I was raised by a submissive woman, and some of that rubbed off on me in a bad way. I thought I would ask for some advice, many of you seem like successful business people who deal with people in the real world quite often. Despite reading books on the subject, and spending a lot of time thinking about it, I often have no idea where to draw the line in the sand when it comes to boundaries...

Long story short, there are people in my life who are using me, and there are people who I do business with that take advantage of me, or they do something that poses direct damage to my business. The story of the fox and scorpion comes to mind...

I know this is definitely part of my inner game problem, but at what point does it become OK to confront people, and how do you deal with the fallout? Every situation is different and I am not going to ask direct advice from this post, but what are your philosophies when it comes to taking care of people who pose problems?

Is life to short, do you say "Screw it", and move on from any situation that is not 100% good for you?

Do you game people, and make situations work, as the old saying goes "keep your friends close, and your enemies closer?"...

I often feel like I end up working for everyone around me, when I would like to to be the other way around. Right now I have just kinda gone with the flow and kept my eye on people, but I feel like I am being held captive, or held back...Not sure what I am asking here, but hope yall know where I am coming from...

Thanks.

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Havok
My intro thread & Story - so-i-post-vt85070.html
My Journal - here-vp508498.html

Hey this is a great topic.
I have 2 bits of advice that came to me from respected sources that have never failed me in my business dealings.

My pops said, basically his impression from a Rudyard Kipling quote in the poem If ("If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you... then yours is the world and all things in it... You'll be a man, my son.")

The only thing you have that can never be taken away from you is your integrity. In the long run people don't remember the specific situation, just how you handled it. In the end the person who acted with integrity will always win.

A friend of mine who is a great business man got this advice form another great business man, who probably heard it from another great business man (you get the idea)

USE YOUR BRAINS AND YOUR BALLS FOR BUSINESS. SAVE YOUR HEART FOR YOUR FAMILY.

So with these in mind I would say that monitoring your actions and using social psychology to maintain positioning with people is very important. Act only based on what is best for you and your company. Do not act based out of emotion. If you do something "nice" it is because it is good for business. If you do something "mean" it is because it is good for business. When you act do so with confidence, directed intent and passion. Focus on making sure your actions are appropriate and well received. Do not try to discredit, insult, deceive or participate in any other low integrity move. Only manipulate the way in which your actions are received (treat others the way THEY wish to be treated) and do not try to manipulate situations or facts.

This stuff has worked for me and I fall back on these principles on a daily basis. If you practice this type of business you will notice that people will stop trying to take advantage of you. They will recognize that you have a system that you follow that makes that type of situation impossible. I hope they help.

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You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

Thanks for the reply Jits138...

It's fairly obvious that one needs integrity in business, but you did hit on a key point, Balls. Not only do I need to grow a pair, but looking back, a lot of what I do as of late involves emotion and my pride.

This gives me a lot to reflect on, I owe you a drink!

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Havok
My intro thread & Story - so-i-post-vt85070.html
My Journal - here-vp508498.html

that was some great advice, I would add a couple of simple things.

the "balls" part
--if you make a mistake, and your boss questions you about it, never lie.
--never be afraid to speak up in group meetings
--never be afraid to apply for a better opportunity
--if you get a better offer, take it, even though it seems risky

The "make do or bail out" part
--if you know something isn't right with your situation, but you don't have another offer, you need to start job searching, and in the mean time "make do". Especially don't let jerks drive you into unemployment.
-- If you know something isn't right and you have another offer at least equal to what you have , then bail without a second thought. Try again with a different group of people.
-- If your whole work history is chaotic, consider what you really want to do. You might be in the wrong career.

The first thing you put on balls happened to me just last week. I got called out and made a knee jerk reaction lie. I went with for a while and after a couple of hours of guilt and shame came clean. LYING = COWARDICE and will fuck you in the end. I luckily had enough deposits into the "trust bank" that I still have my job and credibility... but man did I fuck up. It won't be forgotten.

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You can't forget about me, stupid. Everywhere I go ima have my own theme music.

Hey Havok --

The problem I see here is that there really is no 1-size-fits all, fortune cookie type approach you can use when dealing with co-workers in business. As you so succintly touched on in your original post, every situation is different.

If I could recommend a book for you, however -- Try Reading The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene. It is an incredibly insightful book with explanations in how to obtain (and more importantly, maintain) additional power in your life -- not just work, however most of the chapters are directly applicable to your worklife.

I won't go into depth on what the book explicitly discusses, but a google search of "48 laws of power summary" in google will get you a bulleted list of the major points of the book. However, it doesn't do the book justice, it is a phenomenal read. Highly recommended.

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http://www.taooftalk.com | Tao of Talk | "Talk Isn't Cheap." -- Got Trouble Opening and Holding a Conversation? Let Me Help You. It's What I Do. Send Me a PM or Visit My Site.

Make sure you dont avoid confrontation, embrace it if youve come from a submissive background and handle the confrontation from your personal code of operations manual.If you dont have one write one or modify your current one to include more of the traits that you want the world to be greeted by when they use your services .In business you need to be strong and certain not all cut throat just like in PUA you dont need to be preparing to next a girl before youve even opened just live by your code of honest business ethics.