Hey everybody,

I've been on this forum for quite a while, but have never actually posted. Figured now its about time I did.


So, my life is good. I've got some damn good passions and a busy and varied lifestyle.

I've known about the Pick Up Community for about two years, but despite watching and listening to tons of media, and reading an ungodly amount of literature, I haven't really developed much.
Sure, I have a new perspective on the world and society, and I feel more confident and happy, but I still have not actually made a single approach, haven't gotten physical with a girl. Hell, my social circle hasn't even expanded much.


My big problem is socializing. Specifically, socializing in groups. If I'm with a group of close friends, then I'm fine. I'm calm, I'm happy and relaxed. If I want, I'm really chatty. But if it's with other people, then I clam up. It could be with adults, other people my age (16-18 ), mixed groups, whatever. I keep thinking 'What should I say? I need to talk.' But it's as if there is this mental barrier preventing me from talking in groups. I simply do not know what to say, and I know my thinking itself is just plain wrong. I just can not get that happy, fun vibe of the rest of the group and simply talk. I feel awkward, my body tenses up, and I try to relax, to calm down and just be confident, but it just does not happen.

It's quite a big problem in my social life - people I just meet always say 'Oh, you're so quite.' I struggle to make new contacts - and the ones I do make don't really last. I've always been quite and withdrawn. It's just how I grew up. Consequently, I'm now struggling socially, and I want to get this part of my life in order this year, before I leave school. I know compared to some, my problems are tame. But they are certainly a damn pain in the ass, and really tarnish my confidence.

So, what ways can I destroy this 'mental barrier'? How can I transcribe this confidence I have with my friends over to socializing with others? Once this barrier has been removed, I know a lot of the social anxiety and problems I have will dissipate quickly. I'll be able to move on, approach, actually start to pick up women.

Thanks in advance guys.

I know exactly how you feel, I had the same problem. Honestly though the only way I've found to break that barrier is to just do it. What I did before an approach was to focus on positive traits about myself, and since I'm really big into music I would also think of a song that always got me pumped up and confident and play it in my head, after that just go in on the approach. It's really hard at first, but over time as you get used to it, it's not as much of a challenge. You might not get great results at first, but that's fine, if you always close then you'll never learn anything. You have to make mistakes before you can learn from the mistakes. And even if you don't bag any off the bat, you might make a few new friends, thereby increasing your social circle and who knows, maybe they have some hot friend that you can approach and get something going with. Just remember you can make an approach and they can reject you, but if you don't make an approach you'll never know. Good luck.

One way to look at things is to stop focusing on thinking about what to say, and actually think about the conversation and how it relates to you and what you think. It's all about your frame of mind. If you get too far into your head your thinking too much about outcome.