Guy from Sweden need some help

Last summer (8 months ago) I met a pretty girl at a party. She is a few years older than me. I'm in the middle of the twenty and she is in the end of the twenty. I am a young graduate student with a middle class background and she works in a beauty salon and has a working-class background. She is also from a southern European country. I grew up in the capital, and she grew up in the countryside. I do not know about these social inequalities have relevance, but I believe it.

I have traveled more than her, my language is more academic and I have this typical upper middle class interests that she do not share. That was obvious under parts of the date. But I like her anyway. She is a very smart and good person. Very different from the girls I dated before (always from the same background)

In which case

We talked for a while at the party 8 months ago and she ended the conversation by saying that she thought it was "nice" and that she hoped that we would meet again. A few days later, I added her to Facebook friendliest. I never asked her out because I thought it would be particularly stupid to do so, because she had come out of a several-year long relationship and I had some problems with a girl to. I girl I do not date anymore.

The conversations we had during these months, conversations which has been relatively few, have been platonic and nothing has resulted in something more than humor and very superficial friendship. She was just one of many people as we usually call the "filler" on our Facebook accounts.

About a month ago we decided to see each other after some deeper conversations. We exchanged numbers. Talked on the phone once and decided to go out sometime. She was going for a short vacation and I asked her to call when she got home. She did not call. After two weeks I contacted her on Facebook. She said she would really like to see me. She asked if Saturday would work for me. I told her that Monday was better. We meet on Monday – Valentine’s Day.

It was a late date because she was working late and she works out after work. I took her to a cozy bar I know. We did not recognize each other first so there was some laughter as we passed each other. Our date was relatively calm. We drank a drink that I was paying for (a drink she sucked on little too long) and we talked about quite superficial things such as language, art, culture and some humor was added.

I did some social misses and she did some social errors to. There were "No long moments of silence”. Her phone rang once and she ended it quickly, she looked around the room a few times and one time on her clock. We had eye contact for the most part.

One would say that it was in general a pretty date. Friendly, polite but no sexual tones and we sat in such a way that was not inviting for intimacy. We wanted to continue our date but the second bar closed so I decide we were going home.

Towards the end of the evening, we went down into the subway. She asked about where I live. When my train came she asked me if I would take that train. I said yes, and hugged her quickly.

The next morning (Thus day) I send a text message where I wrote that "it was fun to see you again." I get a response almost immediately, where she said “she also liked it and that she hopes that we can do it again sometimes”.


I respond to her message on Wednesday, or 24 hours after she had responded positive. I suggest that perhaps we should look at contemporary art sometimes.

I did so because she said that she liked art and contemporary art very much. I ended my message with writing “Huge”.

The same night (still Wednesday) she was online on Facebook. She had just returned home from training and was eating. We talked for five minutes at the Facebook chatting program but when I discovered that she did not seem to be in the mood of talking I just put a “Smiley” up to the last thing she said and waited for her to take up the conversation. She never did and I logged out an hour later.


Today, it is Thursday and I have not yet received a reply from her. It has not even been 24 hours yet, but I do not think I will get any response. She is very polite and I know from experience of girls with her upbringing and background that they need more sex roles. Im a sociologist by the way. I noted it on the first date. I was dating a girl like that once after not having shown any interest whatsoever after three dates, but called me a week after and asked me if I wanted to come over - which ended in sex and a six-month relationship that I have since then closed.

I’m also afraid that she has no interests in me and is just very polite because I like her.

I like this girl and I think that's what makes it far more difficult to just walk away. When we look at our Facebook's chatting sessions, it is I who makes contact and that I'm leading person. Without me leading I think that our date would be really bad – she seem to have a problem with conversations and her “questions” was like “Do you like South Park”. (She got it from my Facebook wall I think) and when I said Yes, I like Cartman, who do you like she went “I don’t know, I do not watch TV so often”. Like everything she did that was not in control by me ended up this way. She really gave me the control – it is the first time for me was a girl has done that in such an obvious way.

One thing I noticed was that she made it impossible for me to see her friends on Facebook. She cannot see my friends either. However, I wonder why she did it just after we talked Wednesday night. Actually the last thing is not of importance.

What do you think I should do? Should I drop this?

Sarge an other chick, I think you are already in that zone called the friend zone.
You need to attract other girls, and she needs to see it if you want her !

_________________
“The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old.”-Barney Stinson

I agree but I do not think that is possible. We do not hang in the same community off people. My plan was to give her the weekend to answer my text message but as you said. I’m in the friend’s zone and she has shown no interests beyond friendship so she is now in the trash bin. I have erased her number and put her off my Facebook Friends list. Because we are not in the same community of friends I cannot “show” anything to her and I’m not going to invite her into my friends zone – when I see no purpose having her as a friend at all and doing it just to get her...naaaw. My community of friends is much bigger then hers and and from an objective perspective.

Im educated, intellectual, hang out with young professionals and graduate students and Im in her "class" when it comes to looks. She is just a smalltown girl that like to cut peoples hair and fix their nails. What kind of a living is that? I have no time and room to sit down and play with her for 6 months and then end up with a girl that wants to open a "hair-saloon" and likes "shopping". Sure, I would love her to death if I got her, but it would not work anyway when i look at other variables.

Ten years ago or so, when I was in High School I had this crush on a girl. She liked me in the beginning but I had another girl in my head at that moment. We became very good friends and I developed a deep love for her and when I began to pursue she dumped me, both as a friend and as a “future” lover. She was also a "nobody" girl that I just loved for some philosophical reason about unconditional love beyond reason.

Thank God that girl dumped me because a year after or so I meet my real “love of my life” and we were together through High School and through College. It was a love built on what "we were" rather then this "unconditional love beyond reason" - but hey. It worked for 6 years! I think that kind of relationships is better - sure it is shallow but those relationships works and for some reason I only end up in those.

I do not want to have an irrational "Love-fix” on a girl again – I know that it always ends up bad. Either way, she is in the trash bin now. It will hurt for a month. Next week, I’m going to see another girl and this one likes me in the way I want her to like me! No "love" there but it is better to have a healthy rational relationship were I can control my emotions for the girl, rather then an irrational one were I may get hurt.

This is a bit strange. I took her off my Facebook and then we talked anyway and she got back on my Facebook. I came with some sad excuse. I’m in the same position as before with her. Apparently, yesterday she offered me to do my hair (she is a hairdresser) at her home and this from the thin air. I talked it away, but we are going to see each other next week to do this. I’m in the friends-zone. What do you think? Should I just not talk to her next week or should I see her?

you talked her away of that? oh my god.

No I did not. I just responded poorly and talked about other stuff. Because of that we didn’t meet this week, but next week instead. The good thing with her is that I have only seen her twice in my life and the first time was almost a year ago. The second time was in February. The reason why we have not seen each other more is of course that she is (or was) in the trash bin, because she did not respond my invite, for a second date.

It is like impossible to play a normal game with her, because of some cultural and social barrier that is bloody problematic.

Two weeks ago she went like “Oh, where-ever I go there are people thinking I’m flirting with them. There was a man yesterday that asked me out for a date at my job, but I did not want to”. Stuff like that. This can mean two things: 1. she wants to show higher value or 2. I’m in the friend’s zone.

I think she likes you and is too shy to be blatant about it. What country is she from? I'm from southern Europe, maybe I can shed some light on her thought process I don't think you should use typical game on her. She likes you. Maybe she's afraid of rushing into something and wants to take it slow. Maybe she is well aware of the class differences and doesn't want to seem like a gold digger? About the other guy asking her out. Yeah, she wants to show she's wanted, but won't go out with just anybody. I'd take it as a sign to hurry up, because she's out there, but is still waiting for you to be the guy to take her on a date. She said she liked contemporary art and you asked her to go to a museum with you, and that's great, you listened. Have you thought maybe she would be embarrassed to go to a museum with you because of her lesser education? She might think you want to discuss some concepts she has no knowledge of. You'll be seeing her again when she cuts your hair. That's good because it's something she's an expert in. She wanted to cut your hair to show you her value. To impress you with something she's good at. So if you like her, take it from there. Arrange another date after the haircut and do something fun with her. Take her to a theme park or something less intellectual, show her you don't care she's only a hairdresser. She probably doesn't want to become a toy of an upper-class boy who would be ashamed to have her as a girlfriend. It's sort of ASD.
But before you continue, re-read your previous post about class differences and ask yourself if you really want to get with this girl. You might sound like a snob, but there is no shame in that. Ask yourself if this is the girl you could introduce to your family. If she isn't, you have to decide what exactly you want from her and be honest about it. If you don't see her as LTR, she has to know this. If you see her as a potential GF, build more comfort and show her you'll be there. I hope this helped, please do post about how it went!

Cheers!

I do not know much about her. This is what she has told me. She was born in what is today’s Kosovo. She is Albanian-Turkish. She is in her late twenties. She is a couple of years older than me.

Her parents came to Sweden, as refugees during the Yugoslavian wars. She was around 10 years old when came here. Her parents are blue-collar workers and she grew up in a small Swedish town. She was raised in a non-religious Muslim home and considered herself an atheist or an agnostic.

She was married to an Albanian man for a couple of years, but it ended in divorce. It seems that the divorce was difficult for her and she ended up in financial trouble after the divorce. Her divorce was completed around two years ago. After the divorce she moved to Stockholm for a new life. Her parents seem to be very open-minded and she is too. Her parents told her after the divorce that it would be better for her that she found a Swedish, christian, man instead. Which of course Iam.

She has some problem with the language. It is slightly broken. She also speak a local Swedish dialect, which makes it a bit troublesome for me to follow her. We do not share the same sociolect (class-based linguistics) either, which makes it a bit troublesome when I try to explain things to her.

In high school her academic orientation was “children and leisure”. She went to a public school. Her choice of orientation is very common among children of blue color workers and girls which have more heart than brain. After High school she became a hairdresser. I studied business-economics and natural science at a private distinguished High school, and then I went on to college.

The problem with her is that I do not know what I should say to her. I can give you some examples from that last date.

She told me she liked to paint "modern art". She told me that a teachers at high School thought she was a great painter. Great I said and asked her about contemporary art, like what she thought of Jackson Pollock (abstract expressionist), Salvador Dali (surrealism) and other famous painters of our time. The she said she liked Picasso. I think that was the only painter she knew.

I told her about some friends that are graduate-students at Royal University of fine art (One of the finest in Scandinavia) and that I get regularly invited by them to different kind of seminaries and projects. I told her about my view of Tate Modern in London, Museum of Modern art in New York, Louisiana Museum of Modern Art in Copenhagen compared to Stockholm museum of contemporary art (Which is internationally rather good). Of course she did not know anything about art. She had not been to these museums and knew nothing about these museums. I have never been to China but I know stuff about China. She just liked to paint in aquarelle.

Then she told me that she liked fashion. I know very little of about fashion and have no interests in it. It is not that I dress poorly. I wear classical outfits, like Burberry coats, Tweed-Jackets, conservative shirts, pull-over and cardigans. I look like any other student of law, business economics, philosophy or political science. It is conservative, but not snobbish.

She is dressed more modest cloths, but more trendy. She had an expensive bag. We talked about shopping and fashion. Apparently she had not been in New York, Milan, Paris or London. She did not know anything of those cities fashion or shopping scene. I did actually know more about fashion then she did. Im a fan of second hand-shopping. I told her that it was rather good, both to prize and assortment in Prague (Czech Republic) compared to more expensive London, like Brick Lane. She did not like second hand shopping. She said she just like shopping and fashion, but there were no meaning behind it.

I have a friend that likes fashion, popular art and other rather shallow things. He works as a junior art-director in London and went to a top-University in his field, so he knows his "fashion" and popular art. This guy may like things which I find shallow, like “fashion” and popular art, but he knows these things very well and fill it with an intellectual meaning.

When I visit him in London we go out to popular art galleries, museums and alternative clubs filled with young people wanting to make a career and art, fashion and in journalism. When he buys a pair of shoes, he can make cultural and historical references to why he bought it. This guy buy like Tokyo-made jeans in a 1950;s style that he puts on his wall. This guy, have a serious interest in these kind of stuff. She doesn’t.

I asked her once if she liked skiing. Then she had never tried it and tried to cover up that she hadn’t tried it, like pushing the question away, before she answered. Personally I’m raised with snowboarding and skiing, both in the European Alps and in the Swedish mountains. My parents own a house in the Swedish mountains. Skiing is popular winter-sport among middle class Swedes.

I asked her if she like traveling. She told me that she goes sometimes to Spain and Greek Islands, to sun and bath. She is 29 years this year and still she find these things funny. When I was a kid my parents took me a couple of times to Spain and Greece for these kind “escape the cold Swedish summer” semesters. For example, when I was ten years old we were on the largest Greek Island named Crete. Then we did day tours to tourist’s sites besides bathing. Why? So, I and my siblings should learn local Greek culture and history.

Even when I’m traveling abroad with my loud college buddies we do some “adult-stuff”, like checking out some monasteries, museums and cultural spots, before we end up in night-clubs. When me and my friends have gone skiing (snowboarding for me), for example in Chamonix, we try to do some “cultural” things like going to a Jazz-bar, eat some traditional alp-food like raclette and drink some after-ski Glühwein (Mulled wine) besides the off-pist skiing and the mainstream night clubs.

Just after this Albanian girl ditched me I meet this medical-student on a dorm-room party at my former University town (I moved away a semester ago because I have no “reading”-courses left). We had meet before and she always shows intrest in me. We are born in the same year; she is Swedish, she is from a larger city. She was raised in a middle class family. One of her parents is a college professor. My parents are upper middle class University educated higher executives.

She is slightly more well-traveled then me. I have been to 25-30 countries and to four continents (Asia, Europe, North America and Africa). She had taken practical-philosophy at the side. I have a slightly interest in it and have fairly amount of credits in political philosophy (Theory).

She has just a year left at medical school and I have just a year left of my MA-program. She is a left-libertarian. I’m a right-libertarian. But we are both libertarians. She is smart (obviously), we understand each other, we can relate to each other background. To give a simple example: If me and her were in the grocery -store and I asked her if we should buy some Prosciutto (Italian dry-cured ham). She would know what Prosciutto is and give her opinion. But with this Albanian girl I would be forced to explain what prosciutto was.

This medical student is exactly as me. She cares more about higher values like knowledge then about money and what one would consider shallow values, like shopping. We have similar cultural and social background, and we study at the same University. She also seems to be an emotionally healthy person, with an deep understanding of social justice.

She is also extremely open about her feelings. We have also a few common friends, so I guess I will see her around one way or another. She is fairly attractive also. If I would push it with her I would likely get into a dating-game, with her which would lead to a relationship. I do not think I would need to game her at all. Our conversations goes fluently, its like to talk to a better version of yourself. She pick up everything I say and impress me both socially and intellectually. My parents, particularity, my mother would love her, I guess. The albanian girl then. Well I could present her for my family and I think it would work aright. She is very polite and friendly. Actually, the albanian girl implicitly asked me what my parents would think of her. This was months ago

This Albanian girl, though all her faults is more interesting then this medical student, that on the paper, is a much better choice. This is my problem. I want the Albanian girl and I do not really know why. I dont even know how to get her.

The red flags I have with this Albanian girl are:

1. She does not understand jokes sometimes (easy to have a misunderstanding) and sometimes I need to tell her that it was “joke”.

2. Sometimes she talks about random guys that have hit on her (which she tells me she has ditched)

3. She never writes to me on Facebook. I need to engage in all the talking there

4. She lets me lead the conversations. She never comes with questions, or when she does they are really dull and insecure. Often it goes long time before she answer. But when I say that I need to go she answers fast and she is always very friendly.

5. She never writes “hugs”, but I don’t either.

6. When we was out on that date she said: “is all your friends rich, I’m just a hairdresser”.

7. Last time we talked she said she was going to some city in the very south of Sweden to celebrate her sister. She said that I wouldn’t like it there. It was said with some sense of humor and it was a reference to me as some “Swedish upper-class snob”. That is why we did not see each other this weekend.

8. When we was on this date she told me that she and her friend was drunk once and got kicked out of club. She thought that was funny. I didn’t say anything, but it is not fun to be kicked out from a club, even though it is fun sometimes to get a bit drunk at nightclubs.

9. She pretty much invited me to her home to cut my hair next week last time we spoke (Thursday). I told her that we should see each other then (just to confirm) and she said yes.

This is rather funny. She actually told me that. I actually asked her for an opinion about how I should built up a paper I was writing. It was nothing you needed pre-knowledge for. I do not know why I asked her. We talked for awhile and she told me that people are good at different things. She said that she couldn’t help me with that paper but that she could cut my hair. I said that I couldn’t afford it. She told me that she did it cheap (For free) at her place.

When it comes to the second date; I live in Sweden, dude. We have Polar bears walking around the streets here. No theme-park is open here until early June. It is still snow here. I also think we are too old for Theme-Parks. Actually, I do not know what a second date should be. She do not tell me what she likes.

I dated a girl like her (similar situation) more than two years ago. That girl was a exchange-student from asia. She showed the same kind of behavior. We meet at a party. I called her. We meet up for a date. We had coffee for an hour.

Then she agreed for a second date. We went to a museum. She showed no interest at all. She was actually rather rude. She told me that she liked film. On the third date I took her to an I-max theater. A week later she invited me to her home (a late evening) and then she was all over me.

Well, I'm from Croatia, there are a lot of Albanian families living here, and they are quite traditional. But this girl has lived in Sweden for a long time, and if she's divorced, I guess the tradition doesn't play that much of a role in her family. Actually she reminds me of a girl I used to be in love with, also a hairdresser, very intelligent girl, but unfortunately she didn't have the opportunity to get a good education. So I can somewhat relate to your feelings for her. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think you feel the need to somehow protect her, maybe that's why you can't get her out of your head. From what you write, it seems like you don't really have that much in common. What do you want from this girl? Casual dating or a relationship? She insinuated you were out of her league, she's probably afraid of becoming a toy of an upper-class "snob". If you want to build more comfort with her and make a stronger connection, I think it's best you don't throw your education in her face. I guessed correctly she was ashamed to go to a museum with you, it's no wonder after the way you questioned her about art. When dealing with less educated girls, it's best to keep the conversation simple, but deep. Let me explain. Instead of asking her if she liked Dali, you can assume she doesn't really know who Dali is and say in a form of a statement, I think you might like Dali and then describe your favourite work of his and talk about how it makes you feel when you see it. Keep your vocabulary simple, don't throw big words around, because you know she won't be able to understand you and she'll feel ashamed and might think you're a snob for showing off how eloquent you are. When you go to her place to cut your hair, ask her about different hair-cutting techniques, let her speak about the thing she's good at. She might be vague with her answers because she feels she can't answer them in a way that would impress you. Just relax and try to have fun with this girl. Let her know you're not judging her, that you accept her just the way she is. If she can feel that vibe from you, you'll be able to show her a lot of things you enjoy, even "educate" her in a sense, but only if she feels like you're just sharing your experiences with her without looking down upon her.
Ok, there are no theme parks open, LOL. Nevertheless, your next date must be fun. It must be an action date. You may think you're too old for some childish fun, but that's exactly what most girls like. Being a child again for a moment. Maybe you can teach her snowboarding. Is the skiing season still going on in Sweden? Take her snowboarding! If that's not an option, you can go to a spa or something, or some Aqualand adrenaline thing. It's Stockholm, you must have something there of the sort I think you generally need to just relax and be yourself. If you wanna reassure her you're not a snob, make some jokes about people from your social background. She is probably attracted to you for the same reason you're attracted to her - your so different. So share those differences in a laid-back manner and don't make a big deal out of it. We're all human in the end, everybody has dreams, hopes, fears and these are great subjects for comfort building. I hope this helped, let us know how it went

Cheers!

I have been traveling around in former Yugoslavia. I have been in Croatia, Serbia, Macedonia and Bosnia. It is very hot in Croatia during the summer. I and my friends walked around the city wall in Dubrovnik and I thought I would melt. I have a Swedish-Serbian and a Swedish-Croatian friend. So I have a slightly hands on experience of Yugoslavia and its different ethnic groups. Not all my knowledge is from books.

You are correct. I feel that I need to protect her in some sense. I also feel that I want to show her another world. Don’t misunderstand. I do not see her as some social project. But I’m also attracted to her common sense and modest approach to life. She seems to strive for common good values, rather than just preach it. As I said in the beginning of this threat I want her for a long-term relationship.

Either way, I really try to find some common ground with her.

But I don’t know what ground that should be. She likes shopping, she likes working out (she has a great body), she likes cutting hair, make-up and all that sort of things. But I know that she wants to learn more about things. This is so frustrating. You say and action-date. Snowboarding is rather difficult, because it is not enough snow in Stockholm and it is at least 600km to the mountains and I then you need to “sleep over” and remember we have just meet twice IRL. The skiing-season is over in the beginning of May.

I think we see what happens after that hair-cut thing. Well, I will not look down upon her. I don’t think I have done that, but of course I have joked about things. She finds me very funny and tells me this all the time and that I should not be afraid that she is fragile. Dame, we have a strange relationship with each other.

We talked some today on Facebook.

I kept it light-hearted, I asked about the trip she made and she told me that she would call me on Sunday to have this hair-thing done if she was not too tired. She tries to get a new job. They pay her too little and she works all the time she said. It went rather well. I came with a compliment (I never do that) and she was surprised I think. She logged out without saying goodnight, but it is like Facebook.

First I thought off invite her to this live music-club (an old friend is playing with his band) tomorrow, but I did not.

I have not seen this people for a quite some time and there are actually some people that will be there that I always feel uncomfortable with. Some of them are my former girl-friends friends; some are very old but shallow friends that I only see once or twice a year but have an odd and cold relationship with. I only go there to see a couple of friends and talk with some of the friendly people that will be there.

In the worst case scenario my Ex-girlfriend (with her friends) will be there including some people (at least two I hate will be there) that do not like me and I do not like. Sure, it is never fighting or uncivilized but there can be moments of negative steam. It also would be questions about our relationship with each other. I rather avoid that.

Most people there will be cultural and music snobs (in the worse sense) which I hate. Also I do want to avoid that some bastard hit on her in my company. I think this girl I want would rather enjoy the company of some of my close friends and University-friends then these people. Especially I think she would like my University-friends.

They are extremely easy-going – and rather talk about drinking-games, work-career, traveling, student-stuff, social-relations and then some politics. They are likeable because they are easy-going people. Yes, they live in their “student-bubble” but all people are welcome in that bubble. This cultural snobbish people I’m going to see tomorrow aren’t very welcoming. That is one reason why I do not hang out with them, more than three times a year. I think I did the right thing.

Either way: I got invited to this dorm room-party at Walpurgis Night in my former student-town by the girl that studied medicine. I have invited her to parties too, but she rejected that sadly because of over-booking. We have common friends. They will be there but also some of my good drinking-buddies will be there. Often dorm-room parties get extremely funny.

So it may be amazing fun. The entire student city will party – like the rest of the classical University-cities around Sweden. I’m thinking of inviting this Albanian girl. Sadly she doesn’t have a student-id so she could not join all the student-fraternity stuff during the day (which is often hilarious). But I think I will skip it all and just come up that evening for this Walpurgis Night party. If we get some heat this Sunday (if she calls), maybe I should invite her.

But then we need some place to sleep and I don’t think she want to sleep among drunken guys in some small room. Students do that but I don’t think she can. But I guess I could borrow a room from some of my friends there. But if she does not call or if nothing goes right with this Albanian girl I can just get that medical student girl. Sadly, I heared that this med-student had a one night with a friends buddy a year ago or and that she is hardcore into sex. That kinds of things is things I do not want to know. But she is a bit of a hippi.

I hope for the albanian girl though. Besides the medical student and the albanian girl. I have a girl i have or had an on-off relationship with for two years. We see each other for sex every second month or something, but I could easly built something up there. There is also an much elder women I try to get involved with. But she is troublesome and have no time with me what so-ever.

I have noticed that all the girls I want (or could) to date are older then me. I like elder women I guess. The medical student is the same age as me, though. It always good to have a couple of girls to work with.

Damit, I forget. Im partly booked up this sunday. But I think she will ditch me anyway.

Has she called you? I think it's a great idea to take her to that student party if you can borrow a room. Otherwise, just take it easy with this girl, you will soon find things you have in common. I'm sure she will be glad you want to make her a part of your life and show her your world. Keep us posted!

The Albanian girl never called and I did not call her either of course. The thing was that she would call if she had the time. After that we have spoken some on Facebook time to time. This Sunday we talked about what we did on Walpurgis. I thought everything was over, I guess I did not care so we were having a “guy talk” about sex, women and all that kind of things. I told her that every one of my friends got laid on Walpurgis but not me. Actually told her I meet this nice girl I could have got if she didn’t walked home.

I rather hung out with my old gang and befriended people rather then tried to get laid. She told me I that I talk too much and discuss things rather than listen and flirt. I think she is correct. This is my problem; I love to discuss intellectual things and being shitfaced instead of hooking women. How in hell did she know off this, strange girl. Maybe not a great conversation to have with a girl, but hey what the hell, this is the truth.

Yesterday we also talked. It seems she has some problems of her own and work almost every weekend because they pay her so bad at her current job. It is rather expensive to live in Stockholm.

She also took up some other issues that she felt troubled her, like her working situation, living situation and that she has some problem putting money away because of her low salary. I helped her some, giving her some tips. She liked that. She said she was sorry for not calling me for the haircut (she had not promised anything), but that she was so tired after working the whole weekend including all the week. I brought up that text message that was for that second date.

Everything was of course said smartly. She said she was sorry for that too and that she did not remember seeing any message from me, but that she maybe was too stressed up. She told me that she works less now and that she had moved to a new place. Her moving took place just after our first date. I asked her if she had seen any culture in the city yet.

She said no but that said that she wanted me to show her that sometime. I asked her if we should see each other this Sunday for that modern art museum. She said that she would be very happy too and she said yes. So if I call her I think it will happen and I will do it.

The interesting thing is that she asked me to teach her things in that conversation. She did not do that before. It was very careful said of her, but she kind of adopted some of my views. But when I asked her about it entered back to her “I don’t know state”. She seems to be more “on” then before. Maybe it is just me that is not enough pushy.

Either way I have noticed something and it is that women tend to adopt part of my language. She does it to. If I use a certain phrase they begin to use it to. Almost all girls I have dated do this in certain levels. It is strange, but they do. Why they emulate me, I don’t know.

Another thing I find strange is that though all of these good law, medical and economic student girls were around me this Saturday and I could have scored (If I had cared for it more than just running around and drunk-talk to everybody) I feel this Albanian girl is more attractive than these people. It is so bloody strange. I don’t get this at all. Well, my problem now is. How should I be flirtier?

A probably trivial observation: you're writing an awful, AWFUL lot about this.

Perhaps that sort of overthinking should be a warning sign in itself. Something about the situation is not right.

Can you take three days or a week off from talking to her? If not, there's a problem.

_________________
When in Doubt, Freeze Her Out.

I’m sorry, but I don’t get it. I have 9 posts in total on this Forum including my answer to you. If you look at the dates I posted Feb 17, Feb 18, April 7, April 8, April 9 (twice), April 14, May 3. I only write in this forum when I receive an answer. I write more extensive when I write though. I do over-analys it but that is a different thing.

I and this girl don’t talk a lot. Firstly, I have only called her like three times in my life and two was connected to the first date. I don’t send her text messages. I have maybe done that 5-6 times and three was connected to the first date. After the first date I sent one which she did not answer so I did not send anything more after that. We only "quick"-chat on Facebook.

Just because you told me this I checked the chating statistics with her on my Facebook. I was actually afraid that you was right. The first date took place 16 February. We did not spoke until 18 March. That is a month between. I did not send her any text messages or called her. After that we spoke 29 March, 6 April, 13 April, 1 May and 2 May on Facebook.

Since 16 February we have spoken 6 times and every time on Facebook. That is a period of 77 days and I don’t find that “a lot”. It is actually once every 12,8 days. I’m not going to speak to her until Saturday or something like that. What I find is that I’m not needy and I don’t think she find me that way either.

The problem is that we don’t see each other - but that is going to change. It is not like I go around and think of her everyday. But when we talk I think of her and I do like her in this strange way. First time I saw this girl I said to myself. Im going to get her. Im going to get this girl. It aint over until the fat lady sings.