hey guys this is my plenty of fish profile, how can i make it better?
ps i cant post liks so heres a copy and paste version


I believe music is the heartbeat of life, punk is truth and blunt honesty is always the best policy. I’m a passionate man who aggressively pursues those passions, I like to talk, love to listen and don’t bullshit around. I live on my own (with a best friend roommate) and I pay my own bills. I’m a full time student in psychology, hoping that it will lead me to a career in which I can pursue my greatest passion, helping others.
Between working, being a full time student, volunteer work and a research assistantship saying I’m a busy man is a bit of an understatement. What free time I do have is split between friends and following my two favorite things, live music and the game of basketball. Being born in Kentucky, the game’s in my blood and I know it like the back of my hand, with a little luck, I’ll get to help people by being a coach one day.
When it comes to music I’m quite proud of the fact that I see more concerts in a summer than most people see their entire lives and I can appreciate most any music that’s not country, though my favorites are various genres of rock and underground hip-hop.
As far as what I’m looking for here I’m game for just about anything. A word to the wise though, to save us both some time; I’m a driven an motivated man, I look for the same thing in a woman. Being as busy as I am I don’t really have time to waste on shallow or close minded females. But if your’re happy, driven like to smile, and know the difference between Nirvana and Nickeback, you’ve got my attention. If you like what you see and ya think you can keep up with me say hello.

'Between working, being a full time student, volunteer work and a research assistantship saying I’m a busy man is a bit of an understatement. What free time I do have is split between friends and following my two favorite things, live music and the game of basketball.'

Two things here. You're basically saying that you have no time for her. Why would she want someone who has no time for her? DHV overkill.

Second you give you're life story. If you're using 'hooks' make sure its something women will be interested in also.

Be vague, create mystery. Add qualifiers. Try and add humour - add a simple joke of necessary. I add a joke near the start because it sets them in the right mood to read the rest of my profile and women always say they love a woman that can make them laugh.

'I used to work in a helium factory, but i couldn't be spoken too in that tone of voice.'. ' My hobbies include mixing up fancy guitars, live music and... something else. I'm not saying at this point :p. (Mystery) there is nothing I LOVE more than a great gig, there is definitely something rewarding about (blah blah about music)... So naturally I have developed a taste for women who also love music and any woman that loves music gets a +2 on the hotness scale. Know the difference between Nirvana and Nickeback? well if you were a 7 now you're a 9! (DHV?)

I'm only after women with great taste in music so please if you have a justin beiber tattoo on you're ass don't message me. (Qualifier)