Rejection hurts. It hurts at an emotional level that moves well beyond the scope of the logical realm. A feeling of self- pity and confusion seeps into your consciousness like water in a crack. You want to hide away, licking your wounds, unsure if the damage is reparable. A belief system has permeated mankind like an infestation. This system maintains that our self-worth is dependent, intimately connected to, the perception of those around us. It holds that our self-esteem is wholly contingent upon the sentiments of others according to this mindset. Let this go! Shift this perspective!
Everyone has the ability to change the way they perceive the world. Thus we have an ability to change our beliefs about rejection. So what do you do? How do you shift this perspective? How do you reject rejection? GO OUT AND GET REJECTED. Sounds horrible? I’m sure it does.
Think of your self-esteem like the shin of a young boy. It is underdeveloped. It is weak and still growing. It is easily damaged. The scraping of the knee elicits searing pain. Tears well up in the eyes and the call for mommy escapes the mouth before a conscious perception of the minor experience has registered in the mind. You are weak because of your lack of maturity. A lack of maturity stems from a lack of conditioning: a lack of experience. The scraped knee is tended to by mom, but the next time you venture into the world, you are fully prepared: armed with your protective helmet, knee pads, wrist guards, and reflector vest. But are you really prepared?
Now imagine the shin of a muay thai fighting champion. His bone is hardened like rock from his training. The repetitive kicks to hard bamboo, throughout his life, have conditioned his leg to feel no pain. Under the bright lights, the texture of the canvas beneath his feet—, soft, yet taught and rigid to support the fighter’s weight,— the muay thai fighter delivers strikes of precision, without any afterthought to the pain or training his leg has endured. It is internalized in him. He has become a master of this realm, through the fine tuning of his body to achieve this end.
You need to make a transition from the young boy to the seasoned muay thai artist. You need to harden your mind. Take off your protective gear to face the world. At first, the ego will hurt, but as it repairs, it will become harder. Condition your mind to accept rejection as a natural component of the dating scene. Condition it to the point where each rejection progressively becomes less harsh, until the effect of rejection has changed in your mind. It should no longer be the painful, gut wrenching, experience of the past. Rather it will not even appear consciously to you as a barrier to your success. The internalization of rejecting rejection will be complete.

-Ben Reed AKA breednow

Breednow-or-never (dating advice for smart men)

_________________
Ben Reed is a life coach and social dynamics expert originating out of Philadelphia, PA.
-He currently is launching his new website in june:
www.Breednowornever.com

I am not sure that hardening my ego is an intelligent goal. My ultimate goal is to rid myself of the formless, life sucker all together.

_________________
You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

Im not sure what you mean by the formless life sucker. Perhaps if you could explain what you are talking about to a further degree I could form an intelligent response : p

-Ben Reed AKA Breednow

Breednow-or-never (Dating Advice for Smart Men)

_________________
Ben Reed is a life coach and social dynamics expert originating out of Philadelphia, PA.
-He currently is launching his new website in june:
www.Breednowornever.com

I consider the ego to be a formless life sucker. I believe my beliefs regarding the ego are best expressed in Ekhart Tolle's A New Earth.

One of Ekhart's quotes that I love

The mind is a superb instrument if used rightly. Used wrongly, however, it becomes very destructive. To put it more accurately, it is not so much that you use your mind wrongly -- you usually don't use it at all. It uses you. This is the disease. You believe that you are your mind. This is the delusion. The instrument has taken you over.

_________________
You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

We could have a great conversation about mind body dualsim : ). In order for me to challenge or evaluate that claim, I would need to read the article and more fully understand the sentence "we believe we are our mind." From a superficial perspective, it seems absurd to say that we are not our mind. For if we are not our mind, what are we? I would love to know more and I will post again when I have read the article.

-In reference to the original article, I was attempting to be less philisophical. Meaning I was appealing to infallible qualities of sociology and psychology (i.e. the way we actually work). As I have observed, a crucial part of training men to be less self-concious is to not only practice their social skills (along with the tendency to be rejected), but also shift the perspective that rejection is a reflection of ones own self worth. Meaning that rejection, in reality, could have nothing to do with what you look like, who you are, etc. I have explained this more fully in my other post "take the blame off yourself." So I'm simply making an effort to get guys to go out and realize its not that big of a deal to approach and get rejected. I get rejected a lot! It can actually be fun (I'm sure I will be attacked for this statement). My friends joked after reading the article, "let's go kick some bamboo." Get out there and try!

-Ben Reed AKA Breednow

www.breednowornever.com

Breednow-or-never (Dating Advice for Smart Men)

_________________
Ben Reed is a life coach and social dynamics expert originating out of Philadelphia, PA.
-He currently is launching his new website in june:
www.Breednowornever.com

We believe the same things but we just speak a different language.

_________________
You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

I've heard this said a different way, and I've read several Tolle books.

From the psychology/sales point of view, rejection is not a rejection of you, it is a rejection of how the other person is perceiving whatever you are offering. Since its just a perception of a stranger, it should not be taken so personally. The way to get over that is desensitization, going out and getting used to not taking it seriously.

From the Tolle point of view, rejection pain is egoic pain. He does not say to destroy the ego or even that it is possible or desirable to destroy the ego. He says to observe the tricks of the ego so that it doesn't cause unnecessary pain.

lol I know exactly what you mean : )

-Ben Reed AKA Breednow

www.breednowornever.com

Breednow-or-never (Dating Advice for Smart Men)

_________________
Ben Reed is a life coach and social dynamics expert originating out of Philadelphia, PA.
-He currently is launching his new website in june:
www.Breednowornever.com