So this girl I met at work and I had plans to go out for dinner tonight. About 3 hours ago she texts me and says she's to busy and she won't be able to make it. She says she'd understand if I'd be mad at her for bailing on our date. So I reply back via text message to play around with her a little bit, "Hmmm, Honestly, I don't think I can talk to you ever again, oh well." That was the last thing I texted her about 3 hours ago. She replied with, "I figured it would be something along those lines." Im confused if this was a good move or not. Open to any and all suggestions, had a bit of a dry spell lately

Thanks in advance guys.

Bad move, as you killed your chances here really by saying such a thing to her.

You said the right thing. She didn`t attempt to make it up to you, which means she really wasn`t that interested. Move on

You should trust your intuition to decide whether she's into you or not. What were the exact words of the first text she sent you? I really don't think it's such a bad situation from what I've heard.

Also, I have only been on one "dinner date" in my life and it was the most boring experience of my life.

Her first text to let me know she couldn't make it goes, " I really wish i could say yes but I don't think I can do it tonight, haha you can totally hate me for bailing I understand."

So thats when I said " I don't think i can every speak to you again." Thought it might keep her on her toes???

Did she have any attraction for you before? I would probably go back to building attraction and value. Whenever I get negative vibes from a girl who I have to see everyday, especially in a professional setting, I just cool it down and go to LJBF zone instead. I would hate for things to get awkward at work.

Otherwise, I think the standard response for flakes is to send a brief message that says you would go out with her when she's ready, but also at the same time not putting any pressure on her. So the overall effect should be that she knows you're there if she wants to have a fun date, but also that you're totally willing to walk away from her.

I'm assuming you saw her and talked to her at work today?

Well thats the thing. Im a college student and its just a part-time job. I don't know when I'll see her next since work schedules differ every week. But yeah we were really hitting if off at work and when I asked her if I could take her out she seemed enthusiastic about it.

Sorry I don't know all the terms yet, guess I should find a thread that explains those in detail.

Next time you see her she might say something like "o btw I'm sorry about bailing on hanging out last week' or w/e

And then you could say something about her being too shy or something. With kind of a half smile on your face to show that you are making fun of her a little bit like she is a good girl and probably wants you to meet her parents first before you take her out (lol).

She'll probably respond by qualifying herself to show that she is independent and confident and a little bit of a bad girl.

I think you can pull it off man.


I almost forgot to add. You know what the word kino means? look it up, it will make all the difference in your interactions with girls

Why didn't you keep texting her? You were only joking around (which is good it sorta shows you don't really care), she might have been playing along with it?
or if she wasn't then tell her you were joking, make fun of her for not getting the joke.
It doesn't even look that bad from what ive read.

_________________
THE YAGERMEISTER!!!

Well I wanted to wait to see if I would get a response out of her eventually like "Were you serious??" Never happened though suprisingly. I'll probably shoot her a text early next week saying something like "So I thought about it and I think I can forgive you...on one condition" something like that.

I would reply "how will you make it up?"

This is very simple. Your text message could easily have been mistaken. She may sincerely believe that you are actually pissed and no longer want to see her, even if your intent was to elicit a teasing tone of voice. The problem with text, although it is awesome, is that you lose that element of paralanguage (i.e. tone, rate of speech, pitch, inflection, etc.). So it looks like that is what has happened here.

You need to bridge that gap between actual convo in person and text. She was expressing a sincere apology. She has already put herself out on the limb, which she should have, but you cannot push her further away, especially if it is ambiguos in text. For this reason, you were right in teasing her (i.e. give her a lil push), but you need to say in the same text message something that will pull her back in.

For example you could have added, "I will never speak to you again : ), but since you are so cute I can give you one more chance, but only one more. "

At this point you have missed out on that possibility. I would explain to her when you next see her that you still want to go out and that shes such a dummy for not realizing that you were kidding. Do this with a lot of energy, a huge smile, and anything that would be congruent with that attitude. Remember that smiley faces and texts, or lol, can be used effectively to bridge the gap of paralanguage. Don't over use them, but a simple smiley face may have been wise there (sorry if you did use one, i can't remember now that I am writing). Hope this helps.

-Ben Reed AKA Breednow

www.breednowornever.com

Breednow-or-never (Dating Advice for Smart Men)

_________________
Ben Reed is a life coach and social dynamics expert originating out of Philadelphia, PA.
-He currently is launching his new website in june:
www.Breednowornever.com

dont come off needy and dont apologize
try to make her come talk to you
or when you see her bring up a new topic

Recognizing the miscommunication is not necesarily appologizing. Furthermore apologizing does not need to be needy. But I would go in with the frame of mind that you are simply reconnecting and pushing the miscommunication aside. As explained, teasing her about her inability to pick up on sarcasm can be an extremely fluid way to reconnect without losing face.

-Ben Reed AKA Breednow

www.breednowornever.com

Breednow-or-never (Dating Advice for Smart Men)

_________________
Ben Reed is a life coach and social dynamics expert originating out of Philadelphia, PA.
-He currently is launching his new website in june:
www.Breednowornever.com

This is pretty sound advice. I dunno if I'd call her up on not getting sarcasm. At least not to begin with. Just sort the miscommunication out, don't dwell on it and tell her something like "I'm off X and Y, which suits you better?"