and tense, then visualize in your mind the idea that you have completely lost all the bones in your body, and allow your body while standing to sort of collapse into not so much of a slump but like your were a piece of clothing hanging on a hanger. Again if you do it correctly, you will feel completely relaxed. So much so that when you get back into your tense mode, you will notice the difference--it is not subtle you will feel the difference.

The reason you do this exercise outside of the context of social situation is because the exercise is meant to make you aware of the vast difference between feeling relaxed and feeling tense. Once you are able to distinguish the two such that when you start getting tense you think to your self, "oh, I'm getting tense better relax," then you can use the technique in social situations.

So you are in a a social situation, you begin to feel tense--now you know when you are becoming tense--stay upright like normal, but pull your shoulders down and tilt your head a little in whichever direction you prefer. This is a mini relaxation version of the first one I mentioned.

When you are tense, you shoulders tend to hunch up and your head tends to either look down or straight. doing what I indicated in the previous paragraph will not only prevent both behaviors from showing and coming across negatively. But it also helps you relax.

Giving off good vibes = making people feel comfortable = relaxed mood.

Check out Igor Ledochowski's " CD set "The art of great conversations"

This is a quite old thread.. Honestly, if you are still at that level, none of the "advanced" stuff would be worth looking at. Just remember what your cool friends say and recycle those expressions, jokes, good stories (or DHV) as I remember people here call it, on other people. Before you know it, you will be good.

I am speaking from a somewhat similar situation where when I first come to US for college I had no idea what the x was going on and didn't even speak much English. If this worked out fine then it should work for you too. This is my first post on this forum. Been following this community for a few years though =)

Hello,
You say that it is bad to have awkward moments of silence. I say, only if you define them as bad. My friend says that my silent moments give him room to think. He thinks it's a good thing that I make them. Having a positive attitude towards by silent moments made me get away with the 'awkward' feeling. At least I think.
Hope you have the best moments of silence ever!

I have the same problem. Some people seem to have a natural tendency to lead you down the path of DLV. Like I'm an artist, and everyone always wants to ask if I sell my work in galleries eventhough I don't. If you play sports, they'll ask if you play competitively and have ever gone to a big college or tried to go pro. But guess what, 99% of people never come close to major success. If they did, they'd be rubbing elbows with movers and shakers and not taking stupid questions from random scrubs and nobodies.

I'm convinced you need to control the conversation and redirect the topic back to DHV, instead of DLV. Don't put yourself at the mercy of a random interrogater, just answering their questions to the best of your ability. Have a pre-planned schpeel that is full of DHV spikes that you can start reciting as soon as someone tries to lead you into DLV territory.

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“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says 'I'm possible'!” ~Audrey Hepburn

Your problem seems to be you are conversationally challenged. Focus on what the other person is saying to start off. Taking your example, ask them "do you play anything?" depending on the answer you can ask how they got started, if they don't play, ask what they would want to play, or maybe even switch up the subject completely. Ask about their lives, something like, "so what gets you up and out of bed every morning?" is a great question I like to ask because it's open ended and you really get to see what they are like and interested in.