| Beginning of December. 10pm. I’m at work, a large empty office. I just started trying online dating two weeks ago, so I tell myself do that for an hour. Then head home. And as I’m sitting there, clicking through profiles I come across HBDream. Hers is a well-written profile. A lot of attitude in it. And even though there is nothing really explicit, a lot of sexuality seems to shine through.
And then I send her my first email:
My Grandma Thinks I’m Cute…
Hi,
I’m not that good at writing emails to strangers but bear with me. I read your profile and there was something about you that caught my eye. Perhaps, it was that combination of restless nomad and some high heels. Actually, it definitely was that. I’m curious if you’re as interesting and attractive as I think you might be.
I bet you must have gotten a lot of emails from old married men demanding foot massages:)
I’m not one to talk about myself too much, but I’m 25, tall, love my life. A nomad at heart and in practice I recently moved to xx. Enjoying the city minus the cold and reconciling a never-ending desire to travel with the desire for familiar surroundings…
From your profile I take it you are in xx now. Do you feel like meeting up for a drink somewhere in xx at 11? I was abroad for a few days and am trying to catch up with some work (well, I guess that’s not entirely true:) but afterwards I would love to relax and have a glass of wine, so if you feel like it you’d be welcome to join me.
flowofsoma
Later she told me that she wanted to fuck me when she read that message…But more on that later. She responds immediately. Saying that she wasn’t yet in xx, that she was ‘interesting and whatnot’ and would be up for meeting me when she’d get to xx. I send a short reply to that.
Wet Dreams
The next day I had received two more emails by her. The first one was a very erotic dream in which she was meeting someone who looked exactly like me and really wanted to fuck him. This is an excerpt from the dream:
At my mom’s place we sit across each other, kinda awkwardly, she is nagging something about how the clothes are dirty n’ old while we are devouring each other at a distance, eyefucking even, and the lunch smells so good, it’s this favorite dish of mine made of paprika and tomato that is very similar to ajvar… She exits the room, still churning from the background, and the tension is almost palpable but still mellow and going nowhere further, I can feel the heat from 2 meters away touching me while it echoes through my mind how I would like to to fuck you right now but I can’t because my sister is sitting there, too.
When I read her dream she had already sent me a second message, telling me how much she regretted having sent the dream email and that she sounds like ‘some middle age food massage dispersing married man’. Insisting that she didn’t mean to virtually rape me.
So what do you answer to that? I loved reading that dream email. It was totally hot. And now she was regretting having sent it to me. So when I thought about what to answer her the one thing I really wanted to do was to make her feel good about having opened up to me in such a way. With this in mind, I respond:
HBDream,
Don’t apologize.
I love nothing more than a woman who feels comfortable in her sexuality. I love nothing more than to make a woman feel sexy.
So if, from far away, without having met, you get so excited by me to dream that and feel free to write it to me. That’s a huge compliment. It’s exactly what I want to make you feel. So the last thing you’d need to do is apologize.
And your dream was really hot. You definitely managed to get me excited there and I totally got hard reading it.
Now I’m really looking forward to meeting you…
But then it seems to have the exact opposite effect of what I want:
Shut up, you’re not making it better with your hardons. We better talk about something else. I just don’t go around online meeting people for sex. That’s something my gay buddies do. I actually feel more embarrassed now and even more sorry that I sent it… Morning lapse of judgment, whatever.
This is something that bothers quite a bit over the next days. How did my message have an effect so differently from what I intended? What could I have written to make her feel good instead of embarrassed about this?
Although, maybe a slight caveat here. There is one thing that I have realized big time over the last two-three months: It is not a bad thing to piss women off, make them blush, uncomfortable, feel embarrassed. I have been texting quite a lot recently and I constantly send text messages that have some sexual innuendo. I know I’m making them uncomfortable with them often. Probably more often than not. They may even ignore them completely. But they’ll start thinking of you in a very sexual way and if you show a certain amount of persistence that slight annoyance they had about you passes away but the sexuality remains. You build great sexual tension that way. But at the time I’m not quite realizing this.
Weeks passing…
There is some continuation of the email exchange. She actually ends up sending me another erotic dream, though this time I am not in it. It is hot as well. She is a great writer, smart, full of sexuality. My messages are certainly less exciting than hers but I don’t want to try competing with her. I leave xx also over the holidays just as she gets there. Just before I return I email her again suggesting to meet up. Her tone is very different now. It is clear that she has lost a lot of her interest in meeting me. She says she is busy writing and that I should stay away from her as she is not having any fun. She also mentions that she’s been on some horrible blind dates and that she met a girl going out who told her that only losers in xx meet people online.
Now again I am wondering what to answer. There is a challenge in that email. There is the unspoken accusation that I also am a loser unable to get a date in the real world whose last hope he invests in sending emails to strange women. What I want to tell her is obvious. ‘I am not one of them!’ But how do you do that? If you try to qualify yourself, convince her that you are different you just proved her right. So my answer is curt and simple: ‘good luck with your writing’. That’s all. I know it is the right message to send the moment I send it. I’m pretty sure she’ll write again. If not, I would have written again some days later, just after New Year’s Eve, she answers and sends me her phone number.
Offline
I send her some texts over the next days. In the first one, on Sunday I just announce I’d call her the next week. A day later I send her a text to add me on Facebook: ‘Add me on Facebook. I’m trying to increase number of friends to boost self-confidence for 2011. Also need to investigate your activities to see you’re not weird.’ She doesn’t respond to any of my texts, but adds me on Facebook the next day. Later that day I send her a text telling her to meet me on Wednesday: ‘Meet me tomorrow at 8pm at xx. Bring wine and sexy smile.’ She doesn’t respond that night, but the next noon I get a short message ‘will be there’. The meeting place is right next to my apartment and I want to bring her to mine and make dinner. As I am in the supermarket, she calls me and suggests meeting at a restaurant. I figure she is uncomfortable with coming to my place, but once again: Making a woman just a bit uncomfortable often serves to turn her on. I tell her that I will eat at home and that she is welcome to join me, but that we can also meet after dinner at some bar, if she prefers that. She agrees to eat at mine.
We meet at the station. She was well-dressed, fairly tall, brown hair, a certain self-confidence about her. I find her very attractive. There is something about her that really turns me on. We walk over to my place.
Dinner to Sex
My game has been literally exploding over the last two months. I am getting to where I want to be. I am natural and relaxed around women and very sexual. So I am able to lean back. To just let things take their course without obsessing about outcomes. It is then when you really start enjoying seduction. Cause it isn’t about an end-goal, but about connecting and arousing. About being natural in your own sexuality and help her do the same with hers. Above all, it is about bringing a woman to a point where she opens up to you and becomes vulnerable. There is nothing I enjoy more in life than that.
So now I am making dinner at my place. There is tension there, but is just light and drawing that time out when you know you will have sex is tremendously enjoyable. And there is something that is different about her: She knows what it means to be seduced and she will not settle for less. I feel often when I am with a woman I get absolutely zero resistance. It is almost too easy. And then I might just kiss her whenever and it barely matters. And then I go in and I want to kiss her and she turns away. And she is so right to do so. I laugh. It is pure laziness on my part to do it that moment. I’m too far away. It is all announced and that makes it awkward. And she turns me away, not because she doesn’t want to be kissed, not because she doesn’t know we will have sex, but because she wants to be seduced properly. Respect to that.
We talk, eat, drink wine, listen to music. She is very experienced with guys and talks a lot about the terrible dates she’s been on. Quite in general we mostly talk about dating, sex, male-female relations. She is very smart and knows a lot about this subject. As much as I do. Interestingly she is extremely familiar with all the pickup literature, dating dynamics etc. I find that hilarious. I have a ton of books lying around all in some way revolving around self-improvement. A lot of them about diet and health, psychology, etc. So we talked about that. And she tells me something very, very interesting. She tells me that she despises weak men. Of course, I understand that completely. But she tells me that she used to feel really guilty about this, but reading pickup literature has helped her to be okay with this.
After dinner she sits down on the radiator. I sit down on the couch next to her. We are drinking wine I am touching her slightly, but it still not time. Then she sits down on the floor next to the radiator. It is a bit of a corner. It is as if she is cornering herself to make herself smaller and more vulnerable to me. I move in closer to her. My hands are on both of her sides, but I am not touching her. She can barely move and I inch closer and closer. She keeps going down and back, but there is the wall and there is no way out. There is something very animalistic and hot about it. Then I start making out with her.
Sex
What can I say about the sex? I love fucking her. She turns me on a lot. I go down on her for a while. Then I stimulate her deep spot for a long time. I feel she is close to coming at some point, but she doesn’t. She tells me she is about to pee, and of course I tell her that she isn’t, tell her to relax. But at some point it becomes too much for her and I stop. She is getting very vulnerable to me now. That is something really beautiful and exciting. For me that’s what you strive for in sex. (Two days later I watched Jason Savage’s great talk on feminine sexuality together with her. google '21 convetion gone savage 2009'). This is the kind of stuff I believe in too. At some point she seems close to crying. She tells me that she has never had a vaginal orgasm. And then at one point she tells me ‘Thank you that there are guys like you in this world.’
For all the self-confident and independent woman that she is, she is also very submissive. So I ask her if she’d like to be tied up. She tells me she has only done it once, but that she liked it. So I tell her that I will tie her up, but not that evening but the next time we meet. We fuck some more. I fuck her ass and it feels good to be inside her, to hold her and thrust against her. She sleeps over at mine. In the morning I wake up to get a shower and when I some out she has already left.
Second Date
I text her the next day, but I am working at night so we don’t meet up. Then we met again on Friday the night before she is leaving.
She comes to mine again, we drink wine, we talk. We talked about one thing. One thing only and that was pickup. It was completely fascinating for me. When I first read The Game and learned about seduction, I devoured pretty much everything one could. I read book, after book. Listened to dozens of audio programs, spent countless hours foraging forums, tried all kinds of related self-improvement stuff. I didn’t really do what I should have done which is talk to women, but I did learn a tremendous amount. Then a bit more than a year ago, I really started confronting these fears. I started approaching and actually applying. i had some success very quickly and then I was in a great relationship for eight months in which I learned a huge amount as well. But I did this journey all by myself. So often I felt a bit lonely about this. It was a big part of my life, but I didn’t share it with anyone. Recently I have met some community guys in xx and I went to visit Jason Savage and Jonathan Cassell in Kiev last August and that was great. I wasn’t even so much that my game made huge progress, but Jason was a guy I admired greatly. His archives on fastseduction were among the first things I read after The Game. Go check them out (nickname ‘gonesavage’). I love his style, I share his values. So for me Kiev was great because I was sharing my journey.
And now I was here talking with HBDream about pickup and I was sharing my journey with her too. I tell her about my past. About painful years of literally no sex. I recently sat down and thought about this. I think I had sex a grand total of no more than a dozen times until I was almost 24 years old. Now that’s a dozen times, NOT with a dozen women (although almost since there was only one women I had slept with more than once).
Now not only did she understand the whole seduction process and the whole theory of it, but I felt I could share with her some of that journey. I also felt that she really respected me as a person for having done it and that meant a lot to me. So it was a bit like Kiev again. I felt I was sharing something that had been extremely important for me, my seductive transformation, but that I had always kept very private. And she shared with me her story too and somehow it was not that different. Her difficulties in having a fulfilling sex life…
Then I tie her up and fuck her. I come earlier than I want to and we relax and then we go to her place to smoke a joint. We go over we wouldn’t stop talking about pickup and smoke a joint. We watch a bit of Savage’s video, but then it is too much for me and I don’t want to talk about or think about this stuff anymore and turn it off. I also want to fuck her again. I’m full of raw desire and it is the kind of desire that makes for good, rough sex. When I had tied her up, I somehow hadn’t had enough aggression. Now I have. It was great sex. Maybe our best. I love grabbing her and fucking her as hard as I can. And sometimes she tries to get away but I throw her down and overpower her and keep fucking her and we both love it.
Then we sleep and in the morning she makes me breakfast and then I left and she would leave the same day. I step outside and start walking home. It is sunny and pretty warm and the ice and snow in the streets are melting.
flowofsoma [.] com _________________ ----------
www.flowofsoma.com
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CHAT
